My journey to be a better man.

guitar1968

Well-Known Member
Another day and night with no porn cravings. I have so little cravings at the moment I can hardly believe it. I'm watching a series on Netflix with nudity in almost every episode and it didn't made me long for my private browser. So, I'm either really getting a handle on this or I'm dead and I just haven't figured it out yet!

Happy to be feeling this way. My marriage is a mess and I don't think I can save it, but that is another story. But the stress of those issues is not making me crave porn. If anything it is making me realize that if I want to have a relationship in the future with someone new I need to continue on this journey more than ever. Not trying to bring the post down. The reality is that not all marriages can be saved and not all couples are meant to be together. Maybe we've truly just grown apart. Maybe we have changed. Maybe a little bit of both. Who knows. I'm just feeling tired of trying to keep this going.

Anyway, for now I will continue to celebrate my new freedom from porn and I will work on the rest of it.

Have a great day everyone. You can overcome this issue. I'm more sure of it now than ever before.
 
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Phineas 808

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
You mean to say, "...and it has never made me long for my private browser." ?

Congrats on your new found freedom. I know what you mean, as I was recently watching a series on the Roman Empire, complete with scenes of nudity. There were a scene or two where I would've in the past rewinded, froze the screen on, and acted out further- but no desire. And that was even recently on 'night-2' when the wife was out of town!

Of course I hope the best for your marriage. But above all, take care of yourself in terms of staying healthy, mentally and physically! May the rest 'work itself out'.
 

JerryTX

Active Member
Another day and night with no porn cravings. I have so little cravings at the moment I can hardly believe it. I'm watching a series on Netflix with nudity in almost every episode and it has made me long for my private browser. So, I'm either really getting a handle on this or I'm dead and I just haven't figured it out yet!

Happy to be feeling this way. My marriage is a mess and I don't think I can save it, but that is another story. But the stress of those issues is not making me crave porn. If anything it is making me realize that if I want to have a relationship in the future with someone new I need to continue on this journey more than ever. Not trying to bring the post down. The reality is that not all marriages can be saved and not all couples are meant to be together. Maybe we've truly just grown apart. Maybe we have changed. Maybe a little bit of both. Who knows. I'm just feeling tired of trying to keep this going.

Anyway, for now I will continue to celebrate my new freedom from porn and I will work on the rest of it.

Have a great day everyone. You can overcome this issue. I'm more sure of it now than ever before.
Congrats Guitar! I do agree that if both parties aren't willing or have at least tried to reconcile then yes it's time to move on. I hate that your going through that but I am also encouraged by your strength and positive outlook. Keep it up brother!
 

guitar1968

Well-Known Member
You mean to say, "...and it has never made me long for my private browser." ?

Congrats on your new found freedom. I know what you mean, as I was recently watching a series on the Roman Empire, complete with scenes of nudity. There were a scene or two where I would've in the past rewinded, froze the screen on, and acted out further- but no desire. And that was even recently on 'night-2' when the wife was out of town!

Of course I hope the best for your marriage. But above all, take care of yourself in terms of staying healthy, mentally and physically! May the rest 'work itself out'.
Thanks for sharing the typo. Yeah, that totally throws that paragraph off! I fixed it.

Thanks for your encouraging words as well.
 

guitar1968

Well-Known Member
Still cruising along for the most part. I got out of the shower today and one of my old porn fantasies popped into my head. I instantly starting feeling myself get aroused. I didn't hang there long and it quickly went away. I'm still feeling calm and good. It didn't throw me. Those memories will slip out here and there. I know that. It's what I do with them that makes a difference. So, I keep on plugging away and moving forward. There are so many other things to focus on besides porn. I'm glad I'm finally doing that.

Have a safe and wonderful weekend everyone. For those of you here in the U.S. enjoy the long weekend. Stay strong. Find your peace and enjoy life.
 

guitar1968

Well-Known Member
A rare short Sunday entry for me.

Things are good here. I played a solo acoustic gig yesterday that went very well. Felt really good to be out playing my original music in front of crowd. I want to share this with everyone for a couple of reasons. First, I've been a guitar player my entire life. Always playing lead guitar in bands or backing other people up. Last year when Covid hit I decided to start recording and releasing my own solo music with me singing. I'm 53 now and had never sung on anything before. I recorded a ton of songs and last week someone throwing a small music festival near me contacted me to play. They found my YouTube channel and liked my stuff. I tried finding some people to back me up, but because of the short notice no one was available. I was very close to telling him I couldn't play and then I decided to do it as a solo acoustic gig. Just me and my guitar and my original music. This was huge for me. I needed to do a 45 minute set. I think I was able to finally get the nerve up to do something like this was because of quitting porn. May sound crazy, but I've been practicing so much more, feeling better about myself and feeling just more capable than I have in the past. I don't think I would have been able to do this if my days were still filled with porn instead of the extra practice time. Feeling like I could conquer porn let me believe I could conquer other fears and issues as well.

The gig was great. I had so many people come over to me to tell me how much they loved my voice and my music. It meant the world to me.

