My journey to be a better man.

guitar1968

Active Member
Thanks Phineas - great thoughts, great tools to take control. It really does all come down to mindfulness. So, knowing the world is filled with these images, it has to be how I react to them. I really appreciate this advice!

Phineas 808 said:
Hi, guitar!

Use those moments to learn of how those images cue you toward former behaviors... here is your opportunity to 'hack' into these behaviors and change them!

Instead of running for the hills, take a moment when you encounter an image. Take time, avert your eyes, but check your pulse, notice it's increase, and your rapid heart rate, your shallow breathing. Be like an outside observer, watching yourself, but (and this is important!) nonjudgmentally.

Begin to breathe slower, deeper. Check your vitals again, and notice you calming down.

What your learning is, despite the 'trigger', you're always in control. It's not the outside stimuli we encounter, but what we do with it from within.

You can outlast and breathe through any urge...
 

guitar1968

Active Member
Thanks Nick. I appreciate this way of thinking. I'm feeling so much better today. I think it's because I finally got to the section in the Easy Peasy Method on how to really kick it. Now that I'm not fretting over what I've given up, but celebrating what I have gained I do feel a lot better. I'm getting a life of not being addicted, I'm getting more time to exercise, to play music, to be creative. All the time I've wasted is unbelievable.

I'm following your journal so you'll probably hear more from me.

Nick Simons said:
Hey Guitar ... I know what you mean - images everywhere ... and these have been hardwired into your brain to "naturally" lead to certain actions to "feed the beast". 

But these images and trigger are totally capable of being hacked and rewired ... yes it takes some time - but all it takes is just 1 little victory (like you had today), then take some time to reset yourself / get rebalanced (would strongly suggest you look into meditation - Headspace app is quite good), and then you will start to learn how to disassociate from the image / related feelings so they fade and eventually are quite manageable so they can be discarded. 

To quote Morpheus, "don't think you can, know you can ... eventually you need to learn the difference between knowing the path and walking the path." 

Stay strong amigo.
 

guitar1968

Active Member
So I've been feeling good today. Part of the change I think is that I'm now framing this whole thing differently in my head. I'm not giving up porn, I'm gaining a better life with more time to do things that I want. I'm not a slave to my inner urges and what I thought were my "needs". I didn't need to jerk off 2 or 3 times a day. I didn't need to pop over to the porn sites or chat sites in between every job I worked on. But I'm gaining time to exercise, do better work, play music and be with my wife and daughter. And, hopefully soon I'll be able to have sex with my wife and it will be all about her and not some porn movie in my head. I need a decent reboot to deal with my PIED. No doubt. This has gone on for far too long. I have decided that I will never watch porn again. I don't plan on any masturbation for a minimum of 6 months. If I do masturbate again, it won't be in front of a computer screen. I'm really trying to figure this part of the equation out. I know that my wife and I will never have the same sexual desires. I don't want to watch porn, but I don't know that I want to give up orgasms for super long periods of time either. I used to masturbate without having to be at my computer. Sure, it was years ago. But I just needed to think about sex and I could make it happen.

I don't know. The masturbation topic needs more soul searching and reading. I have to see how others with a good case of PIED have dealt with the to jerk or not to jerk topic.

Anyway, for today, I'm feeling good. My mind is set on success and I have no plans to watch porn ever again.
 

Nick Simons

Active Member
Great to hear your thought process Guitar ... the pieces of the puzzle are falling into place nicely - well done!

I also just wanted to mention your recent comment where you said, "... part of the change I think is that I'm now framing this whole thing differently in my head. I'm not giving up porn, I'm gaining a better life with more time to do things that I want."  This was so important for me as well and I just felt the penny drop when I finally saw the reframing of how I saw the path ahead of me. 

For me, I was able to realize a massive difference between thinking my path forward was all about "having to struggle through a never-ending uphill battle to give something up that I felt was needed for me to feel good" vs. thinking my path forward was all about "an incredibly noble, heroic journey to escape an evil, bad thing and make me feel hugely better without having to give up anything".  Like night and day difference.... 

Anyway, congrats again and stay strong!
 

guitar1968

Active Member
Just a quick update. I made it through the weekend with no problems. I'm feeling the itch to masturbate today, but I'm not going to. I think I'm o.k. for right now. Tomorrow is two weeks. It hasn't been as bad as I expected. The urge/pull is always just hovering around my mind, but I'm trying to fill it with other things.

Another day in the books.
 

