One day at a time

CoolBreeze

Active Member
It's been awhile since I posted and unfortunately I have had a rough couple of weeks with relapes and self loathing but I have finally found my way back to this site and started reading some of the journals and success stories and think to myself I really want to be one of those guys that is getting shit done and kicking ass.

Today I turn 41 and the last few days I have been doing a lot of self reflecting and thinking why have I been stumbling. What the hell is triggering my relapse back into the dark depths of my addiction. I really think I need to look at this different then in the past. Before I looked at it as I am losing porn but instead i need to start looking at it as taking back control of my life. I am not losing anything I am gaining back my life. The life I want to live free of this addiction.

So this year my gift to myself is gaining control of my life and taking this hard journey to better myself. I am taking this leap again to be free from the big monster in my head and I know it's going to be hard as hell but I need to find me the real me again not this porn addicted mess I have become.

Thank you everyone for your support and sharing your struggles and success. It helps me a lot to read what others are going through. I know deep down I can do this so here's to 41 years old and day one of my journey. What better gift could I give myself
Hang in there my friend. It's truly One Day at a Time. It's rough ride but we all can find better days together. Thanks for sharing your story.
 

Phineas 808

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Thank you for your support. The urges are strong but so far I have been ignoring them and they subside. Your so right one day even sometimes just an hour at a time butslowly I am making progress.

Happy birthday, Time!

Good job on dismissing the urges. You can and will do this! What a perfect gift to yourself.
 

guitar1968

Well-Known Member
I think you nailed it. The Easy Peasy Method helped me make the connection that I wasn't losing something when I stopped with porn, I was gaining so much. Freedom, better sex, more time, better health, happier, stronger, more focused... the list goes on.

Keep at it. It has gotten easier for me. There are hard days and nights for sure. But I'm getting better with each passing day. I'm sure you will as well.
 
I think you nailed it. The Easy Peasy Method helped me make the connection that I wasn't losing something when I stopped with porn, I was gaining so much. Freedom, better sex, more time, better health, happier, stronger, more focused... the list goes on.

Keep at it. It has gotten easier for me. There are hard days and nights for sure. But I'm getting better with each passing day. I'm sure you will as well.
Thank you for your kind words and support. Something clicked with me when I read the easy peasy method of thinking. I am happy to hear you are doing week. Keep up the great work together we can all do this.
 
On day 2 and feeling good. Last night and this morning the urges where strong but I was able to dismiss them. Before I would lay in bed after waking up and it was a place where I would often give into the urge so now I get up as soon as I wake and find that helps a lot with curbing those early morning wake and stroke moments I had in the past. I had a shower and avoided my usually morning screen time to fend off the urges that came in waves. So far so good but I have to stay vigilant.

Reading a lot of the story's I realize I am one of the lucky ones who didn't get pied. I do however suffer from de and have to no sensation from normal sex. I get hard very easy when with my girl but can only cum by my own hand. I think If I kept giving into this addiction I would end up with pied. It did happen once a few months back I couldn't get it up and shrugged it off as possibly being from the alcohol I consumed but I wonder if it was a warning sign of things to come if I keep using porn and edging for hours. I think I need to go hard mode for a bit and let things get back to normal. I love my girlfriend and she is understanding but I know it bothers her that I don't enjoy sex as much as one should.

I know what I need to do now I just have to suck it up and fight my way through the battle of becoming free of pmo. This is a great support and together we can all get back to the best life free of the monster inside our head.
 

Phineas 808

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Good job, Time, on dismissing the urges! As long as you don't respond to them, they will get weaker and weaker as time goes on. And that's the key element here: time. Folk end up caving in early on, and so only perpetuate the addiction. So of course they end up prolonging their healing by keeping things 'sensitized' to their habit.

I share that with you, that so far I've avoided PIED which makes the whole acting out thing more tempting. But I do get performance anxiety with the wife, time and again. Recently it kind of gave me an idea (and a little fear) of what PIED would be like... Something to avoid like hell, as well as something to try like hell to heal from.

Wishing you well.
 
Good job, Time, on dismissing the urges! As long as you don't respond to them, they will get weaker and weaker as time goes on. And that's the key element here: time. Folk end up caving in early on, and so only perpetuate the addiction. So of course they end up prolonging their healing by keeping things 'sensitized' to their habit.

I share that with you, that so far I've avoided PIED which makes the whole acting out thing more tempting. But I do get performance anxiety with the wife, time and again. Recently it kind of gave me an idea (and a little fear) of what PIED would be like... Something to avoid like hell, as well as something to try like hell to heal from.

