When you believe in magic

otanerferguson

Active Member
Day 67

No porn. No masturbation.

I feel okay, not depressed or anything, not anxious, but my libido is nowhere to be seen. I am confident I will get past this, but it is annoying because I've tested what good is from a couple of weeks ago. Hope this slump passes soon.

No routines today. Sunday ok.

See ya tomorrow!
 

otanerferguson

Active Member
Day 68

No porn. No masturbation.

An uneventful day today. Just riding the wave. I did wake up at like 3 am for a while and I was rock hard. I went back to sleep.

Morning routine and afternoon routine fine. I got lots of work done today.

See ya tomorrow.
 

otanerferguson

Active Member
Day 71 and 72

No porn. No masturbation.

Not a good day. A couple of shitty days, actually. We tried to have sex with my girlfriend and it honestly feels like I've gone back to day zero. I had erections that go down and never go back up as soon as I try to stick it in. Frustrating. It just feels like all my progress has vanished. I know that I am not even past day 90, but unlike in previous weeks where I felt my physiology changing every day for the better and I saw glimpses of a better future, it now seems that I've stagnated and not at the highest point I've been during the reboot, but at pre-reboot levels. WTF. And I know the drill, "hang in there, things get worst before they get better, eventually it will be fixed, trust the process, etc". But honestly, WHAT THE FUCK?

I had such good hopes and I am now doubting if this was it. I thought I found the cure. It felt within grasp. And now it seems as far off the mark as everything else I've tried and I've tested for.

I feel drained and I have serious reboot fatigue. I feel fine in all other aspects, I don't feel tired, I'm in a good mood, my penis is not shriveled, I just can't get it up and I am fucking fed up, and you know what, so is my girlfriend, with good reason. Aaaaaaaaargh!

Routines, nutrition alright.

See ya tomorrow.
 

Bilbo Swaggins

Active Member
Hey man,

Sorry to hear you’re going through hard times. Rooting for you, man. But here’s a quick reminder: it can take much more than 90 days to heal from PIED. I’m 13 months in with zero relapse and I am still not healed. I understand that you have doubts, but I don’t think we should question the process before we reach the 2-year mark at least.

In case you never read them, here are a few of my favorite success stories. Go back to these stories when you have bad days, and remember that we have to be patient. Of course, you can consider other causes for your ED. But if you think you may have PIED, then give it time, and be patient.




 

otanerferguson

Active Member
Hey man,

Sorry to hear you’re going through hard times. Rooting for you, man. But here’s a quick reminder: it can take much more than 90 days to heal from PIED. I’m 13 months in with zero relapse and I am still not healed. I understand that you have doubts, but I don’t think we should question the process before we reach the 2-year mark at least.

In case you never read them, here are a few of my favorite success stories. Go back to these stories when you have bad days, and remember that we have to be patient. Of course, you can consider other causes for your ED. But if you think you may have PIED, then give it time, and be patient.




Day 73

Hey Bilbo, you are always my savior. Thank you friend.

These stories you shared are indeed encouraging. It's good to know others have gone through the same and now have their issues solved. Made me hopeful and less anxious about my setback. I now see that orgasming too soon, even if it was through sex, sent me into a flatline and I should avoid it for a longer period. I do wish you an amazing recovery sooner rather than later Bilbo. Cheers and thanks!

Routines ok.

See you tomorrow!
 

otanerferguson

Active Member
Day 74

No porn. No masturbation.

Still stagnated. I am able to work alright so that's good, but I feel no sexuality in me.

Routines ok.

See you tomorrow.
 

workinprogressUK

Well-Known Member
Day 71 and 72

No porn. No masturbation.

Not a good day. A couple of shitty days, actually. We tried to have sex with my girlfriend and it honestly feels like I've gone back to day zero. I had erections that go down and never go back up as soon as I try to stick it in. Frustrating. It just feels like all my progress has vanished. I know that I am not even past day 90, but unlike in previous weeks where I felt my physiology changing every day for the better and I saw glimpses of a better future, it now seems that I've stagnated and not at the highest point I've been during the reboot, but at pre-reboot levels. WTF. And I know the drill, "hang in there, things get worst before they get better, eventually it will be fixed, trust the process, etc". But honestly, WHAT THE FUCK?

