Days 77, 78, 79, 80
No porn. No masturbation.
I'm ten days away from the end of the original intended reboot. At day 38 I felt more or less fixed and I had sex. After that, it felt better than in a long time, being able to sustain an erection even through putting on a condom. No orgasm, though. At day 52 I had sex and orgasmed. After that I went into a flatline that I haven't recovered from. The next time after that, I lost my erection mid-way through sex, and the next time I couldn't even get it up. I've been libido-less since then.
So we realized with my girlfriend that the orgasm, even if it wasn't through masturbation to porn and it was with a real human, set me back. We should have waited longer without orgasm. Although I hope that after day 90 things start to improve again, I am not optimistic about it and I'm ready to have to wait a lot longer, because it does feel like the orgasm became a sort of relapse and the counter might have been reset. Who knows, I'm in it forever now. No more porn ever. But also, no touching my dick even to arouse it or stroke it to cum while having sex. So for a while now, strictly penetrative sex, once it's possible again.
I will stop journaling in ten days too. I hope it does get fixed eventually, and if it does I will come back to post here with the details of how it went after day 90. I will also post a "success story". But for the moment, I think I have to let go. What we resist, persists.
We'll see.
See ya tomorrow!
Hey friend, I would just like to mention ED pills. I don’t want to open a debate, but there are clearly some good sides to using them. Of course, during the reboot, it’s probably best to avoid them, or to use them not too often. But for many guys, they work very, very well. Thanks to them, I’ve had countless good sessions with my girlfriend during the last years. It might be an option to consider at some point, if it turns out you need a long reboot for instance, or to help you with performance anxiety. That being said, I admire guys who don’t use them. But, if you want to feel ‘normal’ once in a while when you have sex with your girlfriend, then give it a thought.
Heey Bilbo. Thanks for the advice, but I'll pass on the ED drugs this time. You see, I've been a long time user of them and we've decided against them with my girlfriend this time. In my experience, and I'm not saying that this will be the same for you or anyone else, but I don't feel "normal" with them. To me, and to her, it feels detached. Like a human dildo. I don't know how to explain it, but the best way I can convey the idea is that to me and to her it feels as pleasurable as licking a woman's tits over her bra and perhaps a winter coat. The Dr. also gave them to me some time ago "while you regain your confidence". I reckon this is not a confidence thing. It's neurochemical and hormonal, and there is no "while". It's not a blood flow thing either. Having read a lot about neurochemistry, I no longer believe in many of psychology's explanations and some naysayer urologist's ones as well. When I'm horny and it works, it works perfectly, when the biochemical connection isn't there or there is only weak signaling no drugs can fix it. I would see it go up rock hard, and then it would go down quickly to never return. It's as if in this conditioned response, I would run out of juices (not dick juices, brain juices). I've even had instances of ED when fully viagratized, just because I was in sort of a flatline (I think the reason was that I was an occasional porn user and would go for two weeks or so without using after a full-on porn binge and also without libido, I just didn't know that was the cause of me sort of renewing the lease on an extended flatline). I've ruled out all medical issues, too.
So now, I'll get back on a protocol to boost testosterone naturally and continue the reboot without orgasm for at least another 90 days (what they call hard mode or monk mode or something like that). Judging from how different it felt around day 40, I know that I can get out of the slump and this is the way, but I need more time. I felt fixed then, and I had the rock hard dick to prove it, so I'm sure it will come again. It's just annoying having had a taste of normal and then having it taken away. So keep on keeping on!
Wish you all the best!!!!