zaraki888
Active Member
Hello everyone,
My post and reboot is not finished yet but I decided with thanks to two people giving their feedback to make a treat just in case it could help someone. I will update when I got time. Feel free to post your questions and ideas, thank you.
Side note: I am single and I suffer from premature ejaculation. My dopamine gets fired easily with almost anything not even related to porn. Healing myself was almost impossible until now. For single guys like me, I recommend to stay single until your brain is healed. Because this will shorten your recovery.
For people in romantic relationships, this strategy might work or not. I want to help these people too but I can't analyze it and test it without my own experience.
Therefore still in progress...
Today is day 73. No PMO, no MO, no edging, no sexual thoughts, no peeking, no sexual substitutes. I realized something. Why in the world was I able to reach this day and keep continuing but I wasn't able to reach 22 days in the last 4 years or so?
I did something wrong. You see, if I just focus on my goals and try to forget about porn, there is a chance I lose my guard. This happened to me all the time till I realized I have to observe myself throughout the day. One mistake can ruin all my progress.
But if I focus only on fighting this addiction with porn blockers, cold showers, It is like taking medicine. It does not heal the root underlying cause of the problem. Therefore I keep failing.
For all these years my conclusion is, ''urges'' cannot be defeated. Once I have an urge and suppress it, it will get me back in a couple of hours, days or even in my dreams. Urges will lead to relapses eventually. I would say the point of no return. I might be wrong though.
However I have noticed, if I can just avoid urges, I can go for a pretty long time.
But to avoid urges, I need to know my cues, which causes triggers and triggers leads to urges. The best method for me is to stop Cue's from happening in the first place. So there will be no urges that causes my brain energy to fight with.
I think it works like this in the brain: Cue > trigger > dopamine release (mini orgasm) > urge > MO/Porn > relapse > chaser effect
After the first dopamine release, this is the point of no return I believe and urges follow up to relapse.
The chain must be broken to prevent a relapse I believe and what I found out is this:
Between the trigger and the dopamine release there is the mind, our pre-frontal cortex.
We have the power to make a choice at that very moment with awareness but the timing is limited for a porn addict. The easiest way is to stop cue's from happening and there will be no urges to fight with.
The cycle of a porn addicts brain I think looks something like this:
Cue > trigger > dopamine release (mini orgasm) > urge > MO/Porn > relapse > chaser effect
However I figured out 2 learned habits can be added in the cycle of a porn addicts brain
On guard yes/no > Cue > trigger > mind willpower yes/no > dopamine release (mini orgasm) > urge > MO/Porn > relapse > chaser effect
Stage 1 On guard: anticipate the situation and prevent cue's from happening
Stage 2 Mind willpower: Second chance (timing is important!) Stop thoughts within 1/2 to 1 seconds right away.
Stage 3 Dopamine release: the point of no return (too late)
The cycle of a porn addiction can be broken down at stage 1 and at stage 2 at best.
If he is on guard, the cycle stops right there: On guard yes > ....
No triggers, no urges, no relapses and no chaser effect.
If he is not on guard he get a second change with his willpower: On guard no > Cue > trigger > mind willpower yes > ....
If he ignores this warning, a relapse is inevitable.
To succeed in this, a person needs to only learn two habits.
(I am not finished writing explaining the 3 stages in detail)
Repeat, (sorry I was typing this on different days but I still have to put it together in one document)
Here is a quick summary concept how the cycle of an addiction in the brain works according to me:
Cue > trigger > dopamine release (mini orgasm) > urge > MO/Porn > relapse > chaser effect
This cycle continues like domino pieces falling from beginning to end non stop.
However what I found out is that there is a way to break the chain before the point of no return (having urges).
Human awareness it is! '' you have power over you mind, not on outside events. Knowing this will give you strength'' Marcus Aurelius.
You know the moment you think you shouldn't go watch porn but you can't help do it anyway. That moment of awareness is what I am talking about that is capable of stopping urges and relapses from happening. It is able to stop an erection or bring an erection down when a person have to like social meetings. The bad news, you got only 1/2 to 2 seconds to change your mind to stop it. But with habits, this can be learned like I did.
