Nick 2.0

Nick Simons

Active Member
So yesterday was my day 100 ... and although I would definitely say there were bumps in the road on the journey, overall I am feeling a sense of accomplishment and gratitude (as well as a recognition that there is still work to be done to get me to where I really want to be).

As I step back and really think about it, I don't want to minimize how much farther I have come than at any time since I was in my mid-teens and this crazy rollercoaster lifestyle began. So full stop, that really is amazing. And along the way (perhaps most importantly) as I have strung together long intervals of "non-PMO" living, I have had the chance to really experience first hand what this new lifestyle can feel like ... when I wake up in the morning and the first thought I have is not one of shame and exhaustion but of pride and an eagerness to start my day. And at times throughout the day and evening when I would normally just give in to the old patterns without a second thought ... I am now able to walk away (sometimes very easily and sometimes kicking and screaming after a long fought mental tug of war). More than anything this gives me hope and an assurance that there really is a path to victory that I have never really believed could be there for me.

I'll end this check-in here for now but I will reflect further in a subsequent note on what I feel was most instrumental in helping me stay the course these past 100 days.

'Till then - stay strong all.
 

guitar1968

Active Member
So yesterday was my day 100 ... and although I would definitely say there were bumps in the road on the journey, overall I am feeling a sense of accomplishment and gratitude (as well as a recognition that there is still work to be done to get me to where I really want to be).

As I step back and really think about it, I don't want to minimize how much farther I have come than at any time since I was in my mid-teens and this crazy rollercoaster lifestyle began. So full stop, that really is amazing. And along the way (perhaps most importantly) as I have strung together long intervals of "non-PMO" living, I have had the chance to really experience first hand what this new lifestyle can feel like ... when I wake up in the morning and the first thought I have is not one of shame and exhaustion but of pride and an eagerness to start my day. And at times throughout the day and evening when I would normally just give in to the old patterns without a second thought ... I am now able to walk away (sometimes very easily and sometimes kicking and screaming after a long fought mental tug of war). More than anything this gives me hope and an assurance that there really is a path to victory that I have never really believed could be there for me.

I'll end this check-in here for now but I will reflect further in a subsequent note on what I feel was most instrumental in helping me stay the course these past 100 days.

'Till then - stay strong all.
Congratulations Nick. You have been an inspiration. I'm over 100 days myself, but I feel they were quite a struggle at times and not perfect. No PMO, but 5 MO's and a few times looking a little too long at some porn that I've come across on Twitter. I'm hoping my next 100 go smoother and get even smoother from there.

Thanks for your help and support during my 100 days. It has been extremely helpful!
 

Nick Simons

Active Member
Back on the grid after stepping away for a few weeks ... and it feels good to be back. I have been thinking about the next chapter in my journey to full recovery and so thought I would dump down some thoughts and frame how I need to move forward based on my learnings to date.

So as I step back and reflect on my last 167 days since I started here at Reboot Nation a few things stand out:
  • first and foremost, I have to acknowledge that these last 5 1/2 months represent the farthest (by far) that I have ever been able to get in my 40ish year struggle with porn addiction (by no means perfect but a step change improvement)- so my Reboot Nation journey has provided me with genuine hope for a lasting and complete recovery as well as the practical "tools" to know how to fix myself
  • so what made the difference for me this time around (vs. all of my previous attempts / failures that never got me farther than 1 week of freedom) ... here's what tops the list for me:
- having this forum as a regular outlet where I could honestly share my struggles, successes, and generally connect with others and their
journey was huge (it gave me the accountability group I have always known was needed but I was always too ashamed / too prideful to
reach out for).
- getting educated on YBOP to fully understand (for the first time) what is actually happening in my head, how to change what has been
done, and what to expect emotionally / physically as I go through the recovery process.
- having my perspective totally reframed as to what recovery really means for me (from the EasyPeasy Method) ... I realized that recovery
did not have to be a long, drawn out, and painful process of having to "give up" something hugely valuable ... instead it is a minute by
minute personal choice (that I have 100% control over) to fully realize the joy of what living without porn can mean for me and the
tragedy of what continuing to live with porn would be like - and then acting in ways that take me 1 step forward.
- introducing a manageable number of small, healthy changes in my daily habits that collectively worked to distance me from my old
triggers that might draw me back into the downward vicious cycle of porn use / shame / rinse and repeat.
  • so as I now look forward, I feel the next chapter for me is to take all that I have learned to date - both the good stuff from above but also the many missteps that I still had on my last 5 1/2 months ... and pour myself into a new 40 day challenge where I can hopefully continue to whittle away at my lingering bad habits and further engrain the good stuff. I'm looking forward to the next ascent (to use a climbing metaphor) that begins today ... day 1! Stay strong all.
 

Phineas 808

Well-Known Member
Awesome post, Nick! Very helpful to others (myself) as well.

I like that you're counting a 40 day goal to deepen your recovery, while building on your already accomplished goals!

Wishing you success in this next ascent!
 

Nick Simons

Active Member
Hey Phineas thanks as always for your encouragement.