Stay strong, keeping fighting the battle. There are so many things out there better than staying home with your pants around your ankles looking at a computer screen. You will feel so much better about yourself when you conquer this addiction. I'm not saying that I have totally conquered it myself, but I really feel like I'm on the way.

Peace and have a wonderful Sunday.
 

Phineas 808

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
That's a truly inspiring and hopeful post, Guitar! Leaving behind the crap, and building a better future.

This is motivating on so many levels...!
 

guitar1968

Well-Known Member
That's a truly inspiring and hopeful post, Guitar! Leaving behind the crap, and building a better future.

This is motivating on so many levels...!
Thanks Phineas. I truly believe that walking away from the porn life opens up a lot of doors. I have always been an outgoing and social person but over the past 10 or 15 years I have really started to kind of retreat into myself and my little world here. With covid it made it even easier. I think porn can do that to us. Dropping it gives us time, confidence and the freedom to be who we want. Nice to lose that heavy anchor holding us down.
 

Nick Simons

Active Member
Hey Guitar so glad to hear of your recent success and new found freedom ... to grow into the next, better you! I wish you the best for your relationship with your wife - however things turn out. But I am guessing that you are on the right path - first address yourself, embrace the new you, so that you can finally shake off the chains of porn ... then let the rest of your life fall into place however that may be.

I take inspiration from your posts every time I read them. Keep plugging bro.
 

Ziggy116

Member
Hi guitar1968....I just wanted to tell you I have just read the whole way through this thread... You are truly an inspiration to me and everyone else...I am 56, divorced for 5 years now... Been addicted to open for 30 some years... Everyday use...I used to pmo but over the last year or so I didn't even get hard watching porn...I just watched it for the high... My once very high libido disappeared probably 15 years ago...I never get erections during the day, however morning wood is every morning and always has been... Like I could cut steel with it.. But then once I get up it's gone till the next morning...I am so disgusted with myself that I have left porn control my life and ruin my marriage... It's t to make a change...I have just found out about this forum and I'm hoping so bad that it will help me out of this hell...I am now on day 8 no PMO... So far I feel great about it but I know I obviously have a very long road ahead of me... Having PIED SUCKS!!!! I want to be able to feel again... Live again...I am enjoying life but I want my sex life back... Normal sex life... Not porn sex...I will keep following your posts for inspiration... Thank you so much
 

guitar1968

Well-Known Member
Hi All! Things continue on the right path for me. Porn has faded so much at this point. Besides having a music gig this weekend, I cut the grass, painted a hallway and did some trim painting and other items that needed to get done around the house. Had dinner with some extended family members and just had a great 3 day weekend. Never even thinking about or considering porn. Truly feels wonderful.

Keep it up my friends. I've been a porn addict my whole life. Never thought it was possible to walk away. Finally I got disgusted enough with myself and found the tools I needed here on this forum.

No matter what comes down the road, I feel that I'm ready for it. Thanks and have a great and successful week everyone.
 

Ziggy116

Member
Guitar1968.... Been reading alot on here and it can be a little confusing...I have a question... First off I'm a gay man with an exclusive wonderful partner of 5 years...as I had stated in my other post I always have major MW... And usually my only erection of the day. My partner loves to wake me with oral almost every morning and I have no problem reaching O... Usually under 5 minutes...I mean honestly who wouldn't love that? But my question is, am I hindering my progress by having an O like 5 days a week? I have only been porn free for 9 days now... No masturbation at all... Just oral from a real human whom I love very much... Just need your insight on this... Thank you soooooo much...I want to be porn free and a horny man again...I want to be the man he deserves.
 

guitar1968

Well-Known Member
Guitar1968.... Been reading alot on here and it can be a little confusing...I have a question... First off I'm a gay man with an exclusive wonderful partner of 5 years...as I had stated in my other post I always have major MW... And usually my only erection of the day. My partner loves to wake me with oral almost every morning and I have no problem reaching O... Usually under 5 minutes...I mean honestly who wouldn't love that? But my question is, am I hindering my progress by having an O like 5 days a week? I have only been porn free for 9 days now... No masturbation at all... Just oral from a real human whom I love very much... Just need your insight on this... Thank you soooooo much...I want to be porn free and a horny man again...I want to be the man he deserves.
Well, I may not be the best one to ask this question. I have made it pretty far, much farther than I ever have at trying to quit and I feel like I'm doing well. My guess is that you are doing just fine. If you're not using porn any longer and are no longer masturbating to it and you can have great orgasms with your partner it sounds like everything is great. For those of us who let it get too far and have had issues with erections or problems with ejaculating (I have both) - I think a true reboot with no orgasms may help. That's what I'm doing now. Since I started my journey on April 15 of this year, I have masturbated 5 times to orgasm. I've seen a bit of porn here and there on my Twitter feed but I haven't been seeking it out and I have not masturbated to it at all. I decided 45 days ago to not masturbate as well. I'm 53 and porn has been in my life since I was very young. I really need a true reboot. It may take a few years to get back to being the way I want, but I'm fine with that. I'm hoping I can start being intimate with my wife again after 90 days of hard mode, but we'll see how things go.

I'd be thrilled to wake up each day to oral, have a great erections and be able to finish. Sounds like mornings at your place are pretty super duper!
 