I realized something. There are to types of love I learned from a spiritual person.
There is the lower vibration love, this consist of lust and crime which we see in movies and there is the true higher vibration love. This is love you have for your parents, your friends, your pets. When you pet your cat or dog, you can feel great and happy right? But it doesn't mean I want to fuck my dog. I am talking about this kind of love which respects women and don't see them as sexual objects. This real thing brought me the awareness of the pre-frontal cortex.
We can look at images and women without getting turned on in just a short period. We can really stop the dopamine getting released in the brain I think but the timing must be perfect! And this can only be done by learning two habits I am about to teach you in just a moment.
The cycle will look like this with added awareness:
On guard yes/no > Cue > trigger > mind willpower 1/2 - 2 seconds yes/no > dopamine release (mini orgasm) > urge > MO/Porn > relapse > chaser effect
This cycle can only be broken down in two occasions before the point of no return. In the beginning ''On guard yes'' and for a second chance ''mind willpower yes''
The first dopamine release is the point of no return I believe which will lead to having strong urges.
The second chance mind willpower is tricky. I experienced I still have awareness to not do it but I can only stop urges from happening within 1/2 to 1 second. In other words, to stop the dopamine getting released in the brain.
Over time a porn addict will increase his willpower time period more. But until then, we only have a couple of seconds to stop it.
If you deal with strong urges, it means you already did something like watching porn, masturbating and orgasm, peeking or thinking related to sexual or you saw an image or a pretty lady or you are searching for sexual substitute.
We need to avoid all of this as Williams explained in his treat. We need to avoid the dopamine release in the brain related to sexual stimulants and this can be anything not related to porn.
I am afraid this is the only way to get a long streak to eventually heal the brain.
Also be aware, once you relapse, the second time trying to reach a longer streak will be much harder! Therefore relapses must be avoided during rebooting.
I'd say the only way to heal the brain for a rebooter, is to finish the 90 days clean with no dopamine release, with no mistakes in between!
Dopamine release can be anything according to Williams treat. All substitutes the mind is searching instead off porn, should be avoided. This can be anything.
I absolutely recommend, a must to read his treat http://legacy.rebootnation.org/index.php?topic=1256.0
This might be impossible, but it isn't. Once we learn 2 habits, we can go pretty easy after the initial stage.
Unfortunate, I don't have a hack to reach the first 3 weeks. I believe the first 3 weeks are the most difficult to reach, because the withdrawal symtoms are the strongest! However, when a rebooter reach 14 days and is about to reach day 21, he must be very very careful. Relapse is waiting for him around the corner. He must fight this and do whatever it takes to reach day 21 and day 22. This is going to be very painful, but it must happen. After day 22, It will be easier to reach day 30.
I feel like rebooting is like taking anti-biotics. 14 days but when I stop at day 10, the anti-biotic does not work anymore. I need a stronger one next. That is why when a rebooter does reach day 21 but relapse on day 22, it can take him weeks to months to get back on track. It will get much more difficult.
Not finished yet below, I am working on it and thinking about how the brain works
When a person does relapse I believe the cycle of porn addiction will look like this:
trigger > dopamine release (mini orgasm) > urge > relapse > chaser effect
Because of the last porn session, thoughts and feelings are still present in the mind so the cycle skips the '' on guard part'' and the ''cue '' part and goes straight to trigger and also skips the mind willpower (weakened because of the last relapse session)
To stop this cycle is much more difficult! Now you have to use all your willpower to stop urges turning into a relapse! Basically it's like watching your favorite porn video but you decide not to orgasm and turn the video off. Good luck with that!
''Suffer the pain of discipline or suffer the pain of regret.'' Therefore relapses should be avoided at all cost. Never ever let your guard down!
As I mentioned above, urges cannot be defeated in a full reboot I am sure. However, all you have right now is your willlpower and motivation to stop it. You have power over your mind according to Marcus Aurelius.
