Reclaiming the present

[96LostWanderer]

Well done on pulling back from the brink.

 

[Dannybou]

[Day 128]

Just a quick update. Still going strong. The last woman I was sort of casually seeing didn't work out, now I'm on the apps again. Because I still don't know these people I meet, I take 5mg of tadalafil before I think there's a chance of sex, which isn't a very high dose, and my dick works fine. I occassionally get morning wood. I don't think I'm fully recovered but I also basically don't have any urges at this point.

I think I'll be able to taper this off too once I regularly see someone and tell them about my situation. That'll help with rewiring. I'm also happy about the fact that I find women who arent "perfect" by porn standards really really attractive. Porn really messed with my sense of "normal".

Gym is going well. I'm also looking better which is helping my confidence. I still waste too much time but I'm working on it.

 

[Dannybou]

[Day 1]

I've gotten back into occasionally viewing porn. It's not excessive bingeing, but my PIED is back. Going to keep checking in here to knock this habit off again.

 

[Dannybou]

[Day 2]

All good. I'll try posting when i get bad urges

 

[Dannybou]

[day 3]

Strong urges to masterbate today. Got to avoid it because i know that it will result in me relapsing eventually.

 

[Dannybou]

relapsed. Day zero. Randomly started thinking of some pornstar i hadn't seen in ages and just haaadd to check her twitter, and eventually watch a video. Damnit.

 

[Dannybou]

Day 2. I'm out of town with friends and a girl so I'm probably not going to relapse. But i hate that I'm in a position where i have to worry about pied. When I'm back, i need the resolve to stay away from porn. It steals so much of my sex drive.

 

[Dannybou]

Day 3

 

[Dannybou]

Day 7. I'm back home now. gotta not screw up.

 

[Dannybou]

I've started seeing a therapist. Hope it helps with these behavioural loops.
Day 8.

 

[Dannybou]

Day 16

 

[FiveFortyFour]

Keep it up, man! You got this!

 

[Dannybou]

Day 17. I had sex with my (sort of) girlfriend yesterday. I haven't told her about the extent of the pied. I took 5 mg of cialis before and I could have sex. I'm worried im developing a psychological dependence on this.

 

[Dannybou]

Day 18. I masterbated to fantasies yesterday. I'm on a no P streak only so this was okay. My therapist said to not put too much pressure on yourself and have substitute behaviours like masterbating, so i guess I'll try that approach. I really feel bad urges to watch some P today, its a weekend. I'm going to shower and get myself out of the house asap.

 

[FiveFortyFour]

Stay strong, bro. Even if you don't feel it, you're getting better. Getting closer to freedom. Just take it one day at a time, and remember to take care of yourself. You will overcome.

 

[Dannybou]

Thanks @FiveFortyFour. It's day 19. I had sex yesterday, still needed the pill. I would occasionally lose my erection, which was annoying to my girlfriend. tried the karezza thing where I didn't cum. Hopefully I get better soon.

 

[FiveFortyFour]

Give it time, be forgiving to yourself, and stick with it. Things will get better.

 

[Dannybou]

Relapsed. Ugh.

 

[FiveFortyFour]

It's going to be alright, Danny. That was a damned impressive streak; I know you can go even further if you stick with it.

 

[lander]

Me acabo de registrar por consejo de alguien aquí, me he encontrado con tu hilo y es genial, gracias por tantos detalles y tanta sinceridad, lo estas logrando, y vas a terminar por lograrlo totalmente.
También decirte que igual podrías probar el hard mode, asi te evitas caer mas veces, y el reinicio suele ser mas rapido, quizas no te haga falta estar mas de 90 dias, o incluso 30 dias, aun asi, tu eres el que lo esta logrando, sigue asi.
Domina a tu mente para dejar de tomar tabletas, un abrazo.