A new beginning

zackergeet

Active Member
Keep on the good job Alain! really looking forward to see your progress the effort will be worthy. Day 2 here so it is a longer path for me wish me luck!
CB said:
Congratulations on your one month alain!

You?re doing great, I can see you are really determined. That?s really good, just look ahead and don?t ruminate and give triggers and fantasies space. You?ll make it I?m sure!
 
Day 33

A couple of days ago I had a porn dream (should I say nightmare?). It was so real, it was like an actual porn scene happening in my head and I could feel the rush in my dream. I woke up at 4:00 and couldn't get any sleep after that. I kind of scared me. Years ago I quit smoking and I had dreams where I was smoking for a while after quitting. But not with this intensity.

But overall I'm doing fine. Quite anxious sometimes and not sleeping well is affecting me for sure, but I'm aware these are temporary. I know that if I masturbate I will be able to sleep a bit more, but I'm going hard mode and want to keep it that way.

I woke up every day with a big morning wood like back when I was a teenager.

I don't know if I'm in a flatline, I would say I'm not. I mean, I'm not thinking about girls all the time, but other things in life motivates me. So I don't know
 

CB

Active Member
Almost 40 days soon, great going!

Yes the vivid dreams I?ve had about sex n P too, I remember quitting tobacco I had them as well, but they didn?t feel as strong as these dreams I can get maybe once every two weeks or less.

I too have the hightened anxiety through out the days, sometimes more sometimes less, I think it?s normal because we have been taking away our safe-zone and exposing ourselves to handle our emotions and feelings differently.

The flatline will also come and go, sometimes for a long while.. But it will definitely go away. I?m in and out of it every week, it feels like.

Keep going, you are doing great!
 
E

escapeandnevercomeback

Guest
alain said:
Day 33

A couple of days ago I had a porn dream (should I say nightmare?). It was so real, it was like an actual porn scene happening in my head and I could feel the rush in my dream. I woke up at 4:00 and couldn't get any sleep after that. I kind of scared me. Years ago I quit smoking and I had dreams where I was smoking for a while after quitting. But not with this intensity.

But overall I'm doing fine. Quite anxious sometimes and not sleeping well is affecting me for sure, but I'm aware these are temporary. I know that if I masturbate I will be able to sleep a bit more, but I'm going hard mode and want to keep it that way.

I woke up every day with a big morning wood like back when I was a teenager.

I don't know if I'm in a flatline, I would say I'm not. I mean, I'm not thinking about girls all the time, but other things in life motivates me. So I don't know

Porn dreams are common, I had them all the time and I am going to have them again. They made me wake up with massive urges and I hated that. Don't worry about flatlines and stuff like that, the brain will take care of everything with time.
 
Day 36

Another porn dream. Interestingly, in this dream I was playing with porn, but at some point decided to leave it and go home. I remember thinking in my dream "is going to be hard not to orgasm after being aroused by porn".

Apart from that I had a really long cold and I'm feeling pretty bad, tired. And alsoui have a long of temptations. Is like nothing feels as exciting as it used to. So you kind of go in an automatic mood. You do the stuff you know you have to do, but with not so much joy
 

CB

Active Member
You?re doing great alain!

Yeah I have that feeling too, nothing feels fun or exciting. It will pass I?m sure, I felt really down back and forth when quitting tobacco. The good thing is that we learn to know ourselves more by this challenge, and learn how to cope with our feelings instead of pushing them away with porn.
Learning to feel it is okay to not feel like this for a while, knowing it will eventually pass.

Keep fighting, almost 40 days!
 
Day 38

I'm sleeping better and tbe cold is almost gone, both factors help a lot.

Today at work I checked the computer to see if it was properly blocked (I have a pretty remote spot in my office and sometimes I even used it to relapse), and I watched some pornographic sites, just for a second. But I can tell you is like opening pandora's box, so tempting, so fantasmagoric. But I know from experience that is an open window to hell. I'm not going back at all, but it definitely impacted my mind, so if I have the slightest doubt about addiction, here's the evidence.

I'm mentioning doubts, because I'm not having so many cravings, which I expected, so it is weird.

Keep on guys, let's make it together
 

Rob_91

Member
Hey, your doing some fine progress! I'm just a day or two ahead of you reboot wise (41) and i recognize what you have been talking about in you post. One thing i find a key for me to success which you also mentioned is the channeling of feelings of anxiety and restlessness into doing something constructive. Like reaching out to friends, working out, working on a project etc.
I'm find myself longing for deep connection in a way i haven't before, because i've previously mostly have had cravings for sex. This is a new part of myself that is emerging from quitting this crap and it feels great!
Keep it up! We got this!
 
Hi rob_91

Is great to share stories and progress with others.

Right now I'm feeling pretty sad and I have the doubt of whether I will be able to have intimacy with someone or its just too late. Too long I've been alone. I know these are limiting thoughts, and I don't want to dwell on them too long, I just recognise them. Better days will come, but today is how I'm feeling.

