E
escapeandnevercomeback
Guest
TheHeartacheKid said:
Thanks man. I want to beat my 21 days record. My longest hardmode streak is exactly 21 days.
Thanks man. I want to beat my 21 days record. My longest hardmode streak is exactly 21 days.
E
escapeandnevercomeback
Guest
20 days without the junk.
Do you know when I had a 20 days streak last time? In September 2020. That's right, it's been almost 7 months. 7 months still a serial relapser and serial binger. Constantly relapsing with streaks under 10 days, only a couple of times reaching 10-11 days. Then I pushed myself to the limits, I endured the pain and I'm here. And I feel better than 20 days ago. Since I've been doing this hardmode, my hardmode record being 21 days, I want to beat it, I want to make it to 22 days first. Obviously I won't stop there. Fuck the junk, choose life.
Do you know when I had a 20 days streak last time? In September 2020. That's right, it's been almost 7 months. 7 months still a serial relapser and serial binger. Constantly relapsing with streaks under 10 days, only a couple of times reaching 10-11 days. Then I pushed myself to the limits, I endured the pain and I'm here. And I feel better than 20 days ago. Since I've been doing this hardmode, my hardmode record being 21 days, I want to beat it, I want to make it to 22 days first. Obviously I won't stop there. Fuck the junk, choose life.
Congrats, Escape, on 20-21 days hard mode.
If you can do 20, you can do 40, and if 40, than 400.
You got this!
If you can do 20, you can do 40, and if 40, than 400.
You got this!
E
escapeandnevercomeback
Guest
Phineas 808 said:
Thanks, man. I have to, for my mental health.
E
escapeandnevercomeback
Guest
3 weeks without the junk.
My longest hardmode streak is 21 days. This is the second time when I accomplish it.
Staying away from alcohol and porn at the same time has given me double craving. I feel low and I crave dopamine as if my dopamine level is zero.
I crave a drink like crazy.
My longest hardmode streak is 21 days. This is the second time when I accomplish it.
Staying away from alcohol and porn at the same time has given me double craving. I feel low and I crave dopamine as if my dopamine level is zero.
I crave a drink like crazy.
Congratulations on the 3 weeks Escape! It makes me really happy to read your lasts posts and see how far you've come in such a short period of time.
Re the dopamine cravings, I think 3 weeks is usually the time where that phase hits the hardest. It feels like our whole being is starving but it does pass. It's evidence of the positive changes going on in your mind & body right now, which though is very uncomfortable, is also in a way quite exciting as you're really doing this and it seems to be working well.
I had a few drinks the other night after stopping for the month of March. I can assure you it's not as good as you remember and neither is PMO. I feel like some of the best days ahead may not be far around the corner for you. As you say, fuck the junk, choose life!
Keep up the great work!
Re the dopamine cravings, I think 3 weeks is usually the time where that phase hits the hardest. It feels like our whole being is starving but it does pass. It's evidence of the positive changes going on in your mind & body right now, which though is very uncomfortable, is also in a way quite exciting as you're really doing this and it seems to be working well.
I had a few drinks the other night after stopping for the month of March. I can assure you it's not as good as you remember and neither is PMO. I feel like some of the best days ahead may not be far around the corner for you. As you say, fuck the junk, choose life!
Keep up the great work!
E
escapeandnevercomeback
Guest
Orbiter said:
Orbiter, thanks for advice and support. It's true that I've been craving drinking, recently. Craving porn goes without saying already. Craving two things at once is not fun. I didn't know what else to do. They sabotage each other. I've lost the best streak of my life because of getting drunk. And after a porn relapse, I would start drinking to "medicate" my relapse. But staying away from both really sucks. I don't like this at all. I thought quitting alcohol would let me finally quit porn but it's only now that I have a longer streak away from porn, until then I kept relapsing like crazy. Maybe because I was staying away from alcohol and using more porn for coping.
E
escapeandnevercomeback
Guest
22 days.
I've finally beaten my 3 weeks record. But I don't feel too well mentally. I feel kind of lethargic and unmotivated to do anything and I was planning to start some activities. But now I feel like I have no energy for them.
More than 2 months without alcohol as "medicine" but I crave it like crazy. I feel starved of dopamine with both addictions now. I don't like this at all.
Despise feeling not so well, I am still very tempted to watch porn.
