Choosing Intimacy Over Porn

I am angry. Angry at myself but also angry with this society that allows young boys to get hooked on porn before they even finish puberty. I know it was my choice but I feel like a victim. How can a 12 year old boy consent to watching porn? They can't. No one ever told me to be careful, I was allowed to run amok and get addicted. Now I am 26 and I can't seem to quit porn. In my head every time I watch it is my last. I've tried quitting dozens of times and can't seem to get past a month or two. I hate porn. I hate what it does to people and I hate that it is a "positive" thing. All my life I was assured it was ok to watch porn by friends and the media. This is not normal and I can't quit no matter how hard I try.
Depression sinks in after I indulge and I think about all the things that tick me off. I feel like an unemployed loser who can't get over his addiction to pixels. One month of work down the drain.
Porn is targeted to children, I don't know a single person who started watching porn after the age of 18. The porn industry should be ashamed. Had I been a consenting adult I would have never gotten myself in this situation. It sucks, like an alcoholic, I will always be addicted to porn. All because I wanted to fit in and watch porn as kid. Every boy I knew talked about it and I didn't want to miss out (FOMO). There is no education on this subject and the industry is thriving.
I don't know what to do, I want to overcome this but I fail every time. I can have sex anytime I want yet I have to watch porn. Again, I can't help but feel like a victim mad at this depraved world. Porn is darkness.
 

Phineas 808

Well-Known Member
Hi intimacy!

Turn that anger into fuel to quit this habit, don't give up!

If 1 or 2 months is your limit, set them as smaller goals. First do 1 month as a goal, then do 2 months, or if need be, do 1 week goal, and then a 2 week goal, and so on...

You will not always be a porn addict, don't buy into that lie. You can and will change. What started off at 12 years of age can be changed in a just a matter of 3 - 6 months, at least as far as the habit itself goes. Deeper emotional issues may take longer time, but at least P/MO won't be there to cloud your judgment.

There's a lot of blame to go around for the P-demic in our society, but we have to take full responsibility for where we are right now. We walked ourselves into this habit, we are the only ones who can walk ourselves out, step-by-step, until we find victory and freedom.

You can do it, brother!
 
my relationship ended because I am addicted to porn. She caught me watching it and said she loves me less and I’m a loser. I don’t blame her. She was the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I hate that porn fucked this up. They profit off of our misery. I am lost without her
 
We had been together for over 3 years. She has been put through a lot with this. When she caught me I knew it was over. She thinks I am a loser and a lier. My relationship is over because my addiction to porn. I can’t seem to quit it. Very disappointed in myself. I wish I could go back in time and stop myself from ever watching porn. It has ruined my life. I have hit my bottom.
 

Redalc

Active Member
Hey man, I’m sorry. I feel for you truly. Although not 3 years, I lost my relationship of a year and a half a few months ago, I was and still am completely broken as a result of it. I know it’s hard to keep going, to think about doing anything, to deal with all the memories, but don’t give up. Change what you need to do you can not have to be faced with so much loss, you may need to make a huge life change to fight the pain. I was in deep depression for probably 2 months, and now I go in and out of it, the only solid encouraging thing I had is a commitment to overcoming PMO addiction, striving to be better, to not struggle with it, to not have it as a detractor for a woman I would be able to be with in the future. I can’t know your situation completely, or know your pain completely, but you need to know I am sorry for you. Make a change, perhaps in the future there’s hope for her mind to change, if not, you’ve got to take the time to grieve and mourn your loss, and make some changes to help you not be lost. Hope I can be an encouragement. Sorry this is happening man, I hate the problems Porn has caused for us, and that it is allowed to run rampant through the world so easily accessible and not even taught that it’s so bad for us. Fight back.
 
For some reason my last post isn't here anymore. But my girlfriend left me. She seems to resent me. I put her through hell. I ruined my life because I couldn't kick this nasty habit. I don't blame her for wanting to leave me. She keeps mentioning all my flaws and how I don't excite her and that I am going nowhere with my life. I don't know how to process all this and I wish I didn't exist.
I started going to SPAA and I'm looking for a sponsor. This time I am beating this. If this breakup has done anything its give me fuel to fight this disease. I would do anything to have her back in my life.
 
