i'm trying to quit P for almost 2 years now

[m.b]

I'm 21 and am struggling to quit P for almost 2 years now. I was depressed and anxious and so unmotivated for years and didn't now why i had a beautiful attractive girlfriend but couldn't get an useful erection... that made feel so bad i even thought for a while that maybe i'm not into girls.. but the final point that made it click for me was when i was getting into shemale gay beastiality and brutal anal stuff.. i'm so disappointed in myself. I never ever would've thought that something like this will one day turn me on. I'm scared of meeting new girls bc i'm scared of not getting hard again and embarrassing myself it's weird because when i fantasise about a real girl i can get hard just by thinking about it but in real life i'm getting scared and nervous and only feels pressure. I lack of confidence and feel like i don't get anywhere in life i don't have any dream job to pursue or anything like that i really just want to get my life together. Another thing is that i really lack of confidence with my Penis.. it's regular big it's even slightly above average (i was surprised how low the average actually is). But man Porn just makes me feel so small and not menly at all.. i feel like i would be so much more confident in my body if i had never watched that much porn. I'm currently texting with a girl i like a lot she is interested as well i'm scared to meet her bc she is really out of my league but instead of crying i want to to something and stop being a pussy about it. In the past 3 Months i've watched porn maybe like 4-5 times which is very little for me, but when i watched it was porn that i'm embarrassed and disgusted by (gay and shemale stuff. While watching i knew that i don't like it in real life and felt guilt while watching and still finished it... i felt so shitty for days it was an all time low i just couldn't control it. I only stopped watching porn but kept masturbating almost every day by fantasie of girls i know in real life. I already feel a bit better more confident and less scared about the future. But today i masturbated and had an urge to do it to porn and i didn't do it but after i masturbates i still felt guilt bc i was horny just bc of thinking of watching porn and that made me so sad afterwards i felt disappointed without even watching Porn just by thinking of it. So know i'm trying nofap no porn no masturbation i'm trying not to touch or edge myself and i will try to avoid fantasising an night even if i'm not gonna touch myself. When i feel like i'm confident enough to perform sex with the girl i will hopefully end up in a relationship with, i will masturbate again every know an then like maximum 5 times a week but i will NEVER watch porn again i mean i'm not fully of porn but as i said it's been 3 months with very little almost no porn and i already feel so much better. Let's hope it stays that way and in case anyone actually read this hole text, (mostly an writing this for myself) YOU GOT THIS TOO. Imagine your life in 3 years how it will be if you manage to do it or if you don't manage to do it. Thank you