So this is my start of rebooting.

TheHeartacheKid

Active Member
I know it's been awhile for us both it looks like, but your last post, you stopped BEFORE PMO!  That's a f****** win!  Even if some may call it a relapse (which I would not) it's still a win.  And an inspiring one.  Hope you're doing well now.  Even if you aren't, you know you stopped yourself once, so you now you can do it again.  Look forward to hearing from you.
 

scott.84

Member
Day 13 Day 0

Hey hakid,

I have to admit that I relapsed later that day. I can't remember if it was with porn or not, but I know my streak ended that day. And I relapsed for another day until finally starting a new streak on March 9th. But this streak ended after five days also on a Sunday. I guess Sundays bear a high risk for relapsing to me. After also relapsing for another day after that incident I started a new streak on March 16th, which I'm currently still in.

But I have to be honest: The whole time I was looking for porn. I checked the sites I used to look for new material (almost) every day. There is still a huge fear of missing out new material from my favourite models. I know this is crazy because I don't know them and they don't know me and I will never meet them in person and this makes watching them having sex absolutely pointless, but I'm somehow fixed to thinking that way.

Today my streak somehow fell apart after having finished 12 days. I suddenly started playing around with my dick and couldn't stop until a large amount of pre-cum came out.

Later today I was checking for porn and finding a new video with a guy I find attractive. I downloaded it and watched it. Didn't masturbate to it. Didn't even touch my dick. I didn't even get very aroused by it (which is odd after 12 days without orgasm). I was more aroused when I was playing with my dick without porn. Porn is so dumb.

So tomorrow I'll start over. Hopefully without masturbating before it. After all, I'm doing good. I'm glad I don't masturbate and use porn that often anymore. Even relapsing is okay for me, I don't like it but I accept them as part of the process.

Hope you guys are all doing good, too :)
 

scott.84

Member
Day 8

So finally I finished a complete week without PMO yesterday. Just on a few occasions I craved for porn and looked up at some porn sites. But just pictures, no videos. And I was able to stop after a few minutes without giving in further. I hope the times this happens will decrease further. I don't want to watch porn. I don't want to masturbate. Actually, I'm feeling pretty excited downwards today and I like it. I don't want to lose that good feeling and going through a flatline again because of PMO. I also realise that I wake up earlier and that I have more energy. I don't want to lose that because of a momentary relief.

Also, I didn't jerk off before I restarted my reboot. That means I have 20 days without orgasm. I think this helped me preventing a flatline.

But I have to admit besides all the good feelings I had some tough moments today where cravings for PMO were very strong. I really had to convince myself again that I am doing the right thing and that I'd be very depressed if I gave in for PMO now. I was doing some exercises for my studies and I didn't make any progress. Being really frustrated there were suddenly those voices that were trying to trick me into watching porn because it would be so much more fun than doing my homework. Well. Those voices can be really nasty sometimes. For some moments I was really thinking about throwing away all of my papers and just go for PMO. But then I came to mind that this wouldn't gain me any benefit. In fact it would make my situation worse since I wouldn't get anything done and I would feel further depressed because of PMO afterwards. After going away from my desk and PC for a while in order to free my mind and to avoid consuming porn, I continued studying and I finally got some stuff done. Not everything, but at least more than I would have done otherwise.

And now I'm going to enjoy a porn-free evening. Hope you guys are all having a good time :)
 

akpal2

Well-Known Member
You're definitely making progress Scott. I do notice in your journey that you are able to build 1-2 week streaks which is great, which means you can start the process but keeping it up probably tires you out. Keep going, your posts are inspiring.
 

scott.84

Member
Day 10 (Day 23 without orgasm)

Bad withdrawal symptoms right now. My balls hurt. I had a decent chat today with a nice guy. That got me pretty aroused. I guess that's why they hurt right now. It's really annoying. Just needed to get this off somewhere. I hope I will meet this guy soon and actually I want to be intimate with him than jerking off to some pixels. So I have to be strong right now. This kind of pain of the worst things about rebooting :(
 

scott.84

Member
Day 14 (Day 27 without orgasm)

