Discovering my potential through rebooting

Dantes

Member
Day 41

Good day so far. Work is easy for the first few days, and today I got some exercise in right after work. Sleep was a bit better than yesterday, but still not where I want it to be. No reason to get too complacent or satisfied, just minutes ago found myself thinking about MO and what harm would it do to bust one out without watching porn. It's that type of thought pattern that easily escalates into PMO.

See you tomorrow
Dantes
 

Dantes

Member
Day 42

Very busy day, didn't even have time to think about PMO today, so everything is going fine in that regard.

See you tomorrow
Dantes
 

Dantes

Member
Day 43

Weird day. I had sex yesterday and maybe partly due to that I slept very well. So today at work I felt very energized. After work I went for a little jog, but after that I have been very annoyed with my gf the whole evening. I haven't felt like I can confide to her about my life for a while now. But it's hard to distinguish what is just mood swings and what are genuine feelings. We'll live separated over summer due to work, I'm hoping that shall clarify things a bit. Otherwise busy day and no real threat of PMO. After weekend I'll stay the next two weeks home alone so that's when I expect the next challenges in terms of PMO coming.

See you tomorrow
Dantes
 

Dantes

Member
Thanks a lot Lucyrouxxx and pedro chaves! It's always nice to see someone reading my posts!

Day 44

Today has gone by super fast. Tomorrow will also be active so I'm not too concerned about PMO currently. Tomorrow will mark a halfway of my initial goal of 90 days, perhaps I'll write a recap of my progress so far. That could also grant motivation to boost me through next two weeks, which I'll be spending alone.

See you tomorrow
Dantes
 

Dantes

Member
Day 45

Sort of unfortunately I must leave recap until tomorrow. I spend the first half of the day outside with friends and now for last half we've been discussing things with my gf. It feels good to say out loud feelings that I've been keeping inside my head for a long time, even though it hurts her. We're still working on the relationship, and perhaps there is hope for it to continue. Anyway, no realistic threat of PMO day so everything going good in that regard.

See you tomorrow
Dantes
 

Dantes

Member
Day 46

So I'm currently sitting home alone, two weeks of time alone ahead of me. As soon my gf was about to leave, the old urges started to hit me. I managed to avoid the first wave by going outside.

In the past, I have often struggled when given too much freedom. I should now be a bit wiser and plan in order to avoid that. I only have three days of work next week, and outside work time I attempt to schedule my days more strictly than before. The idle moments of wondering what to do next are dangerous and could easily lead to PMOing.

Thoughts on the first 45 days

So 45 days has gone by rather quickly. I should remind at this point, that this is not hard mode, as I have been having sex whilst abstaining from pornography and masturbation. Nevertheless, this is a small victory already. First, I will list some things that made it possible to succeed so far:

1. Blocking Instagram and Youtube from my laptop, deleting Instagram from my phone.

Instagram is dangerous in terms of triggering content, and I also didn't like the habit of checking IG again and again. I currently go and see the updates maybbe once a week through my phone's browser, which is conveniently inconvenient to use. Youtube on the other hand is not so bad trigger-wise, but it may soak staggering amounts of time if you get sucked in to the loop of related videos etc. I have been hooked on self-improvement type of videos and I was always searching for the next video that would turn my life around, but it never came.

2. Committing to journaling daily in RBN and manually in my notebook.

I am a firm believer of habits and I think that for most habits to stick you need to incorporate them in your daily life. In the beginning, when I had a lot of motivation I would've probably posted daily anyway, but failed to continue when I had the first day when my thoughts wandered elsewhere. Forcing my self to post here daily makes sure that I need to return to that nofap state of mind and remind myself, even on easier days, why I'm doing this.

3. Exercise and sleep.

As I have written, I've had some issues with sleep but otherwise, I have made going to bed early and at the same time every day a priority and it has kept me energized enough. Lack of sleep has been shown to lead people into favoring short-term results in their decisions, for example in choice of food. I am convinced that lack of sleep also reduces the willpower to resist urges. Also, going into bed at the same time every day teaches your brain when to fall asleep, and you don't spend time laying in bed awake, playing with your genitals. And in the mornings, it is even more important to get yourself out of bed as quickly as possible, because laying in bed in the morning will almost surely lead to urges and PMO.

Currently, I exercise daily, sometimes twice a day. I come from a sports background, which helps me in this regard. The thing about exercise is, it is sometimes needed to cut out excess energy, and more often it gives you some of it. For example, after beginning my new work, I have been very tired when leaving work in the afternoon. When I arrive home in that state, I easily just end up laying in the sofa, and that is also a good place for urges to catch you. But if I force myself to go run just a couple of kilometres, I feel a lot more energised and can carry on with the rest of the day. Exercise also increases sleep quality, as often times bad sleep is a consequence of not being tired enough.

Benefits

This is something I have given surprisingly little thoughts on. Firstly, there's no fear of getting soft during sex. I've maybe noticed myself being a bit more commanding, more arrogant in some occasions. There is a lot going on in my head in regards to my relationship currently, so I'm not that sure how much of a change is happening within me meanwhile. I have also read in awe about the benefits people experience during nofap, but right now it is more important for me to just keep myself clear from pornography. Maybe I will need time to truly see the benefits, if any of the occur.

Right now, I should prepare myself for the next week. Thanks for everyone posting in this thread and contributing into their own journals also, I truly feel that I'm not alone in this challenge.

