Out of cage. 8 months without PMO. DE&PIED cured



Yesterday I had a lot of anxiety. Especially because of my work, getting things done, the goals, the timeline...

The thing is that I did put myself in there, I am responsible for that. I rushed things up, I tried to do it all at the same time. I wasn't present, focused on one thing at a time.

But the thing is that I am not productive in that state, instead, it hurts me.

It is clear to me now some things I do to be in that state. So I will avoid that, I know the path to ''hell''.



Today I will do my first speech. I didn't have great experiences with public speaking before, so this is a challenge for me. In the past, that gave me a lot of stress and anxiety, and often I chose PMO to escape.

And I chose toastmasters because is an awesome ambient to improve that skill. Everyone there is looking for improving their speaking skills, leadership skills...

I am excited about that, a little anxious, and I have trained quite some time. Hope everything goes well.

keep strong


I did it! It was great

Great experience doing public speaking, for the first time in my life I think, I trained a lot so I was feeling confident, was a little anxious before starting, but I think is normal.

Had a lot of feedback, so I will adapt for the next speaking which is on 05/18.


Well-Known Member
Keep up the public speaking man, it's great! What a coincidence I did toastmasters and got sooo much out of it and want to get back into it. Keep it up, after about a year I got really good and it's pretty life changing


Thanks @quitforeverthenwin2 Nice, how was your experience there? What do you feel that you improved?

New challenges

Fear serves us as a compass. What you are afraid of probably indicates where you should go.

Where you can most grow.

Imagine a life where you constantly are conquering your goals, passing through your most big fears.

That's the way I am starting to view the game, my approach to the game. The way I wanna play.

See MJ series on Netflix, what a mentality


Well-Known Member
Awesome man - some gold stuff. Love the positive motivating stuff you are sharing.

Absolutely - I saw massive improvement. Public speaking is probably the best investment of any skill - for me filming myself, practicing at home helped a lot. It was great because the the speaking ability carried over into general socializing and a lot of old school self help books mention practicing public speaking one of the best things for confidence and self esteem boosting and I find that to be the case.

I've been wanting to take the next step and get into stand up comedy - just got the mastercourse by steve martin on it. I was feeling wishy washy about it - but now thinking I ought to dive right in. Trying to think of jokes makes me happy - and if I stick with it for sure I could get good. Making people laugh feels great for me and provides a real service to them - thats another huge benefit of public speaking by the way - you can share positive things with others, whether laughter or motivation. It's pretty cool even speeches you give in toastmasters can make a difference for people


Nice! Humor is a nice skill to have, providing joy, positive energy to people around you..changing their day just with your words/energy


The ambient influences you! What are the people you most spend time with? Presencial or online

I am getting gradually more aware of that, so I started to follow some people I truly admire on Instagram and youtube. Where I spent quite some time

I also started to see some interviews, series of people I admire to get their mindset, habits, behaviors...I am repeating over and over until I ''get'' that to my life.

Is like a ''mastermind''. The logical part is that I didn't have the money to enter the ones where I want, but I could benefit from their knowledge, especially what they do daily.

Is easier to change in an ambient where people already achieved the goals you want, that supports you, where the goal you want to achieve is glorified, not demonized.


What are my big fears/challenges now?

Public speaking
Financial freedom
Getting the shape I want
Improving my relationship with my parents and with my friends
Understand better my personality more introverted/shy, adapting and fully accepting it
Breaking some Limiting Beliefs
Getting the girls I deserve and if it happens, a great relationship from it.


80/20 everyday

I got back to a nutritionist yesterday. I tried to do it alone, but I stagnated for the past 2 months more or less.

I am always looking for the 80/20, for what will give more results, what will make me do quantum leaps instead of marginal gains. So every day I ask myself what is the 80/20's that I need to take ( i do that when I am going for a walking every morning after I wake up and meditate)

Of course, I also look for marginal gains, the 1%. But like I said, I ask myself every day the 80/20.

And another 80/20 besides getting back to a nutritionist is to work with one or more experts in my job. I basically sell online courses and I am working only with one guy, but it can be too risky and I am in my comfort zone that way, so doubling or tripling that can make me 2 or 3x more results (knowledge, money, process...)

Another 80/20 to me is to record myself speaking to adjust what I need to get better in public speaking/communication. Is to spend more hours doing that until these new skills become part of my repertory.
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You are responsible for everything in your life. Your relationship isn't going well, you are responsible. Your life isn't the way you wanna, you are responsible. You are addicted, you are responsible.

When we take responsibility for everything in our life, we abandon victimism, which is a prague, because starts to be your new mechanism when something doesn't work well. So you start to blame everyone but you. And you keep repeating that story/excuse to yourself for decades.


Day 238 without P

You are a product of your past habits

Knowing that, what you wanna be in the future? And your habits are aligned with that vision?


