Nick 2.0

Nick Simons

Active Member
Day 32, 33, 34, and today ... day 35! It has been a very busy 4 days and I have been off the grid immersed in work ... but am thrilled to say I have been true to the path throughout these last four days.

I think this is notable for a few reasons. First, usually in the past when I find myself with a big work load, I would typically allow that to affect me by slowly building up tension / stress which would eventually need to be released. This time though, I kept with my calm, balanced perspective and just let challenges and deadlines roll off me ... not control me. They come, they go ... no big deal.

Secondly, I think I am finally starting to see signs of light out of my brain fog. Technically I started my reboot journey almost 75 days ago and for the most part I have experienced some form of brain fog throughout. But I think it is finally starting to clear as I am having more mental endurance to stay more focused, present and able to ride the waves of my day to day stressors - whatever they happen to be. This is really helping me to start to personally experience a bunch of those positive benefits I have been reading about from others who have recovered ... and it is really helping to overwhelmingly anchor just how much better this lifestyle is form my former "shadow" lifestyle.

Thanks for all your support, keep up the fight and be strong!
 

guitar1968

Active Member
Encouraging as always Nick! I'm 37 days I think today, maybe 38. I've run into a few things lately that could have easily sent me right back to porn demons that have controlled my life for so long, but I made it through and I feel so much better. I'm hoping I can recover from brain fog and other problems I'm guessing are part of my addiction and withdrawal as well.

Reading your journal has been very helpful. I hope you continue to post as your journey continues!
 

Nick Simons

Active Member
Day 37 ... feeling very balanced and calm today ... despite some strong triggers that came up yesterday. More often than not they are a lot easier to overcome than ever before. Sometimes they can still linger though ... they are not leading me down the slippery slope but they do tend to come back at some point later in the day. I will work on shutting them down sooner / more completely.

'till tomorrow.
 

guitar1968

Active Member
Day 37 ... feeling very balanced and calm today ... despite some strong triggers that came up yesterday. More often than not they are a lot easier to overcome than ever before. Sometimes they can still linger though ... they are not leading me down the slippery slope but they do tend to come back at some point later in the day. I will work on shutting them down sooner / more completely.

'till tomorrow.
Glad you're still working through it and staying strong. It makes me believe that I can do it as well!
 

Nick Simons

Active Member
Day 39 ... and feeling good about nearing day 40.

However, unlike my last day 40 milestone (after which I promptly slipped right after achieving my 40 day plateau), I am putting much less value on the day itself .., and taking the day as just another 24 hour window to live fully present in the moment while being unattached to any excessive emotions or thoughts. This is the sweet spot I am trying to master.

Enjoy!
 

Nick Simons

Active Member
Day 40 ... and feeling calm and present ... excited to continue on my goal to 100 days ... but not fixated by that number. Now even when I have temptations and triggers I am finding I am way more accepting ... kinder with myself ... and as a consequence it is becoming easier to let go in the moment and stay grounded if thoughts re-occur.

Stay strong all.
 

Phineas 808

Well-Known Member
excited to continue on my goal to 100 days ... but not fixated by that number. Now even when I have temptations and triggers I am finding I am way more accepting ... kinder with myself ... and as a consequence it is becoming easier to let go in the moment and stay grounded if thoughts re-occur.

Congrats on 40, Nick!

I like what you wrote above! This is so important, our mindset dealing with this. This is like the right mentality to have, and not 'white-knuckling'.

"Set it and forget it." Great job.
 

guitar1968

Active Member
Day 40 ... and feeling calm and present ... excited to continue on my goal to 100 days ... but not fixated by that number. Now even when I have temptations and triggers I am finding I am way more accepting ... kinder with myself ... and as a consequence it is becoming easier to let go in the moment and stay grounded if thoughts re-occur.

Stay strong all.
Great Nick! Glad you're feeling so good about it. I'm feeling good about my progress, but the last few days I have been feeling really down. I don't want to look at porn, but maybe I'm finally feeling some withdrawal from this addiction. I've read a lot about it but my first 30+ days were pretty smooth. Just gotta push through it and get to the other side I suppose!
 

Nick Simons

Active Member
Day 44 ... and I am feeling better than the last few days when I went through a spell of brain fog and sluggishness.

I won't dwell on it too much though ... probably a combo of weird weather, an overall ramp up in my daily fitness spring training program, and a busy work week. I managed to get a massive 10 hour sleep in yesterday (which I never do) so that seems to have done the trick. I think it also re-enforces the need for me to stay plugged into this forum and consistently writing each day (which I have always found to be super helpful in giving me perspective and a sense of balance and consistency as I start each day). I will make this a priority as I move on my 100 day journey.

Thanks all.
 

