16 months FLATLINE (PAWS) - 24 years old. Addiction from age 13 - 22.

Hello all. I am 24 years old and have done PMO from age 13-22. I was extremely addicted and my sessions went on for hours at a time. I had several tabs open and developed several fetishes. Normal porn was no longer interesting for me. I have never used drugs or alcohol in my life.

After several streaks I am now on a 16 months - flatline / PAWS (Post acute withdrawal symptoms).
I do hard mode. So no sex either.

I have noticed the following positive symptoms so far:

- Physical changes: I am no longer skinny. I woke up after 120 days without exercise and my body was suddenly wider. My jawline has improved and my face has gained some colour. I no longer have dead eyes. The almost constant lower back pain has disappeared. It feels like my bones have been strengthened and I have gained some muscles. My prostate seems to have become smaller. -> Too much PMO can cause the prostate to get bigger.

- Memories: Memories from childhood have come back. I can remember up to the age of 6. I can remember which children I played with and I remember positive and negative events that happened in my life so far. I also remember many details.

- A new view of the world: I no longer see women as sex objects. For me, women are very beautiful creatures. I want to have a normal, intimate relationship with a woman. I want to get married. I want to do everyday things with a woman like going for a walk, to the cinema, cooking, laughing, etc. Because of the negative symptoms I will list later, I don't want to approach women at the moment.

I realise that short-term rewards are not the meaning of life. You have to fight if you want something. Successful people are patient. I want to achieve more in my life. My life during my addiction: PMO, videogames, TV, school, work and isolation from the world.

My whole world view has changed. I no longer blame others for my failures and for my life. I want to work on myself every day to become a better person and to live a happy life.

-> -> ->

Unfortunately, I still suffer from the following negative symptoms:

- Social Anxiety / low confidence: Has improved significantly, but I am still afraid to walk and talk in a group full of people. I still think what the others might think of me. I am afraid of failing in public or doing something embarrassing.

- Brain Fog: This has improved a little, but is still not perfect. I still have poor focus and concentration. It takes me a long time to make decisions. Sometimes I have trouble expressing myself. When I talk to a person, I can't process information very well. I don't understand so quickly. I sometimes feel really stupid when I talk to people. When I watch TV or read something, I sometimes lose concentration or think about something else. I get distracted quickly. I can't access my thoughts so quickly and then speak them out.

- Anhedonia: I don't really enjoy anything any more and almost nothing makes me really happy. I pursue my hobbies, such as playing football or billiards, but I don't feel any great joy in them. My feelings seem to be blocked somehow and don't come out. Everything seems to be boring somehow. I don't really enjoy anything any more and almost nothing makes me really happy. I pursue my hobbies, such as playing football or billiards, but I don't feel any great joy in them. My feelings seem to be blocked somehow and don't come out. Everything seems to be boring somehow.

Low energy: I have almost no energy. I go to work, pursue my hobbies, go for walks, but it feels heavy. I don't feel that energy in my body and mind.

Low motivation: I find it difficult to motivate myself for normal, everyday things like shopping, walking, working, reading. I have no motivation to learn a new language or to leave the house. I work from Monday to Friday and I have no motivation to work. You can see it in my face.

Low libido: My libido is weak. I sometimes have morning wood, but it is not very strong. I do not have spontaneous erections. If a woman touched my arm or flirted with me, I would have an erection. I could have an erection and sex with a woman, but I still don't have such a strong desire for sex. My libido is not yet as healthy as it should be.

Fatigue: No matter how much I sleep, I always feel tired. My whole body and mind feels tired. I can sleep in the evening and then I get tired again through the day and could fall asleep again. I often have the urge to lie in bed or rest.

Sore muscles / body pain: I have sore muscles or body aches every day, even if I don't do any sport. I can't tell the difference between the two. It feels like my muscles or bones are not quite healed / grown out / stable yet.

Digestive problems / prostate: I often have hard stools and sometimes constipation. Rarely do I have normal stools. Frequent urination is also a problem for me. My whole stomach area feels strange. I feel a strange pressure in my stomach area every day, no matter what I eat or drink. My prostate is not completely cured yet, as I reported at the beginning. I also can't lose fat and have a "beer belly" even though I'm not fat.

Wet dreams: Mostly after 7 or 8 days I get a Wet Dream or Nocturnal Emission. In dreams I am very sensitive. If a woman touches me in a dream, I get an ejaculation. After a Wet Dream my negative symptoms are more pronounced. I need 2-3 days until I am more or less normal again. When I have an wet dream, I don't feel joy during the release. It just comes out without orgasm or pleasure.

Time perception: The time feels a bit strange. I think it's because of the brain fog. Some days I do some things like showering, eating, shopping, walking, taking out the rubbish, vacuuming and it feels like I've done an extreme amount. So I am quickly exhausted, yet only 2-3 hours have passed.

-> -> ->

I have made an effort to make this post as accurate as possible and hope that long flatliners will also get in touch to encourage me. I need your motivation and your answers to start the new year positively. Please help me. It feels like it's going to be a long time.

Please write something Gabe.

My Reddit channel:

https://www.reddit.com/user/Experiment1996/posts/

THANKS.
 
Hey man, I just want to start by saying wow your journey is inspirational. We were born the same year, 1996, and have been addicted about the same time frame. I maybe started a little earlier around age 11 and also started my recovery journey a little earlier around 20 I discovered my addiction and started trying to heal. I will say though 16 months is very impressive! I have only manage about 4 months at most a couple of times. I have worked a bit with a recovery coach who specializes in this area and also from my own education as someone with a Master's degree in biochemistry I am almost certain that some of (in fact almost all) the symptoms you are describing are not in fact related to your addiction, nor are they necessarily a "flatline". A lot of the symptoms you describe such as low libido, low energy, fatigue, brain fog, low confidence, anhedonia even are actually all associated with low testosterone levels, the predominant male sex hormone. This is something that is common in porn addicts, and will NOT just go away on their own, no matter how long you abstain. Low testosterone is a biochemical imbalance. You should absolutely get tested because it's eyrie how all your symptoms line up perfectly with those associated with low testosterone. You can order test kits online or go see your doctor, but as a biochemist I honestly think you should get some hormone tests. You could potentially solve all of these problems by adjusting your testosterone levels either through live style changes or supplementation as needed.
 

k-fff

Well-Known Member
hey if you don't mind, I have some questions for you because I also have had p sessions lasting hours on end. I am curious to when the prostate returning to normal size for you happened? Like I am pretty sure I am going to have symptoms close to yours considering my edging problem. Did you ever have a period where you felt normal? and you then just completely dropped off into the current bad symptoms or have they always been there?
 

zander13

Active Member
Yeah man my pee schedule is all fucked up. I piss way too much, and it stings sometimes when I go.
 

zander13

Active Member
Sounds like me. god, I am probably in for it for at least a year..
Yeah but there is no way of knowing that, right? I'm a severe, severe case, remember that. I have mental health and family shit all intertwined with my addiction.
 
Top