My journey to be a better man.

guitar1968

Well-Known Member
Just checking in. I've been journaling more on my own. I'm still fighting this battle. I don't know when or how I'll ever truly get away but I know I want to. Had a decent week. Doing a lot of stuff and working on music a lot. Exercising and trying to eat better. Let's see if that helps. I've had some strong urges today. So far I've done well. Weekends I stay away from my computer so that should also help.

Best of luck to you all. Keep working on yourselves. We can do this.
 
I am glad you are doing a lot of stuff like music, some weeks can be difficult. I have had some good weeks of late and feel so much better in myself.

I have noticed a lot of changes in the algorithms on my computer and phone since I have been avoiding so much crap.

You should be proud of yourself of what you achieve. Keep up the good work and work on your music.
 

guitar1968

Well-Known Member
Back after a month of not being great. My body no longer wants porn. I can tell because I can't get off anymore. Well, sometimes, but it's a struggle. It's like my body is just saying enough. I need help getting over this. I'm not finding a way out. Struggling badly.

I'm here today just feeling very down about my situation and about myself. My mind has been a mess about this, my relationship, work. I'm getting older and I want to be happy and free from this stuff. I'm researching more ways to quit. I don't know if an actual group session would work. A therapist? An online therapist? Not sure. I'll try to come back here more.

Good luck everyone.
 

guitar1968

Well-Known Member
@guitar1968

keep going. Journal all the time….that’s my advice. Make it a daily routine. It’s a core fundamental of recovery.
Yeah, my longest stretches have been when I've come back here several times a week. It's Friday and the week went pretty well. I was really feeling it on Wednesday when I popped in here for a bit. But things calmed down. I made a few steps this week to try and get control again. It has helped. I'm too old for this shit. I turned 55 last month. I'm tired of it. There is no joy in it. Only feeling bad and feeling lost. I don't want to spend the days I have remaining addicted to porn. There are better things to do for sure.

I'm going to jump back in and really try to get control here while I still have time. I'll be back more often again.

Keep fighting everyone.
 

guitar1968

Well-Known Member
Hello all,

Well it's been a week without porn. I feel better. Calmer. But I know it's always lurking. I am really tired of it at this point in my life. I hope that helps. I'm focusing on health, work, music and just trying to have fun and be happy. Porn doesn't fit into that model. The last porn I had was last Monday and it wasn't good. I took steps this past week to make things better for me on my phone so I don't get drawn in. I know I always seem to get pulled back in so I'm really going to work hard not to this time.

That's about all. I just think it's good to be here talking about it once and a while. I'll try to be back more.

Keep at it everyone. Good luck.
 

Phineas 808

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Good job, Guitar... good seeing you.

Just give yourself that space, that time to heal- you deserve it! You have so much awesome things to live for, and a rich and full life. P was just an old solution to problems it never solved, and created its own problems in the process.

You and I, despite our age, can grow out of this addiction! We do this naturally, and with tons of self-compassion.
 

guitar1968

Well-Known Member
Good job, Guitar... good seeing you.

Just give yourself that space, that time to heal- you deserve it! You have so much awesome things to live for, and a rich and full life. P was just an old solution to problems it never solved, and created its own problems in the process.

You and I, despite our age, can grow out of this addiction! We do this naturally, and with tons of self-compassion.
Glad to hear from you @Phineas 808 - Yes, I'm back and trying harder now to take control. I'm so exhausted from it all. I do have better things to do. Anything is better! I'm feeling pretty good about things right now. Last November I came up with a short list of goals that I look at most days. I started really journaling a lot on my own and every day I paste in the list and report to myself how I'm doing. I'm amazed at how much this is keeping me on track. The list is 7 items. Here it is. I wasn't planning on sharing it, but it's strange how much this helps me to keep on track.
  1. Better diet
  2. More Exercise
  3. Meditate
  4. Stop watching porn
  5. Make more music
  6. Focus on work and business everyday.
  7. Be happy!
I think sometimes people make too many goals or get caught up in big sweeping changes. I suppose this small list could be that and it is at times, but it is very focused, very simple and easy for me to stay on top of. It kind of covers everything if you look deep enough. I don't have fix relationship on here, but I think if I'm happy, that might also help my relationship. At this time though I'm really just working on me. Hoping this stuff just expands into all parts of my life. Today I reported in that I did all of it and was indeed feeling happy.