Wishing you well.
Thank you so much for your support and you are spot on with your comments. It is something that we just need to give time to heal from this and stay vigilant to avoid going backwards again. I wish you much success
 
Well day 3 complete and I am happy to say no porn or masterbation although there was times throughout the day the urges were strong but I found something to distract my mind. I am feeling good so far and focusing on avoiding triggers. Tomorrow I am spending the day with my girl. We don't live together, she is coming over and staying the night. I am looking forward to our time together.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Well day 3 complete and I am happy to say no porn or masterbation although there was times throughout the day the urges were strong but I found something to distract my mind. I am feeling good so far and focusing on avoiding triggers. Tomorrow I am spending the day with my girl. We don't live together, she is coming over and staying the night. I am looking forward to our time together.
God job, man! Keep going like this! You've started well.
 
Well its been a very rough patch and I am ashamed to say I have once again fallen back to the depths of my addiction and relapsed. My trigger was a very tough end to my week and I guess the pressures from work were overwhelming and I slipped back to the place my brain thinks it needs to cope. I am not happy with the 3 day binge it sent me into but I know I must pick myself up again and all I can do is start once again at the bottom.
I hate this addiction and the hold it has on me. I want and need to break free from this. It's not an easy journey but one worth taking to get my life back under control. This place does help me a lot to realize that struggling is all part of this addiction and I am not alone on this journey.
So in the words of escape it's time to once again embrace the suck. I have learned not to dwell on the fact I relapsed once again but to instead to my energy into moving forward from this and learning from it. I truly hope and pray this is the last time I ever feel this hopeless and defeated.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Well its been a very rough patch and I am ashamed to say I have once again fallen back to the depths of my addiction and relapsed. My trigger was a very tough end to my week and I guess the pressures from work were overwhelming and I slipped back to the place my brain thinks it needs to cope. I am not happy with the 3 day binge it sent me into but I know I must pick myself up again and all I can do is start once again at the bottom.
I hate this addiction and the hold it has on me. I want and need to break free from this. It's not an easy journey but one worth taking to get my life back under control. This place does help me a lot to realize that struggling is all part of this addiction and I am not alone on this journey.
So in the words of escape it's time to once again embrace the suck. I have learned not to dwell on the fact I relapsed once again but to instead to my energy into moving forward from this and learning from it. I truly hope and pray this is the last time I ever feel this hopeless and defeated.
I know, man. I know exactly what you're talking about. One of the lies that this addiction tells us is that it is the ultimate cope. I've had 4 hard evenings with deep depressive episodes and I was pushed to the limits. The last 2 evenings were very difficult, I felt exhausted with this shit and the addiction was trying to get advantage of this by clinging to any small thing, any innocent, "harmless" thing it could get to make me get the dopamine going and maybe I could go back to the binge. It's tough, no doubt. The only way I haven't fucked this up yet is that I've never forgotten to follow the simple rules that I "put on paper" for myself: Avoiding all the mistakes that have ever led to a relapse, no matter how small; Managing the porn thoughts and fantasies; Embracing the suck. Anytime it got really difficult, I said to myself: "I can't do that thing because it breaks rule no. 1. I can't relapse now because it breaks rule no. 3, I'm not embracing the suck, I'm thinking to run away from it." The mind is a very powerful thing. It can get you out of it or throw it right in it. This is not really something someone can teach us, this is a personal thing, we need to find within ourselves the tools to keep going and not choose the pleasure and "coping" of porn.
 

guitar1968

Well-Known Member
Well its been a very rough patch and I am ashamed to say I have once again fallen back to the depths of my addiction and relapsed. My trigger was a very tough end to my week and I guess the pressures from work were overwhelming and I slipped back to the place my brain thinks it needs to cope. I am not happy with the 3 day binge it sent me into but I know I must pick myself up again and all I can do is start once again at the bottom.
I hate this addiction and the hold it has on me. I want and need to break free from this. It's not an easy journey but one worth taking to get my life back under control. This place does help me a lot to realize that struggling is all part of this addiction and I am not alone on this journey.
So in the words of escape it's time to once again embrace the suck. I have learned not to dwell on the fact I relapsed once again but to instead to my energy into moving forward from this and learning from it. I truly hope and pray this is the last time I ever feel this hopeless and defeated.
Sorry to hear your struggles. I'm at day 88 and struggling deeply right now myself. I'm on the verge of breaking down every day. So I get it. I'm not sure why I haven't truly given in yet, but I guess it's because I know life is so much better without it. This place is helping me so much. I come here instead of going "there". I don't know what else to tell you. Keeping coming here and sharing, keep telling yourself what you are gaining, now what you are losing and when you fall, get back up and tell us about so we can encourage you moving forward. I'm going to try and follow the exact same advice.
 

Phineas 808

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Well its been a very rough patch and I am ashamed to say I have once again fallen back to the depths of my addiction and relapsed. My trigger was a very tough end to my week and I guess the pressures from work were overwhelming and I slipped back to the place my brain thinks it needs to cope. I am not happy with the 3 day binge it sent me into but I know I must pick myself up again and all I can do is start once again at the bottom.
I hate this addiction and the hold it has on me. I want and need to break free from this. It's not an easy journey but one worth taking to get my life back under control. This place does help me a lot to realize that struggling is all part of this addiction and I am not alone on this journey.
So in the words of escape it's time to once again embrace the suck. I have learned not to dwell on the fact I relapsed once again but to instead to my energy into moving forward from this and learning from it. I truly hope and pray this is the last time I ever feel this hopeless and defeated.

