Self analysis can be embarrassing

Orbiter

Well-Known Member
On to day 4. Tenuously keeping the beast at bay. Though my resolve is strengthening. The problems seem to arise when I forget the real hatred for what has gripped me all these years powerlessness I felt the indentured servitude to something I loathed. its usually around the 2 to 3 week mark I forget this burning hatred for it. I just wish I could remember.
Perhaps this is something you need to write down and have handy in times of temptation or being triggered? It could also be something you could re-read each day to remind yourself of the purpose of doing this?
 

King Leer

Active Member
Back yet again from the depths of depravity. Progress is nil. I want to be clean. Progress seems to be measured by the ability to name emotions. Is this something I am not good at or just don't believe in? Listlessness. Is that an emotion? Cause I feel that alot.
 

King Leer

Active Member
Day 2. Had an opportunity to view porn today. A situation that many other times would have triggered me but instead I found a ted talk on porn to reinforce my resolve. It's funny how warped my mind is right now. At the beginning I kept expecting them to play porn clips as examples of what they were discussing as if that were normal. By the end of the video I came back around to my position of porn being awful and a complete blow to my overall integrity as a man, as a member of society, and as a husband. Porn has seen it's day people are opening their eyes to the insipid insidious blight that is porn.
 

King Leer

Active Member
Day 3. So often I am dismissive of these early days as if it is no real accomplishment to go 2 days with no pmo. Realistically I should take more pride in these small battles in hopes that I will hold this sobriety in higher esteem making it harder for me to break it. So here I am working on my third beautiful day of glorious freedom from self-inflicted slavery. I wish you all well!
 

zackergeet

Active Member
Good job in reaching your 3rd day man! Celebrate every single victory even if it is a small one. You are doing great, keep it strong. Wish you success in your path!
 

King Leer

Active Member
I just became aware of another trigger albeit an ironic one. I just finished my workout which realistically should have given me a status boost but before I had showered for a second I felt tired and dirty and suddenly felt a small urge to pmo. I simply acknowledged it then took my shower and shaved and now I feel like a million bucks. Anyway now I am aware of this tricky trigger.

Workout log
4 sets of 15 Hindu push-ups
3 sets of 40 Hindu squats
2 sets of 90 second back arches
4 sets of 6 pull-ups
4 sets of 15 dips
 

King Leer

Active Member
Day 4 didn't say sleep well. This morning I felt a slight trigger but thought about it and realized I was tired from bad sleep. Will soldier on. Inlaws are here it will be a welcome distraction. And no typically my inlaws are not a stress point for me. I like them better than my family
 

zackergeet

Active Member
Good job on day 4 king! Analyze exactly what your triggers are. In my case I was at the point that I would just PMO just because I was bored (how dumb is that) but then when I reached the 60 day streak I realized that my libido coming back was making even a hot pic of a girl a strong trigger. So I failed when I hit the 60 day and now I am again in day 15 so I hope this time I can come clear permanently. Keep it strong and analyze yourself!
 

King Leer

Active Member
Good job on day 4 king! Analyze exactly what your triggers are. In my case I was at the point that I would just PMO just because I was bored (how dumb is that) but then when I reached the 60 day streak I realized that my libido coming back was making even a hot pic of a girl a strong trigger. So I failed when I hit the 60 day and now I am again in day 15 so I hope this time I can come clear permanently. Keep it strong and analyze yourself!
Wow 60 days thats amazing I really need to make it there that would be great. Thats incredible progress!
 

King Leer

Active Member
Day 6. Been driving my in laws and friends around Washington. On the ferry right now headed to Seattle. Funny how getting out and seeing people i.e. women in shortshorts can be a trigger. Speaking of triggers anime too is endless with it's objectification of women. Anyway doing pretty well considering the multiple stressors and urges I have been facing. 6 days feels like an eternity I really wish there was a fast forward button. I wanna get to a place where I feel normal enough that I don't trick myself into believing I am not normal that I am just a flawed and I can not change. I don't want to be selfish anymore. I want to be selfless and to express love to everyone in thought and word and in deed.
 

King Leer

Active Member
Day 7 what a long day. Super tired. This girl smiled at me today in a very charming manner. I am not sure if it was intentional for me or not. Nonetheless she was adorable. She reminded me of Sarah Jessica Parker(her look and her charisma), I have always had a thing for her. Anyway I had to put that whole thing into perspective. I was instantly infatuated with her and wanted a little more interaction but was cut short. The more I write about this the more embarrassing it seems for me. See she was a hostess it is probably her job to be bubbly and adorable and I am married so what the heck am I gonna do screw up my marriage pursuing this girl I don't know at all. Just acknowledge her cute and charming demeanor and move on quit dwelling. My wife herself is very cute and charming when we are not squabbling. Maybe instead of daydreaming about other girls I should focus my energy on bettering my marriage and bringing out that beautiful person that my wife is.
 

King Leer

Active Member
Day 8. Successfully made it a week! I am feeling strong my resolve is much better than even a few days ago. It really is such an ego boost to be more in control like this. Of course I will keep my guard up I have made it further than this before.
 

zackergeet

Active Member
Day 8. Successfully made it a week! I am feeling strong my resolve is much better than even a few days ago. It really is such an ego boost to be more in control like this. Of course I will keep my guard up I have made it further than this before.
Great job!
 

King Leer

Active Member
Day 10 double digits baby! Today was insane. My wife and I are moving from Washington to Minnesota and are towing our tiny house with a 1985 Chevy c30. Typically the truck runs good but under the heavy tow of the tiny house it was stalling today quite often. I replaced the electric fuel pump as I believe it was the culprit. Truck started good tonight but we will see when we hit some mileage tomorrow.
 
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