Day 239 without P

Limiting beliefs

I thought that I didn't have, but when I am close to achieve some goal or want to achieve some goal, some thoughts appear doubting myself. Even when I am sleeping some self limit beliefs appears.

How to overcome that?

Facing my fears. Looking for them and doing even though I am afraid with positive thinking and preparation.


Day 241 without P

Hard truths

Firstly, I didn't have sex enough in my life and didn't have a lot of dates. So I have used P as a crutch. Then when I started to solve this problem (started to date more girls, have more sex, and added M without P and without escaping), I didn't more P to that anymore.

Another one was using P to feel better when I was sad, bored, feeling pain...so I had to have other mechanisms healthier to solve these problems and not use P as a crutch anymore, like doing therapy, studying emotional intelligence...

We have to find why you are using P as a crutch in your life, a list of them. And then we will combat each one of them

There is no magical pill to cure that addiction, you can do 90 days challenge as many times you want, but if you don't solve these problems behind, you probably will go back to PMO someday.


Rollercoaster of emotions

I did it! In my second speech in toastmasters, I talked about habits, the structure, and some techniques, based on the book atomic habits and in my experience applying them. I will do my third speech on saturday.

And I failed in my work, so I will have to end my actual partnership and look for other partners to work with. This time I will work with 3 instead of 1, as I said above.

A rollercoaster of emotions. Probably if that had happened when i was addicted i would go to PMO like crazy. But now no, I managed my emotions better, i am talking with my therapist about that, I know that i have learned so much with that experience...and that i have to focus my energy in the present and in finding another partner.

A common matter that i see especially with men, is that we aren't taught who to deal with our emotions, we don't discuss that, is ''girls problems''. But the thing is that we are humans, so we have emotions, and if we don't recognize them and deal with them, probably we will ignore it, but someday that problem will come out, and because we don't know how to deal with them we will probably copy with something else like PMO, alcohol, drugs...and we get in the cycle of: we have a problem -> we ignore our emotions -> we use PMO to feel better. So we do that over and over and we get addicted, then that cycle becomes our natural habit.
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New identity

Part of the process of quitting PMO is in the changing of your identity, from addicted to a normal guy who doesn't watch P. Is called the cycle of feedback by James Clear, your habits change your identity, and your identity changes your habits.

So if you wanna change to that new identity you have to constantly reinforce that through your new habits, like not watching P anymore. Every little decision you make to not watch P will reinforce your new identity. And at the same time when you are assuming this new identity, you will look for habits that are aligned with that identity.

You don't need to be perfect, just win by majority. So eventually you can fail/relapse, but overall you have to win by majority. So just don't quit and try to adapt to that new identity.

Changing your identity is something deeper than just achieving the 90 days without PMO. You can focus only on achieving that result, but after that, you probably will fail because you were just interested in the result, not in changing your identity and in your systems, which is for your entire life.

You can call whatever you want to be your new identity, I did that way. I just think that doesn't is healthier, in the long run, to keep calling yourself addicted because you will be embodying that role and will act accordingly with that.

And just to remind, there are 3 levels: results - systems - identity

I will talk more about systems tomorrow
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Systems - how to create and implement new habits, and how to apply that to quit PMO

It is the second level of change, deeper than just trying to achieve some goal, therefore is more permanent than the other one.

To understand how to change your systems, you need to understand how the structure of a habit, which is stimulus, desire, response, recompense.

And that are the 4 laws of behavior change, which is turning your stimulus more clear, your desires more attractive, your response easier to do and your recompense more satisfactory.

There a lot of techniques to apply in each of these parts of the structure of a habit.

I will tell some:

1 part - stimulus more clear

- redesign your ambient, so if you wanna drink more water, you put more bottles of water scattered around your house/work.

- another one, stacking habits: is easier to implement a new habit right after something you already do constantly. By doing that, your stimulus will be more clear, because when you finish the first activity you know that you will do the second.

- another one is the intention of implementation, so you say the time and the local you will implement your new habit. Is easier to remember and increase the odds of you doing the habit, otherwise, you will have a vague intention like I will do this tomorrow, next week.

Applying that to quitting PMO:

- instead of having your stimulus more clear, you have to make that unclear, invisible: and that I wrote in that post



Thank you, Gary Wilson, for your legacy. That definitely impacted my life, when I first understood that my problem had a name and a scientific explanation, instead of thinking I had a chronic disease that I had to deal with for the rest of my life or something like that.

Just to remember some important concepts that he talked about applied to the addiction of P:
- desensitization
- sensitization
- altered response to cravings
- super stimulus
- some concepts of neuroplasticity applied to rebooting

rest in peace


My third speech

I improved a lot, started to introduce a lot of techniques even they are far from being awesome.

I am a little nervous yet, especially because yesterday the room was full, with a lot of guests and members.

I am very aware of the techniques and my weakness and strengths, especially after have been watching a lot of other speeches and valuations.

I also started to train improvisation speeches, which is one of my weaknesses, understanding some structures, what involves and etc.