I want the second chance for normal life

I

Iwantthesecondchance

Active Member
Two days ago, I masturbated again. Before the masturbation, I consumed a lot of pornography ranging from mildly perverted to completely extreme categories. I just wanted to find an ideal video. I was exhausted but continued to look for a content. I was so tired but continued watching for the right type of porn. I did not feel better after the act. Just the same way. Plus guilty.
This is the 14th time since the 19th of May. It means that roughly I masturbate every three days. This is of course better than in my teenage years, but this is still so much. I can forget about feeling better and having normal sex life if I continue like this.
 
I

Iwantthesecondchance

Active Member
For the last three weeks, I indulged into the worst nightmare that I could imagine in terms of my treatment from porn - I was watching porn every single night and masturbated after it. First few days, I did not watch porn and watched just some girls in bikini. But then, I started consuming porn, and the later it was, the more extreme the porn was becoming. So, the last time I masturbated was 1 September.
It is only getting worse.
 
I

Iwantthesecondchance

Active Member
I was able to withstand the temptation of masturbating for some time. However, I watched porn and masturbated yesterday and tomorrow. The same pattern worked here - it was late, I was tired, scrolling my phone, and then decided to finalize the day with masturbation.
However, I check escort websites daily, and even if it is not porn, I see there nudes, and some stories of sex scenes, so it might be regarded as watching porn, too...
 
I

Iwantthesecondchance

Active Member
I am disguised to admit it, but yesterday night happened the same thing. I had very low willpower to fight the temptation of masturbating. Previously I was moved by women bodies and the way they scream during the sexual acts, but this time I felt the desire to take the actor's penis in my hand and to stroke it. It is the first time in the twenty+ years of watching porn that I had this desire. I was afraid of these temptations because I do not want to be a gay. I definitely think that I have to stop because I am moving not in the direction where I wanted to go all my life. But at the moment I am still weak and not sure that I would be able to avoid porn.
 
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