I am on Day 2 of my next level 40 day mini-challenge and it feels pretty great. I like the idea of having a mini 40 day sprint to focus on 1 particular area of improvement (vs. trying to boil the ocean) because it helps me keep things simple and very focused.

The area in particular I am trying to take to the next level this go around is engraining a more regular and consistent habit of proactive mindfulness. I have found that I am really good at stepping back and getting grounded and in balance at the very start of my day and also when I journal each night before I go to bed (I have nicely engrained this habit) .. but it is all that 95% of living I do between those 2 bookends of peace and joy that I need to be much better at. When I do remember throughout the day to take 5 minutes and breathe, become fully present and just "flow" - I feel incredible and back to 100% in control of my actions and believe I can face any situation. And when I am out of balance ... well that's when all the noise / distractions start to try and through me off my foundation of strength. So I begin this 40-day focused experiment with clarity of what I am specifically try to take to the next level - and I will build on this as I explore and play with different things that can help me further engrain this skill. Stay tuned.

Be good everyone.
 

guitar1968

Active Member
Back on the grid after stepping away for a few weeks ... and it feels good to be back. I have been thinking about the next chapter in my journey to full recovery and so thought I would dump down some thoughts and frame how I need to move forward based on my learnings to date.

So as I step back and reflect on my last 167 days since I started here at Reboot Nation a few things stand out:
  • first and foremost, I have to acknowledge that these last 5 1/2 months represent the farthest (by far) that I have ever been able to get in my 40ish year struggle with porn addiction (by no means perfect but a step change improvement)- so my Reboot Nation journey has provided me with genuine hope for a lasting and complete recovery as well as the practical "tools" to know how to fix myself
  • so what made the difference for me this time around (vs. all of my previous attempts / failures that never got me farther than 1 week of freedom) ... here's what tops the list for me:
- having this forum as a regular outlet where I could honestly share my struggles, successes, and generally connect with others and their
journey was huge (it gave me the accountability group I have always known was needed but I was always too ashamed / too prideful to
reach out for).
- getting educated on YBOP to fully understand (for the first time) what is actually happening in my head, how to change what has been
done, and what to expect emotionally / physically as I go through the recovery process.
- having my perspective totally reframed as to what recovery really means for me (from the EasyPeasy Method) ... I realized that recovery
did not have to be a long, drawn out, and painful process of having to "give up" something hugely valuable ... instead it is a minute by
minute personal choice (that I have 100% control over) to fully realize the joy of what living without porn can mean for me and the
tragedy of what continuing to live with porn would be like - and then acting in ways that take me 1 step forward.
- introducing a manageable number of small, healthy changes in my daily habits that collectively worked to distance me from my old
triggers that might draw me back into the downward vicious cycle of porn use / shame / rinse and repeat.
  • so as I now look forward, I feel the next chapter for me is to take all that I have learned to date - both the good stuff from above but also the many missteps that I still had on my last 5 1/2 months ... and pour myself into a new 40 day challenge where I can hopefully continue to whittle away at my lingering bad habits and further engrain the good stuff. I'm looking forward to the next ascent (to use a climbing metaphor) that begins today ... day 1! Stay strong all.
You could be writing about my journey. So much the same and the furthest I've come and I'm finally feeling like I've got this beat. I'm not done by any means, but I feel like I have a handle on it. This was a truly great post. I'm sure your new 40 day challenge will be great. I'm now on a 90 day challenge to go full Hard Mode. I finally feel like I can do it and I'm already 20+ days in.

Thanks for your kind words and inspiration during my journey. You have been a great help.
 

Nick Simons

Active Member
Well day 3 is here ... and I feel extra dialed into my 40 day challenge. In essence, I am trying to make a step change in being balanced and fully present throughout the day - so I can better let go of stress and related triggers when they come (even before they come). Practically speaking I am trying to very regularly throughout the day take a mini breathing / mindfulness moment to regroup (in the hopes that this becomes more natural and ultimately becomes my defacto state of mind).

Stay tuned and stay strong.
 

JerryTX

Active Member
Nick--Great posts and congrats on your success. It's been awesome to read about your journey and it has definitely inspired many including myself! Stay strong and thanks for continuing to share!
 

Nick Simons

Active Member
Thanks Jerry T! I appreciate your thoughts as well as your ongoing journal (so similar to mine).

Day 5 today and yesterday was a mixed bag as I tried to dial in more consistently mini "time out" session in my day to step back, breathe, and be present and grounded. I must admit I found it difficult at times not to get consumed by whatever I was doing and just completely forget about the "level set" breathing exercise that has been to this point an adhoc activity. I will play with this today and work in some "planned" timeouts and see how this feels.
 

guitar1968

Active Member
Thanks Jerry T! I appreciate your thoughts as well as your ongoing journal (so similar to mine).

Day 5 today and yesterday was a mixed bag as I tried to dial in more consistently mini "time out" session in my day to step back, breathe, and be present and grounded. I must admit I found it difficult at times not to get consumed by whatever I was doing and just completely forget about the "level set" breathing exercise that has been to this point an adhoc activity. I will play with this today and work in some "planned" timeouts and see how this feels.
Are you setting a timer or alarm to remind you to breathe? I often forget myself and taking 5 minutes to focus, breathe and reset every few hours really helps me, but sometimes I look up and the day is gone and I totally forgot to do it!
 

