This is my first time on this forum and my first time finally sitting down and trying to understand why I am addicted to pornography. This is my 2nd day without looking at porn. Temptations are high, also trying to figure out what my triggers are and trying to avoid them. Moving forward I would like to not avoid the triggers but learn why they are my triggers and cope with them and not run or hide from them. I have used porn since I was 12 years old. For the past maybe 10 years I have been masturbating multiple times a day. Cam girls have been the majority of the problem for those 10 years as well. I am constantly going farther and farther down the rabbit hole looking at more extreme porn and fetishes. As of now I don’t not suffer from any ED. But I fear that my constant need of a release has taken over my life. I am always bugging my partner to have sex even though I had already masturbated multiple time that day. My partner has a very low sexual drive I believe but also my relentless nagging to have sex also put a large damper on her wanting to have sex with me. As this is my first time writing in any forum not sure what else to write. But I will continue to write as I has seemed to work for a lot of people. Thanks for reading
Understanding myself
- Thread starter Cwaggs
- Start date
Hey Cwaggs and welcome to the forum. Glad to hear you're taking the bull by its horns. Not an easy thing you're doing, especially taking into account that you have multiple PMO sessions every day (according to what you write). A thing that I have been thinking about is whether low sex drive of a partner is internal to that person or is a result of the dynamics of the relationship. Of course we all have our different starting points, but I think that I'd want to have sex with me, when I have been the most PMO-foggy. I think you're doing the right thing.
For me first step is hard mode. Next step is giving my bodily triggers as little attention as possible and my partners as much as possible. My goal is to have tantric sex where the ejaculation isn't "the thing*. What are your goals in life and sexually?
For me first step is hard mode. Next step is giving my bodily triggers as little attention as possible and my partners as much as possible. My goal is to have tantric sex where the ejaculation isn't "the thing*. What are your goals in life and sexually?
Hey Bridgetri thanks for the reply. I have thought about why my partner would have low sex drive, if it was because she didn’t find me attractive or that fact that I harass her all the time for it. Also there is also medical reasons why they don’t want to have sex often. My partner suffers from chronic bladder infection almost everytime we do have sex. What ends up happening is I think she just gives in and does it to shut me up and it ruins the whole experience. Just like a hurry up and get it done already. Which kills any intimacy there is. So in my situation I think I cause a lot of the low sex drive personally. But her low sex drive is also a internal thing which I need to respect as well. I know she doesn’t want to do it all the time and I need to come to grips with that fact, shouldn’t hold it against her for not wanting to do something. If I don’t like it that much then maybe a change needs to be made.
my goals for life? That’s a good question. I would like to be able to look at woman without the “ wonder what she looks like naked”. Would like to have a clear head where sex doesn’t pop into my head 1000x a day. Sexually I think for me PMO needs to be gone forever, and only orgasim with a partner never alone would be what I would like. I do believe that as I regain control over this addiction that the intimacy between me and my partner will grow and hopefully we will be able to have intimate sex more often. But that isn’t my main goal. I just want to become a better person to those around me.
my goals for life? That’s a good question. I would like to be able to look at woman without the “ wonder what she looks like naked”. Would like to have a clear head where sex doesn’t pop into my head 1000x a day. Sexually I think for me PMO needs to be gone forever, and only orgasim with a partner never alone would be what I would like. I do believe that as I regain control over this addiction that the intimacy between me and my partner will grow and hopefully we will be able to have intimate sex more often. But that isn’t my main goal. I just want to become a better person to those around me.
I'm guessing "they" refer to all women. I don't believe this to be true. I think it's a social construct. If sex were more equal - in pleasure and focus of the act (beyond penile-vaginal intercourse) - I think a lot more females would have a lot more lust. What women don't want is to be the object of male pleasure/satisfaction with the possibility of "doing it yourself" while he's getting off. And to explore your partners lust might be a key to just that - making her feel more pleasure and with that more lust should come (I think).
Not saying this is the case for your partner, but a lot of females suffer from this because of inadequate production of natural lubricant during sex. This causes a local inflammation in and around the vagina/urethra that often leads to fungal/bacterial infection. But since this is a problem - have you proposed having non-penetrative sex?
I feel you mate. Totally my experience too. PMO has really f*cked us up there.
Great goals! Think of this in times of struggle, when the urge to PMO is at max.
Chris1986
Active Member
Hello and welcome to the nation.
Porn addiction like most addictions stems from trying to run away/numb pain. Its like trying to solve a problem with more problems essentially.
You need to work through what issues/painful memories you are trying to suppress. At least that has what has helped me a lot. You may be surprised with the memories you may uncover.
About your partners chronic bladder infection does she make sure to pee after you are both intimate?
Porn addiction like most addictions stems from trying to run away/numb pain. Its like trying to solve a problem with more problems essentially.
You need to work through what issues/painful memories you are trying to suppress. At least that has what has helped me a lot. You may be surprised with the memories you may uncover.
About your partners chronic bladder infection does she make sure to pee after you are both intimate?
@Chris1986 thanks for the input. I have started to think about why i use porn to solve problems. I believe it started to when I went to college 12 years ago. I am a very shy person and college was tough for me to meet new people,so I spent a lot of time in my room and I turned to porn to keep my mind off how lonely and depressed I was. From then I used porn a lot in every situation, why is was angry or sad and even why I completed simple task around the house like “ oh you spent a few hours doing chores you should masturbate as a reward to yourself “.
as for my partner she does urinate before and after but it doesn’t help.
as for my partner she does urinate before and after but it doesn’t help.