However, my commitment to leave porn is absolute, there's nothing good that can come out fof fapping for hours. I guess this is what life feels like, some days are great others not so. With porn you flatens everything out,.
 
Day 40

Today it was bad. I woke up in the morning feeling tired and I don't know the reason why, but I masturbated. Using only fantasy. It wasn't so much of a pleasure to be honest. After that, which was quick, I started feeling bad and frustrated, up to a poing where I hit my tablet and broke the display. I'm worried that I have such an aggresive behaviour sometimes, even if its only directed towards objects.

After that I felt even more angry and frustrated and I opened youtube and fapped to a stupid video. It was so damn quick. After that I realised what I was doing so I decided to take action. I took a cold shower, text my friend asking for help and more importantly, I went through all my posts in this forum. I saw all the process, the good days and the bad days. The progress I'm making. I felt bad the whole day, but in some ways I think I managed the situation. I did things that I never used to in similar scenarios. I took action.

I don't know if its a relapse. I don't want to call it like that, since it was a minor incident. It can be a slip, but I'm not resetting. I'm currently finishing work, I have a bank holiday ahead and I just was having temptations about taking a laptop home. Instead I wrote this post and I'm letting all you know about.

This is the one, I'm not giving up!
 

CB

Active Member
We all have bad days, don?t reset your counter. I?ve MO?d to only fantasy to maybe 5 times since I started again. It?s really important to see what is a relapse, I?d call a relapse more like going back to old ways. You had a slip today, just keep going it is all part of recovery. We shouldn?t be too hard on ourselves, eventhough knowing we can?t return to our old ways.

Yes, I can sometimes be really angry too, haven?t destroyed anything like that though, but we can learn to control our anger too. Recovering is really hard, and anger is part of it. I?ve had more than a handful of bad days, but knowing that we keep going in the right direction is making us stronger.

Be aware of triggers and the mental reasoning after the slip though, don?t let it get to you and keep your head up. You?ll make it I?m sure.
 
Hi

So I relapsed yesterday. I was feeling very bad and I peeked the day before. I don't think it was a full relapse in the sense that I didn't binge. For hours as I used to.

Today I feel pretty bad. Headaches, I was in a bad mood at work. But I think I can learn from this, what lead me to the slip and how to avoid it
Sorry that I missed the forum these day.

Thanks CB, you're so supportive.
 
Day 2

I can feel how much of a setback the last relapse has been. Not only that it effectively sets the counter to 0 and it has effects on you ( I feel more anxious). But in the sense that it makes you question everything and makes it more difficult to see a way through.

I need more discipline and don't stop learning about the addiction, it's effects and how rebooting is the only way.
 
Day 4

It was a great day. We organized a gig and it worked fine, we sold out and it was wonderful. However, I come home and loneliness and boredom take over. I feel not so much commited as when I started in February. That's why I'm coming to the forum, to remember myself how important is this.

I saw a girl I like today, but didn't have time to talk to her. I feel so lonely, like I haven't been touch by a girl for so long, and I really miss that. And I don't know how much I need to wait
 

CB

Active Member
Just keep going and try not to give in to relapsing, you?ll probably most likely meet a girl when you feel ready. Don?t ruminate on it or dwell about it, it will happen. I used to do that many years ago, until I just made my mind up and started to date girls again, after been single for almost 10 years.

Keep going
 
Thanks man

Day 6

I'm having a harder time, but I'm still on the path. Is hard when you relapse, because it makes you feel vulnerable to yourself. I'm so thankful that I have I friend I can rely on. Also, spring time is coming, which is nice, the days are longer, weather is better.. At the same time more emotions, I need to be careful with that.

 
Day 10

I'm having strong cravings. It all has to do with me being with no one to meet/nothing to do. Like I feel bored or something. I think it goes deeper and sometimes feeling boredom hides a feeling of emptiness/loneliness wichi is hard to deal with for me. Yesterday I peeked a couple of pictures and definately impacted my brain. However I was able to stop it.

On the other hand I'm clearly seeing that I'm healing, that my brain is recovering in so many aspects, mental clarity, less anxiety, more self confidence. Porn looks less atractive the more time passes by without using it.

 

CB

Active Member
10 days is great!

How did you manage the cravings?
It is really tough when the anxiety gets bad, hope you managed to get by.
Feelings of emptiness and loneliness is part of the withdrawa I think, I get them a lot too. The good thing is that those feelings won?t last and it gets better.
I get thoughts about giving up some days and I know that it?s just false belief, it?s the addicted me trying to reason.

Keep going!
 
Unfortunately, I relapsed badly. Three days. I couldn't manage the bad feelings and I binged, edged and the full thing.

Now it's day 2 and is taking a lot of effort to get the same level of commitment as before. I get really tired of trying and trying. However, I still know this is the only way forward.

I started meditating, once and sometimes twice a day and is helping me a lot.
 
Top