No dopamine released by porn

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escapeandnevercomeback

Guest
2 days in a row I PMOed like 3 times a day. Now I feel low in dopamine, lethargic, anxious and sad. 20 days without drinking. I wish I could say the same about the fuckin porn. But quitting both at the same time is masochistic minus the pleasure. I miss drinking. My dopamine is at an all time low.
 

SebUK

Active Member
You can do it mate! Maybe block easy access to the internet? I have covenant eyes on all my computers. I know how to disable it but it will alert my accountability partner so a lot of the time I have an impulse to relapse I don't.
 

Pdub

Member
We have all struggled with relapses and it never feels good in that post-clarity moment afterward.  I've definitely kicked myself with the "why the fuck did you do that?" question.  Have you thought about what your triggers are that lead you to PMO?
 
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escapeandnevercomeback

Guest
SebNZ said:
You can do it mate! Maybe block easy access to the internet? I have covenant eyes on all my computers. I know how to disable it but it will alert my accountability partner so a lot of the time I have an impulse to relapse I don't.

I had a parental control but I had to disable it because it also blocked access to yourbrainonporn because of the word porn in the name. I should look for something else for sure.
 
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escapeandnevercomeback

Guest
Pdub said:
We have all struggled with relapses and it never feels good in that post-clarity moment afterward.  I've definitely kicked myself with the "why the fuck did you do that?" question.  Have you thought about what your triggers are that lead you to PMO?

I know, man. In the heat of the moment, I only see the pleasure. After that, the roof falls on my head and I want to rewind the time. Fuckin bullshit.
 
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escapeandnevercomeback

Guest
3 weeks of alcohol abstinence have lowered my anxiety considerably. Surprisingly, I haven't been craving alcohol that much. I wish I could say the same about (fuck) porn. Shit, I wish I could say that my porn abstinence is also 3 weeks long. 2 days only. Everything moves so slow and porn has taught me instant gratification. I feel no patience. Maybe I should use this as a reminder that I don't want to binge, reset myself to day 1 and have to wait again.

P.S: That counter from my signature is damn cool.
 

Chris Oz

Well-Known Member
Yeah, the counter is.

I advice you just forget about it for a moment. The struggle about the counting of days. Try to focus your attention on other things. Allowing it to always occupy our minds is kind of self defeating. It's like allowing a thief into your house and saying to yourself, I'm going to watch him closely so he doesn't steal anything. Why allow him in, in the first place? I hope you get what I mean.

Just forget about it for a moment, there's more to life.

Also try not to always compare. Every addiction is different in someway when it comes to recovery. Withdrawal symptoms might be similar, but they have different triggers and cues and so have different timeframe and process required for recovery.

It takes time, but it's worth it.

Keep pushing back man
 
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escapeandnevercomeback

Guest
Chris Oz said:
Yeah, the counter is.

I advice you just forget about it for a moment. The struggle about the counting of days. Try to focus your attention on other things. Allowing it to always occupy our minds is kind of self defeating. It's like allowing a thief into your house and saying to yourself, I'm going to watch him closely so he doesn't steal anything. Why allow him in, in the first place? I hope you get what I mean.

Just forget about it for a moment, there's more to life.

Also try not to always compare. Every addiction is different in someway when it comes to recovery. Withdrawal symptoms might be similar, but they have different triggers and cues and so have different timeframe and process required for recovery.

It takes time, but it's worth it.

Keep pushing back man

Thanks for advice.
 
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escapeandnevercomeback

Guest
This is what I like to call "Post-binge flatline". Lethargy, low energy, high social anxiety, feeling like everything is overwhelming, not being able to concentrate, forgetting stuff easily etc. I'm writing this maybe that day, when I'm desperate for the pleasure, I might remember to read this and see what I don't want to put myself through again. I'm stressed out enough with this shit and I have to add the stress at work on top of this, as if being tortured by porn addiction isn't enough. So you see what I'm saying here? The world doesn't give a fuck about my struggle with porn addiction, the world doesn't give a fuck that I barely function post binge, neither the people at work. They want me to do my job, they don't give a fuck about my binge. Nobody is out there to save me or tolerate me because I suffer that why I need to end this shit with porn. 
 

universe1

Member
Hello,

I can relate to these feelings of hopeless and anger. I have been working through my own recovery and it feels even the best weeks can turn on a dime when presented with a trigger or stressor.

I encourage you to find help for yourself, whatever that may be, but a system to rely on when it becomes difficult to avoid temptation. replace your activity when an urge comes on-- replace the search engine with this website and turn your thoughts to recovery.

For every relapse that happens, don't hang yourself up on it-- but rather use it as a step towards recovery, be honest and ask yourself why did you relapse and how can you do thing differently next time a similar situation will occur. I have found that so many tiggers surround my life it feels inescapable(TV, internet, phone, even people watching). I struggle daily with finding the proper throught process to feel good about my sexual desire, it does not come easy but it is possible.

