I was told to give this a try, Never was really good at writing

SarMat13

Member
Day 1,

So I was told that writing down in journal will help with keeping track of progress. So here we go....
To me, I see that porn has three faces to it. Some may disagree but I see three. They are videos, pictures, and literature. I have done  so much to block out the first two, but my problem comes from the last one.
I love to read fanfiction. To me reading is a drug. To escape reality and just move on. Great plots, funny scenarios, self inserts, crazy shenanigans, adventures, etc. But the problem that comes with certain fanfiction websites is that there is erotic sections. I have blocked as much of the erotic sections I can, but it keeps popping up and this is my weakness. Stopping myself from looking for several days, but there are times where my will is weak and I just go looking.

Every time it happens I keep blocking my path to get to it in the future, but I fear that I will have to one day fully quit reading and that will be a bad day for me. So this is my chance to fully break this habit and move on.
Well enough rambling for now. Be back tomorrow.


Here is a list of what I have done to stop my search and visit of other porn sites:
[list type=decimal]
[*]Cold Turkey:
            A program that is bought and will restrict access to sites you have added or even keywords. Put as many porn sites and
            keywords into it and then made a password so long that I won't remember it and shredded it. Can add sites to the list
            without the password which is a great thing since I have do not remember a 30 RANDOM character password
[*]Change IP Addresses to restrict from going to porn sites
[*]AppBlock and Lock Me Out:
            Blocked phone by locking out Search apps indefinitely by putting a timer for lockout from 12:00 am to 11:59 pm. As will as App
            Store from 4:00 pm to 5:00 am incase I need something that is required by work.
[*]No social media apps or channels that give soft porn. Also no Social media apps on phone since I really don't get on social media during work.
[*]No magazines or DVDs since I am Ebenezer Scrooge for my money.
[*]Gaming Consoles with connection I do not use, since those are public and I don't want curious people looking at it.
[/list]

If my grammar is bad, sorry. Thinking too fast and typing too slow is a baaadddd combination!!  ;D
 

zackergeet

Active Member
Welcome, Sarmat, glad that you decide to write, let me tell you it helps but also helps to get a partner and exchange messages with people who are struggling with the same problem as you and also with the ones who are succeeding in solving it. I wish you the best and I hope you succeed with your goals, believe in the system and take care of yourself, and do not relapse. 
 

SarMat13

Member
Day 2

I believe what truly is my weakness is that I can't get out of the rut of porn when my mind gets onto it. Idle hands is the devil's playground and all that....It is like driving on the side of a mountain. But the road can be truly wide but then it becomes too narrow that you fall off into the rut. That is the part where I need to put up the warning signs you know: YOU SHALL NOT PASS!! or MOVE ONTO GAMING ON CONSOLE!!

This is what I need to really reflect on and discover where the narrow parts of the road is at.

 

SarMat13

Member
Day 4

Missed Day 3 but I was still good. I didn't go searching, since  I was too busy on something else and really did not have time. The will is still strong and now am looking forward to getting into walking or rucking out and about. Hopefully the pollen level will go down and that I can go outside without feeling like getting a stuffed nose and clogged throat.

We will see what happens by tomorrow.
 

SarMat13

Member
Day 5,

I still am doing good for no porn...but did do the physical "deed". I think everyone would know what that means. I still count this day as a success, but I know that I also need to stop both the searching and the deed. But I am taking one step at a time and moving through one day.

I do not know if I can say that I have a minor, mild, or sever habit. I do not see it as being sever: I do not look at porn during the working of the day or when I am with family, etc. I was probably a mild habit about two years ago. Just once a twice a day and that was it. At present, I feel like it is a high minor to low mild habit. I can hold off for several days but if I got nothing to do and I am at my home...then that is where I will probably relapse.

For a single mid-30, I think that is better than where I could be.....

One DAY One STEP
 

SarMat13

Member
Day 7,

A new week and a partial clouded day  ::) So now I need to start adding new habits to combat this one habit. I will start working out during the time that I have so I try not to fall back into the habit. From that habit get out and walk again. The only reason I haven't is because of this pollen and I really don't like to walk on a treadmill, never felt right walking on one for some reason.

I am trying to find some habit that can also be used to waste more time as well. I am trying to also break the habit of looking at my computer 24/7 as well. Really no pleasure in doing it but more like I can't figure out what I really want to do you know. I need to hit up on an arcade or something. Man really need a concert right now....

