Flyfisherman
Member
Its been an up and down month for me so far. Some relapsing but also good productive days. I'm glad the sun is out, I've been trying to absorb as much of it as I can.
Journaling to freedom
- Thread starter Flyfisherman
- Start date
Flyfisherman
Member
It's time to start again. The last six months have gone by without much in the terms of progress. Better resurrect this journal now and try again.
96LostWanderer
Active Member
I can relate. The last six months haven’t been great in terms of relapsing for me either. I’ll keep checking in on this thread and you can check in on mine. We can do this if we’re serious about it.
Flyfisherman
Member
Thanks, that sounds like a good idea! It definitely helps having a supporting community.
I've now had a few good days where I've been busy and not really thought about PMO'ing at all. It's pretty normal for me to go well for a while, then let my guard down and relapse. Gotta focus more...
96LostWanderer
Active Member
Same, I'm often caught out when I let my guard down. Best to take it one day at a time, even just one hour at a time when you have urges. Make immediate plans for what you'll do instead of looking at porn.
Flyfisherman
Member
Bad news and good news.
I just relapsed. I actually purchased credits on a cam site for the first time in a long while. I binged and edged for a while until I made the decision to purchase credits. And I did.
Immediately after purchasing the credits I O'd. The biggest dopamine hit came from making the purchase. I guess because it feels 'so forbidden' or something. Anyways, after that I just hastily spent the purchased credits on something without any enjoyment and closed the site. Definitely feels like a disappointment and every time I actually spend money on the site it really hits me how pathetic and destructive this addiction is.
On to the good news. There's a good possibility that my employment will change and I'll be able to work just during the day instead of night shifts. Just having a regular work schedule will help me sleep better and start intermittent fasting properly. I believe my training will also improve. Many times I've PMO'd when I've been home alone during the day. Now that I'll be working I will have much less of "my own time". I'm really excited about this job. It feels like a fresh start.
I just relapsed. I actually purchased credits on a cam site for the first time in a long while. I binged and edged for a while until I made the decision to purchase credits. And I did.
Immediately after purchasing the credits I O'd. The biggest dopamine hit came from making the purchase. I guess because it feels 'so forbidden' or something. Anyways, after that I just hastily spent the purchased credits on something without any enjoyment and closed the site. Definitely feels like a disappointment and every time I actually spend money on the site it really hits me how pathetic and destructive this addiction is.
On to the good news. There's a good possibility that my employment will change and I'll be able to work just during the day instead of night shifts. Just having a regular work schedule will help me sleep better and start intermittent fasting properly. I believe my training will also improve. Many times I've PMO'd when I've been home alone during the day. Now that I'll be working I will have much less of "my own time". I'm really excited about this job. It feels like a fresh start.
96LostWanderer
Active Member
Do you have any blockers installed? If you have a MacBook, I’d recommend the SelfControl app. It’s free and very effective as you can set a timer to block certain websites of your choice and then you can’t access them until the time is up - it’s irreversible.
Flyfisherman
Member
Thanks, I'll definitely have to check that out.
I have Windows at the moment. I'm not sure what would be the best blocker for me. I'll have to read up on different blockers a bit more. I'm definitely not very tech savvy, so "unblocking" a blocker wouldn't be too easy for me. I once even bought a so called "dumb-phone" to replace my smartphone and used it for a while trying to quit. Might actually start using it again, at least for a couple of months.
I've been using just one cam-site regularly, so a way to block it would definitely be a good help.
Anyways, the last couple of days have been pretty nice. Enjoying the northern winter.
Flyfisherman
Member
Haven't been active on here for a while..
I've been really busy with my new job. Feeling good.
Obviously sometimes I've had urges and peeked a few times, but I've managed to stay away from long time-wasting and soul-rotting sessions.
I just have to stay vigilant, but at the same time try to enjoy life.
I've been really busy with my new job. Feeling good.
Obviously sometimes I've had urges and peeked a few times, but I've managed to stay away from long time-wasting and soul-rotting sessions.
I just have to stay vigilant, but at the same time try to enjoy life.