My journey to be a better man.

JerryTX

Active Member
Again so many similarities you and I! About the same time length and the MO issues here as well. I agree that even though this weekend was tough, I am able to keep Porn out of my life. I know the battle in my mind will never be over but I also know that I don't want to ever go back to PMO.
 

Phineas 808

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Hi, Guitar!

You'll look back one day and see all the changes you've made, and even the struggles you've had will be different, and your habits will be flipped on their head.

I know from the beginning there's been a certain ambivalence toward MO for you, is it a necessary tool for release? Does it feed into the over all addiction or habits? Should I do hardmode? Etc...

I know it can be confusing, but you will make the right choice that is most beneficial toward your overall sexual healing (Marvin Gaye?). If you're having issues staying hard during an MO session, it points to going hardmode until you 'reboot' and then you can figure out later how to 'rewire' with your wife- or where to go from there... But do it first for yourself.

If you decide to go hardmode but wish to keep your current streak going toward P and PMO, I would suggest using two counters. Maybe treat them as two different goals that will serve the same purpose, rebooting.

Either way, you're doing great and I wish you strength!

P.S., the idea of writing out your life goals is excellent, building the 'new you'!
 
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guitar1968

Well-Known Member
Hi, Guitar!

You'll look back one day and see all the changes you've made, and even the struggles you've had will be different, and your habits will be flipped on their head.

I know from the beginning there's been a certain ambivalence toward MO for you, is it a necessary tool for release? Does it feed into the over all addiction or habits? Should I do hardmode? Etc...

I know it can be confusing, but you will make the right choice that is most beneficial toward your overall sexual healing (Marvin Gaye?). If you're having issues staying hard during an MO session, it points to going hardmode until you 'reboot' and then you can figure out later how to 'rewire' with your wife- or where to go from there... But do it first for yourself.

If you decide to go hardmode but wish to keep your current streak going toward P and PMO, I would suggest using two counters. Maybe treat them as two different goals that will serve the same purpose, rebooting.

Either way, you're doing great and I wish you strength!

P.S., the idea of writing out your life goals is excellent, building the 'new you'!
Thanks as always Phineas. I do have to say, that MO is certainly right there in the ball park for me with PMO. I know I'm not looking at porn. But I've looked at porn my whole life and that is always going to be in my head at least a little. I think I will need Hard Mode to truly heal. I've made big strides in the last 3+ months, but I have bigger strides to make. I'm feeling o.k. about it though. I'm calm about this for some reason today even as I'm going through some tumultuous times right now in my relationship. I haven't thought at all about diving back into porn so some things must be sticking. I'm in it to win it! I'll get there.
 

guitar1968

Well-Known Member
Struggles continue. I'm feeling calm and haven't given in, but I have this great feeling of exhaustion. I don't know if it is due to trying to stay away from porn or just other things I'm dealing with in my life. It's never easy. But, I'm pushing ahead.

Keep up the fight my friends. Even with the struggles, not spending my days on the computer looking at porn still feels like a win.
 

guitar1968

Well-Known Member
It definitely is a win! Glad we both have won all these battles. We are heading on vacation tomorrow for 5 days so my hope is there will be some calmness in this storm.
I'm heading out on Saturday for another 5 day vacation as well. This one will be fast moving so I see no issues popping up while I'm away. I'm going to Florida so I imagine it will be more skimpy bathing suits and beautiful women, but I'm o.k. with that. It's other things that keep triggering me. Besides the porn people who follow my twitter account, there are a couple of ads on Twitter and Instagram for bra's and panties that get me somehow. Weird that it is this stuff and not seeing full on porn pictures. Maybe because it's a little more like normal women in underwear and it just feels different that a very porny looking woman with her legs spread.

@Phineas 808 - thanks for your comments as well. Yes, inch by inch, creeping towards a better way of life.

So, yesterday wasn't terrible but I've still got a mighty urge to do something. Sex.. MO... PMO... it's like my mind and body are buzzing. I'm having trouble focusing on one thing for very long, I feel all over the place. I need to get grounded more. I probably need to meditate more and drink less coffee!!

So I keep on keeping on. No MO and no PMO. Have a great night my friends!
 

guitar1968

Well-Known Member
I have been busy with work and getting ready for this trip that I'm taking tomorrow. It helps to be busy and spending some time out of the office and away from the computer. I'm sure this trip will help me as well. My struggles continue but I have really good days and then other days that are not as good. I'm guessing it will always be like this. It makes me wish I could be that guy who occasionally throws on a porn movie, takes care of business and doesn't feel the need to look again for a month. I'm just not that guy. A little taste and I'm begging for more. If that's not an addict I don' t know what is.

Here's to peaceful times ahead! Not sure I'll be on here until next Friday or even the following Monday. Time will be short while traveling. I wish you all well and easy times with your goals to leave porn behind.
 

guitar1968

Well-Known Member
Quick report. I'll come back and write more soon.

Just got back from a 5 day vacation. No porn, no masturbation. All good. Only thought of porn a few short times in the morning when I had a decent erection. That seems to be the time of day that really gets me.

So, I'm feeling pretty good about things. I'm at 113 days today without PMO. As I have stated before I have masturbated I think 5 or 6 times during this time and seen some porn images on social media. But still haven't gone back to my days of trolling the web all day long or keeping a browser window opened while I work with a chat site up. So, a lot of progress and I'm starting to feel like I truly don't want or need that life any longer. It is a good feeling.

