This has to stop. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength

JerryTX

Member
I am a 49yr old Christian man that has been addicted to PMO for decades.  It started back in my teens and it really progressed with the internet and availability.  I am a Christian man and the guilt and shame of this longstanding addiction is come to a boiling point.  It really is to much to bear by myself as I have tried to quit many, many times with no success.  I am happily married and I realize this addiction has likely damaged my relationship and led to my ED.  I love my wife and recently watched Life.church.tv sermon on quitting porn that led to my resolve. I would encourage you all to watch it.  I am a broken man.  I have been reading all the information on your brain on porn and it has helped.  That is what led me to this site.  This was the daily declaration I have made to myself and read it over and over especially when I am being tempted.
I am not a slave to porn and lustful thoughts.  Because GOD has and will purify my heart and my mind.  I will honor GOD with my eyes and thoughts.  My GOD is faithful.  Even when I am tempted, GOD will always give me a way out!    1 Cor 10:12-13, James 1:12, 2 Cor 10:5.

I am on day 6 of the reboot today and know my triggers.  I will be traveling for work this week and I realize the temptations will become very strong the next 3 days.  I will use worship, prayer, meditation, exercise to assist me from all my future temptations.  It is good to see this site with others that are going through the same struggle.  I have had enough!


Looking forward to posting my journey and success. 
 

Nick Simons

Active Member
Hey Jerry - welcome. 

I think you will find many here who are strikingly similar to you.  I hope this brings you a sense of not being alone, of having others who know exactly what you are feeling, and hopefully a place where you will learn to shed your burden of shame.  A place where you have a band of brothers fighting a similar battle ... and claiming victory along the way.

For me, my story is very much your story - Christian man, married, 2 kids, have struggled for 40ish years ... until I came here and finally got serious about breaking free from porn prison.  I pray this is your path - all I can say is have faith ... there is a real and possible solution for you.

One tool I used on my path towards becoming a non-porn user was through a 40-day program I used every day when I first joined this forum several months ago - it was called "40 Days of Purity: Living a Life of Purity...One Day at a Time"  by Stephen L. Cervantes. Check it out and I hope you find this helpful as it provides a daily game plan from a Christian perspective.

Post daily if you can, and be totally honest - that will provide an accountability network for you on your journey.  A few thoughts that I hope provide you some comfort:

-  "And also use the shield of faith with which you can stop all the burning arrows of the Evil One". ?EPHESIANS 6:16
-  "But if we confess our sins, he will forgive our sins, because we can trust God to do what is right. He will cleanse us from all the wrongs we have done." ?1 JOHN 1:9
-  "The sacrifice God wants is a broken spirit. God, you will not reject a heart that is broken and sorry for sin." ?PSALM 51:17
-  "In the same way, I tell you there is more joy in heaven over one sinner who changes his heart and life, than over ninety-nine good people who don?t need to change." ?LUKE 15:7

 

JerryTX

Member
Thanks for the kind words.  Day 7 and traveling the next 2 nights!  Staying positive and keeping busy with work and working out.  Will read, study, and prayer for peace the next 2 nights!  I will check out the book as well!

 

J01

Active Member
Nice going on the 7 days.  Have a good trip and stay in the word and stay in touch here if things get dicey on the road.  He is merciful-take care! 
 

JerryTX

Member
On day 8 but it's not over.  Traveling still for work but was extremely proud of my first night last night away since the reboot!  going to grab dinner and come back to hotel and likely fight triggers.  I have a workout planned, the word, and a nice book which is been relevant during the reboot --  Winning the War in your mind-It's been great!  Praying for another solid victory tonight and back home tomorrow.

One question for the group as I read these posts is I assume during the reboot if you have sex with your wife it doesn't effect the reboot?  Just curious what your thoughts are!

I'm going to kick day 8's butt!

 

Phineas 808

Well-Known Member
Welcome, JerryTX!

Good to meet a fellow believer!

My encouragement is to find a way to flip shame on its head, as will happen through a radical view of grace. For me, legalistic thinking only compounded my problems for years, decades, and only when I accepted (believed) that God forgave me of all my sins, past, present, and even future, that I began to find healing.