I have to things to notice: Yesterday I had an occurrence of looking for porn. One of my favourite models has released a new video and I couldn't stop myself from viewing pictures of him. It's stupid, but I somehow can't stop myself from looking up his list of videos and waiting for new releases. There is still a huge fear of missing out, although there is actually nothing to miss if I'm not interested in porn anymore. So I looked at pictures, got aroused, but stopped after a while and didn't masturbate. Just touched a little. I think looking for porn is still a bad habit and I should really stop it because it just makes my reboot harder. In my mind it's totally clear, but I somehow can't stop that compulsive behaviour.

Today I had sex with a guy I know. Well, it was more like cuddling with some oral. It was nice. I got a good erection several times, which is actually a good sign. I've had dates with that guy where I didn't get hard at all, even though I was aroused and I liked it. I didn't orgasm, which I think is good for my reboot, but somehow I'm also worried that he might think bad about this. Although I know he does not. I was even thinking about watching porn afterwards, but I discarded that thought quickly. It's better to stay clean in order to have better sex in the future.
 

scott.84

Member
Day 28

Today I'm finishing four weeks. So I'm only one week away from my previous "record", if you want to call it that way. Besides from occasionally looking for new material without downloading and watching it, my reboot is going good so far. I wake up earlier and I'm more motivated to do things. The only thing which I'm afraid of is dating people because at some point I would have to explain them that I'm rebooting so this and that won't work...

I went running today and I'm feeling really good now. Tried out a new app which tracks my runs automatically. I used to go running regularly (three times a week) two years ago, but somehow didn't pursue that habit anymore. I'm really motivated to start working on my fitness again.

And I'm looking forward to beating my previous record of 35 days. It's only 7 days more to go 8)
 

scott.84

Member
Day 32

I'm getting worried. I'm approaching the point of my last record and my urges for porn and masturbation get stronger. Today was very stressful, I had a lot of meetings. I would have needed the time much more for preparing a presentation tomorrow. Besides that stress, I felt arousal in my pants and the urge to relieve myself by masturbating. It's not very helpful to cope with work related stress and the one caused by rebooting.

I was also compulsively looking for pictures of a porn model I like and engaged in sexting today. I think it was kind of a escape from my stress and from the boring meetings. Luckily, in virtual meetings one can do stuff which is impossible when meeting in person. Gladly, I stopped looking at the pictures after about 10 minutes. I had a feeling that it would better that way. Sexting got me very aroused, I know it's dangerous but I like the fact that phantasies with real people get me aroused more than porn.

So for me I have drawn the conclusion that I have to be careful. I know my behaviour can easily lead to relapse (I have experienced it).

Another thing I'd like to add (just for documentation): I'm not sure, but that incident on March 28th could have also been a very ruined orgasm. Until now, I thought that it was just precum which spilled out after playing with my dick for too long. (Well, it actually came out 30 seconds after I had stopped playing with it because I was afraid I could orgasm). So my last real orgasm was on March 15th, I might have had a ruined one on March 28th and since then I have been clean (apart from minor violations).

So that's that, I'm looking forward to reaching 35 days on Sunday and supersede my last record 8)
 

scott.84

Member
Day 40

So today is day 40 of my reboot. I'm feeling actually good. I have a lot more energy, I get a lot of stuff done and I'm even doing sports again. I don't want to loose that feeling. I was worried about reaching day 35 because my last streak ended on the same day. But as I have passed that mark I am hopeful that I can make it to 90 days this time.

But it's not just about getting 90 days behind me, it's about changing habits. And I have been very unhappy about me googling for new porn releases of studios and models I used to watch. I don't want this anymore and I am really worried about it leading to a relapse. Since I'm not going to watch it, there is no point in looking for it anyway. And I want to clear my mind of this shit.

So a few days ago I have set up the DNS filter again. I have also put up a sign on my desk which says "NO PMO :)". I find this very helpful. I have not looked up anything porn related lately.

