miss matched sex drive in a marriage
- Thread starter joepanic
- Start date
guitar1968
Well-Known Member
Probably a very common problem. I've been dealing with it for years and it has fueled my porn addiction. I use it as an excuse. If she won't have sex with me, I can take care of myself. However, I was taking care of myself while we were having sex, before we were together and for many years before that. I don't recall being so addicted when I was a teen, but I also got in a sexual relationship when I was 15 and we had sex all the time. And, this was before the internet so access was trickier. I never wanted to go into a store to purchase porn, so I had to get it where I could.
But anyway, I'm really drifting away from your question. Yes. I'm dealing with the miss matched sex drive. But, I have to deal with my addiction first, then I have to start appreciating my wife and being good to her and hopefully things will change in the future.
I know this probably doesn't help much and I don't have any real advice for you except, take care of your addiction and once you feel that is under control, find a partner who you are more in tune with. I guess I could use that same advice.
But anyway, I'm really drifting away from your question. Yes. I'm dealing with the miss matched sex drive. But, I have to deal with my addiction first, then I have to start appreciating my wife and being good to her and hopefully things will change in the future.
I know this probably doesn't help much and I don't have any real advice for you except, take care of your addiction and once you feel that is under control, find a partner who you are more in tune with. I guess I could use that same advice.
doneatlast
Well-Known Member
I love guitar1968's response.
Joe, you're more active around here than I am so I probably can't tell you anything you don't know already, but I know that among porn addicts/recovering porn addicts a mis-matched sex drive is probably better described as a mis-calibrated sex drive. Porn addicts us and when we see our sky high porn cravings we blame it on our sex drive, when realistically our sex drive has been dormant since the porn addiction took over. Poor partners sometimes have to deal with their addict spouses wanting/needing different activities, role plays, etc. to keep it interesting, and at a long pace. I often talk about fetish development, and a few times I've run across guys who say something like "Nah, I never escalated to anything weird. I do love it when the girl screams, like she's in pain." Those poor partners!
I guess I'm curious if you're talking about the porn addicts high drive or low drive in a flatline being the issue...?
Joe, you're more active around here than I am so I probably can't tell you anything you don't know already, but I know that among porn addicts/recovering porn addicts a mis-matched sex drive is probably better described as a mis-calibrated sex drive. Porn addicts us and when we see our sky high porn cravings we blame it on our sex drive, when realistically our sex drive has been dormant since the porn addiction took over. Poor partners sometimes have to deal with their addict spouses wanting/needing different activities, role plays, etc. to keep it interesting, and at a long pace. I often talk about fetish development, and a few times I've run across guys who say something like "Nah, I never escalated to anything weird. I do love it when the girl screams, like she's in pain." Those poor partners!
I guess I'm curious if you're talking about the porn addicts high drive or low drive in a flatline being the issue...?
joepanic
Respected Member
Thanks for responding guys
Its more I would be happy to do it 3-4 times a month and my wife is happy with once a month. All while I was addicted I never neglected her in any way She knew I surfed porn and couldn't care less. She made it clear that she wasn't interested in it and I think I only ever tried to get her to watch it once around the time we were married She said not interested so I never pushed her on it. But due to the difference in frequency between us I always had porn if I needed an outlet Now I don't have that anymore. Its funny that so many partners were upset that they were being ignored sexually by their addicted partners and porn addicted is not an acceptable excuse and we certainly must change to fix that. But what are to do when we feel the least bit neglected.
Post often it helps me it helps you
Its more I would be happy to do it 3-4 times a month and my wife is happy with once a month. All while I was addicted I never neglected her in any way She knew I surfed porn and couldn't care less. She made it clear that she wasn't interested in it and I think I only ever tried to get her to watch it once around the time we were married She said not interested so I never pushed her on it. But due to the difference in frequency between us I always had porn if I needed an outlet Now I don't have that anymore. Its funny that so many partners were upset that they were being ignored sexually by their addicted partners and porn addicted is not an acceptable excuse and we certainly must change to fix that. But what are to do when we feel the least bit neglected.
Post often it helps me it helps you