I thought today I would post a bit of a summary of my journey thus far as I was reflecting upon it this morning and how far I have come. I'll start with my statistics first. I finally updated my spreadsheet so I had "visibility and accountability" to the data/facts.
So where does that leave me today... Well I'm a sinner and a broken man, but thankful for GOD's grace over my life! Sorry for the long deep post today but like I mentioned it was helpful to reflect on where I was, where I am, and how far I have come. This journey isn't over but I know I can win this battle for good and become the husband, father, and man I should have been before the destructive use of PMO!
I will continue to come here to post, read, and encourage! My new goal is to finish out 2021 with no PMO or MO & only real sex with the wife! There are so many on this site I am thankful for and others that are beginning this journey.
Have a great week RN!
Jeremiah 29: 12-13
1 Corinthians 10: 12-13
James 1: 12
James 4:71 Corinthians 6:19
Let the truth of GODs word, not your circumstances, define your decisions today!
I'm not a slave to porn, PMO, & lustful thoughts! Because GOD has and will purify my heart & mind. I will honor GOD with my eyes and thoughts. MY GOD is faithful! Even when I'm tempted, GOD will always provide me a way to conquer the temptations!
- Journey started on 4/13 and first post here in RN on 4/19
- Went 112 days without PMO
- During this time I MO'd 7X without any P
- On day 113 I viewed a video for about 1 minute and then MO'd to the imaging in my head. Video was stopped that quickly.
- Went another 39 days without PMO but again viewed a video clip and Lapsed to PMO.
- I'm 14 days since that lapse with PMO and I haven't MO'd in this time
- I have only had sex 11X during the onset of this journey. Mostly due to some flatline periods and lack of wife's libido and drive
- Total time to date is 172 days with 2 PMO lapses
- The flat line and loss of interest is real. For me it has spiked through various times throughout this journey. Never more than 10 days but when it hits there has been zero to no interest for me in my wife or even PMO
- The PMO and P temptations to date are not strong at all. While you could read this and look at the above and say "why did you lapse then?" This is a fair question but during those 2 lapses they were very short lived not long PMO sessions. Prior to this journey those PMO episodes would have been full blown PMO sessions back to back and day to day. This went on for decades as I stated in my opening journal entry! The reason for the lapses are the first one involved alcohol and led to the edging which led to a video being played for a short period. Also was traveling and alone in a hotel room which usually meant multiple PMO sessions. Those are gone and alcohol lowered my "strength" threshold. 2nd Lapse was after a sex with the wife and intense chaser effect. This led to edging and P subs to a P video that again lasted less than a few minutes but used the imagery to PMO.
- The shame and guilt after this was horrible. I asked for GODs grace and forgiveness and more importantly HIS STRENGTH to continue this battle to beat the P demon!
- Chaser Effect is extremely real and has been tough for me over the last 6 months. While I would prefer to have sex more often with my wife, when we do the dopamine spike and 72 hour effect has been tough to overcome. Good news is this I now know will happen and I am better prepared for it moving forward.
- To date I feel much better about myself and my relationship with my wife. We have had some difficult conversations but I know I'm becoming a better version of me and this will continue to improve our marriage
- I am more controlled in my thoughts and actions and like I mentioned have had little desire to even think of watching P. Heck I can now be home alone without feeling the tugs of the P Demon!
So where does that leave me today... Well I'm a sinner and a broken man, but thankful for GOD's grace over my life! Sorry for the long deep post today but like I mentioned it was helpful to reflect on where I was, where I am, and how far I have come. This journey isn't over but I know I can win this battle for good and become the husband, father, and man I should have been before the destructive use of PMO!
I will continue to come here to post, read, and encourage! My new goal is to finish out 2021 with no PMO or MO & only real sex with the wife! There are so many on this site I am thankful for and others that are beginning this journey.
Have a great week RN!
Jeremiah 29: 12-13
1 Corinthians 10: 12-13
James 1: 12
James 4:71 Corinthians 6:19
Let the truth of GODs word, not your circumstances, define your decisions today!
I'm not a slave to porn, PMO, & lustful thoughts! Because GOD has and will purify my heart & mind. I will honor GOD with my eyes and thoughts. MY GOD is faithful! Even when I'm tempted, GOD will always provide me a way to conquer the temptations!