I had such good hopes and I am now doubting if this was it. I thought I found the cure. It felt within grasp. And now it seems as far off the mark as everything else I've tried and I've tested for.

I feel drained and I have serious reboot fatigue. I feel fine in all other aspects, I don't feel tired, I'm in a good mood, my penis is not shriveled, I just can't get it up and I am fucking fed up, and you know what, so is my girlfriend, with good reason. Aaaaaaaaargh!

Routines, nutrition alright.

See ya tomorrow.
I can identify with your negative vibes, because I have a similarly flat libido, which shows no recovery after a long spell clean. I recall having days like the one above, typically around 120 days in, when I'd think "what's the big deal about this reboot bullshit, after all". I tend to think of it as an "emotional relapse" point, when I sometimes decided that the price wasn't worth paying. I don't have an easy answer for you, I'm afraid. I'm 200 days + clean and have no desire. But I do believe that it was force-feeding myself with porn for years that got me here, and abstaining from porn is my route out. In the meantime, life's better than it was, even if my sex life is absent. Wishing you success and patience.
 

otanerferguson

Active Member
Day 76

No porn. No masturbation.

Work okay. Once again I feel like there's nothing happening on the other front. Days go by and I don't have seminal leakage or massive flatline symptoms or anything telling that we are moving forward. I just am.

Routines okay.

See ya tomorrow!
I can identify with your negative vibes, because I have a similarly flat libido, which shows no recovery after a long spell clean. I recall having days like the one above, typically around 120 days in, when I'd think "what's the big deal about this reboot bullshit, after all". I tend to think of it as an "emotional relapse" point, when I sometimes decided that the price wasn't worth paying. I don't have an easy answer for you, I'm afraid. I'm 200 days + clean and have no desire. But I do believe that it was force-feeding myself with porn for years that got me here, and abstaining from porn is my route out. In the meantime, life's better than it was, even if my sex life is absent. Wishing you success and patience.

Hey workingprogressUK:

Thanks for stopping by and sharing this with me. I am sorry that your libido hasn't returned either and I seriously wish it soon does my friend. I can also relate to the bullshit comment, thinking "what's the point". The problem is that I'm not even dying to look at porn, so there's not even an incentive to relapse. Like you say, I also do believe that porn is the culprit. I'm never looking at porn again. But what's the alternative. Now I'm scared shitless of trying to have sex again. And it's not like I could have an affair or some shit like that. You need a working dick for that. Of course, that's not the only reason I don't. I love my girlfriend, but you know what I mean. I wish there was like a electric shock therapy for this. I'm doing everything under the sun (the cold showers, the meditation, the breathing exercises, the exercise, the hydration, the good sleep, you name it) and this is still taking it's time, and that doesn't bother me. What does is feeling like the process has stagnated.

However, I guess that the only option is practicing patience because it ends when it ends. I'm not Jewish, but...

“You are not required to finish your work, yet neither are you permitted to desist from it.” --Rabbi Tarfon
 

Bilbo Swaggins

Active Member
Day 76

No porn. No masturbation.

Work okay. Once again I feel like there's nothing happening on the other front. Days go by and I don't have seminal leakage or massive flatline symptoms or anything telling that we are moving forward. I just am.

Routines okay.

See ya tomorrow!


Hey workingprogressUK:

Thanks for stopping by and sharing this with me. I am sorry that your libido hasn't returned either and I seriously wish it soon does my friend. I can also relate to the bullshit comment, thinking "what's the point". The problem is that I'm not even dying to look at porn, so there's not even an incentive to relapse. Like you say, I also do believe that porn is the culprit. I'm never looking at porn again. But what's the alternative. Now I'm scared shitless of trying to have sex again. And it's not like I could have an affair or some shit like that. You need a working dick for that. Of course, that's not the only reason I don't. I love my girlfriend, but you know what I mean. I wish there was like a electric shock therapy for this. I'm doing everything under the sun (the cold showers, the meditation, the breathing exercises, the exercise, the hydration, the good sleep, you name it) and this is still taking it's time, and that doesn't bother me. What does is feeling like the process has stagnated.

