Self analysis can be embarrassing
- Thread starter King Leer
- Start date
TheHeartacheKid
Active Member
King Leer said:
I can't give you dietary advice, obviously, but with the fasting, when we're hungry like that, as you said our willpower is less. Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired (HALT) are the four main feelings addicts (and really all of us) watch out for. We're more likely to make a poorer decision in that space.
So if the fasting works for you, keep doing it. Just be cognizant of how you're feeling when hungry like that. Keep it up, you're doing well!
King Leer
Active Member
Yeah for sure also I have had more stress cuz I am going back to school. Typically if I get too tired I will just eat something I am not unbalanced in my eating habits so much it's has just been many things accumulating causing high stress. But things are looking up thanks for the postTheHeartacheKid said:
King Leer
Active Member
I relapsed again it's clear to me that both my relapses in the past 2 months have stemmed from social media usage. This fact combined with the fact that social media is useless on many levels has led me to decide to get rid of social media as I've done before in the past and been quite happy about. Dealing with a lot of guilt and shame today and I think that that's healthy to a certain extent I feel like I need to hang on to this feeling and really think about why it is I did what I did and how I will act differently in the future. It's funny how even small innocuous decisions when you think about them can be traced back to some subconscious desire too watch pornography or look at erotic images. I've got to go hard mode no half-assing it. What else I've been dealing with a lot of stress I guess maybe I could talk to my spouse more try and lean on her for support I'm not sure it seems like the times that I relapse I'm in already in such a terrible State of mind like it's somebody else who's doing this someone who is completely unaware of my long-term goals and the progress that I've already made I need to avoid getting to that spot. I believe that deleting social media and no longer scrolling mindlessly for hours till midnight or 1:00 a.m. will allow me to sleep better and expose my mind to less filth and garbage. Success really is my only long-term option everything else is too dark I can't handle it. I have a spiritual side that I know could help yet I feel like I have cut it off from me a long time ago because of the unrealistic self condemnation. I need to learn to rebuild that and really rely on it I'm going to succeed
King Leer
Active Member
Been clean a few days now. Feels good. My life has somewhat balanced out. The stress hasn't been quite as bad so I'm thinking I should be able to maintain my p sobriety. One thing is for sure getting the things done that need doing helps a lot with feeling good and relieving stress.
TheHeartacheKid
Active Member
Glad you have someone to do this with. This forum is great, but having a friend you know I'm sure makes it that much better. Good for you. Stay strong.
King Leer
Active Member
Thanks heartache kid things are going well I have realized there are certain things I need to address for putting myself in compromising situations before the triggers come. Sitting up in my loft alone doing my homework all day itself is a trigger makes me too isolated I think I'm going to consider turning my phone off while doing work also when the wife is out walking the dogs I seem to be tempted at times I need to eliminate enough of these triggers so that I can make it past 90 days. No m or p day 3
Gambitchco
Active Member
All you gotta do is chill out!King Leer said:
King Leer
Active Member
[/quote]
All you gotta do is chill out!
[/quote]
Yes thank you I believe I have chilled out now.haha Looking at the whole thing objectively I have been totally clean for two months of this year so far. That not nothing, and I can still add to that. In fact this last relapse might really have taught me something. I relapsed so bad I ended up blistering, like ripped off some skin of my own dick from masturbation. Gives a whole new meaning to self abuse. I told my friend about it and he laughed a little and understandingly said "what's it gonna take?" Haha I said exactly! How bad does this have to get before I decide for good that's enough. It almost comical like out of an american pie movie. Me and my blistered dick. And it didn't even stop me not until I chilled out like Gambitchco suggested. Anyway hope everyone else is well take care of yourself as I have not.
All you gotta do is chill out!
[/quote]
Yes thank you I believe I have chilled out now.haha Looking at the whole thing objectively I have been totally clean for two months of this year so far. That not nothing, and I can still add to that. In fact this last relapse might really have taught me something. I relapsed so bad I ended up blistering, like ripped off some skin of my own dick from masturbation. Gives a whole new meaning to self abuse. I told my friend about it and he laughed a little and understandingly said "what's it gonna take?" Haha I said exactly! How bad does this have to get before I decide for good that's enough. It almost comical like out of an american pie movie. Me and my blistered dick. And it didn't even stop me not until I chilled out like Gambitchco suggested. Anyway hope everyone else is well take care of yourself as I have not.
King Leer
Active Member
Things are Looking good, but I have to figure out how to get through my study days without turning to p for stimulation. Also I am going to be bacheloring it up in a week and that could be a problem for sure. I resolve to remember my blessings and not take them for granted. There are so many other ways to find real world stimulation or there is the alternative to be comfortable with myself with being alone. Much of my time spent alone in years past was spent self loathing and I have to figure out how to be comfortable in my own skin.