See you tomorrow
Dantes
 
Last edited:

Dantes

Member
Day 47

Weird day. Last night's sleep wasn't ideal, and in the morning I really struggled with urges when I was still laying in bed before my alarm. I was also quite tired for most of the day, I might've over-exhausted myself yesterday with exercise. So I ended up spending couple of hours after work just laying on sofa, but fortunately managed to resist urges that came from that inactivity. Now I'll try to use the rest of the day to do something useful and prepare for a quality sleep tonight.

See you tomorrow
Dantes
 

Dantes

Member
Day 48

An okay day. Had a day of remote studying and felt like I had excess energy all throughout the day. Went on to exercise in the afternoon and feeling good now. Fortunately not close to relapsing today, but I did feel easily aroused today in the gym, nothing too bad. It might be that rebooting grants me some excess energy, now I need to learn to control it properly. Struggling a bit with time management currently, I have a bit too many things I want to do and not that much time in my days.

See you tomorrow
Dantes
 

Dantes

Member
Thank you Zander!

Day 49

Very busy day, only had two hours of rest after work and then played sports outside until bedtime (now). Not much to add.

See you tomorrow
Dantes
 

matstu

Member
I like your thoughtful approach to rebooting and clearly it pays off, looking at the number of days you've abstained from pornography. It's really impressive. Keep up the good work.
 

Dantes

Member
Thank you so much matstu! I find it really motivating when I see people reading my posts and posting in this thread!

Day 50

50 feels like a big number and it feels great getting this far. However, today wasn't my proudest day in this reboot. It is ascension day in my country of residence which marks a national holiday. So no work today. In the morning I was already really tired after less than mediocre sleep. In the mid-day I played sports for two hours again and felt super exhausted after that. After shower I just fell onto sofa and couldn't get up. I started fantasizing and had some serious thoughts that almost lead to considering PMO. After this I did something I'm also not proud: I ogled a girl from social media whom I met earlier this spring. I still didn't relapse or anything but this is the sort of stuff I've been trying to get rid of. It only leads to harmful fantasizing, even if they aren't erotic fantasies.

In the evening I went and had a beer with friends I haven't seen in a long time. That possibly saved my day from relapsing. Bought some fast food along the way home, overall spending way too much money just because I didn't have any food prepared home. The lack of food originally stemmed from me being too tired and feeling lazy.

When I look into todays events, I notice that for the last few days my life has lacked balance. I haven't scheduled enough time for recovery and today I made suboptimal decisions because of it. I don't think I should be too harsh on myself just due to occasional spending and whatnot, but I feel that these little hiccups could've been avoided if I didn't overexert myself in the first place. So definitely a learning moment, and thankfully I made through it without relapsing.

See you tomorrow
Dantes
 
Last edited:

Zakes

Member
Man, congrats on being so far along on your journey.

I really agree with what you saying, at the end of the day I always felt like porn was there for me. When I was bored, angry or feeling miserable, I'd even use it as a tool to help me sleep. I'll admit it does feel like I'm giving up on something, because the high of pmo, is awesome and it's something to do when you don't know what to do.

But yeah, although I might be giving up something I do honestly feel like there's more to gain, from being free. Knowing that nothing controls me.
But I also feel like pmo can't become my identity and I need find the version of myself that feels happy without all of this.

Thanks for the motivation bro.
Keep pushing.
 

Dantes

Member
Thanks Zakes! I can relate to your text, if I understood correctly you are referring to one of my earlier posts about giving up porn. Looking back, I still do feel like it's beneficial to really state to yourself that the process of rebooting requires giving up porn. I think I've noticed some sort of void in my mind after giving up porn, waiting to be replaced by other things. Filling the void isn't as fast process as I thought. Maybe with time it will happen, gradually.

Day 51

Another day flew by. Working days seem to be like a cheat code for reboot, since I have 8 hours of time where I'm forced to think about other things. I still do think of some of the more attractive girls at work, but currently it isn't anything too toxic imo. I still have somethings besides from work where I'm falling behind, study things etc. I hope this weekend will grant me both rest and cathing up with those things. Today I noticed a lot of journal posts again, happy to see people contributing to this platform actively.

See you tomorrow
Dantes
 

Dantes

Member
Day 52

Good day today, met my friends and some relatives I haven't seen in a long time. It felt really satisfying to get to meet these people, and maybe these sort of interactions could be the basis of filling the void PMO left behind. Not much to add, not that many urges today after I got myself out of bed in the morning.

See you tomorrow
Dantes
 

Dantes

Member
Day 53

This weekend just zoomed past me. Met some relatives, firends and played sports. No threat of PMO, except minimally this morning when I was lying in bed after crappy sleep. Pretty tired currently, let's hope for a quality sleep.

See you tomorrow
Dantes
 

Dantes

Member
Day 54

What a low energy day. I suppose I didn't recharge my batteries at all during weekend, so this became the most monday of all mondays. Brain was barely functioning all day at work and after work I hardly managed to cook dinner, after that I just wasted three hours by laying on sofa and watching pointless stuff. Now just trying to do everything I can to ensure good sleep and continue fresh tomorrow morning. I guess this is what you get when you don't pay enough attention on recovery. This is also dangerous PMO-wise, I was watching netflix which I haven't done for a while, and obviously there was some triggering stuff there. Thank god the exhaustion seemed to have taken the worst peak of my libido away and I didn't end up relapsing. A teaching moment, this day, for sure.

See you tomorrow
Dantes
 
Top