I've finally beaten my 3 weeks record. But I don't feel too well mentally. I feel kind of lethargic and unmotivated to do anything and I was planning to start some activities. But now I feel like I have no energy for them.
More than 2 months without alcohol as "medicine" but I crave it like crazy. I feel starved of dopamine with both addictions now. I don't like this at all.
Despise feeling not so well, I am still very tempted to watch porn.
recovery000
Member
Great job at being 22 days away from P. As you are experiencing, craving will keep coming. You need a strategy to battle them. What works for me is to have a routine of "clean" activities, meaning that the activity will not create an opportunity to fall. For instance, watching movies with erotic content would not be part of my routine, nor browsing the web just for fun. Going outdoors and workout, clean the home, learning to cook a new dish/desert, reach out to family and friends just to chat and catch up, doing something educational, etc. These activities work form me. Keep yourself busy with uplifting activities and at the end of the day you will feel tired, satisfied, and, of course, away from P. Wishing you all the best.
E
escapeandnevercomeback
Guest
recovery000 said:
Thanks for advice.
E
escapeandnevercomeback
Guest
I'm depressed, man. Because I can't numb myself. Still craving porn. I wonder when the craving stops. Every day that I crave porn is a long day.
stepbystep
Active Member
escapeandnevercomeback said:
Hang in there escapeandnevercomeback! The cravings get lower and lower over time. You?re probably experiencing withdrawals still and best way is to break through those. Staying as busy as possible may help. Wishing you well man.
E
escapeandnevercomeback
Guest
stepbystep said:
Thanks, man. I'll keep up the good work.
E
escapeandnevercomeback
Guest
24 days without the junk.
Mentally, I don't feel too well. At the same time, I feel very tempted.
Mentally, I don't feel too well. At the same time, I feel very tempted.
Congrats, escape, on 24 days!
I've found in myself that some times acting out for me is preceded by down or depressing thoughts or moods. If you can catch this early on, you can more easily alter your mood by thinking about something more positive.
Just some thoughts...
Be encouraged, and keep on going!
I've found in myself that some times acting out for me is preceded by down or depressing thoughts or moods. If you can catch this early on, you can more easily alter your mood by thinking about something more positive.
Just some thoughts...
Be encouraged, and keep on going!
E
escapeandnevercomeback
Guest
Fuck. Today is Day 1.
Yesterday I binged all day but I didn't watch too much porn though. I watched maybe 2 minutes. The rest of it was me thinking about stuff. I broke two of my rules and I paid the price. I won't break them again.
What happened? On Day 25 I masturbated without porn and this threw me off. I got kind of depressed and I started obsessing about messing up my "perfect" streak. Why did I do it? I could've continued, I had the capacity to do it but I had started to get sexually frustrated big time as I didn't have any "sexual" release. I started getting desperate about girls and despairing a little bit about my loneliness. It didn't help that after almost a month hard mode I was feeling lethargic and experiencing social anxiety. I started thinking that I should've felt better.
Then I let the though take over. I started thinking about masturbation without porn and it became "such a great idea". It took about 10 minutes. Alright, maybe some would say this is not a big deal but that's how my mind works. If it's not "perfect" then it becomes a bother. Plus, there is the fact that I hate masturbation for my reasons. I wanted to do it complete cord turkey hard mode.
Next day I made the second mistake: I decided to drink. I had been thinking about it for a few days. The craving for drinking had been getting harder and harder. I knew that drinking had the potential to give me a porn relapse but I tried to rationalize it again, as always, typical addict: "I can handle it, nothing will happen." I drank and then I entered that state where I didn't care about anything and I started my binge.
I won't repeat this routine again. 25 days hard mode showed me that I can do more than I think. This has only helped to strengthen my mind. I'm starting again today and do it even better this time. I'll make it to a month. There is no point in despairing about it, I will go on with my day without thinking that I'm fucked up. It will be harder but going crazy about it won't solve anything.
Peace. Don't make mistakes.
Yesterday I binged all day but I didn't watch too much porn though. I watched maybe 2 minutes. The rest of it was me thinking about stuff. I broke two of my rules and I paid the price. I won't break them again.