Nick Simons

Active Member
Hey Guitar,

Congrats on your upcoming 2 week streak!  Stay strong - perhaps have a read of some of the awesome success stories on this forum or over on the YBOP site (I find that this is a helpful go to when I have that urge / pull hovering around my mind).  Check them out and see yourself in their shoes ... because it absolutely can be you. 
 
Congrats on two weeks keep strong. I am on day 4 and like you the urge to masterbate is there but my will to end this is stronger. We can do this!!
 

jjacks

Active Member
Congrats on 2 weeks. Counting days really helps - it gives a sense of achievement. Journaling about it here also helps -- seeing your feelings and progress in black and white makes it easier to keep focus on the goal.

-jj
 

guitar1968

Active Member
Over two weeks and I'm doing well. I'm not too stressed about not having porn. I'm missing ejaculating a bit. And, I'm still concerned about what happens after a long time of rebooting if my partner has no interest in sex. I suppose at some point I'll masturbate again. I hope to never do it again to porn, but I know at some point I will want to feel that type of pleasure. Maybe at some point I'll have to find another partner who is interested in having sex. I just know I don't want to be clicking over to porn every 30 minutes during my day and masturbating to it several times a day.

I know, a lot rolling around my head today. I swear, I'm really not missing the porn, I'm just seriously thinking about what I want in a sex life after a long period of rebooting. I would prefer to never masturbate again and have meaningful sex with someone who wants the same thing. That might be the tricky part.
 

Trouble Afoot

New Member
Hello Guitar. Congrats on 2.5 weeks. I've never gotten past 9 days before but this time I'm really going for it. I am on day 3 and just joined here. I'm 51 and really want to kick this bad habit for good. I hope your partner will be willing to have sex with you because isn't that one of the points of NF? To actually get back to having sex with real women and not beating off to fantasy girls? I know my pmo has been preventing me from initiating contact with women. I'm single and have decided if I want to nut again it has to be with a real person. I'm using this to motivate me.
Also I want it to be meaningful too. I'm not looking for one night stands.
 

guitar1968

Active Member
Just doing a quick check-in. It will be 3 weeks on Wednesday and I'm feeling good. Didn't really think about porn all weekend. And, I'm feeling less and less like I need to take porn breaks throughout the day. I'm doing other things instead. I really did embrace the idea in The Easy Peasy method that I am not losing something, I'm gaining time to work on other hobbies, myself and my work. It's like a gift. Not feeling like I have to take a porn break.

So, good so far. I'll check back in more this week.
 

guitar1968

Active Member
Hello Guitar. Congrats on 2.5 weeks. I've never gotten past 9 days before but this time I'm really going for it. I am on day 3 and just joined here. I'm 51 and really want to kick this bad habit for good. I hope your partner will be willing to have sex with you because isn't that one of the points of NF? To actually get back to having sex with real women and not beating off to fantasy girls? I know my pmo has been preventing me from initiating contact with women. I'm single and have decided if I want to nut again it has to be with a real person. I'm using this to motivate me.
Also I want it to be meaningful too. I'm not looking for one night stands.
That's great! Keep checking in. It's getting easier each day for me. I do hope to get back to normal sex at some point in the near future. I'm really trying to make it several month with no orgasms of any kind. I'm really trying to reset my body. I'm 53 and I've been using porn since I was probably 10. Maybe not full masturbation then, but digging into my dad's Playboy's for sure.
 

guitar1968

Active Member
Checking in today. It will be three weeks tomorrow and honestly I have truly been having a pretty easy time of it. More so than I expected. I've had a night or two trying to fall asleep that I went a bit deep into my porn fantasies while lying there trying to fall asleep, but not enough to head to my computer or to start masturbating. I think reading the Easy Peasy method helped. I found the book to be a little too long, but the very simple message of you are not losing anything, you are gaining so much really resonated with me. When I think of the time I wasted, the hours looking at porn, jerking off, hiding stuff on my computer, it kind of makes me sick. What I've gained is my time back, my focus on other things that give me so much more joy, my health and more. I've been exercising almost every day. Making music. Actually getting more work done instead of taking a break every 15 minutes to browse through porn sites and live chat sites.

Honestly it makes me sad that I wasted so much of my life doing this. I know it's damaged my brain and I only hope that it's not too late to recover. Being 53 and having done this for 40 years or more I just can't believe that I can reverse the ship. But, I keep reading success stories and I want to be one of those. I think I'm more concerned about not being able to heal then I am about going back to watching porn. At least that's how I feel at this moment.