It's just been over a week without porn again, but I feel so much better already. Like I can breathe. For the first time since I've been on here I made changes to my phone to avoid more porn and it is working. I'm just not looking at social media as much either.

This journey will be taking place I'm guessing for the rest of my life. I'm 55 now. I'm hoping to live a few more good years. I would like to do it without porn on my back weighing me down.

Have a great day everyone.
 

guitar1968

Well-Known Member
Busy day yesterday. Didn't have time to make a post here, but I also didn't have time to think about porn. The last 10 days of no porn have gone by very quickly and very easily. I know that I can't just assume it will be easy sailing from here out. It won't. I've had some nice long streaks before. Then the chatter in my head starts to tell me that a quick look won't hurt. One jerk off session won't take me back to the daily porn surfing and endless days of PMO. So, for now, I'm enjoying the peace and quiet in my head. I am just trying to prepare myself for the inevitable day when the voices start asking again. I'm just going to keep reviewing my list and working towards being successful with it every day.

That's my story for today. Good luck one and all.
 

guitar1968

Well-Known Member
Back again today. Good week. No porn, no masturbation, no real drive for either. I've been exercising every weekday morning for the past 8 weeks. It was a struggle at first, but I have gotten into it and it is making me feel really good. Now, clocks change this weekend. Next week is going to be tough to keep this habit alive. But, even if I have a tough week with it, I'll still do it. I just may not be as motivated while I'm in the middle of it.

One thing that I am very happy about is how I've changed my Instagram/Twitter habits the last two weeks. I reset my instagram and have changed the algorithm to not show me the hot women who are all but naked doing things that aren't good for me to see. In fact, I've barely been on Instagram. Before, even when I was trying to quit porn and wasn't truly using porn, I would watch these videos and click through women's links to see if they were naked on Twitter. Many times they were indeed nude on Twitter. And, I would look and move on. But I would look. I would seek it out. I may not have used it for masturbation, but my mind was still craving it and getting a little boost from seeing it. So, I really haven't quit porn if I'm doing that. So for the past 11 or 12 days, I haven't looked at all and I'm not missing it. I think this might be one of the keys to keeping away. The little things pull us back in. I'm not going to stop watching movies or tv shows that might have nudity or sex scenes. But I am not going to seek out ways of replacing porn.

Hoping my visits here help.

Have a great and uplifting weekend everyone.
 

guitar1968

Well-Known Member
Just a quick entry today. Good weekend. No real draw to porn. No real urges at the moment. Things are going well. A full two weeks today. I'm off to a good start.

Take care one and all. Be strong.
 

guitar1968

Well-Known Member
Feeling good today. Still exercising every morning, eating better, focusing on work and music. It's very helpful to be busy doing meaningful things. I want to keep riding this wave. I'm not having really any draw to look at porn. It's a little strange. The many, many other times I've quit I usually start longing for it in a day or two. It's been too easy and to be honest, that makes me a bit nervous. Like all of a sudden the good and peaceful wave will become a tidal wave and break everything in its path. But hey, maybe I should just relax and enjoy it. No sense worrying about when the cravings will return. I'm sure they will. It's how well I'm prepared to handle them.

That's it for now I guess. Back to living life.

Have a wonderful day everyone.
 

guitar1968

Well-Known Member
Woke up today with strong sexual feelings. I was aroused, half asleep and many images came into my mind. It was pleasant. I don't think it will knock me off track. It will be interesting to see if these feelings get stronger each day. Maybe I'll wake up with nothing in my mind tomorrow. Time will tell. But, I'm heading into today feeling strong and confident. It's a good feeling. Lot's to do today so I'm sure everything will be good.

Have a great day people.
 

guitar1968

Well-Known Member
Came back from a meeting out of the office and have a fairly strong urge to look at porn. Not terrible, but it's there. It just keeps popping in my head. So, I stopped over here quickly hoping to dump it from my mind.

