discobolus said:There is a lot to your posts, and a LOT that I disagree with, but I will offer this advice, you need to decide whether your goal is to have a better sex life with your wife or if your goal is to prove yourself right and prove her wrong, because the two are mutually exclusive. Sex is an emotional act for women and convincing her with logic and data will never work. In fact it will probably have the opposite of the desired effect.
I would highly recommend you get this book:
I also suspect that if you read it you will scoff at the validity and continue to frame yourself as the victim of your wife and continue to brow beat her with logic.
Goodness, the assumptions are flying around like skin care reps at an AAD meeting.
Contrary to your suspicion, I scoff at the validity of work being passed off as "scientific" when it's not, when an author's objectivity is suspicious usually due to an obvious yet not disclosed conflict of interest, or when the work has not withstood peer review.
In the case of this great book you linked to, "The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011," for goodness sake, it's a work of humor. I am sure I will love the writing of any author described as:
"a ... humorist and family man with a one track mind ... a "Mixed Marital Artist" combining a variety of relationship approaches from evolutionary psychology ... sociology, biology, life experience, romance novels, crappy women's magazines, far too many books, blogging, behavior modification and cheap porn." "The author is also aware that has painted himself into a corner by writing a book on monogamy. At around 112,500 words, it is the longest chastity belt in existence. It only chafes a little."
A "mixed marital artist." Heh. Very punny. I will read it out loud to my wife! Or, if I am feeling like living dangerously, I'll ask her to read it out loud to me! I'm looking forward to that. Thank you for the recommendation!
@Discobolus, friend, this is not about right and wrong. After 30 years of marriage, all of these lists are very long:
The times when I was wrong
The times when she was right
The times when I was right
The times when she was wrong
Keeping track is not the point. As my other friend @Aussie said, it's about compromise. The point is, you can't have the right conversation until everyone is in agreement about the details. Denial is a terrible thing. It's not helpful if she won't own her own feelings and desires. Now she has. Now we can move forward. Ideally, together.
I don't believe I'm framing myself as a victim. Is the chastity belt chaffing? Yes. Am I frustrated? Yes. Can things be better than they are? Yes. My first choice is for them to be better with her.