However, I guess that the only option is practicing patience because it ends when it ends. I'm not Jewish, but...

“You are not required to finish your work, yet neither are you permitted to desist from it.” --Rabbi Tarfon
Hey friend, I would just like to mention ED pills. I don’t want to open a debate, but there are clearly some good sides to using them. Of course, during the reboot, it’s probably best to avoid them, or to use them not too often. But for many guys, they work very, very well. Thanks to them, I’ve had countless good sessions with my girlfriend during the last years. It might be an option to consider at some point, if it turns out you need a long reboot for instance, or to help you with performance anxiety. That being said, I admire guys who don’t use them. But, if you want to feel ‘normal’ once in a while when you have sex with your girlfriend, then give it a thought.
 

otanerferguson

Active Member
Days 77, 78, 79, 80

No porn. No masturbation.

I'm ten days away from the end of the original intended reboot. At day 38 I felt more or less fixed and I had sex. After that, it felt better than in a long time, being able to sustain an erection even through putting on a condom. No orgasm, though. At day 52 I had sex and orgasmed. After that I went into a flatline that I haven't recovered from. The next time after that, I lost my erection mid-way through sex, and the next time I couldn't even get it up. I've been libido-less since then.

So we realized with my girlfriend that the orgasm, even if it wasn't through masturbation to porn and it was with a real human, set me back. We should have waited longer without orgasm. Although I hope that after day 90 things start to improve again, I am not optimistic about it and I'm ready to have to wait a lot longer, because it does feel like the orgasm became a sort of relapse and the counter might have been reset. Who knows, I'm in it forever now. No more porn ever. But also, no touching my dick even to arouse it or stroke it to cum while having sex. So for a while now, strictly penetrative sex, once it's possible again.

I will stop journaling in ten days too. I hope it does get fixed eventually, and if it does I will come back to post here with the details of how it went after day 90. I will also post a "success story". But for the moment, I think I have to let go. What we resist, persists.

We'll see.

See ya tomorrow!


Hey friend, I would just like to mention ED pills. I don’t want to open a debate, but there are clearly some good sides to using them. Of course, during the reboot, it’s probably best to avoid them, or to use them not too often. But for many guys, they work very, very well. Thanks to them, I’ve had countless good sessions with my girlfriend during the last years. It might be an option to consider at some point, if it turns out you need a long reboot for instance, or to help you with performance anxiety. That being said, I admire guys who don’t use them. But, if you want to feel ‘normal’ once in a while when you have sex with your girlfriend, then give it a thought.

Heey Bilbo. Thanks for the advice, but I'll pass on the ED drugs this time. You see, I've been a long time user of them and we've decided against them with my girlfriend this time. In my experience, and I'm not saying that this will be the same for you or anyone else, but I don't feel "normal" with them. To me, and to her, it feels detached. Like a human dildo. I don't know how to explain it, but the best way I can convey the idea is that to me and to her it feels as pleasurable as licking a woman's tits over her bra and perhaps a winter coat. The Dr. also gave them to me some time ago "while you regain your confidence". I reckon this is not a confidence thing. It's neurochemical and hormonal, and there is no "while". It's not a blood flow thing either. Having read a lot about neurochemistry, I no longer believe in many of psychology's explanations and some naysayer urologist's ones as well. When I'm horny and it works, it works perfectly, when the biochemical connection isn't there or there is only weak signaling no drugs can fix it. I would see it go up rock hard, and then it would go down quickly to never return. It's as if in this conditioned response, I would run out of juices (not dick juices, brain juices). I've even had instances of ED when fully viagratized, just because I was in sort of a flatline (I think the reason was that I was an occasional porn user and would go for two weeks or so without using after a full-on porn binge and also without libido, I just didn't know that was the cause of me sort of renewing the lease on an extended flatline). I've ruled out all medical issues, too.

So now, I'll get back on a protocol to boost testosterone naturally and continue the reboot without orgasm for at least another 90 days (what they call hard mode or monk mode or something like that). Judging from how different it felt around day 40, I know that I can get out of the slump and this is the way, but I need more time. I felt fixed then, and I had the rock hard dick to prove it, so I'm sure it will come again. It's just annoying having had a taste of normal and then having it taken away. So keep on keeping on!