One thing I have found to help me the most recently is the idea of using faith as a tool to bridge the cognitive dissonance of porn addiction. I am a generally atheistic person, but believe in the value that faith can bring to people who are in pain or in need of spiritual guidance. Studies have shown that faith activates the prefrontal neocortex, which has been proven to be negatively impacted by High speed internet porn use.

I have a theory that we can use faith in the damage of porn to overcome its seductive tendencies. Isolation breeds the needs for connection, which brings us to use--which ultimatelt fuels a higher degree of isolation. Find the way that works for you to make a new path forward, this is especially easier after a flatline.

best of luck! Thank you for sharing your story and keep up the effort!
 
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escapeandnevercomeback

Guest
universe1 said:
Hello,

I can relate to these feelings of hopeless and anger. I have been working through my own recovery and it feels even the best weeks can turn on a dime when presented with a trigger or stressor.

I encourage you to find help for yourself, whatever that may be, but a system to rely on when it becomes difficult to avoid temptation. replace your activity when an urge comes on-- replace the search engine with this website and turn your thoughts to recovery.

For every relapse that happens, don't hang yourself up on it-- but rather use it as a step towards recovery, be honest and ask yourself why did you relapse and how can you do thing differently next time a similar situation will occur. I have found that so many tiggers surround my life it feels inescapable(TV, internet, phone, even people watching). I struggle daily with finding the proper throught process to feel good about my sexual desire, it does not come easy but it is possible.

One thing I have found to help me the most recently is the idea of using faith as a tool to bridge the cognitive dissonance of porn addiction. I am a generally atheistic person, but believe in the value that faith can bring to people who are in pain or in need of spiritual guidance. Studies have shown that faith activates the prefrontal neocortex, which has been proven to be negatively impacted by High speed internet porn use.

I have a theory that we can use faith in the damage of porn to overcome its seductive tendencies. Isolation breeds the needs for connection, which brings us to use--which ultimatelt fuels a higher degree of isolation. Find the way that works for you to make a new path forward, this is especially easier after a flatline.

best of luck! Thank you for sharing your story and keep up the effort!

You're right, man. Thank you for support.
 
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escapeandnevercomeback

Guest
Shit, man, this recovery is moving so slow but I guess this is how it's supposed to be. 4 days look like a small streak but every long streak starts small.

I had a porn dream last night. I was online, looking for something and, I don't know how, I ended up on one of the well-known porn websites and started watching a scene. I wanted to stop but I kept watching for a little more then I left the website and told myself: "Why are you giving yourself a dopamine soaked brain?" or something like that, I don't remember exactly what I said. However, I'm in my post-binge flatline and I don't feel urges. Usually, a dream like that would've made me have massive urges, as I always wake up right after. The thing is, I guess those dreams emulate my porn behavior. That would've been something I would've done in real life.
 

TheHeartacheKid

Active Member
escapeandnevercomeback said:
Shit, man, this recovery is moving so slow but I guess this is how it's supposed to be. 4 days look like a small streak but every long streak starts small.

I had a porn dream last night. I was online, looking for something and, I don't know how, I ended up on one of the well-known porn websites and started watching a scene. I wanted to stop but I kept watching for a little more then I left the website and told myself: "Why are you giving yourself a dopamine soaked brain?" or something like that, I don't remember exactly what I said. However, I'm in my post-binge flatline and I don't feel urges. Usually, a dream like that would've made me have massive urges, as I always wake up right after. The thing is, I guess those dreams emulate my porn behavior. That would've been something I would've done in real life.

I've had similar dreams where I was looking at P but wanted to stop because I knew I shouldn't be looking.  Dreams can be dicks sometimes, but they're just dreams.  No difference than random thoughts in that they can't be controlled.

I do want to say, I encourage you not to tell yourself 4 days is a "small" streak.  Any amount of time not indulging is fantastic, and when you start stacking days on top of each other it truly is incredible.  It's not small, yes it can grow, but just because it can and will grow, doesn't mean it's any less impressive currently!  You're doing well man, stay at it!
 
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escapeandnevercomeback

Guest
TheHeartacheKid said:
I've had similar dreams where I was looking at P but wanted to stop because I knew I shouldn't be looking.  Dreams can be dicks sometimes, but they're just dreams.  No difference than random thoughts in that they can't be controlled.

I do want to say, I encourage you not to tell yourself 4 days is a "small" streak.  Any amount of time not indulging is fantastic, and when you start stacking days on top of each other it truly is incredible.  It's not small, yes it can grow, but just because it can and will grow, doesn't mean it's any less impressive currently!  You're doing well man, stay at it!

You're right, man! Shit, those porn dreams look so real. But no porn dreams last night this time.
 
