I hope this is the last stage of my battle

stqr73

Member
4th night today. I was feeling all over the place today. After evening I kind of felt depressed or bad , went through many posts on reddit nofap and I got many insights from there as well. Stumbled upon my journal entry from feb and march and I can say even in just 2 months, my mental perspective has shifted quite positively. After that chatted with my mom and now I feel quite better. I think previous two days were PAWS for me. Tonight was quite good. Gotta stay prepared for worst PAWS which might strike anytime unknowingly without any reason and will last a few days and you will come out stronger than you ever were . Just continue abstaining and work on yourself. I can fight this!
 

stqr73

Member
Day 54th clean .5th night of the routine. Today slept at 5 am in morning , woke up at around 12 : 30 pm. again. Taught bro from 1:30 pm. Took nap from around 3:20 pm upto 4:40 pm. I felt quite refreshed and felt better than I ever have felt in my life as far as I remember. Taught bro again till 6:45pm. Went for evening walk. Later after dinner I started reading ybop for some rebooting accounts and I kind of felt unusual. Maybe jealous , I don't know. Old pathways tried to break in . I quickly rushed to do pushups, burpees, squats. Felt a bit better. Went downstairs and drank some tea , chatted with my family. Then kind of the pathways calmed down inside my head. Its crazy when the pathways fire up in the brain I kind of forget everything. Its scary. Grateful I overcame it. Your brain just kind of shuts off and asks you to relapse. Crazy stuff. I decided to jort it down in the journal as it seems quite a deal. Yester night at around 3:00 A.M , when I did pushups , burpees and squats , I felt much better in my brain as compared to today. Variable response to same activity in two consecutive nights. Lot of work needs to be done to normalize the brain. Guess what it's worth it. For me quitting this addiction is a keystone habit ( I learned this lingo in the book "ATOMIC HABITS" by James Clear), fixing this keystone habit will fix my entire life for success.
 

stqr73

Member
Day 54th clean .5th night of the routine. Today slept at 5 am in morning , woke up at around 12 : 30 pm. again. Taught bro from 1:30 pm. Took nap from around 3:20 pm upto 4:40 pm. I felt quite refreshed and felt better than I ever have felt in my life as far as I remember. Taught bro again till 6:45pm. Went for evening walk. Later after dinner I started reading ybop for some rebooting accounts and I kind of felt unusual. Maybe jealous , I don't know. Old pathways tried to break in . I quickly rushed to do pushups, burpees, squats. Felt a bit better. Went downstairs and drank some tea , chatted with my family. Then kind of the pathways calmed down inside my head. Its crazy when the pathways fire up in the brain I kind of forget everything. Its scary. Grateful I overcame it. Your brain just kind of shuts off and asks you to relapse. Crazy stuff. I decided to jort it down in the journal as it seems quite a deal. Yester night at around 3:00 A.M , when I did pushups , burpees and squats , I felt much better in my brain as compared to today. Variable response to same activity in two consecutive nights. Lot of work needs to be done to normalize the brain. Guess what it's worth it. For me quitting this addiction is a keystone habit ( I learned this lingo in the book "ATOMIC HABITS" by James Clear), fixing this keystone habit will fix my entire life for success.
Just to add my scalp folliculitis is getting worse. Some days it disappears , some days it gets worse. Today its worse. I am taking the medicine since quite a long time. Took antibiotics for a month . Today is 63 rd day of me taking the medicine.
 

stqr73

Member
Read the transcript on ybop about young adolescent brain meeting high speed internet porn. I felt a sense of loss as to how I completely wasted a golden period of my life and instead got myself a life crippling addiction.
Also, my mom told me that I have been very smart since birth. But now look at me, can't do anything well. Have trouble remembering , understanding things , social anxiety and all addiction related brain changes. If I have to quit this thing I gotta be extremely serious.
don't think there is anything more harder for me than this thing .
And I have numerous confirmations from my family about being smart (good brain) during my early childhood. I can myself say that is the case. Now my only mission is to regain back myself and my brain function.
 

stqr73

Member
8th night. I was going through ybop website and read important advice from rebooters and was contemplating on that. I realized I have to not want this from my true self/heart not just say that i want to quit half heartedly. I felt some burden lifted off of me and felt happy. Exercised also to keep body running and happy.(Pushups,crunches,burpees)
 

stqr73

Member
8th night. I was going through ybop website and read important advice from rebooters and was contemplating on that. I realized I have to not want this from my true self/heart not just say that i want to quit half heartedly. I felt some burden lifted off of me and felt happy. Exercised also to keep body running and happy.(Pushups,crunches,burpees)
Also I had morning wood !
 

stqr73

Member
Depression gone. Feeling like socializing . Can't wait to fully recover and get my life back. Confidence quite a lot improved. I am feeling positive from inside. Feels good.
 

stqr73

Member
Day 58. As I leave PMO , I come to realize how lonely I am. I have a need for human connection , friends. Maybe this loneliness is one of the reasons I am addicted. And it is!
 
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