Wish you all the best!!!!
 
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otanerferguson

Active Member
Day 81

No porn. No masturbation.

I can't help but compare my sex life many years before with what I've learned from the reboot in the past few days.

I was thinking that I would always hear of people that "went for seconds" with their partner or even a third time, after 5 minutes or less. And that seemed like a completely foreign thing to me. For me that was physically impossible. I used to pleasure the women in my life plenty of times during a sex session, make them orgasm plenty of times, but when I would orgasm that would be it for the day. My orgasm was the fat lady.

So now I'm thinking that over the years I was experiencing increasingly longer "flatlines" that used to take one day or so. I would be ready to go a lot of hours later or the next day. So what I considered healthy sex wasn't healthy sex. I just didn't have ED, so taking forever to cum was the only "problem" and to be honest, that one never felt like a problem. You even feel good that you can last long and provide pleasure longer. But the beginnings of this have been there all along. Here I thought I was just good at controlling my orgasms and being a better lover. That means that masturbating so very much as I did in my lifetime, even if it wasn't to high-speed internet porn, but just to magazines or cable porn, already had done some damage. It just wasn't so bad that I couldn't use it like with the more modern counterpart.

Anyway, just thoughts that I had after reading the story of this guy Bilbo shared with me (thanks man, this one snapped me out of the bad attitude I was having). Especially, this part:

While I never looked at porn, I had orgasms with girlfriend (hands) every month or so. Erection quality slowly got better, but hands seemed to be detrimental as it brought back anxiety and brain fog etc. It took a while for me to eliminate brain fog, anxiety, sweats, and low confidence levels. I noticed after each orgasm, these symptoms would return for two weeks at a time. It wasn’t until July when these hang over durations would decrease, first to a week, then half, now none. Orgasms through sex actually leave me feeling enhanced, not depleted.

Now I know that these longer flatlines that I am experiencing after orgasm are an extended version of me being unable to go for seconds or thirds back in my late twenties or early thirties. A result of years of masturbating to exhaustion back in my teen years. There's surely something called healthy masturbation habits. I am now very aware that in my teenage years I passed that threshold by far.

So let's see what no-masturbation or fondling gets me.

See ya tomorrow!
 

JerryTX

Active Member
Nice job and thanks for sharing. I'm only on day 30 and realize I have a long way to go. Also by reading this I may be in for a flatline in the future. Like you I did have sex with my wife on Day 25 and we will soon find out. Even though I sense and understand your frustration I also find encouragement that you continue to press on! This to will pass and praying for you! I am also hopeful I continue my success like you have had! Well done and Stay strong!
 

otanerferguson

Active Member
Day 82

No porn. No masturbation.

I still feel sexless. I am otherwise normal. I am able to work. I don't feel depressed or anything, but nothing down there. A few days ago I became really anxious that day 90 was approaching and I did not feel as great and as close to being cured as around day 38, but now I've accepted that I'm in it for the long haul and it doesn't matter. It'll come when it comes.

Routines okay.

See ya tomorrow.

Nice job and thanks for sharing. I'm only on day 30 and realize I have a long way to go. Also by reading this I may be in for a flatline in the future. Like you I did have sex with my wife on Day 25 and we will soon find out. Even though I sense and understand your frustration I also find encouragement that you continue to press on! This to will pass and praying for you! I am also hopeful I continue my success like you have had! Well done and Stay strong!

Hey JerryTX. Thanks for stopping by. Congratulations on hitting 30! I wish you great success with your reboot without that many setbacks, and that you speedily overcome the pesky ones that do come up. I thank you for your prayers and send you blessings as well.
 

otanerferguson

Active Member
Day 83

One week away from this reboot's end. I have little to share today. I had lunch with my mom and then I signed a contract to rent a house. I'm moving at the end of the month. Still nothing down there.

Routines ok.

See ya tomorrow!
 
Amazing works so far otanerferguson. You must be super happy with your progress. I am just starting my journey on here and hope to read a lot more inspiration journeys like yours.
 
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