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escapeandnevercomeback

Guest
I've reached a small milestone of 5 days but it's been easy because I still don't experience urges. However, when they start, then it's going to be a long, tough ride. My biggest problem is that I haven't been able to be 100% about the decision to give up the dopamine pleasure of porn. There's always been that little part inside of me that kept trying to figure out a way to keep the pleasure and be 100% which, in my experience of 16 years of porn and 23 of masturbation to flashbacks and porn induced fantasies, it's simple not possible. Who thinks it is, he is kidding himself. He is kidding himself thinking that he could live a dopamine life like me and not be burned out by 30, feeling like an old man. The only way to get out lives back is to give up this porn dopamine. I'm 30 but I feel like 60. Shit, my dad is more energetic than I am! I feel tired, lethargic, with no motivation to do anything, living like an almost complete failure and I would've been a complete failure had I not had this job. This job is the only thing that makes me look "normal". But apart from this, I live with my parents, I have no girlfriend, no friends and I'm trying to quit 2 addictions. There is really a limit of how much you can keep fucking yourself up. With more time that passes by, the more ridiculous the situation gets. I'm writing this maybe I remember to read it when the craving gets crazy otherwise this will continue for another 10 years and another 10... And like this, I would reach a day when I would say I should've killed myself because it would've been better than being dead but alive. I'm not anymore suicidal like I used to be but I used to think about hanging myself a lot. Nothing really interesting happened to me after the age of 14 and this is when I started watching porn for fuck sake!
 
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escapeandnevercomeback

Guest
Tempted this morning to engage with the porn in my head. It's crucial not to. It's just a withdrawal symptom.
 
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escapeandnevercomeback

Guest
Binges are terrible because they completely drain you, physically and especially mentally. Edging is what we like the most because it's edging that releases that crazy amazing dopamine that we are obsessed about. It's like the greatest feeling in the world, where you feel superman, you feel full of energy and that nothing bad matters anymore... Until you get drained and then this feeling is over, after hours of edging. You reach that point where you can't even arouse yourself anymore. Then you O and you feel like complete shit. Something like this makes me feel completely fucked up for a week.

It's very difficult to fight the craving and urges when they start right in the morning. There is that split second when you make the decision to start edging, feeling like a little bit won't have any significant impact and then you can't stop because the dopamine starts going. Once you raise the dopamine, it wants to stay high, it's very difficult to resist not to raise it again. So this is the problem. The problem is the lie. A little bit will impact you. A little bit not only reinforces the addicted brain and makes porn keep following you, but it sets you up for a full relapse, binges, edging like a madman for hours. The solution is complete starvation, not touching porn even for 1 minute, nothing, no dopamine from porn at all costs. It's the hardest way but the best, safest and quickest way to do this. As with other drugs, the complete absence of the drug is what keeps someone sober. Do you know a chronic alcoholic who drinks occasionally and doesn't return to the misery? Why are we different? Our drug is the dopamine released by porn and we can't raise it occasionally and not return to the chaos.

After a binge session of edging and PMO like that, there is that voice in my head that tells me: "You could've resisted, man, for fuck's sake! You could've gotten up, go somewhere else, do something physical." It makes me think I am weak and ask what's the secret? What's that last piece that I'm missing and because of which I can't do it all the way to the end. This is a good question. What is the last thing I need to add so this could really work? It's difficult. I know that I am absolutely obsessed about the pleasure that porn dopamine gives me. Edging in particular is my drug. Just thinking that I have to give up this pleasure forever makes me freak out and become extremely sad. It's like a part of me will never accept this thing. Sometimes I have this feeling that I could do something, that I could leave my room and do something physical to eliminate that energy because those urges really feel like a lot of energy inside of me that wants to be released and I choose the worse way to release it because I basically waste it. I waste a lot of energy because I spend it with porn instead of something that could bring something to my life. But, this is not just a simple decision, like passing by a candy shop, seeing a cake, craving it but just saying: "Actually, no, I don't need this," and walking away. But I really do feel like all those relapses could've been avoided if I actually left and didn't stay there to kid myself that I could endure it with my willpower.
 
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escapeandnevercomeback

Guest
There is that voice in my head that tells me: "Grab the chance of these amazing urges and drown in the pleasure! You will quit next time!" But why next time? Based on what? Why am I better next streak and not now? Because next streak the same voice will come around to tell me the same thing. What's different? There comes that day where we really need to do it. No more postponing and kidding ourselves that next time it will be different. We probably told ourselves the same thing 3 years ago.
 

Jack89

Member
Don?t do it, the pleasure is tiny compared to how you will feel when you?re free and the feeling afterward will be awful. Try to do something to keep your mind off it and treat your mind like a school bully.
 

universe1

Member
Stay strong! I worked with a therapist and he mentioned something that really stuck with me.

the trauma that you cause to yourself through mental and emotional stresses manifests itself as symptoms of anxiety and depression up to 3 days later. So if you compound that with the years of negative behavior reenforced by dopamine and pmo, think about how long your recovery may take!

Thats not to say its impossible, this theory looses its usefulness when we get into extreme patterns (5+ years, etc.) but what I can say is that it took me a year to get to a better place after awakening from a porn addiction that I was blind to for over 15 years. I have still had struggles even after divorcing myself from porn, but what I can say is that with faith in the science and support systems we develop we can make it to a better place and turn our backs on the pain we have caused ourselves. 

It is amazing to me after self-reflecting how much self-harm I caused myself (thinking it was self-pleasure at the time!) in the sense of emotional abuse and turning away from friends and family over and over again.

best of luck!
M.
 
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