Nick 2.0

Good job, nick of breaking the cycle. Spending time with you kids is always a better option than looking for the perfect video to make everything better. We just have to recognize to patterns that got us here and change them . It won't happen over night, but the more we can identify what got us here the quicker we can work to fix it. I bet your daughters loved hanging out with you. Stay strong brother.  Tomorrow is a fresh start.

Nick Simons

Active Member
23 days in!

First off, thanks Wasted for your thoughts ... you hit it right on the head in that my daughters definitely appreciated having more time together and I just really enjoyed being fully present with them.  It made me feel great to realize I was choosing this activity over possibly doing my old bevahiors ... but I'll be honest, it also hit me right between the eyes when I realised just how much time over the years I have likely missed out on similar "quality times" in my life because I chose to go the PMO route.  As per your username "wasted years", when I really sit down and calculate how much of my life I have wasted to this addiction it is a mind boggling number of days / months / years (!) ... and it makes me tremendously sad and angry as I see the real impact on my life and what could have been. 

But, as I reflect on these very real consequences ... I have made peace with myself and have laid down my burdens (my shame) of the past and instead I am now comforted by embracing my new lifestyle and excited about all the "quality time" that I now get to enjoy moving forward because I am now a non-porn user.  I may have wasted away a good chunk of my "first 50 years" of life ... but it has brought me to a place where I can fully appreciate and live to my fullest potential in my 2nd 50 years.  And this gives me great hope, peace and joy. 

Stay strong y'all.


Nick Simons

Active Member
OK day 24 ... and after several days of mini temptations and major victories the previous several days, yesterday was ... almost effortless.  Kind of feels like the way you would imagine it feels when you break through the sound barrier ... no more chop, no constant barrages just .. lightness and ease.  It was a hell of a good way to finish off the week.

Today has been much the same (still on a bit of a high I think from my recent victories) with a real sense of centeredness and easy going focus.  I am feeling so much better than 25 days ago (when I had stumbled yet again for my millionth time!). 

Upon reflection, I don't think I have ever gone this long without porn usage.  It feels pretty awesome.  I am proud of myself and feeling a whole new world is opening up to me. 

I have 15 days to go to hit my "base camp 2" target of 40 days.  Then, we'll see what comes next.  Stay strong.


Well-Known Member
Hi Nick,

Congratulations on day 24!

From my experience, at around this point of days is where the feelings of empiness & withdrawal begin to dissipate. Your mindset is fantastic though and rather than thoughts of "Oh my god! It's been 24 days, how can I go on like this", you're counting the victories which is clearly giving you the strength, clarity & focus to do this.

Stay strong & stay vigilant. You got this!

Nick Simons

Active Member
Day 25 ... and thank God it was a wonderful repeat of yesterday's smooth sailing.

Thanks for your perspective Orbiter ... your thoughts helped me to accept my current state of mind as my new norm" and not something I need to feel anxious will shortly slip away ... and this helped to really just let it settle in and take root.  I am liking this state of mind very much. 

Thanks to all ... let's finish the weekend steady, grounded, balanced ... and excited about waking up tomorrow with another day living as a non-porn user under my belt. 

Nick Simons

Active Member
Onto day 26.

Yesterday was a fairly good day that ended up being a bit more chaotic than I had planned for ... nothing catastrophic, just simple life stressors and family inter-relationship stressors bringing some unplanned tension into my day ... and with it the potential to revert to my old habits as a way to cope with being pushed outside of my comfort zone. 

But I was pleased with how I am beginning to subtly change how I am reacting to these types of situations ... now more detached and even-keeled so that I don't over-react (which used to then set off bad patterns that would eventually cause me to "follow the white rabbit"). 

As the dust settles on my newly forming mental patterns and habits, there is less "thinking involved" in getting into this state of "detached observations" of my thoughts / feelings in these stressor situations.  Not yet totally natural... but I have a glimpse of where this is going as I see a progression from where I am today (still a slightly mechanical and "clunky" mental process to detach from any given stressful moment) - to where I am going (an effortless and instinctive state of mind where I am fully present and at ease to deal with good situations / bad situations and everything in between). 

More practice for sure needed but beginning to see signs of what my new "day in the life" looks like. 



Nick Simons

Active Member
Day 27 ... and thankful for another day as a non-porn user on the books.

Not too much to add re yesterday.  It was a terrific day of balance and a day where I spent a good deal of time just investing in me for the most part (learned a new healthy exercise program, changed up my office to be much more ergonomic, took time to work on some important relationships).  Maybe it is a part of feeling more self-worth these days (or maybe I just felt these were well overdue) but either way I felt good about taking some time for me yesterday. 

Stay strong and believe it. 

