When you believe in magic

guitar1968

Active Member
Great news for you and a great update. Glad to hear that you are not thinking that much about porn. I have my days where I think about it and most where I don't. I hope that continues to grow stronger.

Take care.
 

otanerferguson

Active Member
Days 117 to 123

Nothing extraordinary to share, except that I get rock hard boners when I take naps in the afternoon for some reason. I feel them forming when I'm dozing off and they are still there when I wake and linger in bed. I am also leaking semen left and right every day for the past few days. Especially, with my bowel movements. Haven't had any more sex though. Haven't had the opportunity. I don't feel particularly horny, but I am not flatliney anymore. I've been doing more yoga and I so appreciate my yoga classmates in tights. They brighten my week.

See you soon!
 
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guitar1968

Active Member
Days 117 to 123

Nothing extraordinary to share, except that I get rock hard boners when I take naps in the afternoon for some reason. I feel them forming when I'm dozing off and they are still there when I wake and linger in bed. I am also leaking semen left and right every day for the past few days. Especially, with my bowel movements. Haven't had any more sex though. Haven't had the opportunity. I don't feel particularly horny, but I am not flatliney anymore. I've been doing more yoga and I so appreciate my yoga classmates in tights. They brighten my week.

See you soon!
I don't think I've ever had semen leak from me without some kind of messing around. I also never had a wet dream as a child or an adult. I always thought that was weird, but I guess not everyone gets them. I do hope to get those rock hard boners again though. Mine have definitely improved but there is still much room for improvement.

Glad to hear things are going so well. You are really deep into your recovery.
 

otanerferguson

Active Member
Days 124 to 129

While I've improved mood and cognitive wise, my libido is still stagnant. I have a hard time getting aroused.

@guitar1968 I had never experienced semen leakage for no reason before the reboot. These past two days it happened again. Today it was very inconvenient because I went to the gym and I went to pee in one of those waterless urinals and at the end I just felt that gulp sensation and before I realized it, I was already jizzing in it. The amount of a full load too. Only it doesn't shoot out because there is no orgasm; rather it oozes out right after the last drop of pee comes out. Anyway, being waterless there was no way to clean it and I had to leave it there. Not cool for the people using it or cleaning it afterwards. I ran in shame and didn't look back. Luckily, there was no one around.

While I've had a couple of sexy dreams during the reboot, there haven't been that many, and it's also something I had never experienced.

With the boners while falling asleep, I think those operate on a different circuit, because they are effortless and feel so good and spontaneous, plus they are rock hard, while my boners while getting it on are so fragile, full of effort, and sort of bendy like a kielbasa, not rock hard. I don't know. I wish I got boners like the first kind when trying to have sex.

I keep thinking how much porn has screwed us up. What a curse. Anyway, let's keep rocking.
 
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casanova

Member
Stay strong Hugo, you'll get there. I haven't sexy dreams at all either. But still, I think it's extremely important to focus on getting vivid dreams at least. Somehow MW is intrinsically related to them.

HIIT exercises like sprints, jump squats, weight lifting etc, and high quality sleep (no phone 2 hours before sleeping) are my best tips. I wish you could experiment it at least for a week. For me as soon as I left phone usage two hours before sleep, the game changed. Wish you success!
 

otanerferguson

Active Member
Stay strong Hugo, you'll get there. I haven't sexy dreams at all either. But still, I think it's extremely important to focus on getting vivid dreams at least. Somehow MW is intrinsically related to them.

HIIT exercises like sprints, jump squats, weight lifting etc, and high quality sleep (no phone 2 hours before sleeping) are my best tips. I wish you could experiment it at least for a week. For me as soon as I left phone usage two hours before sleep, the game changed. Wish you success!
Hi @casanova I already do HIIT consistently, but I will take better care of my sleep like you suggest. I'll follow your advice. Lately I've been developing the habit of falling asleep watching TV, which is no good. I have to say that I saw an improvement this weekend. You'll see in the post below. Thanks for the good vibes!!!
 

otanerferguson

Active Member
Days 130 to 133 — TRIGGER LANGUAGE WARNING

I've been having very successful and satisfying sex this weekend. My girlfriend texted me on Thursday that she wanted me badly. Instead of eagerly looking forward to it, I was kind of nervous whether it was going to work out or not. She came to the house on Saturday morning and immediately started making out with me. I felt no reaction in my pants and told her to be patient that it might not work right away and we would have to have a lot of foreplay like the last time.

