New Here and suffering

guitar1968

Active Member
Hi everyone.

I have been addicted to porn for as long as I can remember. It started with my father's Playboy's back when I was very young and it has only gotten worse. I'm not 53. I have had trouble getting and maintaining erections with my wife for many years and I know it all goes back to porn. I've tried quitting many times and I always go back. It's always the same thing. Why not, just once a week maybe.. then it becomes every day again. All of the classic problems I read about are what I'm experiencing. It's even harder and harder to maintain an erection just when masturbating now. I need weirder and more graphic porn than ever before to get me to off. I'm constantly clicking on porn sites throughout my work day. And, it's very easy to do because I've worked from home for 20 years. Without the threat of being caught by an employer it has been that much easier to spin out of control.

So, here I am. Hoping to find a way out of this constant draw to pull up a porn site. I need to stop. I don't even enjoy it anymore but it keeps pulling me in.

I long for the days of actually having sex with my partner, enjoying it, feeling it, not worrying about getting an erection, not fantasizing about some porn scene I just saw the other day to try to finish.

I'm sure this is something you all hear every day. I need to really focus on recovery and clicking on this site instead of a porn site when I feel the urge.

Thanks for listening. Any tips and suggestions are very welcome.
 

PKCowned

Member
Hello!

First of all, congratulations on deciding that you have to make this decision for you and your partner. A lifelong addiction is a serious part of you, so my first piece of advice is buckle up and do not be hard on yourself for faltering throughout your recovery. Recovery is non linear. Failure is not absolute, but a learning opportunity that you will need to accept and use as stepping stones to a more secure future.

Also, expect that you will fail. We all do. Rarely do we have the power to end an addiction once and for all, simply due to the impulses and triggers our reward system has built up in our brains.

I would recommend the usual, keeping a journal, setting realistic expectations and if possible, communicating about your recovery with your wife. If you don?t think that?s realistic right now, then do not bring it up, but be warned - keeping recovery and addiction a secret makes it many more times difficult, and often the stress and anxiety associated with PiED and other sexual dysfunctions simply cannot be addressed and overcome when it is gnawing at the back of your mind.

Do not fall for the myth of 90 days, people who have used porn for over 7-10 years need at least 6 months to feel major improvement.

And last, continue to learn from others on this website, but remember this is all anecdotal. Consider seeing a sex therapist - they have insight and plans that you can use to help work through your issues in a healthy and expressive manner.

As always, best of luck on your journey, and feel free to respond and ask questions from me. I am currently in my second 90 day reboot, having given up porn completely on January 1st

 

guitar1968

Active Member
Thanks for all the advice. It is truly appreciated.

At this time, I will not be discussing it with my wife. I have many reasons but it is just not going to happen. I don't think it will cause more stress on the recovery process. I believe trying to discuss it with her would cause more problems. We all have very different relationships and believe me, I am doing the right thing at least at this time.

With that said, it would also be very hard for me to see a therapist without discussing it with her. I'm keeping a journal here on Reboot Nation and I'm feeling better just being able to interact with people like you and being able to share my story and learn from everyone else's.

Thanks again. I do understand that I've been hooked on porn my whole life. I'm not convinced that 90 day will all of a sudden fix me!
 
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