For the question about love making with the wife, many will say, go 'hard mode' for 90 days before trying to rewire. This may be necessary for extreme PIED, but my thinking is that as long as it's with our wife, even if it's a struggle, we'll retrain the brain away from artificial stimulation and excitation, and rewire it toward 'real-world' sex, as it should be, with our spouse.

Wishing you well, and hope to interact with you and walk this out with you!
 

JerryTX

Member
Thanks Phineas..  appreciate the kind words and I have enjoyed your journal.  10 Days completed here and have a busy weekend.  Staying diligent with the Bible and haven't had too many urges/temptations.  Thanks for the answer of the question about sex with your spouse.  I agree and most of the things I have read/watched say different things.  But I also know that if it's real with my wife and avoid the screen/fake PMO. 

I like the 120 day approach you mentioned.  I have a long way to go but I am taking it day by day!

 

Phineas 808

Well-Known Member
I like the 120 day approach you mentioned.  I have a long way to go but I am taking it day by day!

One day at a time is the way to go...!

A huge goal may seem daunting and intimidating, but how I approach a 90 day or a 120 day goal is by breaking them up into smaller mini-goals. For example, my 120 days was 15 x 8 mini-goals. So, I celebrated every 8 days, lol...!

Again, our goals can simply be our 'new best'. For example, if 20 days is the most we've ever gone, make 21 days your next goal, etc...

Congrats on the 10 days! Be blessed.
 

JerryTX

Member
DAY 14 in the books. No P M O

No real strong urges or temptations to date.  I kinda feel like this may be a flatline but it seems to soon.  Staying strong daily and trying to keep busy.  Toughest triggers is when I'm in my home office and no one is home.  I either turn on worship music or go for a walk if I think I get the urge.  Stay strong out there and I know I still have a long long way to go. 

https://www.life.church/media/deep-clean/how-to-quit-porn/

Just another resource. 

JC



 

JerryTX

Member
I am not sure if counting days for me is good or bad.  I am using a spreadsheet that was mentioned in your brain on porn.  Anyway today is Day 17 no PMO.  So far been feeling pretty good and been able to move on if and when their is a temptation.  Don't think I am flat lining like I mentioned before as I have been very ready to go in the AM but no wife action as I get up really early.  So off to workout I go and urge goes with it.  Also on day 17 with no sex with my spouse.  So maybe that's why my urges have been strong and wanting a release.  However, I am standing firm (no pun intended ;D) on if it isn't real it isn't happening.  We will have our first weekend alone since this journey began so we will see where that leads. 

Journaling here is healthy for me and I am thankful for all those going on this journey to be PORN FREE! 

I do find strength in my faith in GOD and I know others do as well.  I am not trying to make this a religious thread but it really helps keeping me grounded. 
So I will leave you with something I have been reading daily and sometimes multiple times a day.  This is just the first portion and I will post the others as I continue to check in with you all.

When your mind is changed, your life will be transformed.  Remember, where your mind goes, your life follows.  When you experience deliverance, your mind has to switch from a slave to a son, from a slave to a soldier.  Even if you get the same attacks as before, you get to see them from a different position.  "You are not a sick person trying to get healed, you are a healthy person fighting sickness."  "You are not a bound person trying to get free, you are a free person fighting bondage."  "You are not a sinner trying to get holy, you are a saint fighting sin."

GOD bless you all on your journey and praying for all of Reboot Nation!
 

JerryTX

Member
Today will be day 21 when completed - No PMO. Have had some minor temptations but have overcome them. Likely has helped that my dad has been in the hospital and I stayed with him for 2 nights. Downside is there also has been no sex with wife as well. I am happy to have met the 21 day milestone and will try to post. More than posting reading others journals has been supportive. I hope some of you find hope in mine.

So continuing from my last post I will leave with this...

To change your mindset keep these things in mind:
1. Stop believing that you can't control your thoughts. The second lie that must be repented of is , I cannot control my thoughts, they control me. It is a weak excuse, and this excuse is not scriptural from the Bible. The Bible commands us to "Think about these things," (Philippians 4:8), "You shall meditate on it day and night," (Joshua 1:8), "on His law he meditates day and night," (Psalm1:2).
You cannot change what you cannot confront!

