My Reboot Journal

Redalc

Active Member
Thanks for reading worth_it. Appreciate it.
Another day done. Went to work, came home. Studied and was able to keep focused so that was good. Got a job interview tomorrow. Hopefully that goes well. Struggles are mostly in the form of fantasizing about my past relationship, makes me ashamed to be thinking like that, and ashamed that there are things in my past that are creating temptations for me, and causing me to think like that about the amazing person I used to have in my life. No PMO today. Praise the Lord for his help and his mercy. Trying to stay focused on growing closer to him.
Day 54 done.
 

quitforeverthenwin2

Well-Known Member
Great job man! Just keeping doing what you are doing.

The fact that you are still doing the right things, even with some of the tougher emotions - shows a lot of character. That's what it's all about. IMO be taking the right actions even with the tough emotions .... over time life gets better progress is made, the emotions become weaker. It just takes time.

You are on the right path for sure man! Just keep it up 
 

Redalc

Active Member
Made it through today. Work was good, had an interview got a new job. Excited for that, I hope it turns out really good. Didn?t really have urges to PMO today. Stayed busy tonight. Going to sleep now.
Thanks for the encouragement guys.

Day 55 all done
 

Redalc

Active Member
As far as PMO goes. Today was fine. Biggest thing that?s been helping me with that I think is staying away from watching any content that is even slightly suggestive, as well as Instagram and FB scrolling. So that?s good. Trying to keep going and keep busy. PMO was good today. Struggling in other areas very much so. Turned 23 today. Was not looking forward to Bday at all. Just didn?t want the reminders of not having someone to share it with. And sure enough all those reminders came back and it was just a long day. Anyhow. Church tomorrow and work starting again so that?ll be good.

Day 56 all done
 

Redalc

Active Member
Today was hard. Had some slight urges to PMO. Not even really sure why. I?m almost at 60 days. But that just seems like such a small number in comparison to life. I don?t want to be addicted yet my resolve to stay clean seems to be faded. I need to get back on track understanding the problems the addiction causes and hopefully scare myself back into subjection. Trying to focus my life on good things, but it?s a struggle to stay productive. Thanks for the encouragement guys. I don?t want to give in, I?m scared of the depression that would set in even heavier as a result of having to reset my day counter.

Day 57 all done.
 

Redalc

Active Member
Stayed busy today. Mostly from work and studying and reading when I got home. It?s really just kind of annoying cause I feel like so much of my life is just used up trying to do anything to keep me busy so as not to give in to urges or being depressed and anxious. I have to keep my head filled with thoughts of whatever I?m working on otherwise I start struggling a lot. Hope this goes away sooner then later.

Day 58 all done
 

Redalc

Active Member
Started a new job today. I feel like I had brain fog all day. Even still now. I was not excited for the new job at all, It went well but it just was meh. And I was depressed and looking back on it I feel like I was barely aware of the day even. Maybe a new flatline I dunno. Or just a continuation of struggles. Either way. I wish they?d be gone. It?s such a pain dealing with it all. I don?t want to PMO because I don?t want to loose my streak, and because I want to be cured so I can have a meaningful relationship in all aspects physical and emotional, but it?s really harder when you don?t have someone to tell what?s going on, and a relationship to invest in. Yet, I have no desire to find someone to have a relationship with. It?s so frustrating and weird. I?m going to bed now. I hope tomorrow will be better. To all you who are out there overcoming and fighting this addiction, keep it up. You are a help to me, even when I?m struggling it?s nice to see others who are having victory.

Day 59 - Complete.
 

Dantes

Member
Sorry to hear you struggling. It may be flatline or it may be not, but we should note that even once we have mostly recovered from porn addiction, there will still be rough and depressing times in our lives. Maybe you're not yet ready to find a partner and eventually that will change. Meanwhile, I would suggest trying to find real life friends to confide to. Maybe not about rebooting, because that might be a touchy subject for yourself, but overall mood and things going on in your life. Obviously I have no idea of your network of existing friends and how hard it would be for you to meet more people to make friends, but it's just something that came to my mind reading your topic. And of course in the meanwhile, we will be here on the forums posting with you.

Anyway, don't know if this advice is needed at all but more than anything I wish you strength to face your challenges. Challenges are necessary to thrive, because when we overcome them, we build belief in our capability to face life's problems. Keizoku wa chikara nari.
 

Redalc

Active Member
Thank you Dantes for reaching out. Appreciate your response and for following what?s going on with me. Today is day 60. Seems like it?s been longer then that, it hasn?t been easy, yet someways it has been. I want to keep going, but struggle sometimes with just being depressed and bored and thinking I could PMO now just for something to do. Scared of that thinking and ashamed that my body and brain act that way. Tomorrow is a new day. One day at a time. Trying to overcome. Thanks guys.

