Rebootando, I started following (watching) your journal!
I think your approach is good for now, you're catching what is leading to a lapse, and you're being analytical. You're asking all the right questions.
For me, it takes a 0 tolerance toward old behaviors that lead into old habit patterns. The fantasy and touching (testing) sound like a gateway, right now. Find a way to 'shut that down' if it emerges at all, like ukquit suggests.
I don't have PIED, but I do get performance anxiety, and used to look at a quick p-sub in order to make sure I was sufficiently aroused for the wife, but I challenge myself nowadays to go the distance without doing that, or without resorting to fantasy (or porn memories) during sex. This idea of 'testing' has gotten me in trouble, has led back down the 'wrong' path more than once....
So, change your habits surrounding your unwanted behaviors, trust the process (I know it takes a while), and you'll see progress as you did before.
I also know what a challenge it is, after a successful reboot/recovery to lapse or relapse, and how to find that original motivation to quit. It's difficult, but not impossible.
I think your approach is good for now, you're catching what is leading to a lapse, and you're being analytical. You're asking all the right questions.
For me, it takes a 0 tolerance toward old behaviors that lead into old habit patterns. The fantasy and touching (testing) sound like a gateway, right now. Find a way to 'shut that down' if it emerges at all, like ukquit suggests.
I don't have PIED, but I do get performance anxiety, and used to look at a quick p-sub in order to make sure I was sufficiently aroused for the wife, but I challenge myself nowadays to go the distance without doing that, or without resorting to fantasy (or porn memories) during sex. This idea of 'testing' has gotten me in trouble, has led back down the 'wrong' path more than once....
So, change your habits surrounding your unwanted behaviors, trust the process (I know it takes a while), and you'll see progress as you did before.
I also know what a challenge it is, after a successful reboot/recovery to lapse or relapse, and how to find that original motivation to quit. It's difficult, but not impossible.