So I hope you guys are having a good time too :)

scott
 

scott.84

Member
Day 50

After a rough start I've finally come to 50 days. I admit that my start wasn't as clean as it should have been, but in my opinion it's acceptable. At least I didn't watch videos and masturbate to it. And my cravings for searching and looking at pictures have gone down in the past few days. Actually I like my state of mind right now. I'm more focused, I study more, I'm doing sports and I feel pretty good. So I want to keep it that way.

Have a good time,
scott
 

Wolfman

Member
Awesome stuff scott! Glad to hear your quality of life is improving! That is a good sign. Imagine that it might still keep getting better!
 

scott.84

Member
Day 55

Yesterday my cravings for porn were huge. Several times I was using Google Image Search to outsmart my DNS filter... I was looking for pictures of models I like both solo and in action. I don't know exactly, what was going on in my mind, but I guess I wanted to test if I would get hard while only looking at those pictures. Fortunately, I stopped every time and didn't go any further. Somehow the fact, that my streak is going so long helps me, since I tell myself that I'd loose all that progress if I would go for it completely now. Including my newly gained state of mind with doing sports, being more focused and so on. I also played around with my dick. Without porn. I just wanted to test how it feels. Well. The pictures only didn't work. I got aroused, but nothing happened in my pants. Playing with my dick worked extremely good. It was really hard to stop that.

So I won't count this as a relapse. I guess everybody encounters those "hard times" during a reboot. I just want to be honest and don't hide this. I also don't want to punish me for having had an experience, where I wasn't able to control myself. At least, I was able to regain control.

Do you think looking at pictures for a few minutes can severely harm the process? What do you do to keep you from doing that?
 

scott.84

Member
Day 60

While my positive effects are still noticeable, I had a relapse yesterday. I had a hard craving and found some new stuff of a guy I like. And I couldn't resist to download it. Although I knew that I was completely violating all of my intentions, I just couldn't stop. I watched some of those clips and got pretty aroused. I could only stop after about half an hour of watching. I was playing around with my hard dick, but my pants were up all the time.

So I guess part of me isn't ready to fully quit porn. While the other part is willing to quit PMO for the benefits of a healthier life.

I've come to the conclusion that I won't reset my counter completely since it really motivates me to keep going. Also I want to reward me for regaining control after fucking up so hard. I have to forgive myself, not punish myself. I mean, the point of rebooting is developing new habits and I have been developing new habits in the past weeks. I have to notice that I haven't reached my goal of living a porn-free life yet and that I've encountered a huge setback yesterday. But I'm overall improving myself.
 

scott.84

Member
Day 68

I have to admit that I have been sloppy the past few days. There were several occasions where I was lying in bed and couldn't sleep. I was bored. So I started playing with my dick. It is quite sensitive now. Sometimes it feels like it only waits for an opportunity to explode. I like that feeling. I also like how I have developed new habits. Sometimes it feels as if I was a new improved version of myself. Also, most times when I end up getting close to my dick with my hand I almost automatically start jerking it. I don't want to, but it's just so compelling. Today, when I was slightly touching my dick, it got really hard and some drops of cum came out. It was close to a full relapse. I stopped immediately, but I have to create awareness in those situations. This is mostly why I'm writing this here. It is a way for me to reflect on it and to bring this compulsive behaviour to my conscious mind.

At least, in the situations mentioned there was no porn present. I mostly touch my dick and just enjoy the feeling of it. There aren't that much porn phantasies involved, either. Mostly I get aroused by thinking about how long I haven't had an orgasm. So I can get aroused without porn, which is a great advancement imho.

I'm worried that I have come so far and that it will lead to a relapse. It's just three more weeks to go. Although I know that my reboot is just the beginning, I want to reach that goal. I know my reboot was not perfect since I looked for and at porn at some occasions. And I touched my dick sometimes. But for me, it's ok. I'm feeling better. I'm improving myself. And I'm sure that after my reboot, I will continue not to watch porn and not to masturbate. It's just so good. It feels good every day and it will feel awesome when enjoying it with others.

