This has to stop. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength

[JerryTX]

Checking in with RN. It's been a pretty stressful 10 days in the house so I thought I would journal here today. On the PMO front no PMO to report but have had some edging a little over the weekend. I know why. Last week we lost our beloved 13 year old dog and also my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer. Had a solid employee resign as well. To say the least it was an emotional week. Good news is -- no PMO, just edging... Cancer caught very early so more to come but prayerful that it will be eradicated. Just finishing up the 30 days of the freedom fighters bible study and it has been extremely helpful. Sometimes weeks like this can really make a person want to spiral back into destructive behaviors. Good news is I haven't experienced that. Praise the LORD!

I know that the PMO demon is always waiting to attack and I have come so far. Crazy as it has been almost a year since I started my RN journey. This site has been helpful in so many ways and I have been encouraged by this "community". Praying as always for everyone on here and I will leave you this from the Freedom Fighters study today.

Qualities I need to seek as a journey through my recovery:

• Virtue
• Knowledge
• Self-control
• Perserverance
• Godliness
• Brotherly Kindness -(RN community along with Men's group has helped!)
• Love

Romans 6:10-11

 

[Blondie]

Sorry to hear about your wife JerryTX. I wish all the best to you and her in these next coming weeks. Nice job staying clean over the last week. It is times like these were we see how strong our resolve is.

 

[guitar1968]

It's been almost a week since I have posted. I have been reviewing my thread as well as others. Last week and weekend were good. Had some temptations and edging on late Sunday but I practiced BRACE method and turned off my Iphone. This week at work is highly stressful and that can also cause a "release". So far not happening and coming into 30 days I believe. Hope everyone is well and praying for the site and our journey to beat this P Demon. I will leave this quote from the https://thefreedomfight.org and todays study:
"less than 5% of people experience the miracle of instant deliverance. The rest have a miracle every day for months and years to gain freedom"
"The last stronghold to be broken of sexual addiction/PMO for most men is fantasy and masturbation"

My real journey is coming up on 1 year. I have come a long way and looking forward to all my miracles/victories each day as I progress towards freedom! I have an opportunity to die to myself and lean into GOD like never before. FREEDOM is coming.

I'm coming up on my 1 year mark since I joined this site. April 15th. Easy one to remember. It's been a wild ride. Some really good and some not so good. But, I'm here, I'm on a good porn break again. I'm hoping next year it will be a clean break. I like your BRACE method. Good to have a system in place that you can use when needed. I guess I need to adopt something similar. I'm not a religious person, but I don't think BRACE requires God in the traditional way. I do believe in a higher power and deep connection to all living things and the universe. I just don't have a specific religion attached to it. Glad to see you're still here after close to year. Good luck @JerryTX !!!

 

[JerryTX]

I'm coming up on my 1 year mark since I joined this site. April 15th. Easy one to remember. It's been a wild ride. Some really good and some not so good. But, I'm here, I'm on a good porn break again. I'm hoping next year it will be a clean break. I like your BRACE method. Good to have a system in place that you can use when needed. I guess I need to adopt something similar. I'm not a religious person, but I don't think BRACE requires God in the traditional way. I do believe in a higher power and deep connection to all living things and the universe. I just don't have a specific religion attached to it. Glad to see you're still here after close to year. Good luck @JerryTX !!!

@guitar1968 good to hear from you! Yes BRACE can work even if you aren't religious. Hope your doing well my friend

 

[guitar1968]

@guitar1968 good to hear from you! Yes BRACE can work even if you aren't religious. Hope your doing well my friend

I am doing well. I'm not really focusing on counting days or setting up goals. Just trying to gain control of my mind and body and take it from there. I don't want to falter, but I probably will at some point. I'm journaling on my own and here and I will always be reevaluating my life and my situation. I know what I need to do. Time to stop "Trying" and just get back to "Doing". That is the goal with everything in my life right now.

Have a great day.

 

[Artemus]

Checking in with RN. It's been a pretty stressful 10 days in the house so I thought I would journal here today. On the PMO front no PMO to report but have had some edging a little over the weekend. I know why. Last week we lost our beloved 13 year old dog and also my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer. Had a solid employee resign as well. To say the least it was an emotional week. Good news is -- no PMO, just edging... Cancer caught very early so more to come but prayerful that it will be eradicated. Just finishing up the 30 days of the freedom fighters bible study and it has been extremely helpful. Sometimes weeks like this can really make a person want to spiral back into destructive behaviors. Good news is I haven't experienced that. Praise the LORD!

I know that the PMO demon is always waiting to attack and I have come so far. Crazy as it has been almost a year since I started my RN journey. This site has been helpful in so many ways and I have been encouraged by this "community". Praying as always for everyone on here and I will leave you this from the Freedom Fighters study today.