Let's see what tomorrow brings!
 

guitar1968

Active Member
21 days today and I really feel great. I haven't been that overwhelmed with withdrawal symptoms at all. I have some craving from time to time especially when I see certain images throughout the day that would usually trigger me to switch over to porn. But they haven't been hard squash. My main concern is still being able to heal and how long that will take. I guess I don't really have a deadline and after so many years I'm sure I just need time.

I'm glad I have a place here to check in. I wonder sometimes if I should not come in to journal. Sometimes I feel like it just reminds me of porn, but then I feel good after write a little something. So for now I'm going to keep up the writing and keep moving forward.
 

jjacks

Active Member
Keep up the writing, it really does help to see your feelings in black and white. As for timing, a lot of people cite 90 days as the first target to see positive change. In my case, it was pretty much that although morning wood started to re-appear a bit earlier. Three months in, I was able to sustain an erection long enough for penetration and a few minutes for my wife and me. After a year, it felt like what I remember normal to be and it has just kept getting better since. Now. over 4 years later, I can say the healing continues and the ability to perform just gets better. No kidding, I am 72 years old and I just had the best sex in decades a few days ago. I still don't quite believe it :) . Keep at it!


-jj (1654 days no PMO)
 
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guitar1968

Active Member
Keep up the writing, it really does help to see your feelings in black and white. As for timing, a lot of people cite 90 days as the first target to see positive change. In my case, it was pretty much that although morning wood started to re-appear a bit earlier. Three months in, I was able to sustain an erection long enough for penetration and a few minutes for my wife and me. After a year, it felt like what I remember normal to be and it has just kept getting better since. Now. over 4 years later, I can say the healing continues and the ability to perform just gets better. No kidding, I am 72 years old and I just had the best sex in decades a few days ago. I still don't quite believe it :) . Keep at it!


-jj (1654 days no PMO)
That's great JJacks! I don't have a specific timeline for healing. I'm in it for the haul now. I'm 53 and want to have meaningful sex in my future. Masturbation and porn haven't been enjoyable for a long time and I was doing it out of habit and of course the usual things mentioned many times on this site and others. I'm glad to be moving forward and for now I'm going to check in here at least a few times a week. I'll see how I'm feeling after a month, which is next Wednesday. I don't want to do anything to jeopardize my progress. In fact, I think I've been coming here when the itch to watch porn comes up. So, that is another good reason to keep coming back.

I was realizing though the other day that I started looking at my Dad's Playboy magazines when I was probably 8 to 10 years old. So, prior to masturbation, but leading me right into it. That means my entire sexual life has been based around pornography. I'm not sure my mind knows how to think about sex in any other way than visually. Magazines, video tapes, the internet. It has been my entire life. I think it was in one of Gabe's videos that he talked about just using your hand to get an erection, not fantasizing, not thinking about porn. I don't know if I've ever done that. It's going to take a while to wipe away that garbage from my brain.

With that said, I'm heading out. Stay strong everyone. I'll do the same.
 

guitar1968

Active Member
Quick update today. I'm past 3 weeks and it has been way easier than I thought it was going to be. I know how I am though and if I even start to sneak a peak, I'll be drawn back in. So, no peaks, no need. Very hard reset here. No porn, no masturbation, nothing. No sex (this one is easy, my partner hasn't touched me in a long time). I need to completely rewire my brain and if you read my last post you'll see that I've been dealing with porn as my attachment to sex my entire life. I have to get to a new way of thinking. I just hope it doesn't take over 40 years. It won't matter much by then!
 

Phineas 808

Well-Known Member
So, no peaks, no need. Very hard reset here. No porn, no masturbation, nothing.

Hey, guitar. This is the best way to go, as it helps us to truly reboot from our old and familiar wiring in our brain... Also, you won't have to wonder if you 'did it right', because your reboot/recovery won't be littered with a bunch of compromises.

I have to get to a new way of thinking. I just hope it doesn't take over 40 years. It won't matter much by then!

I know this is a major concern for us older gentlemen, but I think that the nature of renewal and new beginnings, like each new morning affords, gives us hope that we can be that new person we've always wanted to be- before it doesn't matter much, as you say.

Hoping the best for you, brother.
 

jjacks

Active Member
Focusing on the time line is sort of like watching a kettle on the stove, waiting for it to start boiling. The anxiety of not having reached pre-porn performance can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Counting days helped me celebrate every day that I woke up without porn and the occasional calendar reset forced me to try a little harder. Ultimately, the healing came as a series of delightful surprises, and it really didn't take that long in the grand scheme of things. No pills, no silver bullet, just one thing -- no porn!
 
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