King Leer
Active Member
I resolve to remember my blessings and not take them for granted. It was a great day I saw a sea otter swimming in the river heading out into the sound. I did my exercises and watched two episodes of northern exposure. And I had sex withy wife yes I resolve to remember my blessings and not take them for granted.
King Leer
Active Member
After tonight it will be 18 days clean. I just need to remember my blessings. Never forget why it is I am doing this. What I have in real life is so much better. The other day I was thinking about how sad looking at porn really is. It's all made up garbage preying on lonely people or hijacking our natural desires to sell something to us. You are simply being used.
King Leer
Active Member
Crawling back from the depths of despair. The last three weeks or so has been awful. I forgot what I was doing and lost all resolve. Even as I write this my resolve is weak. I am in the midst of a big life change. Moving across country, going back to school for a completely different career and I am completely out of my routine. I do best when I have a strict routine. I have been waking up with what I can only describe as a porn hangover. The guilt and the shame of having relapsed then pushes me to chase pmo again as a way to boost myself. Day 1 again
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Hi King Leer,
Welcome back to the forum though I am sorry to hear of your troubles over the recent weeks. As somewhat of a creature of habit myself, I can strongly relate to how difficult periods of transition & great change such as the one you're experiencing right now are. The PMO is the auto-pilot go to, perhaps because it some ways the habit is a constant, an effective, quick, cheap & total distraction and it 'soothes' (read - numbs) the emotions.
I have been in the process of moving over recent weeks myself, something which is still ongoing due to shortages of both time and money. definitely takes it toll.
Do you think you could identify emotion(s) this period has been making you feel? I.e is it anxiety or worry over the future? Is it stress or frustration in the present? Is it sadness, loss or regret linked to leaving the past behind? Is it all of the above? Is it none of the above. Depending on what this is, I think you will be able to find a particular way to manage this. Something that may be helpful for all of the above could be to remind yourself & list the potential positives that may be in store as well as the ways this change will improve your life. Perhaps there are points in the past that you have overcome similar changes? I say this as there can be security & stability to be found in knowing that you've been here before and 'you've got this' so to speak.
Other than the emotional stuff, is there some way you could establish even a small regular routine to set the day 'on track'? A personal example (just an example) is that I recently made a rule to have a shower and be dressed before doing ANYTHING else in the day. I found I was doing this at different times and therefore delaying 'starting' the day, which lead to lapses. Changing this was the start of my work to re-cement a new routine.
Hope some of this stuff helps. Wishing you all the best.
Welcome back to the forum though I am sorry to hear of your troubles over the recent weeks. As somewhat of a creature of habit myself, I can strongly relate to how difficult periods of transition & great change such as the one you're experiencing right now are. The PMO is the auto-pilot go to, perhaps because it some ways the habit is a constant, an effective, quick, cheap & total distraction and it 'soothes' (read - numbs) the emotions.
I have been in the process of moving over recent weeks myself, something which is still ongoing due to shortages of both time and money. definitely takes it toll.
Do you think you could identify emotion(s) this period has been making you feel? I.e is it anxiety or worry over the future? Is it stress or frustration in the present? Is it sadness, loss or regret linked to leaving the past behind? Is it all of the above? Is it none of the above. Depending on what this is, I think you will be able to find a particular way to manage this. Something that may be helpful for all of the above could be to remind yourself & list the potential positives that may be in store as well as the ways this change will improve your life. Perhaps there are points in the past that you have overcome similar changes? I say this as there can be security & stability to be found in knowing that you've been here before and 'you've got this' so to speak.
Other than the emotional stuff, is there some way you could establish even a small regular routine to set the day 'on track'? A personal example (just an example) is that I recently made a rule to have a shower and be dressed before doing ANYTHING else in the day. I found I was doing this at different times and therefore delaying 'starting' the day, which lead to lapses. Changing this was the start of my work to re-cement a new routine.
Hope some of this stuff helps. Wishing you all the best.
King Leer
Active Member
Thank you! Yes these are great points to meditate upon. Emotions off the top of my head would be Listlessness and probably self doubt. I am moving to a career that can allow me to help people but it seems hypocritical since sometimes I feel I can barely help myself. I like the idea of forcing myself into a new habit, it beats self-destruction.
King Leer
Active Member
On to day 4. Tenuously keeping the beast at bay. Though my resolve is strengthening. The problems seem to arise when I forget the real hatred for what has gripped me all these years powerlessness I felt the indentured servitude to something I loathed. its usually around the 2 to 3 week mark I forget this burning hatred for it. I just wish I could remember.
Striving_for_Life
Member
Watch out for those triggers. Keep journaling when it comes, or even message one of us. Be accountable to others you can share this with, I think it will help. On day 16 myself.