Qualities I need to seek as a journey through my recovery:

• Virtue
• Knowledge
• Self-control
• Perserverance
• Godliness
• Brotherly Kindness -(RN community along with Men's group has helped!)
• Love

Romans 6:10-11

Sorry to hear about your wife and your dog. I'll definitely be keeping you both in my prayers.

 

[JerryTX]

RN - It's been almost a month since I posted and I have passed my 1 year anniversary on RN (April 19, 2021). Like all of us, life has been hectic the past month. Wife with breast cancer diagnosis and surgery, lot's of job responsibilities/stress, and this crazy world we live in and decisions being made by "leaders".

So yesterday was 381 days in my journey since I joined RN. Below are just statistics of my journey that I will expand upon.

• 381 Days
• 95% Success rate during these 381 days
  • 18 PMO episodes
  • 48 MO episodes - includes the 18

While I am happy about the 95% success rates 18 PMO episodes is 18 to many. I have learned a ton over the last 381 days, most of which I have already journaled so I won't bore you. I have come a long way and while I want it to be perfect I need to lean into GOD's grace that I am better and not a finished product in his eyes.

Excuses of the wife's cancer diagnosis and other health issues along with stress have made 2022 more rocky than I would like to admit. In the first 118 days of 2022 I have PMO'd 10 times which lowers my success rate of 88%!! Disappointing for sure! Most of the PMO episodes began with some edging on social media or google. I saw images and turned away but MO'd to the images in my head and I count those as full PMO episodes. However, one thing that happened this week leading into my wife's cancer surgery is I found myself fully engaged in my old website for about 15 minutes! I haven't done that in a very long time. Afterwards I was filled with guilt, shame, disappointment and all the other feelings that the P demon/satan fill my head with. I took this to GOD, asked for Grace, Forgiveness, & Peace!

I am moving forward and plan on re-engaging weekly in this journal. While I am not nor will ever be perfect I lean into Romans 6 and Paul's struggles. The entire chapter is a great reminder of the Grace of GOD and the renewing of our souls. Praying for RN and all that struggle with this addiction. Grace and Peace to RN!

 

[Phineas 808]

Hi, Jerry! Once again, I'm sorry for you and your wife's struggles with her diagnosis and following treatments. Praying health and happiness for you both!

Sorry also for your recent struggles, as I can certainly relate to how stress and pain can adversely affect us toward former behaviors.

Know this, from the marrow of your very bones: you are loved and forgiven, and even made righteous! I know we all may feel disappointment when we return to former behaviors, perhaps things we thought were in the rearview mirror. But beware of 'toxic-shame', never let it have even a day.

My year started off pretty rocky too (will report in my journal soon), but onward and upward to even greater heights!

 

[JerryTX]

Thanks @Phineas 808 for your words of encouragement!

 

[Artemus]

RN - It's been almost a month since I posted and I have passed my 1 year anniversary on RN (April 19, 2021). Like all of us, life has been hectic the past month. Wife with breast cancer diagnosis and surgery, lot's of job responsibilities/stress, and this crazy world we live in and decisions being made by "leaders".

So yesterday was 381 days in my journey since I joined RN. Below are just statistics of my journey that I will expand upon.

• 381 Days
• 95% Success rate during these 381 days
  • 18 PMO episodes
  • 48 MO episodes - includes the 18

While I am happy about the 95% success rates 18 PMO episodes is 18 to many. I have learned a ton over the last 381 days, most of which I have already journaled so I won't bore you. I have come a long way and while I want it to be perfect I need to lean into GOD's grace that I am better and not a finished product in his eyes.

Excuses of the wife's cancer diagnosis and other health issues along with stress have made 2022 more rocky than I would like to admit. In the first 118 days of 2022 I have PMO'd 10 times which lowers my success rate of 88%!! Disappointing for sure! Most of the PMO episodes began with some edging on social media or google. I saw images and turned away but MO'd to the images in my head and I count those as full PMO episodes. However, one thing that happened this week leading into my wife's cancer surgery is I found myself fully engaged in my old website for about 15 minutes! I haven't done that in a very long time. Afterwards I was filled with guilt, shame, disappointment and all the other feelings that the P demon/satan fill my head with. I took this to GOD, asked for Grace, Forgiveness, & Peace!

I am moving forward and plan on re-engaging weekly in this journal. While I am not nor will ever be perfect I lean into Romans 6 and Paul's struggles. The entire chapter is a great reminder of the Grace of GOD and the renewing of our souls. Praying for RN and all that struggle with this addiction. Grace and Peace to RN!

