My Reboot Journal

Redalc

Active Member
Thanks Dantes. I’ll keep going. Made it through day 3 no MO. Urges haven’t really come back yet. Trying to expect them and prepare for them.
 

Redalc

Active Member
Day 4 no MO. Yesterday was busy and then had the evening off so it was nice to relax and then just fall asleep. Not to many urges.
 

Redalc

Active Member
Day 5 no MO. Yesterday was fine for the most part. Still struggle with urges randomly. I have to shut them down really really fast cause otherwise they just keep festering. Anyhow. Another day
 

Redalc

Active Member
Day 6 no MO done. Although had wet dream this morning. I think right now the majority of my wet dreams are not as a result of Porn in my head, which is good. It’s more just of dreams of masturbating. Or even different then that. Hard to explain. Anyway. I hope today is a good day.
 

Redalc

Active Member
Second morning with a wet dream. They suck. More then that the images and fantasies that play back in my head leading up to them suck more. Made it through yesterday with no MO. Still Porn free so far too. Day 7 done
 

Redalc

Active Member
Day 9 no MO. What a day, hurt my back yesterday, could barely walk much less think about PMO. I guess that’s positive. Recovering still today. Hopefully enough to work tomorrow.
 

Redalc

Active Member
Well. Restart on MO counter. I didn’t look at Porn. Wasn’t really tempted to, I don’t even remember what was going through my head when I MOed. I woke up out of a dead sleep and just started going at it. I don’t know how to prevent that.. gonna restart now. I don’t want to keep doing this.
day 0.
 

Redalc

Active Member
Fall. Get back up. Fall. Redetermine to get back up, fall again. Get back up again. I’m having a hard time getting the determination back up to stay clean. So far I’ve been just MOing to really feelings. But I’m completely sure that eventually it will lead to Porn usage again. I can feel myself leaning that way. Yes I’m Porn free for over 4 months. But it’s gonna be reset if I don’t get control over these urges to MO. Eventually MOing just because starts to be stagnant and not as “exciting” such is the cycle for me and then it returns me to Porn usage. That’s part of why I wanted to be free from both of them. Also cause I want to be rebooted to have sexual desire for a real partner not to have sexual desire for myself. Seems to me that’s gonna have the same effect of potential PIED and other problems if you still allow yourself the dopamine release and instead of it being associated with Porn it’s associated with objects, or actions, and if those aren’t with a real partner then without them in real partner interaction there will be failure. That’s what I don’t want. So here I am again. Day 0 of no MO. 1 day at a time. Relearning to determine that it’s not even an option. Trying to keep my senses heightened to any movements, actions, positions, or triggering factors that have historically or just recently led me to be urges to MO so I can avoid them.
 
Dear Redalc,
I'm very sorry to hear that you've MO-ed again, and I do agree with your belief that "dopamine releases" should only be associated with a true, real person. Here's some advice: whenever you get that temptation to relapse, to MO again, or even to watch p***, one way to stifle that urge is to quickly open up this site (Reboot Nation) and start reading about Success Stories. After reading for a while, the urges will die off and you can go back to being pure again :) (give it a try, see how it goes)
 

Redalc

Active Member
Dear Redalc,
I'm very sorry to hear that you've MO-ed again, and I do agree with your belief that "dopamine releases" should only be associated with a true, real person. Here's some advice: whenever you get that temptation to relapse, to MO again, or even to watch p***, one way to stifle that urge is to quickly open up this site (Reboot Nation) and start reading about Success Stories. After reading for a while, the urges will die off and you can go back to being pure again :) (give it a try, see how it goes)
Thanks I will definitely do that!
 

Redalc

Active Member
I made it through day 1. Struggles several times and almost gave in. Was able to distract myself each time. But it was close. I’m hoping I can make some headway and get out of the chaser effect time period. Today should be a long busy day so that’s good
 

Redalc

Active Member
Restarting again. MO counter anyway. I made the choice to give in. I was fully cognizant and aware completely of what I was doing and I made it an option again. I don’t want to be controlled by this. I don’t want it always seemingly dictating how I feel or don’t feel. I’m tired of the struggle and I just want it to be over. Obviously that’s not gonna happen by itself. And the motivated I feel right now even will be lessened greatly by the morning. But I’m trying to remember and rebuild and determination. Trying to get my head set back on straight towards not just giving in whenever I feel like it, trying to get back into the space where Masturbation is not an option. It’s hard to remember back to how good it felt to be free when you are cornered in the urge and your hyperfrontality struggle is kicking in. I can’t make the right decision once I reach that point. I need to prevent myself getting to that point. That’s gonna have to be done with a combination of things. Exercise, Meditation, Thinking ahead, planning ahead, realizing the danger that comes from just getting home from work and relaxing. I keep telling myself I deserve to feel good. But that’s my hyperfrontality kicking in and can’t fully comprehend how much better it will be in the long run if I can get clean. I’m tired of the shame I feel. I just want to actually accomplish something I want to overcome. I’m scared of loosing my streak of no Porn. That seems like it’s hanging in the balance and could fall any instant. I want to regain control back over myself and be confident that I’m not gonna have to worry about struggling with Porn. I need y’all’s help keeping me on track. I’d really appreciate it. Thank you for reading those that do. I’m going to bed, Goodnight.
 

Redalc

Active Member
Well. I’ve been failing a lot. I wanted to make it a week without Masturbating before coming back to the forums. But I haven’t. I’m Porn free, but for how long. If this keeps escalating I’m sure I’ll give into looking at Porn at some point. I’m starting at day 0 today again. Just wanted to let you guys know.
 
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