Binges are terrible because they completely drain you, physically and especially mentally. Edging is what we like the most because it's edging that releases that crazy amazing dopamine that we are obsessed about. It's like the greatest feeling in the world, where you feel superman, you feel full of energy and that nothing bad matters anymore... Until you get drained and then this feeling is over, after hours of edging. You reach that point where you can't even arouse yourself anymore. Then you O and you feel like complete shit. Something like this makes me feel completely fucked up for a week.
It's very difficult to fight the craving and urges when they start right in the morning. There is that split second when you make the decision to start edging, feeling like a little bit won't have any significant impact and then you can't stop because the dopamine starts going. Once you raise the dopamine, it wants to stay high, it's very difficult to resist not to raise it again. So this is the problem. The problem is the lie. A little bit will impact you. A little bit not only reinforces the addicted brain and makes porn keep following you, but it sets you up for a full relapse, binges, edging like a madman for hours. The solution is complete starvation, not touching porn even for 1 minute, nothing, no dopamine from porn at all costs. It's the hardest way but the best, safest and quickest way to do this. As with other drugs, the complete absence of the drug is what keeps someone sober. Do you know a chronic alcoholic who drinks occasionally and doesn't return to the misery? Why are we different? Our drug is the dopamine released by porn and we can't raise it occasionally and not return to the chaos.
After a binge session of edging and PMO like that, there is that voice in my head that tells me: "You could've resisted, man, for fuck's sake! You could've gotten up, go somewhere else, do something physical." It makes me think I am weak and ask what's the secret? What's that last piece that I'm missing and because of which I can't do it all the way to the end. This is a good question. What is the last thing I need to add so this could really work? It's difficult. I know that I am absolutely obsessed about the pleasure that porn dopamine gives me. Edging in particular is my drug. Just thinking that I have to give up this pleasure forever makes me freak out and become extremely sad. It's like a part of me will never accept this thing. Sometimes I have this feeling that I could do something, that I could leave my room and do something physical to eliminate that energy because those urges really feel like a lot of energy inside of me that wants to be released and I choose the worse way to release it because I basically waste it. I waste a lot of energy because I spend it with porn instead of something that could bring something to my life. But, this is not just a simple decision, like passing by a candy shop, seeing a cake, craving it but just saying: "Actually, no, I don't need this," and walking away. But I really do feel like all those relapses could've been avoided if I actually left and didn't stay there to kid myself that I could endure it with my willpower.