Ziggy116

Member
Well, I may not be the best one to ask this question. I have made it pretty far, much farther than I ever have at trying to quit and I feel like I'm doing well. My guess is that you are doing just fine. If you're not using porn any longer and are no longer masturbating to it and you can have great orgasms with your partner it sounds like everything is great. For those of us who let it get too far and have had issues with erections or problems with ejaculating (I have both) - I think a true reboot with no orgasms may help. That's what I'm doing now. Since I started my journey on April 15 of this year, I have masturbated 5 times to orgasm. I've seen a bit of porn here and there on my Twitter feed but I haven't been seeking it out and I have not masturbated to it at all. I decided 45 days ago to not masturbate as well. I'm 53 and porn has been in my life since I was very young. I really need a true reboot. It may take a few years to get back to being the way I want, but I'm fine with that. I'm hoping I can start being intimate with my wife again after 90 days of hard mode, but we'll see how things go.

I'd be thrilled to wake up each day to oral, have a great erections and be able to finish. Sounds like mornings at your place are pretty super duper!
Thank you for responding... I've been watching porn regularly for 30 some years... I'm disgusted when I think of the time I've wasted with it... But I want so bad to get on the right track.... Mornings at our place are super but other than that I just can't get going...I know I have PIED... Definitely, I want to feel again... Have a desire for sex... Feel things churning down there again... Other than the morning oral I just don't have much desire.... I'm hoping just staying away from porn and not masturbating anymore will help to reboot my brain...I really appreciate your posts and will keep following it for encouragement... Thank you
 

guitar1968

Well-Known Member
So, for me coming here was about a couple things. First, I want to have real, meaningful sex sometime in my life again. I felt like I was getting to a point where that would never be possible if I didn't take action. Second, I got to this point where I didn't even want to watch porn or masturbate but I had this awful internal feeling like I had to, like I couldn't stop. I finally realized it was an addiction. Third, I was thoroughly disgusted by the porn that I had to watch to be able to orgasm. Sitting here for hours, half erect and not being able to orgasm until I found some weird or bizarre sex act finally made me just so annoyed with myself that I knew I had to walk away.

I truly wish I had come to this conclusion many years ago. I recall hearing about David Duchovny being addicted to porn and going to rehab and I thought the entire thing was ridiculous. I thought come on, it's just what guys do. We all watch porn. I wish I had taken a closer look at it then and not wasted away 10 more years doing the same behavior.

But, I'm here now. I've realized how porn has shaped my entire sex life and much of my daily life as well. I don't know what sex is without porn. They were one in the same. I watched porn. I wanted a porn sex life. I wanted my girlfriends and my wife to be porn stars. I thought that was normal sex. It didn't matter to me that my wife didn't want to do all those things. And, looking back, she was a pretty good sport about much of it, but I kept pushing and pushing and pushing her to do more until she just finally shut down. Boy, porn did me a real favor there. I thought my wife was some kind of prude or just didn't like sex. I should have realized how much she did want to please me and how much she wanted to enjoy sex as well. I made it a bad thing for her and that is terrible. I may never win back her trust and maybe I don't deserve to, but I have to try and I have to stay away from porn because it really has ruined so much for me.

Porn is so mainstream now. Jokes are made about it, porn stars are celebrities, it's out in the open everywhere. That makes me worried for the younger generation. We're setting up so many people for unhappy relationships and sexual dysfunction. I don't know what the answers are for our society, but I know I'm done with it and I feel better than I have in a long time to finally have some space between porn and my life.

Things are good today and have been for a while. I don't miss porn and I'm happy to moving forward. Have a fantastic day everyone.
 

guitar1968

Well-Known Member
Not much to report today. Things are good. I'm trying to decide if I need the daily check-in or if I should start scaling back. I really enjoy the journal. I've been using a program on my computer to write on and off and that has always been a good tool, but I like the interaction on here. Plus this keeps me focused on the goal.

O.k. I talked myself into it. I need to keep coming back most days for now. The monster is always lurking around the corner and coming here seems to help keep it at bay.

Have a great and successful day my friends!
 

guiganvoger

Active Member
Not much to report today. Things are good. I'm trying to decide if I need the daily check-in or if I should start scaling back. I really enjoy the journal. I've been using a program on my computer to write on and off and that has always been a good tool, but I like the interaction on here. Plus this keeps me focused on the goal.

O.k. I talked myself into it. I need to keep coming back most days for now. The monster is always lurking around the corner and coming here seems to help keep it at bay.

Have a great and successful day my friends!
I'm currently querying that same decision with myself. It seems like I have the best results when I feel urges or need an escape in the moment. Sometimes that is everyday and sometimes that's once every few days. I have experienced thinking about porn and addiction too much. I felt like I had become so fixated on the subject that it was giving me subconscious thoughts and urges. Lately, I have been trying to post to the forum when I feel I need to and not really worried about posting every single and make it out to be an obligation. It should be fun and helpful to use the forum and talk with/relate to people about addiction.

Congratulations on your recent gig! Your recent posts and outlook has been inspiring myself and so many others. Keep up the great work!
 
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