RECOVERY & BEYOND

Sangiha

Member
I am 25 year old guy, began PMO when I was 10 until 24. Hints of PIED started when I was 23 but it wasnt until a year ago I realized porn was the cause of all of my problems. PIED was severe, and was getting rocked with depression and anxiety. Over time this addiction completely altered my perception towards sex, love, and women. Without even really wanting to I would habitually seek for validations and short term dopamine boosts such as masturbation, sex, porn, dating apps, social media, gambling, and more. It got so bad to a point my girlfriend of 4 years leaving me, and that was my motivation to really change. And for a year now its been a constant battle with many relapses.

I should have started this when I started my streak, Now i am at day 85 of hardmode. I was in a severe flatline for the first 80 days, truly the darkest time of my life. No motivation or libido with nothing happening under the belt. But i can say now that my anxiety and depression is 95% gone. I get hints of libido returning some days, but still got ways to go to be healed in that department. I think 90 days is just a beginning of my journey. Confidence is rising by the day as well as my energy. The journey is a roller coaster of highs and lows but I am very excited for what lies ahead of me. I feel like a butterfly in a cocoon. This isn't just a journey to beat my porn addiction, but it is to become the best me, and ultimately to find true love and purpose in life.
 

Sangiha

Member
Day 90 today. Been waiting for this moment for so long but man.. I’m still broken. In the worst flatline yet. Extreme fatigue and lack of motivation. Even light headaches. Hard Morning woods disappeared again and I am very scared. Still not losing hope..
 

Gabe Deem

Administrator
Staff member
Admin
Moderator
Congrats on 90 days, @Sangiha! That is incredible. Don't lose heart, many have taken longer (including myself) to recover. Continue to focus on living a healthy balanced life, and be patient with reboot process. Remember: 1) recovery isn't linear. 2) there is always hope. 3) Celebrate this win and do something healthy you enjoy as a reward. Hope the best for you. Keep truckin'
 

Sangiha

Member
Congrats on 90 days, @Sangiha! That is incredible. Don't lose heart, many have taken longer (including myself) to recover. Continue to focus on living a healthy balanced life, and be patient with reboot process. Remember: 1) recovery isn't linear. 2) there is always hope. 3) Celebrate this win and do something healthy you enjoy as a reward. Hope the best for you. Keep truckin'
Thank you so much Gabe. You and Noah are the biggest reason I got this far and why I am still staying strong. I will never lose hope. I know I will reach the light just like you did..! Its just such a struggle at the moment. I will get through it!
 

Sangiha

Member
Day 92.. still in a flatline. Zero libido and motivation. Thought i was getting out of it around 80 day mark for a few days but it has been much worse these past few days. Was experiencing extreme fatigue and headaches but it just went away yesterday. stress from work and loneliness seems to be slowing down my progress. Working over 80 hours a week in a very toxic environment.. will quit my job in the next few weeks. Stayed away from social media from day 1, just deleted youtube as well since i was spending a lot of time on it. Pretty terrified that i will never be healed but still not losing hope.
 

ukquit11

Member
Congratulations on making it so far! I have worked in toxic workplaces before and I cannot even imagine trying to reboot while working in some of the places I have worked in the past, so all credit to you. Hopefully you can move jobs soon, in my opinion a lot of what you are feeling at the moment may be down to the job rather than just the reboot.
 

Sangiha

Member
Congratulations on making it so far! I have worked in toxic workplaces before and I cannot even imagine trying to reboot while working in some of the places I have worked in the past, so all credit to you. Hopefully you can move jobs soon, in my opinion a lot of what you are feeling at the moment may be down to the job rather than just the reboot.
Thank you i really appreciate your support and response. I agree I need to leave as soon as possible. I see more light on days I am not being grinded to the bone. I am just 2-3 weeks away from leaving and starting a new life.
 

Sangiha

Member
Hardmode Day 96. Today was by far the best day of my reboot. Socialized with a lot of friends on the weekend, drank a decent amount. Having my college friends over made me feel like I was back in college and brought back great memories. Woke up this morning with 110 % MW i havent had in a long long time. Usually they go away and my libido is completely gone during the day with lifeless dick but today that did not happen. I woke up to a text from my Ex girlfriend who left a year ago. She was an amazing girl who left because I treated her poorly, mostly due to desensitization, depression, anxiety, caused by excessive PMO.
I emotionally cheated on her and treated her awfully because I was constantly seeking for short term pleasures and was so numb towards her love. She said she still loves me and wants me back in her life. Just reading this text made this feeling of strong love and libido spark inside me. It was very strange. I told her that I love her too and that we will reunite when the time is right. I cannot wait to see her again. And the entire day I spent biking around manhattan with my best friend, hanging out at a barbeque party with many people, and finished the day at a public park. I was able to complete 200 pull ups and 100 dips in 30 minutes..
First day since the beginning of my journey completely free of PIED, depression, stress and anxiety. I feel normal again.. except much more alive and grateful. I know there will be much more downs ahead of me until I am completely free. But i finally see the light. Thank you Gabe and everyone on this forum. Please stay strong and don’t ever lose hope!
 
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