Hey, Redalc!Hey, to anyone who would be willing to read this and reach out I appreciate it so much.
Here?s my story, thus far.
I have been looking at Porn and MOing since I was 12. I?m currently 22 will be 23 in about 1 1/2 months. I believe PMO is all wrong. I?ve never had sex. I don?t plan to until I get married. I just recently found this forum. And I haven?t read everything yet, I?m learning lots all the time just trying to absorb as much as I can. I am addicted to PMO, I?ve gone back and forth for the last 10 years on and off trying to stop it, with never no more success then about 3 weeks on average. Most of the time I make it about 2 weeks before the cravings are so strong I finally give in because I?m sick of fighting them. Sometimes it?s with just MO which then usually leads into a week or so of PMOing until I flatline i think, at which point i am super depressed and anxious and unmotivated and stressed out. And I start to search and determine not to do this anymore. And yet, I stay strong for about 2 weeks sometimes more depending on what I am preoccupied with. I?ve realized that I am causing PIED and I don?t want that. I don?t want the shame and hurt that will cause me and my future wife. But I keep falling back into the addiction. My desires I notice changing in what I look for in P, I see a failure to become aroused by Porn I used to be aroused by and progressively keep diving deeper into more and more hardcore videos. I?ve been working hard to identify factors that cause temptation. I?m not watching anything TV or Movie wise right now that has any sexual content, let alone really any relationships, mostly anything I watch is documentaries which I think are good. I?ve deleted FB, Instagram, and Netflix and Amazon prime off my phone so if I do watch stuff it?s only out in the living room in a more open to the whole family area. I?m trying to determine ahead of time triggers that will come as I know they will.
I?m currently on day 7 of the latest reboot. I?m reading this forum, and YBOP, and trying to stay busy and learning, but I live in AK and it?s super cold and snowy and the roads are bad and so it makes it hard to stay active when I?m off work. Which is generally when I fall, in the evenings. Anyhow. There?s a lot that I?m going through. As i know there is with everyone else on here. I suspect the more I write the more it will come out and all the things I want to say I?ll remember. I appreciate any accountability you all could give me.
I?m on day 7.
Today was mostly easy. Again i don?t usually have struggles until the second week and beyond. And I was able to stay busy dealing with snow and other work I needed to get done so I was occupied. I?m gonna go to bed now. Thanks for reading.
sup, how about seeing a therapist. To process emotions of past things like ur relationship u seems still sad about, and unpack all that anxiety/stress which apparently almost led to a panic attack. I wouldn't let such amount of dormant emotions.But he came to visit at the same time of year my gf that I had last year that things fell apart with was here and we are visiting all the places I went with her, and it’s really hard. It’s bringing back lots of memories. On top of that, I’m having a really hard time at work, almost had an anxiety attack today, it’s so bad.