I don't have a hack. You will have to suffer and fight the first three days the old fashioned way. Brutally!
Without '' on guard'' ''Cue'' '' mind willpower 2 sec '' the addiction cycle could look like this:
.... > .... > trigger > .... > dopamine release (mini orgasm) > urge > MO/Porn > relapse > chaser effect
With added willpower
.... > .... > trigger > .... > dopamine release (mini orgasm) > urge > willpower yes/no > MO/Porn > relapse > chaser effect
As you can see, I added the willpower after urges, because that is what is happening I think. We got our urges straight from our last porn session and using our willpower is therefore placed after ''urge''
You will have to use strong willpower for a couple of days until you get back to being able on guard with having cues and normal triggers again. For me it took me 4 to 6 weeks every time I relapsed after I reached 14 days or more. That is how difficult it is to get out of this cycle.
How a relapse happen:
These cue's and triggers have nothing to do being horny and sexual:
1. Stress, impaired decision making, information overload, not aware body needs food ( no feeling of hunger)
2. Negative emotions, anger, fear, anxiety, resentment, boredom, shame, guilt, disappointments, regret, mistake, dispute, failure, feeling tired (insomnia)
We want to escape feeling bad by using PMO. It became a habit.
These cue's and triggers are related to sexual energy: craving for more dopamine after the initial dopamine hit.
3. After sex
4. By surprise
5. Getting aroused, loneliness
6. Chaser effect
Habit 1: be on guard all the time, avoid cue's and triggers by anticipating the situation
Tip: use the app habitual and start a journal every time you relapse. Write down the cue's. Learn from it and avoid next time. Habitual is a spreadsheet and counter in one. I like it when I can add notes on days I relapse.
Habit 2: stop your sexual thoughts on time 2 second rule
If you learn this habit, you can sit behind a computer without using porn blockers. I want you to create a strong foundation so you will never have to worry when sitting behind a pc without blockers. I used to relapse when visiting my parents. Porn blockers will only increase urges and triggers. That one last cookie is must more tempting to eat than having cookies in abundance. The result is having the urge to bypass the filter.
The 2 second rule explained:
The moment every time I become aware of a sexual image or video popping in my mind, I can see it in my mind, hear it or feel it, snap right out of it! Don't give it a second thought. Do not get fooled. One thought will lead to another until relapse. You only got 1/2 to 2 seconds till your dopamine get fired and giving you a mini orgasm.
My technique is a followed. I find myself thinking about something and it turned bad. I see the image, got aware and then I visualize the image got erased like a fog of mist wipes the image away until I see a blank image.
It doesn't matter what kind of a way. The point is to shift your attention away from the image by replacing the thoughts with something else. Use what works for you and make it your own, make it fun. Don't worry about mistakes.
Stress
Porn addiction causes impaired decision making. It is a damage to the pre frontal cortex. This means rational thoughts goes down, memory goes down but stress goes up. I figured this out thank to watching a video from Gabe about impaired decision making. When I searched what exactly does impaired decision making means, I came across a science article. See the link below.
An important cue is stress. Or stress is the trigger!
Now backed up with science I finally understood what is happening in my brain. I knew stress was bad but I didn't know stress was the cause of creating an impulse to watch porn.
Our addiction has made the brain seek to porn, every time we experience a form of stress. For me I think 9 out of 10 times, it wasn't being horny, it was having stress. Therefore my stage 1, anticipate the situation is to avoid the stress from happening and so I can avoid getting triggered.
It is very difficult to stop triggers and urges from happening for an addict when the body is flooded with stress hormones. The body wants to release the stress by ejaculation. A body mechanism to protect itself I think.
https://www.mentalhelp.net/addiction/impulsivity-and-compulsivity-addictions-effect-on-the-cerebral-cortex/
To be continued....
I recommend reading these post from Hablablos! It contains wisdom, experience, philosophy, habits, insights, a must read!
http://legacy.rebootnation.org/index.php?topic=5986.msg70959#msg70959
http://legacy.rebootnation.org/index.php?topic=9675.0
My post and reboot is not finished yet but I decided with thanks to two people giving their feedback to make a treat just in case it could help someone. I will update when I got time. Feel free to post your questions and ideas, thank you.