What happened? On Day 25 I masturbated without porn and this threw me off. I got kind of depressed and I started obsessing about messing up my "perfect" streak. Why did I do it? I could've continued, I had the capacity to do it but I had started to get sexually frustrated big time as I didn't have any "sexual" release. I started getting desperate about girls and despairing a little bit about my loneliness. It didn't help that after almost a month hard mode I was feeling lethargic and experiencing social anxiety. I started thinking that I should've felt better.
Then I let the though take over. I started thinking about masturbation without porn and it became "such a great idea". It took about 10 minutes. Alright, maybe some would say this is not a big deal but that's how my mind works. If it's not "perfect" then it becomes a bother. Plus, there is the fact that I hate masturbation for my reasons. I wanted to do it complete cord turkey hard mode.
Next day I made the second mistake: I decided to drink. I had been thinking about it for a few days. The craving for drinking had been getting harder and harder. I knew that drinking had the potential to give me a porn relapse but I tried to rationalize it again, as always, typical addict: "I can handle it, nothing will happen." I drank and then I entered that state where I didn't care about anything and I started my binge.
I won't repeat this routine again. 25 days hard mode showed me that I can do more than I think. This has only helped to strengthen my mind. I'm starting again today and do it even better this time. I'll make it to a month. There is no point in despairing about it, I will go on with my day without thinking that I'm fucked up. It will be harder but going crazy about it won't solve anything.
Peace. Don't make mistakes.
Sorry about your struggle, escape!
Like you say, at least now you have a chance to reset, and begin with a new hard mode streak. You've definitely proven that you can do this, and I always appreciate your focus.
I'm like you in that regard, a perfectionist. This is why it's so important (and still is) that I not play around with p-subs or edging, as these will eventually lead into a full blown lapse with P/MO. This may be true of you regarding drinking...
Learn whatever lessons from this, modify your plan accordingly, strengthen your resolve, and just go on.
You got this!
Like you say, at least now you have a chance to reset, and begin with a new hard mode streak. You've definitely proven that you can do this, and I always appreciate your focus.
I'm like you in that regard, a perfectionist. This is why it's so important (and still is) that I not play around with p-subs or edging, as these will eventually lead into a full blown lapse with P/MO. This may be true of you regarding drinking...
Learn whatever lessons from this, modify your plan accordingly, strengthen your resolve, and just go on.
You got this!
E
escapeandnevercomeback
Guest
DAY 0
The short explanation is: I am back to misery.
The long explanation is this:
One or two mistakes is all I need to be thrown off the cliff.
I fought harder than ever in my life and I beat my 21 days record. I made it to 25 days and everything was going great... until I decided to masturbate without porn, thinking that this would lower my urges. But because of the obsessive nature of my mind, that threw me off. It ruined my "perfect" streak. In my mind, "it set me back". But everything was going to be fine. I had the potential to continue until... I made the first big mistake: I decided to drink.
I've been battling an alcohol addiction for years. As a slave of comfort/self-medication that I am, I became addicted to alcohol very easily. In the past, I never had great success with alcohol. My best was 46 days.
At the end of January this year I made the decision to try hard to quit alcohol. Everything was going well but then I couldn't avoid going to a meeting with the bosses and co-workers. I drank some beer but it was enough to sabotage myself. I thought I could handle it but there is no "handling" when it comes to addictions. That small drinking session left me frustrated, because I didn't drink enough, and I started making plans to have one day where I could get drunk, have fun and then be done with alcohol. Of course, typical addict rationalizing. "One last time and then I'll quit." I convinced myself (or rather my alcohol addiction convinced me) that I could handle one day of drinking without a porn relapse (long history of porn relapses caused by alcohol). On Day 26, after the masturbation session on Day 25, I drank and then I binged porn all day. I drained myself and I reset myself.
I wanted to start over again, saying that I had proven to myself I could exceed my limits but then I decided to get drunk again and I binged porn again. And thanks to this, I'm back to misery, the greatest place in my world, because this is all I know. This is all I've known all my life. I've been a slave to self-medication and comfort. A slave to addictions with a weak mind. 23 years of self-medication. I have to thank myself for making the same mistakes over and over again because, in the end...it's my choice. I am addicted by it's still my choice. I am not 100% my thoughts and desires.