Day 60 completed.
 

Redalc

Active Member
So, made it through today. Had a good day. Learned a lot of new stuff, stayed busy tonight. Trying to stay focused on projects and stay motivated to accomplish some things I want to accomplish. But everyday is different and some days are just a huge struggle. Depression, Anxiety, Stress, PMO. All of them I struggle with. This is day 61 completed. Just over 2 months. Praise the Lord.

Day 61. Done
 

Redalc

Active Member
All done with Day 62. Headed to bed. Been working hard all week. Ready for the weekend break. Just need to be sure to stay busy. Thankful for all of you reading and keeping up with me. Taking it on day at a time toward relieve from struggle to PMO and everything else. Thanks

Day 62 done
 

Redalc

Active Member
Today was fine. Was kind of productive. Although didn?t make much progress on some projects I want to do. Figuring them out has been difficult and I?m not committed enough to devote the time needed I guess. I get distracted pretty easily. Anyhow, did have some slight urges to PMO today in the times when I was bored. Had to remind myself that it?s not an option. Probably need to do some reboot training videos or something to get myself back aware of the dangers and why I want to stay away from Porn. It?s so weird how after a while you start to kind of grow numb to the pain and shame caused by PMO and at least for me, like i can?t remember strong enough what that pain felt like in order to use it to fuel my desire to not PMO. Must be the hypofrontality  thing again. Anyhow. Made it through the day. Sunday and church tomorrow should be good. Then back to work Monday. Summer is coming so that?s nice. Still dealing with accepting the loss of my relationship, and accepting that it?s over, that causes a lot of anxiety and depression to just come in waves. What a pain. Anyhow. Bed time now. Goodnight

Day 63 completed
 

Redalc

Active Member
Decent day today. Some slight urges. Mostly cause of boredom. Weekends tend to be that way, seem to find myself often times in a state where I have not enough time to start anything but my head thinks oh hey you?ve got enough time to PMO. Even though honestly that?s not true. Anyhow, I didn?t. Working tomorrow, gonna be a long week cause of long days this comingFriday and Saturday and long days next week. Probably be exhausted by Saturday night. Anyhow, that?s a good thing. Just trying to stay productive, focused on uplifting things, rather then just playing video games to fill my time. Goodnight

Day 64 all done.
 

Redalc

Active Member
Good day as far as urges go today. Just went to work and came home and stayed busy. Headed to bed. Still struggling with depression but trying to get over that. Haven?t been doing much on this forum cept posting. Although I do read most everyone?s new posts. Just don?t comment. Appreciate all of you and your openness and stories. It?s encouraging to me.

Night -

Day 65 done
 

Redalc

Active Member
Lots of work done today. Stayed busy all day even when I got home. Really struggled this morning, more depression then PMO. I just want to stay clean. What a victory it would be to overcome this addiction and to be able to share success stories with people. Back to work tomorrow. Hope it?s a good day, and I can have some reprieve from depression and feeling of anxiety and loss. Got a lot of work left this week. Anyways. Goodnight

Day 66 completed.
 

Redalc

Active Member
Didn?t post last night. Guess I was to lazy and just wanted to go to bed. Yesterday and today didn?t struggle much with PMO. I just don?t want to give up or give in. Cause this recovery is one of the best things going on in my life right now, and I don?t want to imagine restarting. I feel like it?s taken so long to get even this far and it?s really not very far. I don?t wanna reset. Scared cause I see guys who?ve made it to 90 or 120 and then they say it gets really hard cause their body makes them think ?well you made it this far, time for a reward!?. I don?t want that temptation. Long day tomorrow and Saturday. Working new job long hours. Hopefully it will go well. Goodnight all

Day 67 and 68 done.
 

Redalc

Active Member
Not sure how I feel about the updated forum. Anyhow. Worked long and hard last two days. Ready for Sunday break and church and work to start next week. Didn’t have time to struggle with PMO these last to days. Thankful for that. Just gotta keep going.
Day 69 and 70 done.
 

Redalc

Active Member
Day 71. Went well. Had some urges because of reminders of things that caused me to fall in the past. Memories are such a big trigger for me for all of the things I struggle with. But made it through the day without to much issue. Gonna be heading to sleep here soon. Starting the new work week tomorrow. Hopefully that all goes well. Encouraged by yalls journals, glad I can be a part of a community like this. Just want to stay clean and overcome so I don’t have to be ashamed of this anymore and so it doesn’t hinder my life in anyway anymore.
Day 71 all done.
 
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