The thing with quitting porn addiction for me is that I don't have other "joy" in life and neither other coping skills and I've had a hard time figuring out how to make it work. Staying away from porn was hard because of lack of coping skills or things to make me feel better and I would feel empty and low. My life is a little complicated and I need to do some work to bring it to a level that I dream about but it's very difficult without energy and motivation and suffering from social anxiety, all those being what porn does to me.
It's quite a catch 22 isn't it! We don't have these joys or coping mechanisms because we've been using PMO to fill that void but we can't quit PMO because we don't have these joys or coping mechanisms to deal with life. PMO also both drains all our energy & motivation to change this while at the same time providing an easy no-effort habit to fill this void.
With all that said, it doesn't REALLY fill the void does it? Otherwise most of us would have probably given up on quitting some time ago. Also you're over a month off the bottle so perhaps you're stronger than you feel you give yourself credit for?
From your journal, I can tell you take the relapses quite hard and you've probably already read this, but don't forget to be mindful of the
Abstinence Violation Effect . It may be different for you but, for me, recognising this cognitive bias has often been the difference between one or two mild relapses and outright hardcore, hours long edging binges. Credit goes to Phineas for the article:
https://louisvilledrugrehab.com/what-is-the-abstinence-violation-effect-and-how-can-it-hurt-recovery/
I've been thinking intensely about what I could do as I saw that I didn't have any real success. I've been relapsing without even reaching 2 weeks lately. And I thought maybe I should start with easier things because "fixing my life" right now seems a lot with this brain affected by porn. Maybe I should start with little things like exercise, starting some hobby that I like etc. You know what I mean? Because I think they also fit in the biggest picture of fixing my life. The "normal life" that I see for me includes them. And I thought I probably made a mistake waiting to quit porn before starting doing anything for me life. I thought it would work but maybe it doesn't. Maybe I should push myself to do some things at the same time. It's very difficult without motivation and energy and anxiety but I really need to do it. People don't grow if they don't leave their comfort zones and venture into the scary unknown. Porn is the ultimate "comfort zone" that keeps you trapped.
Doing Things = Increased Motivation
Doing Nothing = No Motivation
I don't see any reason reason you can't tackle both but definitely start small to gradually build some motivation again. You could smash out a few pushups a day and build on that number each day? Get a healthy start of the day or evening routine in so you're less prone to relapsing at the end of your work (I know you're a shift worker so morning routines may not often be applicable) Spend at least an hour outside of the house a day, even if it's just a walk. Same with the social anxiety - start small. You could go buy something for a store, cafe or whatever and make some small talk with the person serving you, little things to get comfortable with being around people, practice making eye contact if that's an issue etc.
I don't know if you have a goal in life at the moment outside of quitting PMO, I can't see anything in your journal. I should also add the above are just examples off the top of my head but I think even working on ONE of those things is a great start that puts you ahead more than you think.
Also re the living with parents thing, I was also living with my parents when I was 30 and I do remember it being a source of shame that would cloud my self-perception and my social interactions. I had a hard time with it but it's not really that big of a deal plus it does have it's advantages. Perhaps you could work the situation to your advantage and make a savings goal while you're at the parents place so you're in a good position when you move out?
These are all suggestions that you can take or leave but it would be great to open this journal a week from now and read about something other than counting days you've been working towards over that time.
We're either working towards recovery or towards relapse. Do anything positive is going to start taking life in the right direction.