God Bless you all!
 

JerryTX

Member
Today is Day 25 no PMO. Lot's of emotions going on today and stronger temptations than any other time. Holding strong but thought I would journal as it does seem to help as well as reading other journals. While the first 24 days I have felt have been relatively easy today it is strong. I will not be defeated as it says in my title -"I can do all things through Christ that gives me strength". Praying for all on this site today and hang in their brothers!
Point # 2 from my thread above.
To change your mindset keep these things in mind:
2.
What you feed your mind with becomes a mindset. A mindset is impossible to change without changing what your mind is filled with. A mindset is what controls you. The mind is what you control. The only way to change your default and automatic thinking is by filling your conscious mind with new information of GOD's truth! Once the conscious mind is filled to the overflow, it slips into the subconscious mind.

This is what I am focused on today to get through these temptations
James 4:7 "Submit yourselves to GOD. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you"

I am continually praying for this website and all that are on this journey!
Have a great PORN FREE weekend!
 
Last edited:

Phineas 808

Well-Known Member
Good job on day 25, Jerry!

You can outlast any urge. But it's not about fighting it head on- as if you're so strong, nor is it about avoiding it as if you're so weak.

It's about ignoring the urges, like that annoying classmate that you would say, "If I just ingore him, he'll go away..."

What helps is to kind of step outside of yourself, as if you were a nonjudgmental observer of a 3rd party. Compassionately understand the urges, but breathe through them, until they dissipate. Rinse and repeat.

Be well, brother!
 

JerryTX

Member
Good job on day 25, Jerry!

You can outlast any urge. But it's not about fighting it head on- as if you're so strong, nor is it about avoiding it as if you're so weak.

It's about ignoring the urges, like that annoying classmate that you would say, "If I just ingore him, he'll go away..."

What helps is to kind of step outside of yourself, as if you were a nonjudgmental observer of a 3rd party. Compassionately understand the urges, but breathe through them, until they dissipate. Rinse and repeat.

Be well, brother!
Thanks sir! All good this weekend and Day 30 in the books! Appreciate the advice. Also staying with Gabe's advice if it ain't real then say no--or something like that! LOL. Traveling tonight for work but I have a solid plan once I get to the hotel. Work, Workout, eat, then read the WORD!
 

JerryTX

Member
Day 30 is today and I am feeling good with no PMO. Did have sex with the wife last weekend which was very intense and likely helped urges I was having going into the weekend. No P fantasy or anything just staying in the moment with my wife. Even felt a stronger than usual connection after these last PMO free days. Hope that continues and don't hit the "flatline" that is consistently discussed. We will see.

I will add to my additional posts as hopefully they are helpful...
3. Confess what you believe, not what you feel. We possess what we confess. We possess salvation by confessing Jesus as Lord of our Lives. We possess GOD's promises by confessing them with our mouths. When you regularly confess only what you feel and see, you are hurting your faith and not helping negative thoughts to leave.

STAY STRONG AND GOD BLESS YOU ALL ON THIS SITE!
 

JerryTX

Member
Day 37 NO PMO. Been extremely busy with my son's upcoming graduation which has helped tremendously. I have not been without urges however, but have and continue to IGNORE them. I am trying remain diligent with reading the bible and changing my mindset. So that will be my next addition below:

4. Resist negative thoughts, assist positive thoughts. Positive thoughts are not going to stay, they need to be assisted. Negative thoughts are not going to leave they need to be resisted.

1 Corinthians 6:19

STAY STRONG AND GOD BLESS THIS SITE AND THE MEN WITH COURAGE TO FIGHT THE FIGHT!
 

Nick Simons

Active Member
Hey Jerry - looks like you , me and the Guitarman are all at similar points and at around the mid 30 day streak (I'm at 34 days). Keep it going - you're doing great! Small wins breed ... momentum which leads to ... belief which seeds ... victory. Stay strong!
 