I just don't want to fuck it up on the finish line
 

yogi

Member
Don't worry Scott
Urges to touch the penis are natural. Might be a sign of rewiring in process.
 

scott.84

Member
Don't worry Scott
Urges to touch the penis are natural. Might be a sign of rewiring in process.
I really hope so @yogi

Another sign that my rewiring is in progress is that I have encountered getting an erection during my morning shower the last few days. It's actually a long time ago since I experienced something like that. My morning wood has also returned to me, which is really awesome. Like my dick wanted to show me that it's starting to have a mind of its own again :)

Actually I have been thinking about my reboot and reaching day 90 soon lately and I came to the conclusion that's it's not about how many days you have reached, but it's about changing habits and starting new healthier routines. In fact I'm a bit worried that I may backslide into old habits once the reboot is over. I've had some occasions during my reboot, where I violated my rules, but didn't count it as relapse since I was able to stop myself.

On the other hand, I have experienced so much benefits from this lifestyle, that I'm pretty sure I will keep it that way. Of course I want to have sex again but besides that I don't want to masturbate or watch porn anymore. At least not on a regular basis. But I know that there is still a part of me that is very turned on by porn.

As concerns wet dreams, I have not once experienced it (at least so far). One part of me thinks that this is a good thing, since wet dreams my lead to a relapse. Another part of me is a bit sad it didn't occur. It might be part of my biology. Maybe my body just absorbs the unused fluids better and has no need for it to spill them out at night. Or it's another cause I don't know.

So I am on day 72 of my reboot and there are less than three weeks to go. I have enjoyed the journey so far and I hope it leads to a better future for me. Thanks you all guys for the support and sharing your stories.

Have a great week,
scott
 

guitar1968

Active Member
So I just read your whole story. I really enjoy reading how people deal with this situation. We all have our triggers, are issues, are code of honor, etc. I started because I have PIED. No doubt about it. I wanted to quit porn. I'm at 54 days today with no porn. I started, as you did with the hopes of going 90 days or even 180 days with no orgasms. My goals was not to never masturbate again, it was to quit porn. In my 54 days, I have masturbated 2 times in the shower, trying mostly to fantasize about my wife. The first time about 5 weeks in, I had a little trouble getting hard and finishing. The second time a few days ago, I got hard quick and I came quick. And it was a powerful orgasm. I'm trying not to hold my cock really hard while masturbating and I hope to develop a much softer touch in the future. So, I haven't done the 90 or 180 of no masturbation, but I have stayed away from porn and it is going way better than I anticipated.

I'm trying to get back to no masturbation for a while because I think I need to allow my body to heal, but to be honest, I don't think masturbating with no porn, little fantasy and a much lighter touch is a bad thing. It's really getting back to the basics of what masturbation should be. The use of porn is just so out of control with so many people. I was so caught up in it that it was a little insane.

Maybe you shouldn't be so strict on occasionally playing with yourself. If you can limit it to every few weeks. Maybe have an orgasm every once in a while it might be easier to stay away from porn. I don't know. It's a theory I'm working on right now. I think we naturally feel like we need a release now and then. I think porn makes us think we need it every day, 4 times a day!

Good luck and I wish you continued success! You can do this. You are already doing it.
 

scott.84

Member
Well, I was quite definite when saying I don't want to masturbate anymore. That was because I have so much more energy now. And I know how the flatline after a relapse feels. Please don't get me wrong here. In my opinion it's totally OK and natural to masturbate. I just don't want it that often anymore, since it makes me kind of lazy. And if I can have sex, why should I waste my mojo to my hand ;)

For the moment, I'm just worried, that touching myself could lead to a relapse. Today, I have been very aroused and had multiple occasions where I was playing around with my dick compulsively. I'm glad I could stop. I actually enjoy playing around with my dick without porn and without orgasm. I just focus more on my dick and the sensations of my body. I think this is actually a good thing. Maybe it's my new way of masturbating for the future :)
 
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