Typical story, exposed young, teen years spent masterbating then full blown daily use into my 40s. At my worst I was edging up to ten hours a day. Yes 10 hours. Had a shift where I had a lot of time off. So I spent it masterbating. I led two lives. One a allegedly responsible husband and father. The other a kid that never grew up and stayed naked all day jerking off. One had no awareness of the other. Once the adult Me realized, I had a breakdown. Had no idea I had been acting out the same way for 30 years. It was like my teenage self took over whenever I was alone.
I confessed everything to my wife. She broke down in tears and stayed with me. Once I had woke up I realized how bad this addiction got. I had forgot about my wife is so many ways. Neglected my sons. Lost interest in my hobbies. And basically lived a lie.
Coming to grips with the severity of it put me into emotional hell. I still question who I really am and have intrusive voices daily. The porn recall has receded but it?s a constant fight to stay aware. I feel like I was never a real person, just faking my way to get home to jerk off. I know that?s a lie but when it?s been so long you forget who your true self is.
I never thought I?d be in this place. Recovery is hard. My mind wants to do it all on one day. 2 years in I?m still hurting with shame. The days I feel great remind me of when I was addicted and scare me.
I never suffered from pied but now I have PE. From the porn that I?m now aware of.
I have no desire to go back because I?m come too far and never want to go thru that again.
I confessed everything to my wife. She broke down in tears and stayed with me. Once I had woke up I realized how bad this addiction got. I had forgot about my wife is so many ways. Neglected my sons. Lost interest in my hobbies. And basically lived a lie.
Coming to grips with the severity of it put me into emotional hell. I still question who I really am and have intrusive voices daily. The porn recall has receded but it?s a constant fight to stay aware. I feel like I was never a real person, just faking my way to get home to jerk off. I know that?s a lie but when it?s been so long you forget who your true self is.
I never thought I?d be in this place. Recovery is hard. My mind wants to do it all on one day. 2 years in I?m still hurting with shame. The days I feel great remind me of when I was addicted and scare me.
I never suffered from pied but now I have PE. From the porn that I?m now aware of.
I have no desire to go back because I?m come too far and never want to go thru that again.