Hi Phineas, Thanks for your replies. I think we all have to decide how much we divulge and to who. There is no right answer. You have to know your spouse and understand how they will handle it as well. I'm not keeping it from my wife to be secretive. I've just gone down these types of roads with her in the past and I know how she will handle it. This is my struggle, not hers, but it certainly affects her. I need to take this journey on my own. I don't need someone watching over me, checking to see what I'm doing, questioning every move I make. That will only make me resentful and that won't help me get better. It might just push me back to porn.I like how you worded it here, guitar. It aligns with my own inward sentiment, that while I may not divulge everything to my wife in terms of my struggling (though she knows of past struggles), my question to myself is: If I'm not 'telling the truth', am I at least living the truth?
My entire sexual life has always revolved around porn. I hate that this is the truth, but it is. I looked at my dad's Playboy's and Penthouse magazines before I was even capable of sex. That painted the picture of sex for me. I then started with VHS tapes which were of real, hardcore sex. That's before I was even 12 years old. So with that idea in my head as I ventured out and finally started dating and eventually having sex I expected it to be just like that. I wanted my girlfriends and later my wife to be like the woman from those movies. I resented my wife when she wouldn't be those women. Looking back, my wife was willing to do quite a bit and she did enjoy sex. But, I kept pushing and pushing and when she started pushing back and pushing me away, I decided porn was might right. I'm an adult, if you won't have sex with me, the internet sure will.
I just don't want to start resenting her about this. I can't put her in the drivers seat of my recovery. That seat is for me only. My wife is a take charge kind of person and I know it will be a mess if I let her in on it. Sorry to all of those who feel it is necessary to share with your spouse. Maybe that is what you need to do and I completely respect that. I need to handle this my way. So far, things are going great and I want to keep in heading in the right direction.