The Pursuit of Innocence

Day 18

Just another ordinary day, urges were minimal, which helped me focus at work.
Last time I tried to quit PMO I only lasted 21 days, I'm getting close to that landmark, looking forward to day 22, then 23, then 24 and on and on and on

Have I completed all the daily non-negotiable tasks ?

Yes, I went to bed and woke up early, went for a walk, completed my daily personal journal entry, did two rounds of box breathing and read at least 10 pages of book.

What I did well today ?

Kept urges in check, extremely focused at work

What I did poorly today ?

I did alright

What my focus will be for tomorrow ?

Same old, trust the process, do what's needed to do without question
 
Day 19

Stressful day at work, however, even though the urge to PMO to destress came up, it quickly vanished without me even trying, looks like I've been making progress.

Have I completed all the daily non-negotiable tasks ?

Yes, I went to bed and woke up early, went for a walk, completed my daily personal journal entry, did two rounds of box breathing and read at least 10 pages of book.

What I did well today ?

Ignored the urge to PMO

What I did poorly today ?

Got a little irritated at work and it impacted my performance

What my focus will be for tomorrow ?

I've been reading "The Power of Habit", the book mentions making one's bed as a keystone habit that could spark a chain reaction and kickstart other good behaviors. I can understand exercising being a keystone habit but making one's bed being one is a little bit surprising to me. However, I will keep an open mind and will try it starting tomorrow, hopefully it is as "magical" as the book says it is.
 
Day 20

Rainy day in Ontario, had to postpone my daily walk from morning to the afternoon, and boy did it feel different, taking a walk in the morning while most people are still in bed gives me a mental edge that's unreplicable with an afternoon walk.

Have I completed all the daily non-negotiable tasks ?

Yes, I went to bed and woke up early, went for a walk in the afternoon because it was raining in the morning, completed my daily personal journal entry, did two rounds of box breathing and read at least 10 pages of book.

What I did well today ?

Stayed sharp at work, ignored urges to PMO, stayed off Twitter

What I did poorly today ?

I did alright

What my focus will be for tomorrow ?

Keep making my bed first thing upon waking up, turning it into a habit.
Plan my day in advance, do my best to stay busy throughout the day, minimize time in front of computer.
 
Day 21

Rest day, kept myself busy, urges were minimal.

Have I completed all the daily non-negotiable tasks ?

Yes, I went to bed and woke up early, went for a walk in the morning, completed my daily personal journal entry, did two rounds of box breathing and read at least 10 pages of book.

What I did well today ?

Planned my day in advance and executed well, kept myself busy throughout the whole day

What I did poorly today ?

I did alright

What my focus will be for tomorrow ?

Plan my day in advance.
Increase meditation time to 7 mins per round.
 
Day 22

So, I've broken my previous streak of 21 days, and I'm feeling great.
The biggest improvement I've seen so far is improved energy level, I no longer yawn non stop in the morning and feel to need to take a nap in the afternoon.
Morning wood still hasn't returned, but I don't fret about it, it's still early in the journey.

Have I completed all the daily non-negotiable tasks ?

Yes, I went to bed and woke up early, went for a walk in the morning, completed my daily personal journal entry, did two rounds of box breathing and read at least 10 pages of book.

What I did well today ?

Planned my day in advance and finished all the small tasks that I've given myself

What I did poorly today ?

I did alright

What my focus will be for tomorrow ?

Focus on better work performance by blocking off noise such as Twitter, Youtube etc. and take frequent mini breaks.
Keep making my bed in the morning, it's a very small and mundane thing but I feel like it starts my day off in the right path.
 
Day 23

Big headache, felt like shit the whole day

Have I completed all the daily non-negotiable tasks ?

Yes, I went to bed and woke up early, went for a walk in the morning, completed my daily personal journal entry, did two rounds of box breathing and read at least 10 pages of book.

What I did well today ?

Controlled my urges, stayed off Twitter

What I did poorly today ?

I did alright

What my focus will be for tomorrow ?

Try to sleep a bit earlier
 
Day 24

Just another ordinary day, pretty much on auto pilot mode now

Have I completed all the daily non-negotiable tasks ?

Yes, I went to bed and woke up early, went for a walk in the morning, completed my daily personal journal entry, did two rounds of box breathing and read at least 10 pages of book.

What I did well today ?

Controlled my urges, stayed off Twitter

What I did poorly today ?

I did alright

What my focus will be for tomorrow ?

Keep following the plan, it is working
 
Day 25

Another ordinary day, urges crept up a few times but quickly vanished.

Have I completed all the daily non-negotiable tasks ?

