SwitchgreenJ
Member
Hello everyone, I hope you are well, I know that you will overcome this, you have my support.
I'm new here, so I'd like to tell you a bit about my history, and my reboot experience. (High text alert).
I am currently 19 years old (20 at the end of the year).
I was a normal boy, the times I had masturbated had been with my imagination, images of women in bikini and lingerie and a couple of times soft images (in no image did you see a vagina) and these were in magazines or other printed articles . I didn't masturbate very regularly, a couple of times a month for a long time.
Everything was going well, I was a boy who masturbated when I wanted to do it, I reached 14 years old, my first encounter with porn (as such) was with erotic movies, you know the ones on certain television channels at night, I masturbated a couple of times, some time later a schoolmate, brought a porn DVD to school, which I borrowed, I took it home and that was my first encounter with something more hardcore, I masturbated with that and I almost got caught. All of this had a bit of social influence.
Back then I didn't have high-speed internet access, so it was time before I watched something hardcore, I kept on with the aforementioned movies, PMOing once a week.
When I finally had internet access, I looked for the first pornstar I watched on the DVD, but I didn't like what I saw.
A couple of months later I watched something more "amateur", in the video it was just a girl masturbating.
Go on with my life, at that time porn still didn't hold me prisoner, I watched it once or a couple of times a month, always with MO, I preferred my imagination and soft images.
Years passed, I entered high school, and I watched again, it no longer bothered me, I was around 16 when it became more regular to watch it, at that time it was once or a couple of times a week.
Unfortunately over time it was climbing, going from a couple of times a month, to almost 25% of the month, and so on until almost daily, although this took a while to happen.
When I turned 17 I started to watch it more, longer and things were slightly more hardcore. This is where I consider that everything went to hell, as it started to have its side effects. From the middle of my 17 years is where I consider that I started to get addicted.
At 18 is where I watched it practically every day, I only did not do it when the schoolwork was too much and I did my schoolwork. Although sometimes I put aside my homework to watch porn.
It climbed the times and the hardcore, here I began to be interested in something more than videos. I started playing porn videogames, so much so that it came to replace videos.
Well, I think I didn't go into much detail before and this is where I'll go, mostly with what I consider to be direct effects.
My taste for girls: before I became addicted, I was attracted to sweet, cute, tender girls, and in terms of physique I really didn't care much about their body, in fact I had mostly liked "flat" girls, so I consider that that was my kind of girls, after porn, I wanted girls with great attributes, who had a certain lust, and even women older than me, you know, that damn category. In general, I was attracted to women who had never done it before, I consider that this is attributed more to porn than to a change due to age.
My way of being: What I mentioned about my attraction to girls and the influence to watch the DVD, before I was a sweet boy, I was friendly and I was not attracted to that kind of things, then everything changed for the worse, I stopped having that little confidence I had, stop being cute and all that stuff.
Before I just wanted to have a partner, do the things that teenagers in love do, and live fully, after porn I wanted someone to have sex with and that's all, I wasn't very interested in the rest.
I gave up my life for porn: I started watching it every day, I didn't care about school or homework, I just wanted nightfall to put the video that I would like the most and finish.
Thanks to porn, my health was affected: Because I masturbated almost every time I watched porn, and I always wanted more, it was a lot of times, thanks to that a vein in my testicle was inflamed, it would have come out in 15 days of that , but as you will suppose, I kept masturbating and that caused me to barely recover that.
At the age of 18 everything escalated to a really sick level, at that time it didn't seem so clear to me. I thought my problem was masturbation, that I was watching porn because I wanted to masturbate and not the other way around.
I watched hours of videos a day, sometimes it wasn't the videos, mostly it was just thumbnails of these, and I got to masturbate twice a day for a while, even one day I reached three times a day.
It was hell, I watched a video of a girl who seemed really pretty to me and was my kind and I was depressed thinking that I would never have a girl like that, (the only good thing about that is that I realized that it was not only talking about having sex with a girl like that, but an emotional relationship), and when I got depressed and thought that I would never have someone like that, I wanted to see more videos of that girl or those pretty girls.
Since I could only watch porn at midnight, sometimes I would see the sunrise after finishing a session (I'm talking about watching porn for hours).
By a miracle I began to realize that I really had a problem, and I think the highest point (or lowest) was when I discovered a new category. It wasn't hardcore at all but it seems to me it's something the same or worse, I'm talking about Virtuak S**. I was totally changing real experiences like talking with a girl, kissing her, touching her, and even having feelings, for a video that pretended do that.
All this was a year ago, a month ago I was trying to quit but I couldn't. Last year the maximum time I spent without M was 14 days, and without P it was maybe 10 days (or less). By the way, I have not spoken face to face with a girl since the end of 2019, I think, all this because of the pandemic.
This year I discovered Gary Wilson's talk at TED. Then I knew that my real problem was porn.
In fact I discovered it a day after my last M.
That same day was my last P. And it was only photos of a naked girl.
Today (January 27th) is my 11th day without P (12th without MO).
I'll start writing how I've felt these days I don't know what day I posted this, but I mean.
Thank you if you got here, I know it is a lot of text and my mother tongue is not English so I do not know how well I expressed myself, I came here to revive help, but also to give it, I do not want anyone to go through hell for the one that I go through so I hope to help you, if you need a little advice or motivation, I would like to be able to provide it to you.