JerryTX

Member
Well here I am at Day 43. This last week has been a rollercoaster of emotions with son's graduation, parties, and work stress. To add to that had a failed attempt at sex with the wife. Initially was excited and ready to go but it faded...no pun intended..and never recovered. Based on what I have read in these posts is this is a flatline or what I believe was performance anxiety and stress. Either way it wasn't my best moment and caused other triggers over the weekend. All of which I overcame. In my journey at this point I have less urges to look at porn which has been wonderful. But as my mind resets and I am creating new neurological pathways to avoid events like this weekend which triggers loneliness, resentment, disappointment, and anxiety. I feel this is eye opening as like with other addictions the dopamine rush from porn eliminated the above. The downside was I feel like I drank to much all weekend. This wasn't good to substitute one for the other..but that's for another website. Rebounded on Monday and dove back into my reading of the bible and bible studies along with my books and working out.

So I will continue my points from previous posts that continue to help me and recap them all since this is the last one.

When your mind is changed, your life will be transformed. Remember, where your mind goes, your life follows. When you experience deliverance, your mind has to switch from a slave to a son, from a slave to a soldier. Even if you get the same attacks as before, you get to see them from a different position. "You are not a sick person trying to get healed, you are a healthy person fighting sickness." "You are not a bound person trying to get free, you are a free person fighting bondage." "You are not a sinner trying to get holy, you are a saint fighting sin."

1. Stop believing that you can't control your thoughts. The second lie that must be repented of is , I cannot control my thoughts, they control me. It is a weak excuse, and this excuse is not scriptural from the Bible. The Bible commands us to "Think about these things," (Philippians 4:8), "You shall meditate on it day and night," (Joshua 1:8), "on His law he meditates day and night," (Psalm1:2).
You cannot change what you cannot confront!
To change your mindset keep these things in mind:
2. What you feed your mind with becomes a mindset. A mindset is impossible to change without changing what your mind is filled with. A mindset is what controls you. The mind is what you control. The only way to change your default and automatic thinking is by filling your conscious mind with new information of GOD's truth! Once the conscious mind is filled to the overflow, it slips into the subconscious mind.

3. Confess what you believe, not what you feel. We possess what we confess. We possess salvation by confessing Jesus as Lord of our Lives. We possess GOD's promises by confessing them with our mouths. When you regularly confess only what you feel and see, you are hurting your faith and not helping negative thoughts to leave.
4. Resist negative thoughts, assist positive thoughts. Positive thoughts are not going to stay, they need to be assisted. Negative thoughts are not going to leave they need to be resisted.
1 Corinthians 6:19


And finally #5
5. Expect miracles. Expecting something good to happen is a choice. It is an act of our faith. A person with a renewed mind has positive expectations in the forefront of their mind. Do not let your imagination create an image in which things will go bad for you! Such as re-engaging in porn, relationships breaking , business failing, etc.. Replace those negative images with promises of God's word.

Unless we decide to break the pattern...our lives will continue moving in the wrong direction

Praying for this site, it's participants, their families!
 

Phineas 808

Well-Known Member
When your mind is changed, your life will be transformed. Remember, where your mind goes, your life follows. When you experience deliverance, your mind has to switch from a slave to a son, from a slave to a soldier. Even if you get the same attacks as before, you get to see them from a different position. "You are not a sick person trying to get healed, you are a healthy person fighting sickness." "You are not a bound person trying to get free, you are a free person fighting bondage." "You are not a sinner trying to get holy, you are a saint fighting sin."

Hey JerryTX! It looks like you and I share not only the same Faith, but also the same appreciation of similar schools of thought (like on confession, grace, Pentecost, etc).

I really like this quote above, and everything else you say here. Our mindset is so important, especially to see ourselves as God sees us, as identity is a big driver of this thing. We are overcomers, we are triumphant, we are new creations, etc....

The thought of replacing one thing for another (porn for drinking) makes me think that you're similar to me in that there are deeper thirsts and hunger that we try to fill with other things.

Always remember His grace, no matter what. Don't entertain shame or condemnation. And at the slightest twinge of hunger or thirst, turn to Him- no matter what- and He will meet your need, no matter where you're at.
 
Top