Anyone got any other ideas for single 30 male? I do like to read stories, but that the reason I sit behind a computer a lot of times, just reading.
 

SarMat13

Member
It has been 13 days and with I have not searched for porn but I have done the fapping twice :-\. Once per week and to me that is a great stride. My worst was three times per day while searching and looking :mad:. So this is a great improvement to me. Now my goal is to go for two weeks without the fap and then move it onto a month.

I will break this habit and move onto a brighter path!! :)
 

zackergeet

Active Member
Glad to hear you are doing some improvements Sarmat keep the good job! I know you can do it!

SarMat13 said:
It has been 13 days and with I have not searched for porn but I have done the fapping twice :-\. Once per week and to me that is a great stride. My worst was three times per day while searching and looking :mad:. So this is a great improvement to me. Now my goal is to go for two weeks without the fap and then move it onto a month.

I will break this habit and move onto a brighter path!! :)
 

SarMat13

Member
Into the middle of the 4th week,
I have seen no porn or gone looking for it for 4 weeks. This is a HOLY MOLY!! moment. To me this is a good thing for me. I know there will be times where I will accidently see porn and I am hoping by that time that I will be able to just turn it off and move on.

Now I need to beat the 2nd part of this habit. Fapping... This is gonna be harder because whether I like it or not, but the physical sensation is harder to quit because I have felt that sensation since I have been in teen years. So now I am going to take it day by day.
 

SarMat13

Member
Well, It has been a couple of weeks since I have written anything. Trying to do form this new habit with other new habits kinda makes me forget to do one or the other. I am still going strong with blocking out porn that I am starting to lose interest in trying to find it. Hopefully I will just completely forget about it.

The fapping on the other hand is having it ups and downs but it has been usually one per week and I am getting so close to being two weeks in a row. But I am restarting today so I got 13 more days to go to break my record.

Well that be it for now.
 

SarMat13

Member
So it has been a while since I came and made an update. I know I need to take this more seriously, but like I have written before, I was never good to writing stuff down. I have been slipping back and forth with the fapping. Mostly because I have found a way to get around my safe guards by accident. I have been able to stop myself from slipping back to porn since what I have is a child friendly account and there is no way for adult sites, and have finally was able to put a stop to it.

I know that I am rambling an all that but it does feel good to do it. I just really need to get back into doing this habit instead of just wasting my time. Well hopefully I will do this tomorrow or the next day.

Peace out!
 

SarMat13

Member
So it has been a week since I have been absent and hopefully I can make it up to two weeks, but I am taking it one step at a time. Now I am trying to be committing to a new habit of exercising. Both weight training and cardio. Hopefully this takes all my time so that I can start to move away from my bad habit.
Till next time
 

Fappy

Respected Member
good to keep busy as much as possible so the triggers and urges cant enter your mind. keep it up
 

SarMat13

Member
Well I hit my record. It has been 16 days since my last relapse. The urge hit and it hard today and I tried everything that I can think of to stop the urge, but my timer went back to 0:00:00.:mad: After the incident the fog lifted and the urge was gone, so to me that tells me I am moving in the right direction, but I got to find a way to destroy the urge when I am unable to get out of the thought process.

I know that the moment comes when it becomes unbearable and most times it will past, but thee is always that one time when it just will not die. I need to find some other solutions to be an emergency stop or able to sideline the process before I have to reset the timer again.🤔
 

EarthWalker

Active Member
In my experience, energy cannot be destroyed. So when I attempted to destroy the urge in the past. It always amplified the urge. As I was feeding it energy. What is working recently for me is to accept the urges. Sometimes just accepting the urge. Acknowledging it. Is enough for it to go away. Other times, I accept the urges, but at the same time intend and imagine myself how it would look like with my sexuality aligned with my authentic self. As I feel like we all know deep down how our true innate sexuality looks like ... and P is not it. So then I observe the urges + the innate authentic sexuality intention at the same time. The contrast created so far works wonders to break the spell. I also ask for help from my higher self at times. So anyway. This mindfuless++ is starting to work for me.

Wish you good luck on your journey
EW
 

Fappy

Respected Member
Sometimes just accepting the urge. Acknowledging it. Is enough for it to go away.
yeah i agree. notice it for what it is, and what it can lead to. that should be enough to kill it.
 
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