Side note: I am single and I suffer from premature ejaculation. My dopamine gets fired easily with almost anything not even related to porn. Healing myself was almost impossible until now. For single guys like me, I recommend to stay single until your brain is healed. Because this will shorten your recovery.
For people in romantic relationships, this strategy might work or not. I want to help these people too but I can't analyze it and test it without my own experience.
Therefore still in progress...
Today is day 73. No PMO, no MO, no edging, no sexual thoughts, no peeking, no sexual substitutes. I realized something. Why in the world was I able to reach this day and keep continuing but I wasn't able to reach 22 days in the last 4 years or so?
I did something wrong. You see, if I just focus on my goals and try to forget about porn, there is a chance I lose my guard. This happened to me all the time till I realized I have to observe myself throughout the day. One mistake can ruin all my progress.
But if I focus only on fighting this addiction with porn blockers, cold showers, It is like taking medicine. It does not heal the root underlying cause of the problem. Therefore I keep failing.
For all these years my conclusion is, ''urges'' cannot be defeated. Once I have an urge and suppress it, it will get me back in a couple of hours, days or even in my dreams. Urges will lead to relapses eventually. I would say the point of no return. I might be wrong though.
However I have noticed, if I can just avoid urges, I can go for a pretty long time.
But to avoid urges, I need to know my cues, which causes triggers and triggers leads to urges. The best method for me is to stop Cue's from happening in the first place. So there will be no urges that causes my brain energy to fight with.
I think it works like this in the brain: Cue > trigger > dopamine release (mini orgasm) > urge > MO/Porn > relapse > chaser effect
After the first dopamine release, this is the point of no return I believe and urges follow up to relapse.
The chain must be broken to prevent a relapse I believe and what I found out is this:
Between the trigger and the dopamine release there is the mind, our pre-frontal cortex.
We have the power to make a choice at that very moment with awareness but the timing is limited for a porn addict. The easiest way is to stop cue's from happening and there will be no urges to fight with.
The cycle of a porn addicts brain I think looks something like this:
Cue > trigger > dopamine release (mini orgasm) > urge > MO/Porn > relapse > chaser effect
However I figured out 2 learned habits can be added in the cycle of a porn addicts brain
On guard yes/no > Cue > trigger > mind willpower yes/no > dopamine release (mini orgasm) > urge > MO/Porn > relapse > chaser effect
Stage 1 On guard: anticipate the situation and prevent cue's from happening
Stage 2 Mind willpower: Second chance (timing is important!) Stop thoughts within 1/2 to 1 seconds right away.
Stage 3 Dopamine release: the point of no return (too late)
The cycle of a porn addiction can be broken down at stage 1 and at stage 2 at best.
If he is on guard, the cycle stops right there: On guard yes > ....
No triggers, no urges, no relapses and no chaser effect.
If he is not on guard he get a second change with his willpower: On guard no > Cue > trigger > mind willpower yes > ....
If he ignores this warning, a relapse is inevitable.
To succeed in this, a person needs to only learn two habits.
(I am not finished writing explaining the 3 stages in detail)
Repeat, (sorry I was typing this on different days but I still have to put it together in one document)
Here is a quick summary concept how the cycle of an addiction in the brain works according to me:
Cue > trigger > dopamine release (mini orgasm) > urge > MO/Porn > relapse > chaser effect
This cycle continues like domino pieces falling from beginning to end non stop.
However what I found out is that there is a way to break the chain before the point of no return (having urges).
Human awareness it is! '' you have power over you mind, not on outside events. Knowing this will give you strength'' Marcus Aurelius.
You know the moment you think you shouldn't go watch porn but you can't help do it anyway. That moment of awareness is what I am talking about that is capable of stopping urges and relapses from happening. It is able to stop an erection or bring an erection down when a person have to like social meetings. The bad news, you got only 1/2 to 2 seconds to change your mind to stop it. But with habits, this can be learned like I did.
