Here’s my story

[Inkednready1]

It?s been a long time since I posted on this specific thread, but I?m now at 66 going on 67 days. It?s been having it?s ups and downs. Once I started having sex again it?s been much more easy going, but I do have some temptations. I almost relapsed the other night. I was in a mood for a couple days and something had me going. I needed a release, bad. Wife wasn?t around for the old fashioned way and I needed something. I even went so far as to get a clean up towel. As I went to grab it, something stopped me. I had the url typed up ready to send and was about to go to town. I thought about how far I have come. How much progress I made. I had to skip the gym and other helpful activities for a few weeks due to a hectic work schedule and I really noticed the difference. A week or so without the gym was ok but longer than that had me close to going back to my old ways... rubbing one out whenever I needed a release or escape. I stopped myself though. I?m glad I did. I hit the gym yesterday for the first time and minimized the other tempting activities that I noticed I was doing. I even had sex with a full erection last night (the past week or so I wasn?t sure I?d be able to). After a scare of relapse I?m back on track again. I?m glad I am. While it sucks disciplining yourself, the benefits are great and I really enjoy them. So does my wife!

So some words of encouragement for those in doubt! It?s a battle. And it can be won! Closing in on 70 days with no PMO and I am still struggling at times. But that?s the hook with all addictions, it needs to be worked at, and it gets better. Some setback may come and you may get tempted, but you keep moving forward. When you are tempted, don?t do it! Save that pleasure snd orgasm for someone you care about. They?ll appreciate it a lot more then your hand will!

 

[workinprogressUK]

Inspiring post. Thanks for sharing. I can identify with that need you describe to find some release or escape from life's stresses and pressures, and when healthy routes are closed-off, increased cravings for P. Congrats on managing your situation and on great progress.

 

[Inkednready1]

Hope this finds everyone well! It’s been an interesting journey to say the least. I have come to a level of self awareness that I never really could grasp. That’s what makes this hard, the self evaluations and the balance between wants and needs.
On day 80... yes day 80, I had a setback... a bigger setback than the typical temptations I have daily. Social media is the devil I tell ya lol! Flipping through Twitter and facebook on a typical day, nothing seemed out of the ordinary.... typical friend posts, nothing overly graphic or hard core pornographic, just the usual postings on the platforms. I was riled up anyway since my wife was out of town and I was in the mood. There was no prearranged meet with any friends so that wasn’t happening either. To be blunt, I was horny and I needed a release. Wife and friends were unavailable to play with so I tried to ignore it. That didn’t work too well. The plus side , or silver lining, was that I was still able to stay clear of porn. I didn’t watch any videos or use any of those picture I saw earlier in the day, but I did masturbate to completion. Just myself in bed, enjoying thoughts of my wife and touching myself. I didn’t use porn or porn like fantasies in my head, but it’s still a setback.
I know there are setback with any addiction, and I’m not giving up, I’m just a bit down on myself. It felt good when I did it, but left me unsatisfied. I’m not chasing that high again. I’m in a bit of a flatline right now, for the past few days. Probsbly my mind gripping with what happened in the disappointment in myself. I’ll snap out of it soon and I’ll continue on. I’m back to the basics again... limited social media, meditation and other distractions that I know work for me. The gym really helps! I’m not giving up. I’m continuing with this since I do not want PMO taking control of my life again. Like I said, I did MO, but without the porn. Silver lining and lesson learned! On to the next day! Best of luck everyone!

 

[guitar1968]

I certainly understand your disappointment. Did you rule out all masturbation when you set out on your journey? I'm only 4 weeks into mine and I have decided to cut out everything for at least 6 months. I plan on never using porn again, but after that 6 month reboot, I am open to masturbation again. I'm not sure if that is the right call, but I believe that porn is the problem here and that occasionally pleasure yourself isn't a bad thing. For me it's the hours spent chasing the images and videos, looking for that one thing that will get me off. I'm hoping to masturbate like a normal person at some point in my life. Laying in bed, like you said, thinking of my wife and just enjoying the sensation.

At least you did not go for the porn. I think that is commendable!

 

[Inkednready1]

I did swear off of it at first, but after a while I’m leaning towards once in a while may be ok. Without porn of course. So I’m still undecided on it. I’m enjoying sex much more without all the PMO and MO in between. I just worry it may trigger a total relapse. I’m almost 90 days in and this was the first real slip, minus during sex. Like I said it’s a lesson learned, this is all an evolution so we’ll see. It’s why I posted this though, I wanted anothers take on it to see where I stand.