This has to stop. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength

JerryTX

Active Member
RN,

Hope all is well this Wednesday AM. Just thought I would share a song that really speaks to me and this journey. Fitting for our group. Keep moving forward and win each day! Traveling tonight so that always comes with some angst!


 

JerryTX

Active Member
Well I have had a great weekend and a really good time enjoying family and friends. Wife and I have had good connection and conversation and no real urges. Good sermon today on Romans 7 and boy do I feel like Paul on this journey (Romans 7:15-20) and thankful for Romans 7:25!! Hope all had a great weekend.
 

guitar1968

Well-Known Member
Glad things are going so well Jerry. It's an inspiration. Things are very good with me as well and I definitely attribute much of that success to this forum and being on this journey with people like you.

Keep rocking it!
 

JerryTX

Active Member
Just posting today and not really a "count of days". I am only counting currently a 30 day trend of no MO. The PMO count is going well but this time I want the remove MO that I had during the latest journey. So just monitoring this 30 day period. I tried this recently and MO'd 2x in 30 days mainly due to what is truly the "chaser effect" after sex with the spouse. So on this new count I am at day 10 with no MO. Good news is I have no desire for P or PMO. Bad news is it's obvious that I haven't had sex with the wife in.....wait for it...you guessed it 10 days! So I am hopeful that when we have sex again I don't MO the day or 2 following that experience. I have read a lot on the chaser effect and it's odd to me that the dopamine spikes are real after the sex. We will see what happens this long weekend coming up but my son is home so that is likely to damper any "activity" in the bedroom. GOD Bless this site and group!
 

JerryTX

Active Member
Well hope everyone had a great Labor Day weekend. Mine was uneventful on the PMO front which was awesome. Sunday however I did have to put the phone away as IG clicks can lead to places I don't want or need to be. Averted and won!!! So many good journal updates since I was on last and thanks everyone for the inspiration and sharing. Looking forward to a great week!
 

JerryTX

Active Member
Here we are on Friday and I'm on Day 18 of no PMO and MO. Day 150 since the entire journey started and yes I did have a lapse which I reported. Interesting thing this week is I have never been "edging" through the journey but I have felt the urge to do so this week. Whether it be YOUTUBE or google searches. When that process begins I find myself disinterested in the search results which is good as I don't have the dopamine spike which would lead me to click, watch, and PMO. So I am sharing this as I know many times we think this gets so much easier and yet here this week has been a bit of a struggle.

I am also discouraged a bit with the progress with the wife. Recently realized she has been using a toy by herself that was for us. This creates anger, disappointed, and even some excitement. Interesting thing is I know about it and she knows about my struggles yet she chose that over us/me. Then I realize that for decades I was choosing PMO over her (hypocrite!). So I just try to stay calm not bring it up but in the past this would have driven me straight to the internet for PMO sessions because she fulfilled her need so I deserve to fulfill mine. What a wretched thought. I am only sharing because I read (can't remember who) a post as well about a wife masturbating. So it stirs so many emotions up in me as I mentioned and this is likely why the "edging" has occurred. Not sure how or if I handle/discuss this with her but really just focusing on prayer and the bible to get me through these emotions. Our relationship while good isn't at it's best and PMO has played a role. Heck I even bought the toys! SMH. I feel that GOD is working in me and us but just thought I would share.

I am proud of the no MO during this latest streak and I continue to build perseverance.
1 Corinthians 10:12-13 is screaming at me! My daily devotional:
I'm not a slave to porn and lustful thoughts. Because GOD has and will purify my heart and mind. I will honor GOD with my eyes and thoughts. My GOD is faithful! Even when I'm tempted, GOD will always give me a way out!

Grace and Peace to this site. Praying for everyone and have a blessed weekend.
 

Phineas 808

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Congrats on day 18, Jerry! Good job on averting from following through on the edging urge, or the internet searches. That's when I know I've gone to the 'edge of the cliff' of the porn-pit, when I start doing internet searches...!

As long as you don't repeat it, it won't become a habit... Keep going!

For the wife thing (ha!), it may be a much needed outlet for her right now...? Maybe just don't make a deal about it, as you seek your healing. My wife and I have been challenged with sometimes a month in between sex, but when it gets there, God is faithful that whenever I pray that we have sex that night, she does initiate it! That's how we get there. I do want 1x a week is ideal for us...

Praying strength and encouragement for you, brother! God has forgiven you of all sin, brother, and He has sanctified you.
 

JerryTX

Active Member
Good weekend for me and the wife and I were able to connect on Saturday morning. However the "chaser effect" is brutal for me as it leads to edging and MO. Even though the sex was long and fulfilling the 24-72 hours for me after is almost with debilitating urges with the imaging of the acts. So I'm starting today back at 1 due to the MO episode. This journey has been really crazy but I know I have come a long way from the PMO. While I want to go full mode no PMO and MO that struggle after sex is real! Sheesh it's one thing to move away from PMO but the MO and edging seem strong as of late. Thankful for this site and a way to express and journal our thoughts. Also to read others to know that I'm not alone. So Day 1 and if it ain't real it ain't happening...even after this dang chaser effect. As much as I want to have sex with the wife, now I have this fear of the chaser effect following it. This too I will conquer!
 

Phineas 808

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Yes, you will conquer this too! I'm truly a 'brother-in-arms' concerning the temptation to MO and edge lately. For me, it's not a chaser effect as it is the lower brain wanting to make my last episode (8/8/21) a habit...
 

JerryTX

Active Member
Yes, you will conquer this too! I'm truly a 'brother-in-arms' concerning the temptation to MO and edge lately. For me, it's not a chaser effect as it is the lower brain wanting to make my last episode (8/8/21) a habit..
Oh and forgot to update that I was a smart man and didn't bring up the issue above with the wife. Thanks @Phineas 808 for the posts. Just frustrating to MO after sex!! I need to learn from this and realize that even after sex be prepared for the Chaser Demon! Like PMO I need to have a plan of attack in place for this moving forward!
 

JerryTX

Active Member
Hi Jerry, Sounds like you are still very focused which means all of this is working. Good to reset the counter I suppose, but you know what to do and are doing it. Great to hear.
Thanks Guitar! Sometimes I don't feel like I'm "doing well" and I read the same with you. The good news is we are doing well and heck your doing awesome! I started my new journey with no MO! I haven't had to many urges to watch P which is nice but really need to concentrate on the "chaser effect" after sex with the wife. I have lost this battle a couple of times but I now feel more prepared for it next time! Thanks for your comments as always! I hope your continuing on your journey and finding peace with whatever you need with your wife! Prayers for you brother!
 
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guitar1968

Well-Known Member
Thanks Guitar! Sometimes I don't feel like I'm "doing well" and I read the same with you. The good news is we are doing well and heck your doing awesome! I started my new journey with no MO! I haven't had to many urges to watch P which is nice but really need to concentrate on the "chaser effect" after sex with the wife. I have lost this battle a couple of times but I now feel more prepared for it next time! Thanks for your comments as always! I hope your continuing on your journey and finding peace with whatever you need with your wife! Prayers for you brother!
Thanks Jerry. I'm feeling pretty good. So much going on in my life right now and that really helps keep things further at bay.

Keep rocking it Jerry.
 

JerryTX

Active Member
Just checking in on this Sunday! Been a good weekend so far and heading to church shortly! I haven't had any major urges/temptations this week. I have been making myself more aware of any possible "edging & P Subs" and I have shut them down. Man that feels good! Since I started a recount I am not sure what day I'm on but I did calculate that no PMO & MO from this new start to the end of 2021 will be 109 days! And I'm doing it!
 
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