Nick Simons

Active Member
28 days ... and I am finding that the counting of days is becoming less important to me.  I think this is probably a good thing as I want to stay focused first and foremost on defining my success as breathing in and internalizing my new lifestyle every day (day after consecutive day) vs. simply achieving a number of days. 

That said, I like the idea of keeping the daily count going - at least until I hit my "Base Camp #2" of 40 days (climbing analogy) just so I can show myself I can do something I have never been able to do in these past 35 years or so.  After I hit 40 days, I'll likely have a small celebration, reflect on my 40 day "great escape" journey and see where I go from there.

So far, this week has been quite good - stable, positive frame of mind, and with very few distractions (none that made me "linger" for more than a second or two before I was able to let go and reground myself). 

I am also starting to find that my on-and-off "brain fog" seems to be starting to lift.  I'm not sure if this is truly related to my reboot, but I have found it difficult at times during the past 28 days to feel super motivated / proactive at work.  I haven't let this concern or worry me too much - as I had gotten the heads up that this might be part of the reboot transition - and so just went with the flow.  Happily, I am now starting to see glimpses of super positive focus and energy at work (confidence ?) that is really encouraging.  Hopefully more to report on that front over the coming weeks. 

Stay strong.



Well-Known Member
Nick Simons said:
28 days ... and I am finding that the counting of days is becoming less important to me. 

I've never been a big counter of days, but having some "score" has occasionally been important to me. Sometimes to reflect on success but on other occasions, more importantly, to remind me not to throw success away. Maybe you'll find a use for a number at some point. So far - so good, though. Congrats on great progress so far. Two things you've mentioned are things I've personally experienced and found massively beneficial;

1. The lifting of brain fog. Coming out of the zombie state has enabled me to enjoy the most productive years of my life
2. Operating on a more even emotional keel, less prone to emotional outburst and emotional thinking.

I've found that these two go hand-in-hand. Part of a generally improved executive function. Hopefully you'll continue to see yourself more productive, rational, energetic and reasoned. You're doing great so far!

Nick Simons

Active Member
Day 29 ... and yesterday, after several days of smooth sailing, was more of a struggle. 

I had several very strong triggers that were probably the most challenging I have had over my 29 days of coming out of the shadows.  As I reflect on my learnings, what stands out for me is how clear it became for me in the moment of truth that I had a choice to make. 

I could either go back to my old stomping grounds ... or I could do my bike workout I had planned for the afternoon.  This was very different from my past when I would either just surrender to the pull or (if I was trying to fight it) I would see the moment as a battle to either give in or "not give in". 

What became crystal clear to me was that it's never a choice between porn or "not porn" (i.e. framed as having to "give something up") it is a battle between porn and "a very specific alternate event or activity that is real, tangible and makes me feel good about myself".  Seeing this differently helped a lot to shift the balance of how I am now defining what I really want for myself ... and yesterday it was enough to get me to take the 2nd path. 

In the end I am grateful for the test that took me to a place where I think I have gained some additional ammo for my future battles.  Stay strong.


Nick Simons

Active Member
Ok Day 30 and yesterday was pretty smooth for the most part - although the morning presented some triggers similar to the last few days.  Was able to stay true to the non PMO path ... but had to find a way to physically remove myself from a situation to ensure I had time and separation away from the slippery slope and regain my balance. 

After that incident though I was happy to see how I could quickly get past it and return to what is becoming my new steady state frame of mind without any lingering tendrils to lure me back later in the day.  So that's a positive outcome from an otherwise negative event. 

Overall feeling pretty good.  Brain fog / lack of proactivity continues to come and go.  Not beating myself up over it though - and in the end it is still way better than the alternative "zombie state" that makes me 10 times less productive from the ongoing binge / collapse and sleep / recover endless cycle. 

Stay strong.   

Nick Simons

Active Member
Day 31 ... yesterday was a bit less choppy with an excellent end to the day.  All in all feeling good ... almost hungry to get after a new week and lay down some consistent, healthy non-porn living. 

For sure what I am realizing (somewhat to my surprise) is how quickly some of my old thought patterns and porn based daydream fantasies have started to fade away from what used to be "crystal clear" visualizations that were right at my mental fingertips.  It's amazing how the brain seems to be able to adapt and start to prioritize and focus on the new patterns / positive living habits ... so that they become the go to normal state of mind.  To be clear, it's not like the old thoughts are now totally gone, they just seem to be more ... distant and I have to make an effort to go back to them (like trying to get to a cookie jar that's gathering dust on a very high shelf). 

Hoping this week puts much more distance between me and that cookie jar.  I hope everyone stays strong and keeps the faith. 


Respected Member
Good luck Nick,

I am glad to see that you continue to be positive and are progressing forward. You can and are doing this.