Yes, I went to bed and woke up early, went for a walk in the morning, completed my daily personal journal entry, did two rounds of box breathing and read at least 10 pages of book.

What I did well today ?

Controlled my urges, stayed off Twitter

What I did poorly today ?

I did alright

What my focus will be for tomorrow ?

Same as the day before, just follow the process, the outcome will take care of itself
 
Day 26

Made it through another day, urges were minimal, don't really think about porn anymore

Have I completed all the daily non-negotiable tasks ?

Yes, I went to bed and woke up early, went for a walk in the morning, completed my daily personal journal entry, did two rounds of box breathing and read at least 10 pages of book.

What I did well today ?

Stayed sharp at work, kept myself busy

What I did poorly today ?

I did alright

What my focus will be for tomorrow ?

Same as the day before, just follow the process, the outcome will take care of itself
 
Day 27

Ontario has entered a vicious cycle of Covid cases gone up -> Lockdown -> Covid cases gone down -> End of lockdown -> Covid cases gone up again -> Lockdown on and on and on and on, I have abandoned all hope of going back to the gym for at least the next 6-12 months, so I decided to come up with a meal plan as well as a home workout plan.
Today, I created a meal plan / food log using excel, keeping daily calorie intake at around 2000, over the weekend I will do grocery shopping and start prepping my meal in advance, my home health and fitness journey will officially begin on Monday April 5, right after my morning coffee !

Have I completed all the daily non-negotiable tasks ?

Yes, I went to bed and woke up early, went for a walk in the morning, completed my daily personal journal entry, did two rounds of box breathing and read at least 10 pages of book.

What I did well today ?

Finally stopped procrastinating and created a meal plan

What I did poorly today ?

Spent too much time on Youtube

What my focus will be for tomorrow ?

Come up with a workout plan, buy a workout bench online, possibly a bike trainer as well.
 
Day 28

Had a very bad night's sleep, woke up at 4am and was unable to fall asleep afterwards, to top it off I had a big headache so I did not accomplish anything meaningful.

Have I completed all the daily non-negotiable tasks ?

No, wasn't able to read due to big headache, still went for a walk though.

What I did well today ?

None

What I did poorly today ?

None

What my focus will be for tomorrow ?

Catch up on reading, finish off what I was supposed to do on Saturday
 
pursuitofinnocence

Great job so far POI, keep it up! I like your format. It is structured and easy to follow, and it isn't solely focused on the addiction but instead your life overall as a whole. I think that's a pretty smart and healthy way to observe your recovery journey.

Looking forward to your future continued success.

Take care
 
Day 29

Sunny day in Ontario, I took fully advantage of it and went on a nice and long morning walk while listening to a webinar, felt very therapeutic. I'm very grateful for the sun, whenever I exercise under sunlight, something magical happens, I just had an ah-ha ! moment this morning while I was walking, and that energy set the tone for the entire day.

Have I completed all the daily non-negotiable tasks ?

Yes, I went to bed and woke up early, went for a walk in the morning, completed my daily personal journal entry, did two rounds of box breathing and read at least 10 pages of book.

What I did well today ?

Was productive, got a lot of work done in a timely manner

What I did poorly today ?

None

What my focus will be for tomorrow ?

Starting tomorrow I'm going to start lifting weights in my basement using only a pair of dumbbell, my plan is to lift weights 3 times per week doing full body workouts until I can buy enough weight plates for barbell (they're pretty much all sold out in Ontario, and the ones that aren't are insanely overpriced !)
 
NewStart04 said:
pursuitofinnocence

Great job so far POI, keep it up! I like your format. It is structured and easy to follow, and it isn't solely focused on the addiction but instead your life overall as a whole. I think that's a pretty smart and healthy way to observe your recovery journey.

Looking forward to your future continued success.

Take care

Hello NewStart04, thanks for the kind words. I copied this format from my mentor at work, who is HUGE on journaling, he taught me the importance of doing the repetitive, mundane things, accumulate small wins here and over time they WILL snowball into something much bigger.

Wish you success on your journey as well !
 
Day 30

Unfortunately, I did not do any weight lifting like I said I would, not because I got lazy or anything, but because I had a huge headache that prevented me from doing any high impact exercises. Lately I've been getting headaches frequently, and I have no idea why... If tomorrow I don't wake up with a headache, I WILL lift weights, right after my morning cup of coffee.

Have I completed all the daily non-negotiable tasks ?

Yes, I went to bed and woke up early, went for a walk in the morning, completed my daily personal journal entry, did two rounds of box breathing and read at least 10 pages of book.