I realized something. There are to types of love I learned from a spiritual person.
There is the lower vibration love, this consist of lust and crime which we see in movies and there is the true higher vibration love. This is love you have for your parents, your friends, your pets. When you pet your cat or dog, you can feel great and happy right? But it doesn't mean I want to fuck my dog. I am talking about this kind of love which respects women and don't see them as sexual objects. This real thing brought me the awareness of the pre-frontal cortex.
We can look at images and women without getting turned on in just a short period. We can really stop the dopamine getting released in the brain I think but the timing must be perfect! And this can only be done by learning two habits I am about to teach you in just a moment.
The cycle will look like this with added awareness:
On guard yes/no > Cue > trigger > mind willpower 1/2 - 2 seconds yes/no > dopamine release (mini orgasm) > urge > MO/Porn > relapse > chaser effect
This cycle can only be broken down in two occasions before the point of no return. In the beginning ''On guard yes'' and for a second chance ''mind willpower yes''
The first dopamine release is the point of no return I believe which will lead to having strong urges.
The second chance mind willpower is tricky. I experienced I still have awareness to not do it but I can only stop urges from happening within 1/2 to 1 second. In other words, to stop the dopamine getting released in the brain.
Over time a porn addict will increase his willpower time period more. But until then, we only have a couple of seconds to stop it.
If you deal with strong urges, it means you already did something like watching porn, masturbating and orgasm, peeking or thinking related to sexual or you saw an image or a pretty lady or you are searching for sexual substitute.
We need to avoid all of this as Williams explained in his treat. We need to avoid the dopamine release in the brain related to sexual stimulants and this can be anything not related to porn.
I am afraid this is the only way to get a long streak to eventually heal the brain.
Also be aware, once you relapse, the second time trying to reach a longer streak will be much harder! Therefore relapses must be avoided during rebooting.
I'd say the only way to heal the brain for a rebooter, is to finish the 90 days clean with no dopamine release, with no mistakes in between!
Dopamine release can be anything according to Williams treat. All substitutes the mind is searching instead off porn, should be avoided. This can be anything.
I absolutely recommend, a must to read his treat http://legacy.rebootnation.org/index.php?topic=1256.0
This might be impossible, but it isn't. Once we learn 2 habits, we can go pretty easy after the initial stage.
Unfortunate, I don't have a hack to reach the first 3 weeks. I believe the first 3 weeks are the most difficult to reach, because the withdrawal symtoms are the strongest! However, when a rebooter reach 14 days and is about to reach day 21, he must be very very careful. Relapse is waiting for him around the corner. He must fight this and do whatever it takes to reach day 21 and day 22. This is going to be very painful, but it must happen. After day 22, It will be easier to reach day 30.
I feel like rebooting is like taking anti-biotics. 14 days but when I stop at day 10, the anti-biotic does not work anymore. I need a stronger one next. That is why when a rebooter does reach day 21 but relapse on day 22, it can take him weeks to months to get back on track. It will get much more difficult.
Not finished yet below, I am working on it and thinking about how the brain works
When a person does relapse I believe the cycle of porn addiction will look like this:
trigger > dopamine release (mini orgasm) > urge > relapse > chaser effect
Because of the last porn session, thoughts and feelings are still present in the mind so the cycle skips the '' on guard part'' and the ''cue '' part and goes straight to trigger and also skips the mind willpower (weakened because of the last relapse session)
To stop this cycle is much more difficult! Now you have to use all your willpower to stop urges turning into a relapse! Basically it's like watching your favorite porn video but you decide not to orgasm and turn the video off. Good luck with that!
''Suffer the pain of discipline or suffer the pain of regret.'' Therefore relapses should be avoided at all cost. Never ever let your guard down!
As I mentioned above, urges cannot be defeated in a full reboot I am sure. However, all you have right now is your willlpower and motivation to stop it. You have power over your mind according to Marcus Aurelius.