We got naked and she got on top of me and she started to kiss me sort of sitting on my pubic bone with my dick behind her sort of on her butt crack. I thought, I will not stress about this and focus on kissing. Less than a minute into it I was rock hard and when she reached behind her and felt it hard she put it in her right away in her pussy.

We did it in various positions all through which I stayed hard and it felt good, I was enjoying it and close to orgasm at various times. She orgasmed four times. This has not been normal in previous years of our relationship. It's been the norm the last two times. Once again I did not cum for fear of falling back into a flatline. But this time my level of enjoyment was very high.

Today felt like real progress.

I will take better care of my sleep following @casanova 's advice and hopefully this will keep getting better. I will hold out on orgasms for myself at least after some solid ten or fifteen sex sessions into the future. It amazes me that my control over orgasms that I had developed in my youth is still there.

See ya soon!!!
 
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casanova

Member
Days 130 to 133 — TRIGGER LANGUAGE WARNING

I've been having very successful and satisfying sex this weekend. My girlfriend texted me on Thursday that she wanted me badly. Instead of eagerly looking forward to it, I was kind of nervous whether it was going to work out. She came to the house on Saturday morning and immediately started making out with me. I felt no reaction in my pants and told her to be patient that it might not work right away and we would have to have a lot of foreplay like the last time.

We got naked and she got on top of me and she started to kiss me sort of sitting on my pubic bone with my dick behind her sort of on her butt crack. I thought, I will not stress about this and focus on kissing. Less than a minute into it I was rock hard and when she reached behind her and felt it hard she put it in her right away.

We did it in various positions all through which I stayed hard and it felt good, I was enjoying it and close to cumming various times. She orgasmed four times. This has not been normal in previous years of our relationship. It's been the norm the last two times. Once again I did not cum for fear of falling back into a flatline. But this time my level of enjoyment was very high.

Today felt like real progress.

I will take better care of my sleep following @casanova 's advice and hopefully this will keep getting better. I will hold out on orgasms for myself at least after some solid ten or fifteen sex sessions into the future. It amazes me that my control over orgasms that I had developed in my youth is still there.

See ya soon!!!
Awesome news Hugo! Excellent actually, especially that it all went better than expected and that you managed to hold your O.
As you know recently I O'ed but since then I'm still having MW every day, sometimes of even 100%. And also random erections during the day. Things are getting better and better over here. With you it's similar, lots of progress too as you described. It makes me glad! I think that what happened this weekend there is exactly what you need to rewire successfully. Just keep going, without any hurry to O. You'll naturally feel when you're 'charged' enough to O. But to have a couple of other 'dry sessions', it's in my opinion, the best and safest path for now, yes. Congrats for this great improvement! Cheers!
 

otanerferguson

Active Member
Days 134 - 137 – MASSIVE PENTHOUSE FORUM TRIGGER LANGUAGE WARNING

So this morning I was sitting on one of the steps of the staircase at the house when all of a sudden Anne walked in front of me wearing only red panties. I told her, "good God woman, whatcha doin' to me, you know I'm only human, right?" Anne laughed it off and crawled on the staircase landing, just two steps above, and got on her fours and said, "this old thing? I don't know what you are talking about." Anne then turned over onto her back and she pulled her legs up elevating her junk in the air, laying on her back with her head and neck on the floor and her knees in the air reaching back to her head. Anne started caressing her thighs and gently running her fingers through her pussy and ass in red panties. Anne said "don't tell me I'm going to have to do this by myself" and so I crawled the two steps and proceded to bury my face in her underwear. Anne pulled the panties down and said "I think we should give it a lick," and I proceeded to get my nose between Anne's pussy and anus, just hovering above. I appreciated Anne's anus in full color and stuck out my tongue. Anne beat me to it, because all of a sudden Anne was licking her own pussy. That's normal 'cause Anne is bendy like that, right? Nothing out of the ordinary.

I stopped for only one second to appreciate the fact that I was about to run my tongue all through Anne Hathaway's pussy and perfectly pink anus, when all of a sudden...

...my girlfriend texted me good morning and the "ding" from the phone notification fucking woke me up!!!!!! She cock blocked me by text message. I had been dreaming all along. Aaaaaaaargh!!!!!

Hahaha Sorry about the visuals guys, but that dream was just like that. So fucking VIVID. In full color and smells and everything. It was weird though, because I don't have a thing for Anne Hathaway. I think she's a good looking woman, but in no way have I ever lusted over her. There's countless actresses I would fantasize over first. In my dream, however, I was head over heals over this contortionist version of her.

I woke up with a massive boner that took a good while to come down.