What I did well today ?

Grinded out the daily non-negotiable tasks despite having a huge headache

What I did poorly today ?

None

What my focus will be for tomorrow ?

Be very mindful of my thoughts. Lately I've noticed an increase in visualizing sex and women, even though it's not porn, it's still counter intuitive since my goal is to be abstinent for at least 3 months to build a solid foundation, and lewd thoughts can easily lead to relapse.
 
Day 31

Woke up with a tiny bit of headache, feeling some pain behind the eyes, but I really really wanted to start lifting weights, so I popped an Advil to ease the pain and lifted weights. I'm so glad I finally took the first step to start lifting weights again, now I can finally say I'm doing everything I can in my power to battle my addiction to PMO.
Today is also the 1 month mark of no PMO, the next landmark will be 60 days, not just because it's the next logical number but also because it will be the highest numbers of days of no PMO ever since I started watching porn at age 12. I have tried to quit PMO numerous times before, but all of my previous attempts had no structure, so I relied purely on willpower alone, but willpower is a muscle, once it gets tired out, I fell right back into the dark hole of PMO. This time, I'm treating quitting PMO like a battle, and I come prepared with a battle plan, every single day I execute my plan without question, I'm confident I can quit PMO for good.

Have I completed all the daily non-negotiable tasks ?

Yes, I went to bed and woke up early, went for a walk in the morning, completed my daily personal journal entry, did two rounds of box breathing and read at least 10 pages of book.

What I did well today ?

Finally started to lift weights again
Able to realize right away when urges creep up and ignored them

What I did poorly today ?

None

What my focus will be for tomorrow ?

Keep myself busy, I'm most vulnerable when I'm bored
 
Day 32

Another day, another headache, this is starting to get really annoying. I had to pop an Advil again just to get through the day, I'm hoping these headaches/migraines are a temporary thing, otherwise I will need to see a doctor.
On another note, quitting Twitter is much easier than I thought, it's been about 2 weeks since I quit, and I'm a much happier person.

Have I completed all the daily non-negotiable tasks ?

Yes, I went to bed and woke up early, went for a walk in the morning, completed my daily personal journal entry, did two rounds of box breathing and read at least 10 pages of book.

What I did well today ?

Did not give myself excuses to not exercise and read just because I have a headache, the chain must not be broken !

What I did poorly today ?

Overworked while having a headache, did not take enough breaks, feeling completely drained

What my focus will be for tomorrow ?

Be mindful of how I'm feeling, take frequent breaks if headache persists, or even get off work early if need to.
 
Day 33

Felt really good today, no headache, lifted weights in the morning and felt energized and refreshed.
Boring day at work, luckily urges weren't strong so it was easy to get through the day.

Have I completed all the daily non-negotiable tasks ?

Yes, I went to bed and woke up early, went for a walk in the morning, completed my daily personal journal entry, did two rounds of box breathing and read at least 10 pages of book.

What I did well today ?

Lifted weights and went for a walk all before work

What I did poorly today ?

None

What my focus will be for tomorrow ?

Refine my meal plan, try to come up with more variety so I don't get tired of eating the same food all the time
 
Day 34

Something unpleasant happened at work and it annoyed me, it's sad that the first thing I thought about to destress was still to watch porn...I guess I still have a very long way to go. On the bright side, I did not succumb to the urges, so I guess I didn't do too bad.

Have I completed all the daily non-negotiable tasks ?

Yes, I went to bed and woke up early, went for a walk in the morning, completed my daily personal journal entry, did two rounds of box breathing and read at least 10 pages of book.

What I did well today ?

Did the bare minimum to stay on the right track

What I did poorly today ?

Still can't control my emotions well enough, even a tiny bit of unpleasantry can mess me up, I'm hoping this can be cured with time if I just follow the process

What my focus will be for tomorrow ?

Take it easy, just do the bare minimum, I need rest.
 
Day 35

It's getting warmer, I took advantage of the sunny weather and went on a 2 hour walk in the morning, felt amazing afterwards.
I took it easy today to avoid burnout, all I did was went on a walk, read a couple pages of book, watched UFC, refined my meal plan and planned my grocery trip tomorrow.

Have I completed all the daily non-negotiable tasks ?

Yes, I went to bed and woke up early, went for a walk in the morning, completed my daily personal journal entry, did two rounds of box breathing and read at least 10 pages of book.

What I did well today ?

Followed my plan and rested

What I did poorly today ?

None

What my focus will be for tomorrow ?

Had enough rest today, tomorrow I'll be doing grocery shopping and meal prepping which should take up almost the entire day
 
Top