Nick Simons

Active Member
On to Day 45 ... and feeling more balanced and present than late last week.

Today is a very busy day as I kick off the week ... so I am especially atuned today to not letting my perfectionist tendencies overwhelm me with unrealistic expectations ... I am playing today in chill mode ... 3/4 speed with minimal attachment. Stay strong all.
 

Nick Simons

Active Member
Day 46 coming up ... and yesterday ended up being a pretty good day. Was able to work some long hours on some not so favorite deliverables, but did so without caving into the pull to escape from the "boredom" and instead just accepted the various assignments without stress and with a mindset of curiosity.

Also I am feeling more balanced today than I usually feel after handing off a major deliverable. Feels good to reward myself with continued solid "porn free thinking" and not thinking I have to "recover" with some escapism. Onward...
 

Nick Simons

Active Member
Day 47 and all is calm on the no porn front.

I have been in a good groove the last few days where I am appreciating little wins as they happen. Nothing earth shattering just appreciating simple activities that I feel I am more in touch with throughout the course of the day (enjoying a cup of tea, sitting in the sun, doing simple cleaning tasks around the house, etc.) ... something I very much under appreciated (or rarely plugged into) in my old lifestyle.

I am finding it is helping to re-enforce a state of being fully present which provides a foundation for me to stay the course.
 

guitar1968

Active Member
Day 47 and all is calm on the no porn front.

I have been in a good groove the last few days where I am appreciating little wins as they happen. Nothing earth shattering just appreciating simple activities that I feel I am more in touch with throughout the course of the day (enjoying a cup of tea, sitting in the sun, doing simple cleaning tasks around the house, etc.) ... something I very much under appreciated (or rarely plugged into) in my old lifestyle.

I am finding it is helping to re-enforce a state of being fully present which provides a foundation for me to stay the course.
Digging your Zen! I'm experiencing some of that as well. Great to be feeling better about letting go of this scourge!
 

JerryTX

Active Member
Nice work! You and Guitar 1968 are pretty much the same time frame. Been traveling this week and no major temptations or urges! Stay strong and thanks for the update!
 

Nick Simons

Active Member
Day 49 ... a bit of a hellishly busy week at work but I kept grounded and feel really good about staying the course and ensuring I was keeping things in perspective.

Thanks to Jerry and Guitar for your comments - I am similarly feeling good in recognizing that the "scourge" is loosing its grip on my life. Its interesting but I am now finding more often than not that the first thought I have when I wake is one of joy and excitement for the day as I realize that I am actually starting to change my day to day patterns and overall lifestyle. It used to be that more often than not I would wake and the first thoughts would be of shame, defeat, and discouragement as I recalled yet another all-nighter of mindless porn surfing. It is helping to build a virtuous cycle that I now see is the true path out of my addition.

Looking forward to continuing the journey with you all. Stay strong.
 

Nick Simons

Active Member
Day 50 ... and continuing to stay the course.

Yesterday brought some triggers from those nasty "unplanned" sights we happen to see through the course of normal day to day activities (i.e. walking right in front of us). I managed to break free and let go in the moment ... but I must admit I had some lingering thoughts that periodically came back throughout parts of the day. Today I have moved on and feel re-grounded ... it helps to share in my journal though as I find it brings a sense of closure to these types of events. Grateful for this forum to be a place to dump my (sometimes rambling) thoughts.

Thanks all!
 

Nick Simons

Active Member
Day 58 ... and back online after being away for a bit. It feels good to be back and writing.

The last week has been particularly crazy with work (probably the busiest I have been in the last year or so) ... so "eyes down bum up" as they say to just get through the tough slogging. Deliverables are now all done ... but feeling a bit wiped mentally and physically. Distractions and triggers came and went over the last week - for the most part dealt with quickly but I did have a few occasions where I lingered a bit too long ... and knew I shouldn't have. Times of high stress / pressure still have a way of trying to take hold and plant the thought that I need to find a way to escape. I know this is still an area for me to work on ... so managed to dodge a few bullets last week but kind of did it in slow mo....

Anyway, onwards and upwards. Stay strong y'all.
 
Great to hear you are doing well and fighting off the distractions and triggers that present themselves to all of us. Keep up the good work and congrats on day 58.
 

Nick Simons

Active Member
Day 60 ... and many thank to TimetoHeal and Guitar for your recent encouraging words. They really help ... particularly as I see how the path forward is not a straight line but winds and twists in unexpecting ways.

I feel my recent sluggishness is starting to lift ... and being replaced with a renewed energy. Feels god to feel like I am starting to come out of my recent funk and full on work mode. Today I am going to pour myself fully into each moment.

Stay strong everyone. Talk soon.
 
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