I find it funny that we were just discussing wet dreams the other day. This one was the mother of all wet dreams. I had lots of precum when I woke up, unlike the last one I had on day 5, from which I woke up dry. In that one, I did get to fuck though. And this time, when I had my bowel movement at noon, I leaked semen massively, which makes me think that probably the other days I've had leakage at noon, without any stimulus, it probably has been from dreams the night before that I just couldn't recall.

I spent the entire day horny as hell, lusting over neighbors that were walking their dogs, and basically mentally ravaging any woman I saw in the street and supermarket.

So, I will call that progress. It feels good.

See ya soon boys and girls!

PS. By the way, in addition to Saturday, I also spent most Sunday morning fucking. No orgasm on my side, but lots of sex. I am moving forward!!!
 
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Bilbo Swaggins

Active Member
Days 134 - 137 – MASSIVE PENTHOUSE FORUM TRIGGER LANGUAGE WARNING

So this morning I was sitting on one of the steps of the staircase at the house when all of a sudden Anne walked in front of me wearing only red panties. I told her, "good God woman, whatcha doin' to me, you know I'm only human, right?" Anne laughed it off and crawled on the staircase landing, just two steps above, and got on her fours and said, "this old thing? I don't know what you are talking about." Anne then turned over onto her back and she pulled her legs up elevating her junk in the air, laying on her back with her head and neck on the floor and her knees in the air reaching back to her head. Anne started caressing her thighs and gently running her fingers through her pussy and ass in red panties. Anne said "don't tell me I'm going to have to do this by myself" and so I crawled the two steps and proceded to bury my face in her underwear. Anne pulled the panties down and said "I think we should give it a lick," and I proceeded to get my nose between Anne's pussy and anus, just hovering above. I appreciated Anne's anus in full color and stuck out my tongue. Anne beat me to it, because all of a sudden Anne was licking her own pussy. That's normal 'cause Anne is bendy like that, right? Nothing out of the ordinary.

I stopped for only one second to appreciate me being about to run my tongue all through Anne Hathaway's pussy and perfectly pink anus, when all of a sudden...

...my girlfriend texted me good morning and the "ding" from the phone notification fucking woke me up!!!!!! She cock blocked me by text message. I had been dreaming all along. Aaaaaaaargh!!!!!

Hahaha Sorry about the visuals guys, but that dream was just like that. So fucking VIVID. In full color and smells and everything. It was weird though, because I don't have a thing for Anne Hathaway. I think she's a good looking woman, but in no way have I ever lusted over her. There's countless actresses I would fantasize over first. In my dream, however, I was head over heals over this contortionist version of her.

I woke up with a massive boner that took a good while to come down.

I find it funny that we were just discussing wet dreams the other day. This one was the mother of all wet dreams. I had lots of precum when I woke up, unlike the last one I had on day 5, from which I woke up dry. In that one, I did get to fuck though. And this time, when I had my bowel movement at noon, I leaked semen massively, which makes me think that probably the other days I've had leakage at noon, without any stimulus, it probably has been from dreams the night before that I just couldn't recall.

I spent the entire day horny as hell, lusting over neighbors that were walking their dogs, and basically mentally ravaging any woman I saw in the street and supermarket.

So, I will call that progress. It feels good.

See ya soon boys and girls!

PS. By the way, in addition to Saturday, I also spent most Sunday morning fucking. No orgasm on my side, but lots of sex. I am moving forward!!!
Very happy to hear you’re doing some progress. Congratulations, friend! That’s awesome.
 

guitar1968

Active Member
It was weird though, because I don't have a thing for Anne Hathaway. I think she's a good looking woman, but in no way have I ever lusted over her. There's countless actresses I would fantasize over first.
Well, I have lusted over Anne Hathaway and that was quite a dream! I've never had a dream about her though. But I have searched for all of her nude pictures before. She's done a few nude scenes.

But good to hear that you didn't immediately head to the computer to finish yourself off. That took some major restraint. Good to hear you are having sex as well. Hoping to get there myself sometime soon.
 

otanerferguson

Active Member
Days 138 - 141

Things keep improving on this end my friends. In the past years I was very aware that high carb meals and beer were a recipe for disaster, because the resulting dip in testosterone (that I in my mind would happen) would result in ED if I attempted sex afterwards. That was back when I was fishing for causes and always tried to pin ED on low testosterone. I would experience confirmation bias because I would suffer ED episodes predictably afterwards. What I didn't realize is that I also had ED without drinking or eating high carb meals, but that did not register because it wasn't part of my explanation. Popular belief is (and some studies corroborate) that, collectively, men have lower testosterone nowadays. Now I know that might be true, but it's probably not the main reason for the widespread occurrences of ED in men. I think it's more likely that the messed up reward system from porn is the main culprit.

