don't want tu run away from pain anymore


Hey reboot community,

I am 31 and have been hooked with porn since I was 14. I started as many of you, just being curious and getting excited with underwear magazines though I started masturbating form a early age. Things got worse whit internet porn, I did not have internet at home but would go to a cafe near by and spend my weekly savings just to watch a porn.

That went for a while but when I started college things escalated tremendously. I was not the most smart kind in my engineering class and felt that was always behind, but instead of trying to cope with reality and study harder I always ended up escaping to my little fantasy world and then... no pain. That is what I thought. I became extremely dependent on porn, it was my everyday cup of coffee. I could not even study without watching porn first.

Today, I relapsed after my 29 day streak but starting over again. Feel that is still kind of hard to cope with anxiety sometimes. I have been on a meditation program for about three moths and it has helped a lot but there is still a lot to fix in my brain.

For whoever read is there is hope and I will see you in the other side.

Stay sharp and clean.

Day 1


Active Member
Hello TrueBlue,

Welcome to the community.

It's good that you try again. The essence of getting rid of it is trying again.
29 days is a great mark. It proofs you're capable of 'walking alone' for some time. Maybe next time you see problems coming earlier and the prevent the relapse.

What kind of meditation you are doing/learning?

Take care



Hi Imsor,

Thank you for the welcoming. It is called ziva meditation. I read a book a few months ago and it made me realized that my brain has been trained to use PMO every time I can't cope with reality. I was, and still get triggered when I am stressed, tired, bored or just overwhelmed. 

Meditating has helped a little to be present and to be aware of my emotions.



Hey there, I had a relapse las weekend and I am starting over again. But just feels imposible to get the momentum again.

Day 3


Hi there,  I started MO since I was a teenager but things escalated once I started college. The pressure, the stress, false expectations leaded me to a escalated PMO.

I have been married for 4 years and I am starting to realize that I have been lying to my wife for about 3 years. After our first year of marriage I confessed I had a porn addiction and since then she had asked a few times about my recovery -I lied all of those times- I started reading post from rebooter's partners and realized the huge damage that addicts cause to their spouses.

I have been on and off in my recovery, but sometimes feels that there is no way out. I am currently in day 7. I don't know what else I can do but I just need help.

I want to quit for good.


Staff member
It is good you are doing this.  I would like to suggest getting a book that was the turning point for my husband and I.  Love You, Hate the Porn by Mark Chamberlain.  There is also a blog.  Both have things that the user can relate to and things the partner can relate to.  Both opened the conversation about his addiction and literally saved our marriage.  Good luck!


Active Member
Gracie's recommendation of "Love you, Hate Porn" is essential for couples going through this.
Me and my partner read this together and found it taught us a lot.
The book doesn't fix the issues but it gives you more knowledge and tools to help you through this process as long as you put the work in.

Rooting for you.