Amen. Its so easy to get caught up in our own feelings and let things take their course, which usually ends badly. I'm still praying for you and your wife and that God will continue to change our hearts, so that even the thought to peek is a disgusting event. I'm trying to live more "deliberately", on purpose. I'm prone to just let myself react to things instead methodically approaching tasks. I think if I have a step by step plan for each day and a schedule to stick to, I may find that the habit of floating away into PMO dreamland is forgotten and lost. This is what I'm trying to do anyway. Speaking of, I've got to get going.

Later, Dudes.

 

[JerryTX]

Amen. Its so easy to get caught up in our own feelings and let things take their course, which usually ends badly. I'm still praying for you and your wife and that God will continue to change our hearts, so that even the thought to peek is a disgusting event. I'm trying to live more "deliberately", on purpose. I'm prone to just let myself react to things instead methodically approaching tasks. I think if I have a step by step plan for each day and a schedule to stick to, I may find that the habit of floating away into PMO dreamland is forgotten and lost. This is what I'm trying to do anyway. Speaking of, I've got to get going.

Later, Dudes.

Thanks so much @Artemus ! you are my people!

 

[JerryTX]

Thought I would check in prior to the weekend. Good news is after my lapse last Thursday I have done well this week. No P subs and edging which has been a problem throughout the journey. Thankful for good follow up on the wife's surgery as she is cancer free and healing good. Praise GOD!
Since that lapse and going through this health scare it has really changed my outlook for the better. I do hope this isn't short term and remains. I have had very little desire for anything..maybe a flatline but who knows. Anyway I am looking forward to the weekend and I hope everyone continues your battle regardless of stage. Weekends can be difficult I know but we are all here to move forward in this journey.

GOD Bless RN!

 

[JerryTX]

Haven't checked in and I had a bad week last week. Traveling last week and lapsed into PMO while on the road. Alcohol involved which I know is a NO NO while traveling alone!! There is no excuse and I haven't really been counting days but did look back at my tracker to update this lapse. I was on a decent streak. This journey a battle with PMO is extremely frustrating. While I was emotionally beat down from this lapse, I realize this is a new opportunity to start fresh. GOD gives his grace abundantly but I read through my journal/journey and I have yet to break this cycle completely. Like all on here this is so very frustrating as even though I have had a high success rate... it's NOT ZERO which is the goal.

So here I am a broken sinner... I know that GOD's work in me is not complete and I press on toward the battle in ultimately defeating PMO.

That's all...

 

[JerryTX]

From one of my previous posts.. Needed this today.

Heavenly Father,
I confess my weakness and my frailty and my struggle against temptation (porn). So often I have failed (fail) and sin, but I know your WORD promises that YOU are gracious and compassionate. Because of JESUS, I have been purchased and redeemed. Thank You, faithful GOD! Strengthen and equip me as I pursue your righteousness in every area of my life. Let me bring YOU glory through the life you have restored (Or are restoring!). Amen

 

[Phineas 808]

Amen, Jerry- I agree with you in prayer!

Remember your secret weapon against this thing: grace, radical, extreme, hyper-grace (actual Greek). You are loved, forgiven, and gifted with righteousness, identified as the very Righteousness of God (2Cor 5:21).

There's times when I had every intention of 'acting out', and I'd tell God, "Thank you, Lord, that even if I do X, Y, and Z, you've forgiven me, and have made me righteous" And, counter-intuitively, I would end up deciding NOT to do X, Y, or Z!

Be blessed.

 

[Phineas 808]

Also, I try and include God in on all my temptations: "Well, God, I'm thinking about doing such-n-such...", thank you for making a way of escape for me.

 

[JerryTX]

@Phineas 808 Thanks for your words... Really appreciate them and thank you for the encouragement.

 

[JerryTX]

Checking in on my journal this Friday. Good week as I traveled and won the battle. On to more success. Have a great weekend RN!

 

[Phineas 808]

Checking in on my journal this Friday. Good week as I traveled and won the battle. On to more success. Have a great weekend RN!

Good on you, brother, for facing down 'the enemy' while traveling! I know overnighters (whether I'm traveling or wife is out of town) are 'high-risk' situations that require extra-vigilance on my part. Grateful for your victory and example, Jerry!

 

[JerryTX]

Just finally catching up on RN since last Friday. Things are going well. Wife is in recovery from surgery and Cancer free--Thank you GOD! Work has been extremely busy which always helps! Started a more consistent dieting and workout regime which is a bit difficult with my back herniated disc but powering through it. No urges and more importantly for me NO edging with google, IG!

I know I have mentioned due to my faith how much I love the book of Romans. Well this verse really inspired me this last weekend and wanted to share!
Romans 16:20 - The GOD of peace will soon crush satan under your feet! May the grace of our Lord Jesus be with you!

If you aren't religious take it this way - You can find peace without PMO and soon you will crush this P addiction under your feet!