Of course, a good diet and being in shape is definitely better for your overall health and higher testosterone levels are good, no doubt, but I keep thinking that one does not have to be in tip top shape and nutrition to be able to have an erection. Yes, it helps and it's better, but as long as you don't develop heart disease or diabetes or what not, it is probably marginal for erections (don't quote me on that). Not masturbating to high speed tube porn is probably 90% of the story.

Anyway, all this just to say that yesterday I had a couple of Belgian beers, popcorn and pizza, while watching Black Widow with my girl. After that, we had great sex. My dick just worked fine, I didn't have to think twice about it, the food and drinks didn't interfere. I ate a lot this weekend, but it was fine. We had shower sex this morning too.

Just to be on the safe side, I did not orgasm again, but my girl was quite pleased and I feel improvement each time. I feel more connected to her too. Just a blessing.

Slowly inching my way to 150 days. Can't believe the emotional journey these past four months and a half have been. I remember talking about this video on day 24, where he describes the reboot timeline for mild cases of porn use. I thought I was one of the milder cases he describes there and that by day 90 everything would be fixed (hint: it wasn't). Remember that I was doing everything in my power to become superhuman too, so I thought I would surf through recovery. He has a second video in which he talks about the more deeply ingrained cases, where he talks about 60% of those cases returning to normality in up to 150 days or more. I now know that I am part of the second group and even doing box breathing, exercise, nutrition, meditation, cold showers, yoga, and what not, it is still taking as long as the second type of cases. So you can't really rush this. Things just happen when they happen. I've gone through a lot. I think the worst part was that my cognition suffered for all these months and my work suffered because of that in return. However, here I am, in a better place than I was before, hoping to continue getting better.

I've seen a glimpse of what the rest of my life could be without porn. I like it.

Keep on rocking, see you soon!

But good to hear that you didn't immediately head to the computer to finish yourself off. That took some major restraint. Good to hear you are having sex as well. Hoping to get there myself sometime soon.

You will get there my friend. It's just a matter of hanging in there and continuing to do the work. It will happen when it happens. Like I said back on day 90, this is more an exercise in patience than anything else.
 
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Phineas 808

Well-Known Member
Just to be on the safe side, I did not orgasm again

Maybe this is part of 'hard mode', but I hope you don't deny yourself of a good orgasm with your very real girl friend. You deserve that rush, and in my uneducated opinion, I think that would go for rewiring efforts.

Even in the midst of my struggles, I never denied sex with my wife (to orgasm) because I'm thinking, 'At least it's with a real woman, and the person I want to be rewiring toward. At least my brain isn't orgasming to a phone, but to a real person.'

But if that's necessary to ensure a more complete healing, I'm grateful that you have such a great connection with your girl.
 

otanerferguson

Active Member
Day 142

Although I went to bed like at 1:30 am, not protecting my sleep (which I should), I had a very vivid dream and I woke up with 100% morning wood. It felt very organic and great. It lasted some 8 minutes while I lingered in bed. More progress!

See ya soon!

Maybe this is part of 'hard mode', but I hope you don't deny yourself of a good orgasm with your very real girl friend. You deserve that rush, and in my uneducated opinion, I think that would go for rewiring efforts.

Even in the midst of my struggles, I never denied sex with my wife (to orgasm) because I'm thinking, 'At least it's with a real woman, and the person I want to be rewiring toward. At least my brain isn't orgasming to a phone, but to a real person.'

But if that's necessary to ensure a more complete healing, I'm grateful that you have such a great connection with your girl.
Heey @Phineas 808,

Thank you for the kind words and gratefulness.

I love orgasms, but I will hold out a little longer. You see, I had sex with orgasm on day 52, a little prematurely into the reboot, and I was sent into a deadly flatline that lasted almost two months (55 days) in which, not only ED came back, but I completely lost my libido again and I was so unproductive at work. And while I was able to have sex on day 107 again, I did so after losing my erection once and it took a lot, but lot, of foreplay to get it back up. Only now, I'm beginning to have some healthy libido peeking back again, so I will keep the training wheels on a little longer. Some more sessions like this, until the recoup feels more solid. I don't want to make the same mistake as before. It will come in due time and I will enjoy this part in the meantime. I'm sure we're still rewiring like this and I prefer how much more we connect this way as opposed to the disappointment of the libido-less limpy dick times.

Thanks friend, I'll keep all of you posted when it happens again.
 