I don't have a hack. You will have to suffer and fight the first three days the old fashioned way. Brutally!
Without '' on guard'' ''Cue'' '' mind willpower 2 sec '' the addiction cycle could look like this:
.... > .... > trigger > .... > dopamine release (mini orgasm) > urge > MO/Porn > relapse > chaser effect
With added willpower
.... > .... > trigger > .... > dopamine release (mini orgasm) > urge > willpower yes/no > MO/Porn > relapse > chaser effect
As you can see, I added the willpower after urges, because that is what is happening I think. We got our urges straight from our last porn session and using our willpower is therefore placed after ''urge''
You will have to use strong willpower for a couple of days until you get back to being able on guard with having cues and normal triggers again. For me it took me 4 to 6 weeks every time I relapsed after I reached 14 days or more. That is how difficult it is to get out of this cycle.
How a relapse happen:
These cue's and triggers have nothing to do being horny and sexual:
1. Stress, impaired decision making, information overload, not aware body needs food ( no feeling of hunger)
2. Negative emotions, anger, fear, anxiety, resentment, boredom, shame, guilt, disappointments, regret, mistake, dispute, failure, feeling tired (insomnia)
We want to escape feeling bad by using PMO. It became a habit.
These cue's and triggers are related to sexual energy: craving for more dopamine after the initial dopamine hit.
3. After sex
4. By surprise
5. Getting aroused, loneliness
6. Chaser effect
Habit 1: be on guard all the time, avoid cue's and triggers by anticipating the situation
Tip: use the app habitual and start a journal every time you relapse. Write down the cue's. Learn from it and avoid next time. Habitual is a spreadsheet and counter in one. I like it when I can add notes on days I relapse.
Habit 2: stop your sexual thoughts on time 2 second rule
If you learn this habit, you can sit behind a computer without using porn blockers. I want you to create a strong foundation so you will never have to worry when sitting behind a pc without blockers. I used to relapse when visiting my parents. Porn blockers will only increase urges and triggers. That one last cookie is must more tempting to eat than having cookies in abundance. The result is having the urge to bypass the filter.
The 2 second rule explained:
The moment every time I become aware of a sexual image or video popping in my mind, I can see it in my mind, hear it or feel it, snap right out of it! Don't give it a second thought. Do not get fooled. One thought will lead to another until relapse. You only got 1/2 to 2 seconds till your dopamine get fired and giving you a mini orgasm.
My technique is a followed. I find myself thinking about something and it turned bad. I see the image, got aware and then I visualize the image got erased like a fog of mist wipes the image away until I see a blank image.
It doesn't matter what kind of a way. The point is to shift your attention away from the image by replacing the thoughts with something else. Use what works for you and make it your own, make it fun. Don't worry about mistakes.
Stress
Porn addiction causes impaired decision making. It is a damage to the pre frontal cortex. This means rational thoughts goes down, memory goes down but stress goes up. I figured this out thank to watching a video from Gabe about impaired decision making. When I searched what exactly does impaired decision making means, I came across a science article. See the link below.
An important cue is stress. Or stress is the trigger!
Now backed up with science I finally understood what is happening in my brain. I knew stress was bad but I didn't know stress was the cause of creating an impulse to watch porn.
Our addiction has made the brain seek to porn, every time we experience a form of stress. For me I think 9 out of 10 times, it wasn't being horny, it was having stress. Therefore my stage 1, anticipate the situation is to avoid the stress from happening and so I can avoid getting triggered.
It is very difficult to stop triggers and urges from happening for an addict when the body is flooded with stress hormones. The body wants to release the stress by ejaculation. A body mechanism to protect itself I think.
https://www.mentalhelp.net/addiction/impulsivity-and-compulsivity-addictions-effect-on-the-cerebral-cortex/
To be continued....
I recommend reading these post from Hablablos! It contains wisdom, experience, philosophy, habits, insights, a must read!
http://legacy.rebootnation.org/index.php?topic=5986.msg70959#msg70959
http://legacy.rebootnation.org/index.php?topic=9675.0