Weird games addiction plays on us. Absolutely nothing triggered this. No sexy photos, no beautiful women around me. Just sat down to work and my mind, deep in my mind, somewhere back right before it disappears into the unconscious it started making itself know. Trying to chase it away now.

Hope you all are doing great.
 

guitar1968

Well-Known Member
The little blip of feeling like I wanted to watch porn yesterday passed quickly. It wasn't a battle inside me or anything. It was more of a realization. I almost felt my hands going through the motions to guide me to the porn sites. As soon as I realized the feeling I just decided not to. And it was easy, I just stopped. Again, it will only be 3 weeks on Monday. Not much time. Hopefully I'll continue to be strong and realize that I'm doing great without it. I can say even in the past few month where I stayed away on my computer, I was still scrolling through tons of hot women on instagram and twitter. I haven't done that at all in the past 3 weeks. I was able to change the algorithm in instagram to stop showing me women. It took a lot of blocking certain feeds but now they just don't come up and I'm not using instagram nearly as much. I really think it's helping me. When I'm looking on a small screen, it feeds the beast. I may not have been using it for orgasms, but it would undoubtedly fuel my desire when I got back to a bigger screen in a private room.

I'm still coming here most days and I do wonder if I wasn't would it be easier to start up again. Not sure, but either way, things are going well, I feel at peace which is nice. I'm out networking again for my business, I'm playing music, I'm working. It's all good.

Have a great, porn-free weekend everyone.
 

Percival

Active Member
Congratulations, you're doing great! I am always surprised at how easy it is to end the compulsion, once I get past the first few days when it's hard. After that the challenge for me is that I forget how bad it is and how easy it is to slip just a little bit.

It sounds like you like yourself better as you are now. It's a great feeling!
 

guitar1968

Well-Known Member
Back at work after a nice, easy going weekend. No porn, no real urge to look. Nothing on my phone which is one of the things that I'm feeling really good about. Instagram and Twitter can really keep you in the porn game.

I have been falling asleep and waking up with a lot of sexual thoughts and images in my brain. Something about that space between sleep and being awake allows for all kinds of things to run through your head. Nothing that made me feel like I have to get back to porn, but more like an awakening of sorts. Hard to explain. Maybe it was also because I didn't have to get up early to start the day. Weekends are nice. I get to sleep in a bit and rest in bed as I wake instead of getting right up. I think that gives my mind the space it needs to relax and imagine things.

It's been 3 weeks since I looked at porn and I do feel pretty good. Just nice to have some clarity.

Have a great week everyone.
 

guitar1968

Well-Known Member
Just stopping in quick as I start my day. Feeling good. No real issues to look at porn. Being good with my phone and instagram and twitter. I still get the occasional hot chick in my instagram feed, but it's easy to mark as not interested. I thought it would be a lot harder to change the algorithm but if you keep saying Not Interested to reels that come up, pretty soon you don't get many at all. I'm glad I learned how to change it because even when I was staying away from porn, I was using porn subs pretty strongly. Now I really don't have any issues.

That's not to say that I don't have sexual thoughts or feelings. I do. Mostly mornings and at a night when I'm falling asleep. Sex is a powerful thing. We all know that. I miss actual sexual contact with another human. I am still married, but sex has been off the table for a long time. I don't think we'll ever get back there. Maybe, but I doubt it. At some point, I do want to experience it again. If I have to leave my marriage to get it, I will. It's that simple. I'm getting old. I'm more aware of it now then I ever have been. I don't want this thought of sex to rule my life, but it certainly has and deserves a place in my life for sure. I just can't let it become an obsession. When the time is right, I will do what I need to do.

Sorry, this post took a turn. I wasn't really planning on discussing my marriage and my lack of sexual contact today. I've covered it plenty in the past. Porn has played a big part in where I am with my marriage. We've been married a long time. I understand sexual desires wane over time. But thanks to porn I pushed my wife away a long time ago. That is the truth.

Have a great day.
 
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