Time to quit after 18 years of addiction

swissmd

Member
Hi there!

I started PMO when I was 13 years old. Back then there weren't any tube sites, but already a lot of sites with an endless amount of pictures. It wasn't for long that PMO was part of my daily routine. It took me more than 10 years to realise that my porn consumption was having a negative influence on my life. It all started when a friend posted the famous Ted Talk of Gary Wilson on Facebook. Since then, I started innumerable attempts to stop PMO. About 5 years ago, I actually managed to reach 90 days and felt absolutely amazing, but shortly after I relapsed and couldn't make it back on the success road.

In the last year (with the whole COVID-19 situation) I realised how much I was affected by PMO and how important it was to change my life. The last few attempts usually only lasted for a few days before I got back to my unhealthy habits. This is why I decided to get myself support and accountability by posting a journal on this forum.

Right now I am on day 7 of my journey and haven't had much problems with porn. I gotta say though, that my internet consumption in general (reading news constantly, checking emails, watching short clips on youtube, facebook, instagram) is far from being healthy. But first of all I want to get rid of porn and with time also change a few other habits.

I am very grateful to have the opportunity to get in contact with all of you :)
 

Chris1986

Active Member
Welcome to the club swissmd and congratulations to you on taking a big step to your journey of recovery.

Are you going through this process on your own or do you have a partner?
Does anyone outside of the Internet know what yiu are going through?
Have you any thoughts on why this addiction start. Addiction stems from numbing pain. What is your pain? Its a difficult question but one that must be tackled cause merely white knuckling and NOT doing the bad things doesn't fix the issues. To truly heal you need to get to the roots.

 

swissmd

Member
Thanks for the response and the questions.
I go through it mainly alone, I have a girl, but it is nothing official yet, so I prefer to see where things are going first.
Well it started when I was quite young and couldn't get a girlfriend until I was around 19. Since most of my friends had their first experiences earlier, this definitely caused some pain. But to be honest, I was very happy back then and didn't really struggle with PMO or at least I didn't see it as a problem. And by now I feel like PMO caused me a lot of pain because it changed my life and how I relate to people, much more than it was triggered by some big underlying pain. So to some it up, it feels a bit like an egg / chicken situation.
 

Chris1986

Active Member
How long have things been going on with her? Do you think you could share this with her?
I think a lot of young guys exaggerate or lie about their first times especially when telling their friends round that age. Also there is no shame in starting a little later getting girlfriends. 19 is still young remember.
Have you considered counselling to maybe try and work through your addiction? You might be surprised what you uncover. I know I have been.
 

swissmd

Member
Yes, I am definitely going to share it with her. And another step will probably be to share it with my friends (which likely are affected by PMO aswell).
Yeah I know a lot of them exaggerate, but as a teenager it still sucked not having a girl or anything with a girl.
I will consider counselling, it is a big step for me though and I guess I am not really ready right now to do it. But thanks for the encouragement! :)
 

swissmd

Member
So I achieved my first minor milestone in reaching 10 days without PMO. The urges aren't too strong so far but I read that during the second and third week the symptoms might increase due to restructuring of the brain, so let's see how it goes! At the moment I feel ok, I haven't noticed much of a difference yet, but I guess that needs some time.
I find it very helpful to know that I committed to give you updates and to know that I am not alone on this journey! :)
 

Chris1986

Active Member
Congrats on making this milestone. More to follow I am sure. Word of warning know if you were anything like me big mood swings can be on their way. From Manically happy to deep pit brain fog depression. Its tough but stay strong.
Also am I going crazy(ier) or have you changed your name?
 

swissmd

Member
Thanks!:) so far feeling good, but do you have any recommendation on what to do when I get mood swings? Haha, nah you're not going crazy, I changed it to another name that I like better ;)
 

Chris1986

Active Member
Just try and ride it out and get as comfortable as you can. I cried A LOT.
Ah glad its not me going crazy!
 
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