Nick Simons

Active Member
Hey Guitar, yes setting an alarm - that's exactly what I have just started to do (because otherwise I too just get carried away in the moment). I set 6 of them yesterday for various times of the day and I found it really did help me to step out of the moment and rebalance. I am going to let this approach play out over the next few days and see how this settles in but so far I have found this to be helpful.
 

guitar1968

Active Member
Hey Guitar, yes setting an alarm - that's exactly what I have just started to do (because otherwise I too just get carried away in the moment). I set 6 of them yesterday for various times of the day and I found it really did help me to step out of the moment and rebalance. I am going to let this approach play out over the next few days and see how this settles in but so far I have found this to be helpful.
That's great Nick. I may do the exact same thing. Look at my schedule and then drop in mindfulness times throughout the day.
 

DavS

Active Member
I’ve been into mindfulness practice since the eighty‘s. I don’t know how to use it to help in this situation? Im completely judgmental about porn, but that mentality doesn’t sync with mindfulness.
 

guitar1968

Active Member
I’ve been into mindfulness practice since the eighty‘s. I don’t know how to use it to help in this situation? Im completely judgmental about porn, but that mentality doesn’t sync with mindfulness.
When you feel urges to visit porn sites or masturbate, just catch yourself and take a few minutes to breathe deeply and remove yourself from the urge. If you are aware that it is a behavior you don't want, taking a few moments when you feel the urge to just sit peaceful and breathe, you may not feel the urge any longer.

Well, it works for me. It's not about being judgemental, or being a bad person. It's about focusing on clearing your mind and relaxing your body to mindfully walk away from the behavior you aren't happy with.
 

Nick Simons

Active Member
Yes Guitar you described it well - that's exactly how I am trying to use the practice of mindfulness as well. It is simply a skill that I am trying to master (by breathing and letting go of being overly attached either to my emotions or thinking in the moment) that allows me to reset and get back in balance whenever I feel stress or triggers that may lead me into my old non-productive behaviors.

I am finding that not only does it provide me with a chance to detach and reset in the moment (breaking the old engrained habit), but I also get a secondary benefit in just feeling better about myself because I have demonstrated to me that I actually do have control over my actions and have been able to step up to the challenge take back control of my life.

So yesterday, I set alarms for 7 random times in the day and used that as a trigger to practice mindfulness in the moment - with the hope that this will build the mental muscle to do the same whenever adhoc potential porn triggering events happen throughout the day. Despite a very busy day at work yesterday, I actually found these 7 mini breaks to be quite refreshing and enjoyable. The experiment continues today. Talk soon.
 

guitar1968

Active Member
Yes Guitar you described it well - that's exactly how I am trying to use the practice of mindfulness as well. It is simply a skill that I am trying to master (by breathing and letting go of being overly attached either to my emotions or thinking in the moment) that allows me to reset and get back in balance whenever I feel stress or triggers that may lead me into my old non-productive behaviors.

I am finding that not only does it provide me with a chance to detach and reset in the moment (breaking the old engrained habit), but I also get a secondary benefit in just feeling better about myself because I have demonstrated to me that I actually do have control over my actions and have been able to step up to the challenge take back control of my life.

So yesterday, I set alarms for 7 random times in the day and used that as a trigger to practice mindfulness in the moment - with the hope that this will build the mental muscle to do the same whenever adhoc potential porn triggering events happen throughout the day. Despite a very busy day at work yesterday, I actually found these 7 mini breaks to be quite refreshing and enjoyable. The experiment continues today. Talk soon.
That's fantastic Nick. It really does help in so many ways. I end up feeling more relaxed at the end of the day. That's a win right there. Not to mention all the other benefits.
 

JerryTX

Active Member
Thanks for sharing this Nick. I like the reminders as it makes it a "calendar event" vs. just doing it when a trigger/temptation arises.

Very helpful and I believe today I will start with 3 reminders to pray, breathe, and reset!
 

Nick Simons

Active Member
Day 8 ... on my mini challenge to take my mindfulness habit to the next level.

Yesterday was pretty busy and stressful and it did lead to a few moments of negative distracted porn based thinking, but I am happy to note that despite this, I found myself each time reached for my calming / breathing / rebalancing routine to let go and move forward. I definitely think the 7 alarm triggered mini mindfulness breaks throughout the day helped me to more instinctively collect myself in the moment and overcome the triggers. I will take this as a small victory and continue to practice my "daily 7" and see how this evolves.
 

JerryTX

Active Member
Awesome job and again I set 5 reminders in my phone as well. Prayer, breathe, reset. I have also been working out extremely hard this last week and started intermittent fasting and I'm down 7lbs! That and I have now completely removed alcohol during the week and I allow myself one cheat meal along with a glass of wine or beer or cocktail. I have to say this and this journey that I feel great! Keep it up brother!
 
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