Remember, self compassion is important in this process. Things do happen that can take you off course. Inevitably, those actions do not define you. They "pull", while strong, can't make you do anything you don't want to do. Stand firm and if you slip, realize that you are not back to ground zero. You just hit a bump in the road. You can and still will maintain your direction.


Nick Simons

Active Member
32 days under my belt - and I am very thankful.  Also wanted to say thanks Bob for your thoughts on self compassion - that rattled around in my head after I read your comments and it helped me re-frame my perspective on my learning from yesterday. 

Yesterday was pretty smooth sailing ... had a minor temptation but I immediately took myself physically out of the situation by choosing not to put myself in a scenario of being all alone in the house with time to kill and nothing to do ... and instead inserted myself into spending some quality time going for a drive with my daughter. 

It's so obvious that this was the right choice but I have to admit (and am ashamed to admit) I quite likely wouldn't have chosen this route up until 32 days ago.  I am starting to more fully appreciate the depth of what I have been missing out on in life because of my previous selfish choices and actions as a porn user ... and although it saddens me to reflect on what "could have been" if I had lived a different way, I am fully laying down that burden of shame and letting those thoughts go ... and instead, I am looking to the present and what awaits me in the future.

I realize now that I have been given a wonderful gift, filled with incredible life experiences there for me to enjoy as I fully embrace life as a non porn user - less selfish and way more focused on giving to others.  This is a big mind shift for me ... and I am deeply grateful and humbled by the opportunity that I see is right in front of me now.  It is a blessing.   

Thanks to all.


Nick Simons

Active Member
33 days without PMO.

Yesterday ended up being more challenging than I would have liked ... and, if I'm being honest, more challenging than how I would have expected the day to unfold given such a great previous day.  I continue to underestimate just how sneaky my old porn monster is and how extensive these tendrils of my addiction can weave into my daily life. 

Although I stayed true to my path, the learning is just never being content that this is all behind me.  Maybe you eventually get there, but for now I need never lower my guard / tolerate anything other than 100% embracing of my new lifestyle. 

Stay the course everyone.

Nick Simons

Active Member
Thanks for your encouragement Phin ... helps a lot!

Well today is day 34 ... and I am happy to say that yesterday was actually a very strong day as a non-porn user.  Although I am still having some brain fog / lack of motivation re work (which may just be associated with the time of year) I spent zero time letting my mind even take a baby step towards unproductive down time - even though I had lots of opportunity to do so. 

I am sure what helped was spending some good quality time reading through some success stories on this forum and also on the YBOP site.  A few really hit home and so I think I will be more proactive on this and make it part of my daily "escape from porn jail" program. 

Also, in thinking more about my learnings from a few days ago, what I find is helping me quite a bit in managing the random temptations / old triggers from the past is the following.  As soon as I experience a random temptation / old trigger, I immediately (like absolutely with zero hesitation) and vigorously just mentally "scream" NO! in my head (100% full emotion and feeling - so I really feel it) and then immediately shift to my deep breathing routine (breathing in warmth and light from above my head and breathing it out from my entire body as it takes away with the out breath all tension and stress). 

I am finding what seems to make this work for me is:
-  the immediacy of my mental NO! (so there is absolutely no room to allow the dark thoughts to get a hand hold)
-  the fullest of my presence being thrown behind the feeling of NO (so its not just some lame-o passive attempt to sort of stop something .... there is a real sense of importance and urgency to it)
-  the deep breathing then brings me back to a safe and balanced place where I "reset" myself and let go of the thoughts and feelings that had presented themselves (which I have been anchoring in to my mind through my recent mindfulness training)

Seems to work well to interrupt my pattern and let me feel like I am actually in total control of my actions (which I am) ...  and this makes me feel good and starts the virtuous cycle of positive self-worth while also allowing me to side-step the hole in the road.

I will keep you posted on how this plays out as I refine and hone another weapon in my arsenal. 

Stay strong everyone!

You are doing awesome.  Sounds like your ready for whatever temptation comes your way. Just always keep your guard up.  Poen is no longer an option.

Nick Simons

Active Member
Day 35 ... and feel like I have been cruising along nicely these past few days - I seem to be immediately shooting down any adhoc triggers when they arise, throwing myself into my regular daily workout program, and it feels like I am starting to get more focused and energetic towards my work and opportunities that are there for me to hunt down. 

I won't take this for granted though (never let down your guard - thanks Wasted for re-enforcing that point for me).  But at the same time, it is good to feel there is some momentum building and my new habits are starting to take on a life of their own (i.e. more natural, less mechanical and having to consciously think about it). 

So all is good.  I am 5 days away from achieving my "base camp #2" of 40 days as a non-porn user (never been that long without giving in to the urges).  But at the same time I am not fixated on the 40 day target - it will just come and go and life will continue (because I realize it is all about the journey and not the end point). 

Anyways, stay strong brothers.  Take care.