Thanks for all the help along the way!
 

JerryTX

Active Member
Congrats Guitar! You'll have to read my latest post. Glad your doing well and you'll see my updated story. Pissed about it but there is positives as well. Keep it up brother!
 

Phineas 808

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Good going, Guitar on 113 days! We both know it's not always a linear journey, but your focus and determination have kept your goals ahead of you, and you're doing great!
 

Cmax

Active Member
Today I'm starting my reboot. Yes, I've done it before. But today I'm committed.

I'm 53 years old and have been using porn since I was very young. So, my whole life. Things exploded for me with the internet as I'm sure it has with many.

I work from home and am self employed which has made it even easier to escape into porn every day. No one watching me, it's my computer, my private office with a door. I can take a break anytime I want and look at porn and masturbate. Lately I look more than anything because even on my own now it's harder and harder to get and keep an erection and harder to orgasm. The porn I watch is increasingly more disturbing and I am no longer enjoying it, I just feel horrible about what I'm doing. I also waste way too much time looking at it.

Here's my plan.

1. Exercise more
2. Eat better
3. Replace my porn breaks with either more work or by playing and writing music
4. Spend more time in this forum and other sites posting, writing and sharing. Hopefully this will help me feel like it's not just stuck inside my head.

Wish me luck. Best of luck to you all as well.
Get a stationary bike an d when the porn urge surges.....ride away
 

dom67

New Member
Very important to note that I am looking for an accountability partner. I would prefer someone in their fifties who is struggling like I am. A lifelong addiction to porn with a very deep interest in finally beating it.

Thanks in advance.
Hi Guitar1968: I too am looking for an accountability partner. I am 53 and a lifelong addict. Have tried lots and always have failed. However I want and need to succeed. I know an accountability partner will help me. Good luck to you on your journey.
 

guitar1968

Well-Known Member
Hi All! Just want to report that I am in a good place. The weekend was fine and I just haven't been feeling the need to go to porn. Much more relaxed lately than I was a few weeks ago. I woke up this morning with a nice erection and just got started with my day. I'm working on new music and have a lot of work going on. So, keeping busy and letting the need start to fade is a wonderful thing. I hope this is a start of an easier time. I have learned that I don't need or ever have needed to masturbate every day. Not sure why I thought I had to. I guess that is what addiction is all about.

@Cmax - I do have a stationery bike and I have been exercising a lot in the last 4 months. It definitely helps.

@dom67 - I sent you a direct message.

@JerryTX - I did see your post and I know you are right back on the horse and moving forward. You have come a long way and no matter what happens you are further down the path then you were over 3 months ago. Especially because you came right back here, reported in and moved on. That is incredible.

@Phineas 808 - thanks as always for your support. Things are definitely looking up. You know my path hasn't been a straight line, but I have managed to not PMO in over 110 days and I'm now seeing that I am absolutely fine not using porn. I'm feeling the burden lift a bit and it is rather amazing. I can't see a reason to go back now, but if I do slip and fall, I'll just get right back up and keeping moving forward.

Have a great week one and all. You are all capable of winning this battle. I am now certain of it!
 

guitar1968

Well-Known Member
Not a lot to report today. I'm feeling good. Not craving porn like I once did and still amazed that I have barely masturbated in almost 4 months. I have had struggles and ups and downs, but things are getting better and I'm not tethered to porn like I once was. Yesterday was a rare day that my wife and daughter were gone all day. I have worked from home for almost 20 years and in those years, usually as the garage door was closing, my pants were being unzipped and a private browser was being launched. Yesterday I didn't even think about this until they got home. And I worked, played guitar and worked on new songs and never even thought about PMO. Weird. Maybe this is starting to work.

My biggest take away continues to be the fact that I thought I needed to do it every day. That it was my right to do it every day. I have found out that the "Need" was not a need at all. It was truly the addiction. It's nice to feel it fading. Maybe in a few years I won't think about it at all. I'm going to do my best to make it a reality.

Have a great day.
 

guitar1968

Well-Known Member
Nothing much to discuss today. Another fine day yesterday. Urges are decreasing, thoughts are decreasing, and everything is settling down. Tomorrow is 120 days. A 90 day reboot was definitely not enough for me. I think as I'm about to hit 120 days the calmness is really settling in. I'm not thinking about porn or masturbation much at all. I'm not feeling like I'm missing out by not doing it. I'm just living.

It can be done. I'm finally proving to myself that I can do this. I'm 53 and I have had a life of porn and I can finally feel it being erased from my brain. Just think how good I'll feel in another 53 years! One can dream right.

Have a great and successful day everyone!
 

Cmax

Active Member
Nothing much to discuss today. Another fine day yesterday. Urges are decreasing, thoughts are decreasing, and everything is settling down. Tomorrow is 120 days. A 90 day reboot was definitely not enough for me. I think as I'm about to hit 120 days the calmness is really settling in. I'm not thinking about porn or masturbation much at all. I'm not feeling like I'm missing out by not doing it. I'm just living.

It can be done. I'm finally proving to myself that I can do this. I'm 53 and I have had a life of porn and I can finally feel it being erased from my brain. Just think how good I'll feel in another 53 years! One can dream right.

Have a great and successful day everyone!
Heck yeah brother...freedom!
 
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