Finally I would like to ask something: How should I carry out the rewiring if I currently have practically no contact (in person) with girls?
I'm new here, so I'd like to tell you a bit about my history, and my reboot experience. (High text alert).
I am currently 19 years old (20 at the end of the year).
I was a normal boy, the times I had masturbated had been with my imagination, images of women in bikini and lingerie and a couple of times soft images (in no image did you see a vagina) and these were in magazines or other printed articles . I didn't masturbate very regularly, a couple of times a month for a long time.
Everything was going well, I was a boy who masturbated when I wanted to do it, I reached 14 years old, my first encounter with porn (as such) was with erotic movies, you know the ones on certain television channels at night, I masturbated a couple of times, some time later a schoolmate, brought a porn DVD to school, which I borrowed, I took it home and that was my first encounter with something more hardcore, I masturbated with that and I almost got caught. All of this had a bit of social influence.
Back then I didn't have high-speed internet access, so it was time before I watched something hardcore, I kept on with the aforementioned movies, PMOing once a week.
When I finally had internet access, I looked for the first pornstar I watched on the DVD, but I didn't like what I saw.
A couple of months later I watched something more "amateur", in the video it was just a girl masturbating.
Go on with my life, at that time porn still didn't hold me prisoner, I watched it once or a couple of times a month, always with MO, I preferred my imagination and soft images.
Years passed, I entered high school, and I watched again, it no longer bothered me, I was around 16 when it became more regular to watch it, at that time it was once or a couple of times a week.
Unfortunately over time it was climbing, going from a couple of times a month, to almost 25% of the month, and so on until almost daily, although this took a while to happen.
When I turned 17 I started to watch it more, longer and things were slightly more hardcore. This is where I consider that everything went to hell, as it started to have its side effects. From the middle of my 17 years is where I consider that I started to get addicted.
At 18 is where I watched it practically every day, I only did not do it when the schoolwork was too much and I did my schoolwork. Although sometimes I put aside my homework to watch porn.
It climbed the times and the hardcore, here I began to be interested in something more than videos. I started playing porn videogames, so much so that it came to replace videos.
Well, I think I didn't go into much detail before and this is where I'll go, mostly with what I consider to be direct effects.
My taste for girls: before I became addicted, I was attracted to sweet, cute, tender girls, and in terms of physique I really didn't care much about their body, in fact I had mostly liked "flat" girls, so I consider that that was my kind of girls, after porn, I wanted girls with great attributes, who had a certain lust, and even women older than me, you know, that damn category. In general, I was attracted to women who had never done it before, I consider that this is attributed more to porn than to a change due to age.
My way of being: What I mentioned about my attraction to girls and the influence to watch the DVD, before I was a sweet boy, I was friendly and I was not attracted to that kind of things, then everything changed for the worse, I stopped having that little confidence I had, stop being cute and all that stuff.
Before I just wanted to have a partner, do the things that teenagers in love do, and live fully, after porn I wanted someone to have sex with and that's all, I wasn't very interested in the rest.
I gave up my life for porn: I started watching it every day, I didn't care about school or homework, I just wanted nightfall to put the video that I would like the most and finish.
Thanks to porn, my health was affected: Because I masturbated almost every time I watched porn, and I always wanted more, it was a lot of times, thanks to that a vein in my testicle was inflamed, it would have come out in 15 days of that , but as you will suppose, I kept masturbating and that caused me to barely recover that.
At the age of 18 everything escalated to a really sick level, at that time it didn't seem so clear to me. I thought my problem was masturbation, that I was watching porn because I wanted to masturbate and not the other way around.
I watched hours of videos a day, sometimes it wasn't the videos, mostly it was just thumbnails of these, and I got to masturbate twice a day for a while, even one day I reached three times a day.
It was hell, I watched a video of a girl who seemed really pretty to me and was my kind and I was depressed thinking that I would never have a girl like that, (the only good thing about that is that I realized that it was not only talking about having sex with a girl like that, but an emotional relationship), and when I got depressed and thought that I would never have someone like that, I wanted to see more videos of that girl or those pretty girls.
Since I could only watch porn at midnight, sometimes I would see the sunrise after finishing a session (I'm talking about watching porn for hours).
By a miracle I began to realize that I really had a problem, and I think the highest point (or lowest) was when I discovered a new category. It wasn't hardcore at all but it seems to me it's something the same or worse, I'm talking about Virtuak S**. I was totally changing real experiences like talking with a girl, kissing her, touching her, and even having feelings, for a video that pretended do that.
All this was a year ago, a month ago I was trying to quit but I couldn't. Last year the maximum time I spent without M was 14 days, and without P it was maybe 10 days (or less). By the way, I have not spoken face to face with a girl since the end of 2019, I think, all this because of the pandemic.
This year I discovered Gary Wilson's talk at TED. Then I knew that my real problem was porn.
In fact I discovered it a day after my last M.
That same day was my last P. And it was only photos of a naked girl.
Today (January 27th) is my 11th day without P (12th without MO).
I'll start writing how I've felt these days I don't know what day I posted this, but I mean.
Thank you if you got here, I know it is a lot of text and my mother tongue is not English so I do not know how well I expressed myself, I came here to revive help, but also to give it, I do not want anyone to go through hell for the one that I go through so I hope to help you, if you need a little advice or motivation, I would like to be able to provide it to you.
Finally I would like to ask something: How should I carry out the rewiring if I currently have practically no contact (in person) with girls?