What's next? There are two options: One leads to my freedom and finally seeing whether my exacerbated general and social anxiety are the products of porn addiction or not. And whether the mental chaos, rumination and obsessive thinking are the product of the said porn addiction. The other one keeps me a slave and not knowing for sure if the problems mentioned earlier are because of porn addiction. And wasting my life like this. I have many things that I want (or rather need very much) to do but I don't start them because of my crazy social anxiety.
I probably won't come too often around here anymore. I want to keep my mind away from thinking too much about porn and porn rebooting because thinking about porn rebooting is thinking about porn in a way.
Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result is what? The definition of insanity? I would say it's the definition of wasting my life.
The short explanation is: I am back to misery.
The long explanation is this:
One or two mistakes is all I need to be thrown off the cliff.
I fought harder than ever in my life and I beat my 21 days record. I made it to 25 days and everything was going great... until I decided to masturbate without porn, thinking that this would lower my urges. But because of the obsessive nature of my mind, that threw me off. It ruined my "perfect" streak. In my mind, "it set me back". But everything was going to be fine. I had the potential to continue until... I made the first big mistake: I decided to drink.
I've been battling an alcohol addiction for years. As a slave of comfort/self-medication that I am, I became addicted to alcohol very easily. In the past, I never had great success with alcohol. My best was 46 days.
At the end of January this year I made the decision to try hard to quit alcohol. Everything was going well but then I couldn't avoid going to a meeting with the bosses and co-workers. I drank some beer but it was enough to sabotage myself. I thought I could handle it but there is no "handling" when it comes to addictions. That small drinking session left me frustrated, because I didn't drink enough, and I started making plans to have one day where I could get drunk, have fun and then be done with alcohol. Of course, typical addict rationalizing. "One last time and then I'll quit." I convinced myself (or rather my alcohol addiction convinced me) that I could handle one day of drinking without a porn relapse (long history of porn relapses caused by alcohol). On Day 26, after the masturbation session on Day 25, I drank and then I binged porn all day. I drained myself and I reset myself.
I wanted to start over again, saying that I had proven to myself I could exceed my limits but then I decided to get drunk again and I binged porn again. And thanks to this, I'm back to misery, the greatest place in my world, because this is all I know. This is all I've known all my life. I've been a slave to self-medication and comfort. A slave to addictions with a weak mind. 23 years of self-medication. I have to thank myself for making the same mistakes over and over again because, in the end...it's my choice. I am addicted by it's still my choice. I am not 100% my thoughts and desires.
What's next? There are two options: One leads to my freedom and finally seeing whether my exacerbated general and social anxiety are the products of porn addiction or not. And whether the mental chaos, rumination and obsessive thinking are the product of the said porn addiction. The other one keeps me a slave and not knowing for sure if the problems mentioned earlier are because of porn addiction. And wasting my life like this. I have many things that I want (or rather need very much) to do but I don't start them because of my crazy social anxiety.
I probably won't come too often around here anymore. I want to keep my mind away from thinking too much about porn and porn rebooting because thinking about porn rebooting is thinking about porn in a way.
Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result is what? The definition of insanity? I would say it's the definition of wasting my life.
Don't give up, escape!
This thing is a process, and not often very linear. You have an advantage many 'addicts' don't have, and that is- you know (mostly) why you use, why you drink or PMO. Many will fail to know themselves enough, or deny it all together.
I know what you mean about coming around to RN, but until your head is clear, don't deprive yourself of our support. I know when I'm doing better, I tend to distance myself from this forum a little- but if I'm not doing so great, I hope to receive support, as this place is one of my only outlets. Let's help each other.
Peace.
This thing is a process, and not often very linear. You have an advantage many 'addicts' don't have, and that is- you know (mostly) why you use, why you drink or PMO. Many will fail to know themselves enough, or deny it all together.
I know what you mean about coming around to RN, but until your head is clear, don't deprive yourself of our support. I know when I'm doing better, I tend to distance myself from this forum a little- but if I'm not doing so great, I hope to receive support, as this place is one of my only outlets. Let's help each other.
Peace.
E
escapeandnevercomeback
Guest
Phineas 808 said:
Thanks for support and advice.
I understand the recovery is not linear but, honestly, I'm tired of it. I'm tired of starting from the beginning because I reset myself with binges. That's right, I know why I use porn and alcohol. I have a weak mind. I'm a slave to self-medication. That's why I need to get stronger mentally and leave those things behind.