Hey man, I’m sorry. I feel for you truly. Although not 3 years, I lost my relationship of a year and a half a few months ago, I was and still am completely broken as a result of it. I know it’s hard to keep going, to think about doing anything, to deal with all the memories, but don’t give up. Change what you need to do you can not have to be faced with so much loss, you may need to make a huge life change to fight the pain. I was in deep depression for probably 2 months, and now I go in and out of it, the only solid encouraging thing I had is a commitment to overcoming PMO addiction, striving to be better, to not struggle with it, to not have it as a detractor for a woman I would be able to be with in the future. I can’t know your situation completely, or know your pain completely, but you need to know I am sorry for you. Make a change, perhaps in the future there’s hope for her mind to change, if not, you’ve got to take the time to grieve and mourn your loss, and make some changes to help you not be lost. Hope I can be an encouragement. Sorry this is happening man, I hate the problems Porn has caused for us, and that it is allowed to run rampant through the world so easily accessible and not even taught that it’s so bad for us. Fight back.
Thank you for your kind words of encouragement
 
Working things out with my partner. There is a lot of trust I need to rebuild and it will take time. The man I was when we first met was a poor man. A man addicted to porn and a man who flirted with friends. She had revealed o me all the hurt I caused in that first year. In my head I wasn't cheating because we weren't official, none the less I am ashamed for gas lighting her. This woman is my angel, she saved me from darkness and I am forever grateful to her.
I have purchased an accountability software that will send her my browsing history. We are figuring out how we can track my app usage because most of my addiction stemmed from NSFW twitter accounts and NSFW Reddit forms. Right now I am 5 days porn free and 5 days edge free. I have been attending SPAA and have a sponsor to help me work through this. I am literally doing everything to beat this disease and honesty with my partner and myself will help a lot. I love her so much, she has saved my life.
 

Redalc

Active Member
Excited for you, and the severity of this change. Don’t give up man. It’s worth it even if your brain is in pain from all the withdrawals. Get accountable and just focus on the things in your life that are real and worth it. Give up the rest, make changes, be completely open, communicate about everything. Good luck man.
 
Today I am 14 days porn and edge free. It has been easy to get to this point but now is where the journey begins. I would always begin to feel cravings at this point. I have the accountability software and I’m going to SPAA meetings. I am prepared for the journey ahead.
 
So far so good. I had a dream last night I edged and went on twitter. That was my old habit. I was so relieved to find out it was only a dream. Taking one day at a time. 18 days!
 
Today I am good. Feeling strong and motivated. It’s been 3 weeks, coming on a month. My sobriety is so important I am even dreaming about maintaining it. I have so much to lose and remind myself the feeling I felt when my partner caught me.
we are working things out, she hasn’t officially taken me back but it seems to be going that direction. I am working on communication and expressing my emotions more positively. Picked up some new hobbies and taking it one day at a time. I know that I can get through today. That is much more doable than this week, this month or this year.
For everyone struggling with this addiction, my advice is take it day by day. If you can get through today you can get through tomorrow.
 
30 days today. I have a few dreams where I act out but wake up relieved knowing it was only a dream.
Today I feel slight urges and I tell myself “I can make it through today”.
I also realize that when I was younger every time I’d tell a girl I like her she would embarrass and humiliate me. I felt weak and not desirable. I can’t help but think of this is what started my addiction. Once I was able to attract women I went crazy with it. As if I was getting back at those girls. I thought about the humiliation today and couldn’t help but feel anger and resentment.
Will I ever heal myself from this past trauma of rejection?
I am lucky to have found my soulmate, but I still need to make amends with my past.
 
Today marks a month since I last acted out.

I feel urges but I know acting out isn't an option. Tonight I will speak with my partner about these urges. Not strong like they used to be. The thoughts haven't accompanied these urges, its mainly just a feeling. Getting through this.
 
37 days!

This might be the longest I went without edging and indulging. My first break of almost 3 months I was on IG looking at peoples accounts and edging. This time I am completely cold turkey. The meetings have helped tremendously and I recommend anyone struggling go to SPAA.
 
Last edited:
Top