Hey, Time. It's quite normal to feel good and peaceful, and when our minds don't feel that, we reach for a way to calm the storm. For us, we just have some unhealthy coping mechanisms we're trying to unlearn. That is all.

You had a few days- but as always, our minds are going to calm and come back down to baseline. This is the perfect time for you to be more mindful today, to be aware.

The good news for you is that you can identify a very stressful day or week as a danger zone for you. Meet it with mindfulness, and have some other healthier things ready at the end of a week, that will help you relax and unwind safely.

But you're not starting at rock bottom, because you started swinging at this thing- so you're in the fight. Count the days before when you were abstinent as part of your victory, don't discount your progress. It's not all lost, as you might think.

Walking out this victory with you, brother!
 
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Hey, Time. It's quite normal to feel good and peaceful, and when our minds don't feel that, we reach for a way to calm the storm. For us, we just have some unhealthy coping mechanisms we're trying to unlearn. That is all.

You had a few days- but as always, our minds are going to calm and come back down to baseline. This is the perfect time for you to be more mindful today, to be aware.

The good news for you is that you can identify a very stressful day or week as a danger zone for you. Meet it with mindfulness, and have some other healthier things ready at the end of a week, that will help you relax and unwind safely.

But you're not starting at rock bottom, because you started swinging at this thing- so you're in the fight. Count the days before when you were abstinent as part of your victory, don't discount your progress. It's not all lost, as you might think.

Walking out this victory with you, brother!
Thank you for your very kind word Phineas. You hit the nail right on the head and today for me was a day of reflection. I can either be bummed about my recent relapse or turn it into something helpful. Looking back I can see what led me down the path to relapse and learn from that. This is far from a straight pathway for me there have been many twists and turns but I am learning a lot about my addiction and what I need to do to over come it. So today I am day one without pmo. My mind is clear so far and I am prepared for battle one again.
 
Sorry to hear your struggles. I'm at day 88 and struggling deeply right now myself. I'm on the verge of breaking down every day. So I get it. I'm not sure why I haven't truly given in yet, but I guess it's because I know life is so much better without it. This place is helping me so much. I come here instead of going "there". I don't know what else to tell you. Keeping coming here and sharing, keep telling yourself what you are gaining, now what you are losing and when you fall, get back up and tell us about so we can encourage you moving forward. I'm going to try and follow the exact same advice.
Thank you guitar I have been reading your journals as well as others and you have a lot to be proud of. Keep up the fight brother you have so much to gain by not giving in to the urges. I have learned a lot about my addiction and what to expect from my reboot from reading your stories and others going through this. One thing I always do after I fall is find my way back here. Thank you for your support togdther we can all beat this. Keep looking forward brother and never look back!
 
I know, man. I know exactly what you're talking about. One of the lies that this addiction tells us is that it is the ultimate cope. I've had 4 hard evenings with deep depressive episodes and I was pushed to the limits. The last 2 evenings were very difficult, I felt exhausted with this shit and the addiction was trying to get advantage of this by clinging to any small thing, any innocent, "harmless" thing it could get to make me get the dopamine going and maybe I could go back to the binge. It's tough, no doubt. The only way I haven't fucked this up yet is that I've never forgotten to follow the simple rules that I "put on paper" for myself: Avoiding all the mistakes that have ever led to a relapse, no matter how small; Managing the porn thoughts and fantasies; Embracing the suck. Anytime it got really difficult, I said to myself: "I can't do that thing because it breaks rule no. 1. I can't relapse now because it breaks rule no. 3, I'm not embracing the suck, I'm thinking to run away from it." The mind is a very powerful thing. It can get you out of it or throw it right in it. This is not really something someone can teach us, this is a personal thing, we need to find within ourselves the tools to keep going and not choose the pleasure and "coping" of porn.
Thank you for your support. I always find you have a great perspective on things and you post make me realize that yes it is going to suck really fucking bad and yes there is hope that you can keep fighting.
Every time I relapsed (this is relapse number 3) I have learned something and it helps me ready for another round with this thing. Whether it's trigger I can avoid next time or another reason to beat this thing once and for all I feel like I am getting stronger and learning how I can get through this so its time to embrace the suck and get it done for good. Keep fighting brother you are doing great!
 
Day one and I am feeling good no pmo. It was a busy day for me and the urges haven't started yet but trust me my eyes are wide open and my guard is up. I know that they will strike out of the blue anytime. This time I want to beat this more then ever. Thank you all for you support and for sharing your stories it helps a lot.
 
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