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Phineas 808

Well-Known Member
I'm sure we're still rewiring like this and I prefer how much more we connect this way as opposed to the disappointment of the libido-less limpy dick times.

Thank you for the clarification, Hugo, and it makes a lot of sense. And yes, you're definitely rewiring even without the orgasm, and when you're ready, even more with it.

Wishing you success, as you're putting in the hard work to regain real-world sexuality and a healthy libido.

Be well.
 

otanerferguson

Active Member
Days 143-147

Beginning last Tuesday, libido went down, but I don't know if it's just because I am not with my girl and, because of work, I wasn't able to go to yoga class or see any real women during the week. I have no need for porn whatsoever, which is good, but I wonder what happened. I was so charged last Monday. Let's see what happens when I see my girl later today.

See you soon boys and girls!
 

otanerferguson

Active Member
Day 148

I ended up not seeing my girl yesterday, but we saw each other today. Like I shared yesterday, I was not that sexually charged as last weekend and she wasn't either because she's about to get her period. We had a busy Sunday. We went out for a nice breakfast. After that, we went shopping for a cooking stove and a dinner table. We were busy all day shopping around and comparing models. We came back to the house exhausted and brought back pizza and watched the last two episodes of Loki. I was kind of sleepy.

And then, we were laying there and just started kissing. After that she climbed on top of me and, snap, just like that I was hard. Mind you that in the past, me laying on my back was the position with the least probability of getting and staying hard. Not this time, guys, we had great sex and we weren't even in the mood originally. I stayed hard all throughout, in spite of being full, tired and having had my second dose of the vaccine on Friday. Before the reboot, being tired was a sure way of failing to perform, even with pills. Once again I did not orgasm but came close several times. Oh, the blue balls on me. Just a few more times without orgasm for me, while we consolidate this progress. She orgasmed multiple times, and like I've posted before, this wasn't common in our relationship. Somehow, I also feel more attracted to her.

Although there's more work to do, I feel like this curse is slowly lifting. I know that there's always the possibility of a flatline or something, but for the moment we are enjoying this progress. We couldn't be happier.

See you soon!
 
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otanerferguson

Active Member
Days 149 and 150

Well boys and girls. Nothing extraordinary happened yesterday or today. However, I feel I need to take a moment to celebrate 150 days of this reboot process! In these five months I've completely expunged porn from my life and regained a healthy view of sexuality towards real women as opposed to pixels on a screen. I have not masturbated to porn or to anything at all. I went from saying (and believing) that my girl didn't "do it for me" because she didn't have the "whore gene", to really feeling attracted to her, feeling desire for her, and genuinely enjoying having sex with her. I went from severe PIED that was essentially a coin toss whether I was going to be able to get hard, even with pills, to becoming hard, even with a full stomach, beer in my belly, and being very tired, oh, and no pills. I'm not saying I'm fixed, I know there is still a road ahead, but it's been very good the past couple of weeks. I am grateful for her patience and understanding.

I'm not going to lie, it has been hard, especially since I spent two out of those five months in a flatline after thinking I was cured the first time, having sex and getting to orgasm. Not only did that flatline kill my libido and my erections, it made me useless at work, giving me tremendous brain fog, which was the worst part, causing me to drop the ball on several projects. Weren't it because of the great people who hire me and believe in me, I'd be out of a job right now. I am grateful for them. I am now more focused on my work and moving my projects along.

One thing is true, I am never going back to porn. I don't even toy with the idea. Just knowing, not that it can, but that it WILL give you PIED is reason enough to never even crave it. I have not struggled a single day with that, and for that eye opener I am truly grateful.

Today I went to my yoga class and I appreciated the fact that I was surrounded by beautiful women in tights in real life and that I was able to enjoy their presence and truly appreciate not only their bodies, but their personalities as well, being able to laugh and talk to them after the class. I can feel how something inside of me has switched on. It's liberating.

I have spent many years trying to fight this, coming from different angles, and this is the first time that I feel like something is working. The only thing is that you can't rush it. Things happen when they happen. Trying to speed things up only ends in stress and disappointment, so sit back and chill, the time will come... when it comes.

One thing that I think it's crucial, though, is making a conscious effort to be in the presence of women during the reboot. And I don't mean fucking them, just interacting with them in all sorts of situations. Making small talk with female staff at restaurants or cafés, in line for the register at the supermarket, in a live class, you name it. You need to feel their presence, their smell, their pheromones, whatever. That doesn't mean to be a creep, just... get out there.

Thank all of you for the encouragement and good thoughts. I appreciate this community and I look forward to 30 more days to reaching my second goal of 180 days.

See you soon!!!
 
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